I shouldn't be. I really shouldn't have expected anything.
But it feels like a betrayal.
Maybe it's just my ego talking.
So easy to replace huh?
Yeah yeah, men... grr... you are the one... two... three... four... five...
Wadeva maan.
I wonder
|
Do you know how it feels?
The suns shining on your face, you're walking down the road wearing your fav jeans and tee, all comfy... You see mates on the road, wave a hi... Grinning and humming...
You look fine and all great... happy go lucky I'd say...
Inside you're tearing apart... listen closely, you're playing black metal and the smile on your face is coz you're really feeling the suicidal screams... You close your eyes and you're visualising being stabbed... you can almost see the ropes tightening... you glance at your wrists and far as you're concerned they're bleeding...
The life's draining out of you...
You know you're not the only one with problems but hey, what good does knowing that really do? You fucking hate your life anyways.
I reach office. I take out my lil electronic key and slam it against the reader. I kick the door open and take a deep breath. Light up my cig...
And I smile again.
The suns shining on your face, you're walking down the road wearing your fav jeans and tee, all comfy... You see mates on the road, wave a hi... Grinning and humming...
You look fine and all great... happy go lucky I'd say...
Inside you're tearing apart... listen closely, you're playing black metal and the smile on your face is coz you're really feeling the suicidal screams... You close your eyes and you're visualising being stabbed... you can almost see the ropes tightening... you glance at your wrists and far as you're concerned they're bleeding...
The life's draining out of you...
You know you're not the only one with problems but hey, what good does knowing that really do? You fucking hate your life anyways.
I reach office. I take out my lil electronic key and slam it against the reader. I kick the door open and take a deep breath. Light up my cig...
And I smile again.
Unsent letters, unspoken words...
|
To, You
You made so many promises to me... you made me believe them. you made me dream so many beautiful dreams... all of which I was blind enough to hope may actually come true. I can't blame you for that though...
What annoys me is that you kept questioning how much I loved you? How could you doubt how much I trusted you? Why couldn't you see that I'd have given up the world for you? It really wouldn't have been much of a feat though, I'd already given up too much, hadn't got much left to tempt me.
But no, you didn't want to step away and move away from you own embedded insecurities. you said you loved me, but all you were doing is hurting me, when I was trying so hard it no longer hurt when it bled... I was going numb, and you didn't even notice.
I understand, empathise even, with the fact that you had your own daemons to exorcise, but seeing that you wree so afraid to let go, afraid you'll fall again... made me realise that there was no going forward for us, at all.
You don't really love me. You are comfrotable with an idea of what you could mould me to be. Like an illusion... but I'm no one's toy to play with. I've worked so hard, and come this far... I can't let go of my own identity to please one person who I have no guarantee is here to stay.
The reason you're never satisfied with me... the reason I cannot satisfy you... why I never got a thankyou... or you look wonderful tonight... the reason you weren't really 'happy' is because you aren't. I'm not the one you're looking for and maybe because you made the effort, you don't want it to be a waste of time... but I'm sure you know inside, I'm nothing that you want really... not good for you maybe...
Sure we could have made it probably, and we could have stayed together. And I could have just simply conformed to all your demands... needs... wants... Disappear behind a mask, cursed as an actor in a staged play... Forget who I am, lose the friends I owe everything to, become a stranger to myself.
My dreams are yours. Sounds romantic at first. But the longer I think about it, the more it makes me feel... like I'm being choked...I have no room to be me... I lose my uniqeness, I live my life for you... I'm empty... and unfulfilled... like a slave. I much prefer, I dream beside you...
What good is it if I have to work to be the one for you? Life's got enough bends and potholes to trip us over, you and I should be sources of support to each other, not causes of further pain. It doesn't help that I have to keep lying to the people who have loved me since I took my first breath, simply to keep this relationship alive.
So... I'm sorry. And I hope you do understand that I do care, and I always will. Sorry never means much. But I'll say it anyway. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby. But I can't do this anymore. I hurts to see you from so far away... but with you, I don't have air to breathe, and I'm sure eventually... I'd have choked anyway...
The pain will subside for both of us... I don't know what you're feeling. I don't know if you're feeling anything at all. I'm just speaking to the guy I thought I knew... The one who claimed to love me so much. Though its a bit daunting to see you laughing like nothing ever happened... I know from the opposite table I'm grinning as well...So I guess we both don't know; we're both not great at expressing how we feel.
I loved you. It just wasn't meant to be.
You made so many promises to me... you made me believe them. you made me dream so many beautiful dreams... all of which I was blind enough to hope may actually come true. I can't blame you for that though...
What annoys me is that you kept questioning how much I loved you? How could you doubt how much I trusted you? Why couldn't you see that I'd have given up the world for you? It really wouldn't have been much of a feat though, I'd already given up too much, hadn't got much left to tempt me.
But no, you didn't want to step away and move away from you own embedded insecurities. you said you loved me, but all you were doing is hurting me, when I was trying so hard it no longer hurt when it bled... I was going numb, and you didn't even notice.
I understand, empathise even, with the fact that you had your own daemons to exorcise, but seeing that you wree so afraid to let go, afraid you'll fall again... made me realise that there was no going forward for us, at all.
You don't really love me. You are comfrotable with an idea of what you could mould me to be. Like an illusion... but I'm no one's toy to play with. I've worked so hard, and come this far... I can't let go of my own identity to please one person who I have no guarantee is here to stay.
The reason you're never satisfied with me... the reason I cannot satisfy you... why I never got a thankyou... or you look wonderful tonight... the reason you weren't really 'happy' is because you aren't. I'm not the one you're looking for and maybe because you made the effort, you don't want it to be a waste of time... but I'm sure you know inside, I'm nothing that you want really... not good for you maybe...
Sure we could have made it probably, and we could have stayed together. And I could have just simply conformed to all your demands... needs... wants... Disappear behind a mask, cursed as an actor in a staged play... Forget who I am, lose the friends I owe everything to, become a stranger to myself.
My dreams are yours. Sounds romantic at first. But the longer I think about it, the more it makes me feel... like I'm being choked...I have no room to be me... I lose my uniqeness, I live my life for you... I'm empty... and unfulfilled... like a slave. I much prefer, I dream beside you...
What good is it if I have to work to be the one for you? Life's got enough bends and potholes to trip us over, you and I should be sources of support to each other, not causes of further pain. It doesn't help that I have to keep lying to the people who have loved me since I took my first breath, simply to keep this relationship alive.
So... I'm sorry. And I hope you do understand that I do care, and I always will. Sorry never means much. But I'll say it anyway. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby. But I can't do this anymore. I hurts to see you from so far away... but with you, I don't have air to breathe, and I'm sure eventually... I'd have choked anyway...
The pain will subside for both of us... I don't know what you're feeling. I don't know if you're feeling anything at all. I'm just speaking to the guy I thought I knew... The one who claimed to love me so much. Though its a bit daunting to see you laughing like nothing ever happened... I know from the opposite table I'm grinning as well...So I guess we both don't know; we're both not great at expressing how we feel.
I loved you. It just wasn't meant to be.
The latest 'notch'
|
Life is full about experiences.
I've been given, or rather gifted, quite generously in life and until recently I don't think I've ever stopped to really appreciate the blessing.
Every relationship is different. I mean every one's pretty unique, so it makes sense that the bridges one bulilds with them are equally diverse, though of course with general similarities shared.
Recently I've had the chance to give, give, give some more and really see how committing wholly feels... I mean, timewise/peoplewise/ - in a way, experiment whether I'm ready to change my lifestyle to accomodate someone else...
What did I learn? *lol* not much... Things I already knew were brought into sharper focus I suppose; how much I can tolerate, what I expect from my partner (sounds a bit gay dho ehen jeheema? :P ) ... mainly I guess I learnt that you can change what a person does... but you can't change who they are or what they want... whether the person is you or me... and attempts to do so will only result in greater pain...
I've tried... I loved... and I guess I lost,... but it was a loosing battle I was fighting...
Against myself...
Against him...
I was looking for acceptance. Since we've been through the same kinds of pain, I thought it would suffice as common ground. We're very different and our experiences though somewhat similar, affected us in different ways... so... ultimately... some things are just not possible...
I think... I don't know... Did I do the right thing?
Ultimately my priorities are set as so, because 'I' feel its right, I can pretend it is not so, but I can't keep pretending to be someone I'm not... because the person I am isn't worthless dho? Dho? Tha?... Hm...
I guess I feel like I'm compromising too much of me... and me and 'the guy' don't seem to be able to communicate on this particular issue... different wavelengths and all...
Oh woe is me :P !
Visit the site only if you love the song Layla, but are not necessarily a Clapton-oholic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btHPgduSwDo
I've been given, or rather gifted, quite generously in life and until recently I don't think I've ever stopped to really appreciate the blessing.
Every relationship is different. I mean every one's pretty unique, so it makes sense that the bridges one bulilds with them are equally diverse, though of course with general similarities shared.
Recently I've had the chance to give, give, give some more and really see how committing wholly feels... I mean, timewise/peoplewise/ - in a way, experiment whether I'm ready to change my lifestyle to accomodate someone else...
What did I learn? *lol* not much... Things I already knew were brought into sharper focus I suppose; how much I can tolerate, what I expect from my partner (sounds a bit gay dho ehen jeheema? :P ) ... mainly I guess I learnt that you can change what a person does... but you can't change who they are or what they want... whether the person is you or me... and attempts to do so will only result in greater pain...
I've tried... I loved... and I guess I lost,... but it was a loosing battle I was fighting...
Against myself...
Against him...
I was looking for acceptance. Since we've been through the same kinds of pain, I thought it would suffice as common ground. We're very different and our experiences though somewhat similar, affected us in different ways... so... ultimately... some things are just not possible...
I think... I don't know... Did I do the right thing?
Ultimately my priorities are set as so, because 'I' feel its right, I can pretend it is not so, but I can't keep pretending to be someone I'm not... because the person I am isn't worthless dho? Dho? Tha?... Hm...
I guess I feel like I'm compromising too much of me... and me and 'the guy' don't seem to be able to communicate on this particular issue... different wavelengths and all...
Oh woe is me :P !
Visit the site only if you love the song Layla, but are not necessarily a Clapton-oholic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btHPgduSwDo
My roots...
|
I was philosophising about the singnificance of my existence, and the reason I was born into this dark, mysterious world when alas! Oh my! Goodness me! I stumbled upon WIKEPEIDA! And here is what I found under the keywords ' January 13th '
Events
• 888 - Odo, Count of Paris becomes King of the Franks.
• 1328 - Edward III of England marries Philippa, daughter of the Count of Hainault.
• 1547 - Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey sentenced to death.
• 1559 - Elizabeth I crowned Queen of England in Westminster Abbey.
• 1602 - William Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor is published.
• 1605 - The controversial play Eastward Hoe by Ben Jonson, George Chapman, and John Marston is performed, landing two of the authors in prison.
• 1607 - Bank of Genoa fails after announcement of national bankruptcy in Spain.
• 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers Callisto, 4th moon of Jupiter.
• 1622 - Work on the printing of the First Folio of William Shakespeare is suspended.
• 1625 - John Milton is admitted to Christ’s College, Cambridge at the age of 16.
• 1733 - James Oglethorpe and 130 colonists arrive in Charleston, South Carolina.
• 1785 - John Walter publishes first issue of the Daily Universal Register (later renamed The Times).
• 1830 - Great fire of New Orleans, Louisiana begins.
• 1832 - President Andrew Jackson writes Vice President Martin Van Buren expressing his opposition to South Carolina’s defiance of federal authority in the Nullification Crisis.
• 1840 - The steamship Lexington burns and sinks four miles off the coast of Long Island with the loss of 139 lives.
• 1842 - On this day Dr. William Brydon, a surgeon in the British Army during the First Anglo-Afghan War, became famous for being the sole survivor of an army of 16,500 when he reached the safety of a garrison in Jalalabad .
• 1847 - The Treaty of Cahuenga ends the Mexican-American War in California.
• 1854 - The accordion is patented by Anthony Faas.
• 1869 - National convention of black leaders meets in Washington D.C..
• 1893 - The Independent Labour Party of the UK has its first meeting.
• 1893 - US Marines land in Honolulu from the U.S.S. Boston to prevent the queen from abrogating the Bayonet Constitution.
• 1898 - Emile Zola’s J’accuse exposes the Dreyfus affair.
• 1915 - An Earthquake in Avezzano, Italy kills 29,800.
• 1930 - Mickey Mouse comic strip makes its first appearance.
• 1934 - the Candidate of Science degree is established in the USSR.
• 1935 - A plebiscite in Saarland shows that 90.3% of those voting wish to join Nazi Germany.
• 1938 - Church of England accepts theory of evolution.
• 1942 - Henry Ford patents a plastic automobile, which is 30% lighter than a regular car.
• 1942 - The United States begins Japanese American internment.
• 1953 - Marshal Josip Broz Tito chosen President of Yugoslavia.
• 1957 - Wham-O Company produces the first Frisbee.
• 1958 - Moroccan Liberation Army ambushes Spanish patrol in the Battle of Edchera.
• 1966 - Robert C. Weaver becomes the first African American Cabinet member by being appointed United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
• 1968 - Johnny Cash records his landmark album At Folsom Prison live at Folsom State Prison
• 1972 - Prime Minister Kofi Busia and President Edward Akufo-Addo of Ghana are ousted in a bloodless military coup by Col. Ignatius Kutu Acheamphong.
• 1982 - Shortly after takeoff, Air Florida Flight 90 737 jet crashes into Washington, DC’s 14th Street Bridge and falls into the Potomac River, killing 78 including four motorists.
• 1986 - A month-long violent struggle begins in Aden, South Yemen between supporters of Ali Nasir Muhammad and Abdul Fattah Ismail, resulting in thousands of casualties.
• 1990 - L. Douglas Wilder becomes the first elected African American governor as he takes office in Richmond, Virginia.
• 1991 - Soviet Union military troops attack Lithuanian independence supporters in Vilnius.
• 1992 - Japan apologizes for forcing Korean women into sexual slavery during World War II.
• 2001 - An earthquake hits El Salvador, killing more than 800.
Births
• 1334 - King Henry II of Castile (d. 1379)
• 1562 - Mark Alexander Boyd, Scottish poet (d. 1601)
• 1596 - Jan van Goyen, Dutch painter (d. 1656)
• 1610 - Maria Anna of Austria (d. 1665)
• 1616 - Antoinette Bourignon, Flemish mystic (d. 1680)
• 1635 - Philipp Jakob Spener, German theologian (d. 1705)
• 1651 - Henry Booth, 1st Earl of Warrington, English politician (d. 1694)
• 1720 - Richard Hurd, English bishop and writer (d. 1808)
• 1749 - Friedrich Müller, painter and dramatist (d. 1825)
• 1805 - Thomas Dyer, Mayor of Chicago (d. 1862)
• 1808 - Salmon P. Chase, 6th Chief Justice of the United States (d. 1873)
• 1812 - Victor de Laprade, French poet and critic (d. 1883)
• 1832 - Horatio Alger, Jr., American minister and author (d. 1899)
• 1861 - Max Nonne, German neurologist (d. 1959)
• 1864 - Wilhelm Wien, German physicist, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1928)
• 1866 - Vasily Kalinnikov, Russian composer (d. 1901)
• 1878 - Lionel Groulx, Canadian nationalist (d. 1967)
• 1869 - Emanuele Filiberto, 2nd Duke of Aosta, Italian aristocrat (d. 1931)
• 1884 - Sophie Tucker, Russian-born singer and performer (d. 1966)
• 1893 - Clark Ashton Smith, American writer (d. 1961)
• 1905 - Kay Francis, American actress (d. 1968)
• 1909 - Marinus van der Lubbe, Dutch communist (d. 1934)
• 1911 - Joh Bjelke-Petersen, Premier of Queensland (d. 2005)
• 1919 - Robert Stack, American actor (d. 2003)
• 1924 - Paul Feyerabend, Austrian-born philosopher (d. 1994)
• 1925 - Gwen Verdon, American actress and dancer (d. 2000)
• 1926 - Michael Bond, British writer
• 1926 - Carolyn Gold Heilbrun, American feminist author (d. 2003)
• 1927 - Brock Adams, American politician (d. 2004)
• 1927 - Sydney Brenner, British Nobel Laureate
• 1930 - Frances Sternhagen, American actress
• 1930 - Liz Anderson, American singer
• 1931 - Charles Nelson Reilly, American actor
• 1934 - Rip Taylor, American actor
• 1938 - William B. Davis, Canadian actor
• 1938 - Tord Grip, Swedish football manager
• 1941 - Pasqual Maragall, Spanish politician
• 1942 - Richard Moll, American actor
• 1943 - Carol Cleveland, English actress
• 1946 - Eero Koivistoinen, Finnish musician
• 1947 - Jacek Majchrowski, Mayor of Kraków
• 1948 - Gaj Singh, Maharaja of Jodhpur
• 1949 - Brandon Tartikoff, American television executive (d. 1997)
• 1950 - Bob Forsch, baseball player
• 1954 - Trevor Rabin, South African guitarist (Yes)
• 1955 - Jay McInerney, American writer
• 1958 - Andrew Stanton, American actor and director
• 1959 - Gordon G.G. Gebert, Musician keyboardist/producer, Author, Entertainer
• 1961 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, American actress
• 1961 - Graham McPherson, English singer
• 1961 - Wayne Coyne, American singer (The Flaming Lips)
• 1962 - Trace Adkins, American musician
• 1964 - Penelope Ann Miller, American actress
• 1966 - Patrick Dempsey, American actor
• 1968 - Traci Bingham, American actress
• 1968 - Mike Whitlow, English footballer
• 1969 - Stephen Hendry, Scottish snooker player
• 1969 - Stefania Belmondo, Italian cross-country skier
• 1970 - Keith Coogan, American actor
• 1970 - Marco Pantani, Italian cyclist (d. 2004)
• 1972 - Nicole Eggert, American actress
• 1972 - Vitaly Scherbo, Belarussian gymnast
• 1973 - Nikolai Khabibulin, Russian hockey player
• 1977 - Orlando Bloom, English actor
• 1980 - Krzysztof Czerwinski, Polish conductor and organist
• 1980 - Akira Kaji, Japanese National Football Player
• 1981 - Reggie Brown, American football player
• 1982 - Guillermo Coria, Argentine tennis player
• 1983 - Julian Morris, English actor
• 1997 - Marius Borg Høiby, son of Mette-Marit, Crown Princess of Norway
Deaths
• 85 BC - Gaius Marius, Roman general and politician
• 703 - Empress Jitō of Japan (b. 645)
• 858 - King Ethelwulf of Wessex
• 888 - Charles the Fat, Holy Roman Emperor
• 1138 - Simon I, Duke of Lorraine (b. 1076)
• 1151 - Abbot Suger, French statesman and historian
• 1177 - Henry II of Austria (b. 1107)
• 1330 - Frederick I of Austria (b. 1286)
• 1363 - Meinhard III of Gorizia-Tyrol
• 1547 - Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, English poet (b. 1517)
• 1599 - Edmund Spenser, English poet (b. 1552)
• 1630 - Yuan Chonghuan, Chinese military commander
• 1658 - Edward Sexby, English Puritan soldier (b. 1616)
• 1691 - George Fox, English founder of the Quakers (b. 1624)
• 1766 - King Frederick V of Denmark (b. 1723)
• 1775 - Johann Georg Walch, German theologian (b. 1693)
• 1790 - Luc Urbain de Bouexic, comte de Guichen, French admiral (b. 1712)
• 1796 - John H. D. Anderson, Scottish scientist and inventor (b. 1726)
• 1797 - Elisabeth Christine von Braunschweig-Bevern, wife of Frederick II of Prussia (b. 1715)
• 1852 - Fabian Gottlieb von Bellingshausen, Russian explorer (b. 1778)
• 1864 - Stephen Foster, American composer (b. 1826)
• 1906 - Alexander Popov, Russian physicist (b. 1859)
• 1923 - Alexandre Ribot, French statesman (b. 1842)
• 1929 - Wyatt Earp, Western lawman (b. 1848)
• 1932 - Sophia of Prussia, consort of Constantine I of Greece (b. 1870)
• 1934 - Paul Ulrich Villard, French physicist (b. 1860)
• 1941 - James Joyce, Irish writer (b. 1882)
• 1943 - Sophie Taeuber-Arp, Swiss artist (b. 1889)
• 1962 - Ernie Kovacs, American actor and comedian (b. 1919)
• 1974 - Salvador Novo, Mexican writer and poet (b. 1904)
• 1978 - Hubert H. Humphrey, 38th Vice President of the United States (b. 1911)
• 1978 - Joe McCarthy, baseball manager (b. 1908)
• 1979 - Donny Hathaway, American musician (b. 1945)
• 1988 - Chiang Ching-kuo, President of the Republic of China (b. 1910)
• 1993 - Camargo Guarnieri, Brazilian composer (b. 1907)
• 2001 - Michael Cuccione, Canadian actor and singer (b. 1985)
• 2002 - Ted Demme, American film director (b. 1963)
• 2002 - Frank Shuster, Canadian comedian (b. 1916)
• 2003 - Norman Panama, American screenwriter and director (b. 1914)
• 2004 - Arne Næss Jr., Norwegian mountain climber (b. 1937)
• 2004 - Harold Shipman, British serial killer (b. 1946)
• 2005 - Earl Cameron, Canadian broadcaster (b. 1915)
• 2005 - Nell Rankin, American mezzo-soprano (b. 1924)
• 2006 - Frank Fixaris, Sportscaster (b. 1934)
• 2006 - Marc Potvin, Former NHL player (b. 1967)
Holidays and observances
• In Sweden, Christmas ends on the 20th day, St. Knut’s Day. Children celebrate a party throwing out the Christmas tree (julgransplundring).
Absolutely, utterly and totally pointless... Like everything else around!
Events
• 888 - Odo, Count of Paris becomes King of the Franks.
• 1328 - Edward III of England marries Philippa, daughter of the Count of Hainault.
• 1547 - Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey sentenced to death.
• 1559 - Elizabeth I crowned Queen of England in Westminster Abbey.
• 1602 - William Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor is published.
• 1605 - The controversial play Eastward Hoe by Ben Jonson, George Chapman, and John Marston is performed, landing two of the authors in prison.
• 1607 - Bank of Genoa fails after announcement of national bankruptcy in Spain.
• 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers Callisto, 4th moon of Jupiter.
• 1622 - Work on the printing of the First Folio of William Shakespeare is suspended.
• 1625 - John Milton is admitted to Christ’s College, Cambridge at the age of 16.
• 1733 - James Oglethorpe and 130 colonists arrive in Charleston, South Carolina.
• 1785 - John Walter publishes first issue of the Daily Universal Register (later renamed The Times).
• 1830 - Great fire of New Orleans, Louisiana begins.
• 1832 - President Andrew Jackson writes Vice President Martin Van Buren expressing his opposition to South Carolina’s defiance of federal authority in the Nullification Crisis.
• 1840 - The steamship Lexington burns and sinks four miles off the coast of Long Island with the loss of 139 lives.
• 1842 - On this day Dr. William Brydon, a surgeon in the British Army during the First Anglo-Afghan War, became famous for being the sole survivor of an army of 16,500 when he reached the safety of a garrison in Jalalabad .
• 1847 - The Treaty of Cahuenga ends the Mexican-American War in California.
• 1854 - The accordion is patented by Anthony Faas.
• 1869 - National convention of black leaders meets in Washington D.C..
• 1893 - The Independent Labour Party of the UK has its first meeting.
• 1893 - US Marines land in Honolulu from the U.S.S. Boston to prevent the queen from abrogating the Bayonet Constitution.
• 1898 - Emile Zola’s J’accuse exposes the Dreyfus affair.
• 1915 - An Earthquake in Avezzano, Italy kills 29,800.
• 1930 - Mickey Mouse comic strip makes its first appearance.
• 1934 - the Candidate of Science degree is established in the USSR.
• 1935 - A plebiscite in Saarland shows that 90.3% of those voting wish to join Nazi Germany.
• 1938 - Church of England accepts theory of evolution.
• 1942 - Henry Ford patents a plastic automobile, which is 30% lighter than a regular car.
• 1942 - The United States begins Japanese American internment.
• 1953 - Marshal Josip Broz Tito chosen President of Yugoslavia.
• 1957 - Wham-O Company produces the first Frisbee.
• 1958 - Moroccan Liberation Army ambushes Spanish patrol in the Battle of Edchera.
• 1966 - Robert C. Weaver becomes the first African American Cabinet member by being appointed United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
• 1968 - Johnny Cash records his landmark album At Folsom Prison live at Folsom State Prison
• 1972 - Prime Minister Kofi Busia and President Edward Akufo-Addo of Ghana are ousted in a bloodless military coup by Col. Ignatius Kutu Acheamphong.
• 1982 - Shortly after takeoff, Air Florida Flight 90 737 jet crashes into Washington, DC’s 14th Street Bridge and falls into the Potomac River, killing 78 including four motorists.
• 1986 - A month-long violent struggle begins in Aden, South Yemen between supporters of Ali Nasir Muhammad and Abdul Fattah Ismail, resulting in thousands of casualties.
• 1990 - L. Douglas Wilder becomes the first elected African American governor as he takes office in Richmond, Virginia.
• 1991 - Soviet Union military troops attack Lithuanian independence supporters in Vilnius.
• 1992 - Japan apologizes for forcing Korean women into sexual slavery during World War II.
• 2001 - An earthquake hits El Salvador, killing more than 800.
Births
• 1334 - King Henry II of Castile (d. 1379)
• 1562 - Mark Alexander Boyd, Scottish poet (d. 1601)
• 1596 - Jan van Goyen, Dutch painter (d. 1656)
• 1610 - Maria Anna of Austria (d. 1665)
• 1616 - Antoinette Bourignon, Flemish mystic (d. 1680)
• 1635 - Philipp Jakob Spener, German theologian (d. 1705)
• 1651 - Henry Booth, 1st Earl of Warrington, English politician (d. 1694)
• 1720 - Richard Hurd, English bishop and writer (d. 1808)
• 1749 - Friedrich Müller, painter and dramatist (d. 1825)
• 1805 - Thomas Dyer, Mayor of Chicago (d. 1862)
• 1808 - Salmon P. Chase, 6th Chief Justice of the United States (d. 1873)
• 1812 - Victor de Laprade, French poet and critic (d. 1883)
• 1832 - Horatio Alger, Jr., American minister and author (d. 1899)
• 1861 - Max Nonne, German neurologist (d. 1959)
• 1864 - Wilhelm Wien, German physicist, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1928)
• 1866 - Vasily Kalinnikov, Russian composer (d. 1901)
• 1878 - Lionel Groulx, Canadian nationalist (d. 1967)
• 1869 - Emanuele Filiberto, 2nd Duke of Aosta, Italian aristocrat (d. 1931)
• 1884 - Sophie Tucker, Russian-born singer and performer (d. 1966)
• 1893 - Clark Ashton Smith, American writer (d. 1961)
• 1905 - Kay Francis, American actress (d. 1968)
• 1909 - Marinus van der Lubbe, Dutch communist (d. 1934)
• 1911 - Joh Bjelke-Petersen, Premier of Queensland (d. 2005)
• 1919 - Robert Stack, American actor (d. 2003)
• 1924 - Paul Feyerabend, Austrian-born philosopher (d. 1994)
• 1925 - Gwen Verdon, American actress and dancer (d. 2000)
• 1926 - Michael Bond, British writer
• 1926 - Carolyn Gold Heilbrun, American feminist author (d. 2003)
• 1927 - Brock Adams, American politician (d. 2004)
• 1927 - Sydney Brenner, British Nobel Laureate
• 1930 - Frances Sternhagen, American actress
• 1930 - Liz Anderson, American singer
• 1931 - Charles Nelson Reilly, American actor
• 1934 - Rip Taylor, American actor
• 1938 - William B. Davis, Canadian actor
• 1938 - Tord Grip, Swedish football manager
• 1941 - Pasqual Maragall, Spanish politician
• 1942 - Richard Moll, American actor
• 1943 - Carol Cleveland, English actress
• 1946 - Eero Koivistoinen, Finnish musician
• 1947 - Jacek Majchrowski, Mayor of Kraków
• 1948 - Gaj Singh, Maharaja of Jodhpur
• 1949 - Brandon Tartikoff, American television executive (d. 1997)
• 1950 - Bob Forsch, baseball player
• 1954 - Trevor Rabin, South African guitarist (Yes)
• 1955 - Jay McInerney, American writer
• 1958 - Andrew Stanton, American actor and director
• 1959 - Gordon G.G. Gebert, Musician keyboardist/producer, Author, Entertainer
• 1961 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, American actress
• 1961 - Graham McPherson, English singer
• 1961 - Wayne Coyne, American singer (The Flaming Lips)
• 1962 - Trace Adkins, American musician
• 1964 - Penelope Ann Miller, American actress
• 1966 - Patrick Dempsey, American actor
• 1968 - Traci Bingham, American actress
• 1968 - Mike Whitlow, English footballer
• 1969 - Stephen Hendry, Scottish snooker player
• 1969 - Stefania Belmondo, Italian cross-country skier
• 1970 - Keith Coogan, American actor
• 1970 - Marco Pantani, Italian cyclist (d. 2004)
• 1972 - Nicole Eggert, American actress
• 1972 - Vitaly Scherbo, Belarussian gymnast
• 1973 - Nikolai Khabibulin, Russian hockey player
• 1977 - Orlando Bloom, English actor
• 1980 - Krzysztof Czerwinski, Polish conductor and organist
• 1980 - Akira Kaji, Japanese National Football Player
• 1981 - Reggie Brown, American football player
• 1982 - Guillermo Coria, Argentine tennis player
• 1983 - Julian Morris, English actor
• 1997 - Marius Borg Høiby, son of Mette-Marit, Crown Princess of Norway
Deaths
• 85 BC - Gaius Marius, Roman general and politician
• 703 - Empress Jitō of Japan (b. 645)
• 858 - King Ethelwulf of Wessex
• 888 - Charles the Fat, Holy Roman Emperor
• 1138 - Simon I, Duke of Lorraine (b. 1076)
• 1151 - Abbot Suger, French statesman and historian
• 1177 - Henry II of Austria (b. 1107)
• 1330 - Frederick I of Austria (b. 1286)
• 1363 - Meinhard III of Gorizia-Tyrol
• 1547 - Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, English poet (b. 1517)
• 1599 - Edmund Spenser, English poet (b. 1552)
• 1630 - Yuan Chonghuan, Chinese military commander
• 1658 - Edward Sexby, English Puritan soldier (b. 1616)
• 1691 - George Fox, English founder of the Quakers (b. 1624)
• 1766 - King Frederick V of Denmark (b. 1723)
• 1775 - Johann Georg Walch, German theologian (b. 1693)
• 1790 - Luc Urbain de Bouexic, comte de Guichen, French admiral (b. 1712)
• 1796 - John H. D. Anderson, Scottish scientist and inventor (b. 1726)
• 1797 - Elisabeth Christine von Braunschweig-Bevern, wife of Frederick II of Prussia (b. 1715)
• 1852 - Fabian Gottlieb von Bellingshausen, Russian explorer (b. 1778)
• 1864 - Stephen Foster, American composer (b. 1826)
• 1906 - Alexander Popov, Russian physicist (b. 1859)
• 1923 - Alexandre Ribot, French statesman (b. 1842)
• 1929 - Wyatt Earp, Western lawman (b. 1848)
• 1932 - Sophia of Prussia, consort of Constantine I of Greece (b. 1870)
• 1934 - Paul Ulrich Villard, French physicist (b. 1860)
• 1941 - James Joyce, Irish writer (b. 1882)
• 1943 - Sophie Taeuber-Arp, Swiss artist (b. 1889)
• 1962 - Ernie Kovacs, American actor and comedian (b. 1919)
• 1974 - Salvador Novo, Mexican writer and poet (b. 1904)
• 1978 - Hubert H. Humphrey, 38th Vice President of the United States (b. 1911)
• 1978 - Joe McCarthy, baseball manager (b. 1908)
• 1979 - Donny Hathaway, American musician (b. 1945)
• 1988 - Chiang Ching-kuo, President of the Republic of China (b. 1910)
• 1993 - Camargo Guarnieri, Brazilian composer (b. 1907)
• 2001 - Michael Cuccione, Canadian actor and singer (b. 1985)
• 2002 - Ted Demme, American film director (b. 1963)
• 2002 - Frank Shuster, Canadian comedian (b. 1916)
• 2003 - Norman Panama, American screenwriter and director (b. 1914)
• 2004 - Arne Næss Jr., Norwegian mountain climber (b. 1937)
• 2004 - Harold Shipman, British serial killer (b. 1946)
• 2005 - Earl Cameron, Canadian broadcaster (b. 1915)
• 2005 - Nell Rankin, American mezzo-soprano (b. 1924)
• 2006 - Frank Fixaris, Sportscaster (b. 1934)
• 2006 - Marc Potvin, Former NHL player (b. 1967)
Holidays and observances
• In Sweden, Christmas ends on the 20th day, St. Knut’s Day. Children celebrate a party throwing out the Christmas tree (julgransplundring).
Absolutely, utterly and totally pointless... Like everything else around!
Life. Life. MORE LIFE.
|
Everytime I think things go well, they go wrong. Everything I believe in just seems to turn on me... yeah, I know it's just the hurt in me talking but... at the moment I just feel so lost, so empty...
There are lots of things in life I regret... but there are some chances I took that I don't look back and cringe about, even though they ended up a bit messier than originally predicted. You are the choices you make after all...
I've sacrificed stuff and changed things around just to accomodate certain things into my life, and I don't regret it... I did so because I really wanted to ... and I treasure the memories you know? But whats meant to happen will, and of course, you can't have everything you want, so some things are bound to go very very wrong. Atleast I tried... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger na?
I hate letting family and friends down in the process though... hate myself for letting everything go out of control... God help me. Damn...
I just need to find that remote control button and start flipping the right buttons I guess... got stuff to switch, change and adjust... but I need to find the right remotes too... Here's me wishing me LUCK! LLLLUUUCCKK!
Oh where oh where can my remote be???
:'(
There are lots of things in life I regret... but there are some chances I took that I don't look back and cringe about, even though they ended up a bit messier than originally predicted. You are the choices you make after all...
I've sacrificed stuff and changed things around just to accomodate certain things into my life, and I don't regret it... I did so because I really wanted to ... and I treasure the memories you know? But whats meant to happen will, and of course, you can't have everything you want, so some things are bound to go very very wrong. Atleast I tried... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger na?
I hate letting family and friends down in the process though... hate myself for letting everything go out of control... God help me. Damn...
I just need to find that remote control button and start flipping the right buttons I guess... got stuff to switch, change and adjust... but I need to find the right remotes too... Here's me wishing me LUCK! LLLLUUUCCKK!
Oh where oh where can my remote be???
:'(
Masterpiece written in 2003 (and what a idiotic year that was :P !)
|
Dear Apple of my retina,
My eyes are saturated with aqueous NaCl now that you have successfully managed to deterioraye my cardiac muscles. Your love oxidised me and rid my heart and soul of all negativity. Like a gamma ray, you penetrated my entire being... undeflected and unabsorbed...
You are my soul mate, a being just like me. Our bases are so similar, our powers ought to multiply. Be present, you're perfect (and don't be tense...)
I love you as long and as much as there are great balls of hydrogen undergoing fission to form/release helium in the sky. You make my hypothalamas and thyroid glands go wacko... my senses grow weak...
Your hair is reflected in the crow my brother just ran over. Your lips as red as the blood that flows from its dead and deceased - not to mention mutilated, carcass...
Whatever you heard about me babe, I swear it's like Manube said 'simply not true'... like that rapper-wannabe kid said 'masheh nun'. My promises liken Tony Blair, and George Bushes interviews... honest and sincere.
Oh it's obvious... like US got Saddam... you have captured me. You're like a drug; like a chemical compound that alters how my body usually functions - addictive with strong withdrawal symptoms. Like a cigarette your fumes, (specially when you economise on deo) empower and envelope me - I can hardly stay concious.
Zis adorrration zis iz le everrr-lastee-eeng! It shall fade when pigs evolve to fly... when NSS does something worthwhile, when Maldivians treat each other with respect/humanity and offer basic general privacy, when the sun and moon collide, when MDP finally does come to power, when Democracy brings peace!
Please realise...
- Your forsaken lover -
(do not try to locate me, it's like Osama... you know where to find me, but its better for all if you don't... bigger profits too!)
Do not ask me what possessed me to write such utter bullshit. This is just me years ago, so I've featured the shit. Goes to show I had way too much free time (or too less, depending on how you look at it). I promise you it was funny BACK THEN. Well now, SUFFER!!
My eyes are saturated with aqueous NaCl now that you have successfully managed to deterioraye my cardiac muscles. Your love oxidised me and rid my heart and soul of all negativity. Like a gamma ray, you penetrated my entire being... undeflected and unabsorbed...
You are my soul mate, a being just like me. Our bases are so similar, our powers ought to multiply. Be present, you're perfect (and don't be tense...)
I love you as long and as much as there are great balls of hydrogen undergoing fission to form/release helium in the sky. You make my hypothalamas and thyroid glands go wacko... my senses grow weak...
Your hair is reflected in the crow my brother just ran over. Your lips as red as the blood that flows from its dead and deceased - not to mention mutilated, carcass...
Whatever you heard about me babe, I swear it's like Manube said 'simply not true'... like that rapper-wannabe kid said 'masheh nun'. My promises liken Tony Blair, and George Bushes interviews... honest and sincere.
Oh it's obvious... like US got Saddam... you have captured me. You're like a drug; like a chemical compound that alters how my body usually functions - addictive with strong withdrawal symptoms. Like a cigarette your fumes, (specially when you economise on deo) empower and envelope me - I can hardly stay concious.
Zis adorrration zis iz le everrr-lastee-eeng! It shall fade when pigs evolve to fly... when NSS does something worthwhile, when Maldivians treat each other with respect/humanity and offer basic general privacy, when the sun and moon collide, when MDP finally does come to power, when Democracy brings peace!
Please realise...
- Your forsaken lover -
(do not try to locate me, it's like Osama... you know where to find me, but its better for all if you don't... bigger profits too!)
Do not ask me what possessed me to write such utter bullshit. This is just me years ago, so I've featured the shit. Goes to show I had way too much free time (or too less, depending on how you look at it). I promise you it was funny BACK THEN. Well now, SUFFER!!
Mirror, on the wall...
|
Everyday, I learn something new about myself.
The more time I spend observing other people, their lives and the changes constantly happening around me, the more I learn about what I want in life, my priorities... my responsibilities and how I view them.
It's continous learning process... which will possibly, if I'm lucky, go on as long as I breathe... so I will be living every day till I die.
When I stand outside my house, or on my terrace, all alone... just listening and watching... or riding on a bike in the middle of the night or the middle of the day just drinking the sights and sounds around me... I see life happening, I feel the present, and I focus on today with a vision of tomorrow.
Just strumming on my guitar, blocking out every one else, and every other thought wafting around in my mind, clearing all the bull shit out - reminds me what I live for, who I am and brings sharp into focus what I'm capable of. Brings me that much closer to really achieving contentment, and being a hundred percent comfortable with me.
It's not about what I'm doing at the moment, it's just a sort of meditative state - and the stringed wooden box is just a medium, for me specifically, to get there. One of many I suppose... painting's another, other forms of playing music as well as listening counts too, writing's there as well... for instance.
Yeah, me myself and Thom... but 'I' need space and time to grow, don't I? Self improvement and self motivation is necessary for personal success, and if that is what will lead me to happiness, I believe I have the right to step forward and get a grip on it. Happiness is my birth right, just as it is yours.
*munch munch on Van Houten Milk Chocolate bar, sluuuurrrp choco milk*
FOCUS CHANGE - How viable is that theory ?
Well the birth right being so... I still believe that everyone should believe in humanity, well atleast I do... thus making life a little complicated. Because no one is obligated to help out any one I think everything anyone does insignificant or deserved (eg. you think that some one should do some thing because you deserve it as you did something for that some one)should be fully acknowledged and/or appreciated...
And so one's pursuit for happiness (under the above dictated belief system) should not overlap with some one else's happiness... However accordingly, answers to the questions such as 'who is that fair to?', 'why me?/why not me?' and 'says who?' have to be drawn from stereotypical, screwed up society... which again, makes the whole chase for happiness pointless, because you start to compromise everything based on assumptions drawn from popular belief.
Square one, here I come!
Anyway... I conclude that one should just try and treat everyone human.. I have feelings, you have feelings... like for example; when you get involved with some one elses life, be fully aware that it is infact some one's 'life' , which goes beyond a game or a joke. Just based on that, I guess the kind of judgement you would end up making is simply reliant on who you are as a person...
But I... would think twice before stepping on foreign territory, for sure... Afterall, achieving happiness doesn't have to involve stepping on someone else right, nor poking my nose into their bees wax!
The more time I spend observing other people, their lives and the changes constantly happening around me, the more I learn about what I want in life, my priorities... my responsibilities and how I view them.
It's continous learning process... which will possibly, if I'm lucky, go on as long as I breathe... so I will be living every day till I die.
When I stand outside my house, or on my terrace, all alone... just listening and watching... or riding on a bike in the middle of the night or the middle of the day just drinking the sights and sounds around me... I see life happening, I feel the present, and I focus on today with a vision of tomorrow.
Just strumming on my guitar, blocking out every one else, and every other thought wafting around in my mind, clearing all the bull shit out - reminds me what I live for, who I am and brings sharp into focus what I'm capable of. Brings me that much closer to really achieving contentment, and being a hundred percent comfortable with me.
It's not about what I'm doing at the moment, it's just a sort of meditative state - and the stringed wooden box is just a medium, for me specifically, to get there. One of many I suppose... painting's another, other forms of playing music as well as listening counts too, writing's there as well... for instance.
Yeah, me myself and Thom... but 'I' need space and time to grow, don't I? Self improvement and self motivation is necessary for personal success, and if that is what will lead me to happiness, I believe I have the right to step forward and get a grip on it. Happiness is my birth right, just as it is yours.
*munch munch on Van Houten Milk Chocolate bar, sluuuurrrp choco milk*
FOCUS CHANGE - How viable is that theory ?
Well the birth right being so... I still believe that everyone should believe in humanity, well atleast I do... thus making life a little complicated. Because no one is obligated to help out any one I think everything anyone does insignificant or deserved (eg. you think that some one should do some thing because you deserve it as you did something for that some one)should be fully acknowledged and/or appreciated...
And so one's pursuit for happiness (under the above dictated belief system) should not overlap with some one else's happiness... However accordingly, answers to the questions such as 'who is that fair to?', 'why me?/why not me?' and 'says who?' have to be drawn from stereotypical, screwed up society... which again, makes the whole chase for happiness pointless, because you start to compromise everything based on assumptions drawn from popular belief.
Square one, here I come!
Anyway... I conclude that one should just try and treat everyone human.. I have feelings, you have feelings... like for example; when you get involved with some one elses life, be fully aware that it is infact some one's 'life' , which goes beyond a game or a joke. Just based on that, I guess the kind of judgement you would end up making is simply reliant on who you are as a person...
But I... would think twice before stepping on foreign territory, for sure... Afterall, achieving happiness doesn't have to involve stepping on someone else right, nor poking my nose into their bees wax!
Mirror, on the wall...
|
Everyday, I learn something new about myself.
The more time I spend observing other people, their lives and the changes constantly happening around me, the more I learn about what I want in life, my priorities... my responsibilities and how I view them.
It's continous learning process... which will possibly, if I'm lucky, go on as long as I breathe... so I will be living every day till I die.
When I stand outside my house, or on my terrace, all alone... just listening and watching... or riding on a bike in the middle of the night or the middle of the day just drinking the sights and sounds around me... I see life happening, I feel the present, and I focus on today with a vision of tomorrow.
Just strumming on my guitar, blocking out every one else, and every other thought wafting around in my mind, clearing all the bull shit out - reminds me what I live for, who I am and brings sharp into focus what I'm capable of. Brings me that much closer to really achieving contentment, and being a hundred percent comfortable with me.
It's not about what I'm doing at the moment, it's just a sort of meditative state - and the stringed wooden box is just a medium, for me specifically, to get there. One of many I suppose... painting's another, other forms of playing music as well as listening counts too, writing's there as well... for instance.
Yeah, me myself and Thom... but 'I' need space and time to grow, don't I? Self improvement and self motivation is necessary for personal success, and if that is what will lead me to happiness, I believe I have the right to step forward and get a grip on it. Happiness is my birth right, just as it is yours.
*munch munch on Van Houten Milk Chocolate bar, sluuuurrrp choco milk*
FOCUS CHANGE - How viable is that theory ?
Well the birth right being so... I still believe that everyone should believe in humanity, well atleast I do... thus making life a little complicated. Because no one is obligated to help out any one I think everything anyone does insignificant or deserved (eg. you think that some one should do some thing because you deserve it as you did something for that some one)should be fully acknowledged and/or appreciated...
And so one's pursuit for happiness (under the above dictated belief system) should not overlap with some one else's happiness... However accordingly, answers to the questions such as 'who is that fair to?', 'why me?/why not me?' and 'says who?' have to be drawn from stereotypical, screwed up society... which again, makes the whole chase for happiness pointless, because you start to compromise everything based on assumptions drawn from popular belief.
Square one, here I come!
Anyway... I conclude that one should just try and treat everyone human.. I have feelings, you have feelings... like for example; when you get involved with some one elses life, be fully aware that it is infact some one's 'life' , which goes beyond a game or a joke. Just based on that, I guess the kind of judgement you would end up making is simply reliant on who you are as a person...
But I... would think twice before stepping on foreign territory, for sure... Afterall, achieving happiness doesn't have to involve stepping on someone else right, nor poking my nose into their bees wax!
The more time I spend observing other people, their lives and the changes constantly happening around me, the more I learn about what I want in life, my priorities... my responsibilities and how I view them.
It's continous learning process... which will possibly, if I'm lucky, go on as long as I breathe... so I will be living every day till I die.
When I stand outside my house, or on my terrace, all alone... just listening and watching... or riding on a bike in the middle of the night or the middle of the day just drinking the sights and sounds around me... I see life happening, I feel the present, and I focus on today with a vision of tomorrow.
Just strumming on my guitar, blocking out every one else, and every other thought wafting around in my mind, clearing all the bull shit out - reminds me what I live for, who I am and brings sharp into focus what I'm capable of. Brings me that much closer to really achieving contentment, and being a hundred percent comfortable with me.
It's not about what I'm doing at the moment, it's just a sort of meditative state - and the stringed wooden box is just a medium, for me specifically, to get there. One of many I suppose... painting's another, other forms of playing music as well as listening counts too, writing's there as well... for instance.
Yeah, me myself and Thom... but 'I' need space and time to grow, don't I? Self improvement and self motivation is necessary for personal success, and if that is what will lead me to happiness, I believe I have the right to step forward and get a grip on it. Happiness is my birth right, just as it is yours.
*munch munch on Van Houten Milk Chocolate bar, sluuuurrrp choco milk*
FOCUS CHANGE - How viable is that theory ?
Well the birth right being so... I still believe that everyone should believe in humanity, well atleast I do... thus making life a little complicated. Because no one is obligated to help out any one I think everything anyone does insignificant or deserved (eg. you think that some one should do some thing because you deserve it as you did something for that some one)should be fully acknowledged and/or appreciated...
And so one's pursuit for happiness (under the above dictated belief system) should not overlap with some one else's happiness... However accordingly, answers to the questions such as 'who is that fair to?', 'why me?/why not me?' and 'says who?' have to be drawn from stereotypical, screwed up society... which again, makes the whole chase for happiness pointless, because you start to compromise everything based on assumptions drawn from popular belief.
Square one, here I come!
Anyway... I conclude that one should just try and treat everyone human.. I have feelings, you have feelings... like for example; when you get involved with some one elses life, be fully aware that it is infact some one's 'life' , which goes beyond a game or a joke. Just based on that, I guess the kind of judgement you would end up making is simply reliant on who you are as a person...
But I... would think twice before stepping on foreign territory, for sure... Afterall, achieving happiness doesn't have to involve stepping on someone else right, nor poking my nose into their bees wax!
Trin trin... phoneh! :P
|
Ahh...I've noticed. I don't get phone calls much anymore... you know, it's such a relief.
'Hi, hama magumathin fenigen gulhaalee - reethi vegen'
'Hi, nubai numbereh. Fahun gulhaanan'
Chi. Maldivian idiot men... Either they've realised that there are better things... or am ossifa (about time :P but that theory makes me feel ooooooooooold - so scratch that :P) or well, who cares... its over! Or is it :P ... *reminds herself to live in the present without fear* :P
^_^
I've been on a creative kick the past few days... yeah I know, I know, it doesn't really reflect in my writing skils much lately (did it ever really?)...
I've so far redesigned my room and painted a bit (no not my toe nails fool!)... scribbled all over a couple of hundred pages... and... - DON'T LAFF - I made a lil melody (amilla raageko! dhen visnanee exposure ah araa heyren, *snickers*!) only it sounds like some desperate, dying, suicidal sucker came up with it. And I feel rather cheerful (or I think I do). How wierd.
I've been seeing some absolutely absurd dreams lately... from recounting the enitre day with minor changes (gosh how bloody pointless can life get???!!!) to eating a 6 feet lon hot dog while *ahem* enjoying *ahem* the *ahem* company *ahem ahem* of some one ... and the *ahem* pleasures of life *ROFL* I swear.. don't think anything's specially strange with me and think (keyword : THINK) am acting fairly normal (up to the world to decide :P and yeah normal's a perspective thing obviously, but hey) ... but by god... my subconcious alone is enough to peg me down with the major league psycho's ... maldivian psycho. Or it would seem :P
(damn I really cannot seem to be able to conclude anything anymore... !!!! or maybe I can... :P )
OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooh... what does this button dooooooooooo?
'Hi, hama magumathin fenigen gulhaalee - reethi vegen'
'Hi, nubai numbereh. Fahun gulhaanan'
Chi. Maldivian idiot men... Either they've realised that there are better things... or am ossifa (about time :P but that theory makes me feel ooooooooooold - so scratch that :P) or well, who cares... its over! Or is it :P ... *reminds herself to live in the present without fear* :P
^_^
I've been on a creative kick the past few days... yeah I know, I know, it doesn't really reflect in my writing skils much lately (did it ever really?)...
I've so far redesigned my room and painted a bit (no not my toe nails fool!)... scribbled all over a couple of hundred pages... and... - DON'T LAFF - I made a lil melody (amilla raageko! dhen visnanee exposure ah araa heyren, *snickers*!) only it sounds like some desperate, dying, suicidal sucker came up with it. And I feel rather cheerful (or I think I do). How wierd.
I've been seeing some absolutely absurd dreams lately... from recounting the enitre day with minor changes (gosh how bloody pointless can life get???!!!) to eating a 6 feet lon hot dog while *ahem* enjoying *ahem* the *ahem* company *ahem ahem* of some one ... and the *ahem* pleasures of life *ROFL* I swear.. don't think anything's specially strange with me and think (keyword : THINK) am acting fairly normal (up to the world to decide :P and yeah normal's a perspective thing obviously, but hey) ... but by god... my subconcious alone is enough to peg me down with the major league psycho's ... maldivian psycho. Or it would seem :P
(damn I really cannot seem to be able to conclude anything anymore... !!!! or maybe I can... :P )
OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooh... what does this button dooooooooooo?
Diagnosis
|
Lately I've been meeting too much of one brand of people. They know wat they want, they are confident...or appear to be..., good people... wonderful when they want to be in fact...anyway but they can't seem to be able to get where they wanna....
Introducing you to the - stubborn ass.
I don't buy people who just do things that clearly hurt other people and say they can't help it, it comes natural to them, its who they are. I used to be like that a long time ago, I grew up, why can't you?
People like that often say that they can't have steady relationships etc because people can't accept who they are so it's not their fault blah blah blah... well all I have to say to that is, - BULLSHIT. It's either result of direct and utter stupidity or, seriously not wanting to be happy and enjoying the feeling of wallowing in self pity.
Self pity will get you no where, it won't protect you forever and it sure as hell won't help you find happiness. Seems simple enough but then why do so many people seem to be oblivious to this obvious knowledge??????
Oh wait, you can't do anything about it coz you can't change who you are, but I have to adapt my own beliefs to suit you... ho ho! Hypocrite!! The people who are your friends, being in such a situation, probably love you very very much, how can anyone with a clear consience put them through pain? I would change my attitude, what almost anything, to not hurt people who care about me like that. Not everyone in your life would turn a blind eye to everything you want... maybe not everyone can afford to?
Just like it's not the people who are bad it's what they do adage goes... it's your attitude people want to change... not who you are. Maybe you dont know who you are... I think a tad bit of applied patience (hearing out is good not only as rest of vocal chords and for reducing Repetitive Strain Injury), sharp reduction in the intake of assumption (jumping is good exercise, just make sure you aren't heading towads a conclusion), open heart surgery to prove that everyone has a heart of their own (therefore feelings that get hurt; not anger necessarily but pain maybe? yes yes?) should be a good start.
Now go wait in the waiting room to hear the other person's story like other sane people.
Introducing you to the - stubborn ass.
I don't buy people who just do things that clearly hurt other people and say they can't help it, it comes natural to them, its who they are. I used to be like that a long time ago, I grew up, why can't you?
People like that often say that they can't have steady relationships etc because people can't accept who they are so it's not their fault blah blah blah... well all I have to say to that is, - BULLSHIT. It's either result of direct and utter stupidity or, seriously not wanting to be happy and enjoying the feeling of wallowing in self pity.
Self pity will get you no where, it won't protect you forever and it sure as hell won't help you find happiness. Seems simple enough but then why do so many people seem to be oblivious to this obvious knowledge??????
Oh wait, you can't do anything about it coz you can't change who you are, but I have to adapt my own beliefs to suit you... ho ho! Hypocrite!! The people who are your friends, being in such a situation, probably love you very very much, how can anyone with a clear consience put them through pain? I would change my attitude, what almost anything, to not hurt people who care about me like that. Not everyone in your life would turn a blind eye to everything you want... maybe not everyone can afford to?
Just like it's not the people who are bad it's what they do adage goes... it's your attitude people want to change... not who you are. Maybe you dont know who you are... I think a tad bit of applied patience (hearing out is good not only as rest of vocal chords and for reducing Repetitive Strain Injury), sharp reduction in the intake of assumption (jumping is good exercise, just make sure you aren't heading towads a conclusion), open heart surgery to prove that everyone has a heart of their own (therefore feelings that get hurt; not anger necessarily but pain maybe? yes yes?) should be a good start.
Now go wait in the waiting room to hear the other person's story like other sane people.
Human desires are insatiable.
|
Response to the title should be 'duh', yeah I know. Been suffering a heavy bout of writers block combined with way too much travelling to the land of 'lah's' (s'pore to me) , complications in my normal simple daily routine way of life ... topped off with general work-aholic seasoning.. life's been a bit.. err.. you know... shitty.
At the same time it's been fine, sure I get my glitches... but I have everything I want, need essentially... I don't know why I'm not happy... But I am nevertheless... I guess you can't really see it on my face (well, either that or absolutely no one gives a shit :P ) but I keep feeling this empty empty hollowness inside... it's more than emptiness... it's almost a fear... like... I sense there's a faulty switch... and it's all just gonna blow... but I dcan't pinpoint anything... because nothing is stable... so the 'accident' could happen in any way... any where... any time...
:P
Flammable. Yeah....
I'm HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT (hotey hotey mibune :P )
I guess thats just life. Expect the unexpected. And don't expect that either. Dont expect to expect. Etc.
Hee hee... will attempt further revelations later. Lol. Writers block - severe.
At the same time it's been fine, sure I get my glitches... but I have everything I want, need essentially... I don't know why I'm not happy... But I am nevertheless... I guess you can't really see it on my face (well, either that or absolutely no one gives a shit :P ) but I keep feeling this empty empty hollowness inside... it's more than emptiness... it's almost a fear... like... I sense there's a faulty switch... and it's all just gonna blow... but I dcan't pinpoint anything... because nothing is stable... so the 'accident' could happen in any way... any where... any time...
:P
Flammable. Yeah....
I'm HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT (hotey hotey mibune :P )
I guess thats just life. Expect the unexpected. And don't expect that either. Dont expect to expect. Etc.
Hee hee... will attempt further revelations later. Lol. Writers block - severe.
The mask
|
"Smokin..."
[twists and turns in maniac manner]
Thom had her very first bass lesson today and is feeling so hyped she is talking in third person oa! Aai aai, <: It was quite nice, and I hate to admit it (well... coz it is so frigging cliche) but nothing and absolutely nothing can compare to the hype, drive and resultant high that comes with music. Not even sex (YESSSS I SAID IT :P) Masks dho... She's taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
Masks can merge with your body, exposed to enough heat, will weld into your skin... part of you, you must bleed to seperate... that can delve further into you, so you no longer remenber where the artificial you ends and your soul begins... crushes you, buries you... till you finally die... and all thats left is an empty, hollow shell...
I'm so very lost...
[slams fist onto table again and again and again]
This happens every time. Everytime life takes a turn for the better, everything comes crashing down. Yeah? Everything happens for a reason? Life is as it is because its meant to be so? Fuck it yeah? People suck, the world sucks. I should be more into this revenge and blackmail bullshit, thats what this whole revolves around anyway.
You think you know someone and they betray you, they fucking betray you. Over crap. CRAP!Oh atleast find a good reason.
Man: I love you I love you (repeat 100 times or so) *within a week*
Woman: Don't say what you don't mean.
[various childish events occur, woman gets fed up of man acting like an arse]
Man: [my ex is so great bla bla bla]
Woman: Um... this isn't working for me
Man: Ok... I will always love you. You can have me anytime etc.
Woman: So sorry.
[man guilt trips woman. woman feels guilty as well. woman makes amends, does everything he asks]
Man: Oh yeah. I'm back with ex
Woman: [genuinely happy] that's great
Man: I can't drop you home from my studio where you come and play professional music while I stare at your arse and I invited you to come to in the first place saying I wanted us to all be friends and act like adults. Ekam ok dho after all you are in love with your guy and I am in love with my girl, I shifted true love from you to her within 2 days, wow!
Woman: Hey it's alright
[few days later]
Man: Stop coming to my house. My ex doesnt like it, even though you now are part of our band and play music seriously as well as give coffees etc from time to time... and my ex is in a row with my family so she is not allowed into my house either and I am never alone in my house due to band members being around.
Woman: But.. but.. but...
[twists and turns in maniac manner]
Thom had her very first bass lesson today and is feeling so hyped she is talking in third person oa! Aai aai, <: It was quite nice, and I hate to admit it (well... coz it is so frigging cliche) but nothing and absolutely nothing can compare to the hype, drive and resultant high that comes with music. Not even sex (YESSSS I SAID IT :P) Masks dho... She's taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
Masks can merge with your body, exposed to enough heat, will weld into your skin... part of you, you must bleed to seperate... that can delve further into you, so you no longer remenber where the artificial you ends and your soul begins... crushes you, buries you... till you finally die... and all thats left is an empty, hollow shell...
I'm so very lost...
[slams fist onto table again and again and again]
This happens every time. Everytime life takes a turn for the better, everything comes crashing down. Yeah? Everything happens for a reason? Life is as it is because its meant to be so? Fuck it yeah? People suck, the world sucks. I should be more into this revenge and blackmail bullshit, thats what this whole revolves around anyway.
You think you know someone and they betray you, they fucking betray you. Over crap. CRAP!Oh atleast find a good reason.
Man: I love you I love you (repeat 100 times or so) *within a week*
Woman: Don't say what you don't mean.
[various childish events occur, woman gets fed up of man acting like an arse]
Man: [my ex is so great bla bla bla]
Woman: Um... this isn't working for me
Man: Ok... I will always love you. You can have me anytime etc.
Woman: So sorry.
[man guilt trips woman. woman feels guilty as well. woman makes amends, does everything he asks]
Man: Oh yeah. I'm back with ex
Woman: [genuinely happy] that's great
Man: I can't drop you home from my studio where you come and play professional music while I stare at your arse and I invited you to come to in the first place saying I wanted us to all be friends and act like adults. Ekam ok dho after all you are in love with your guy and I am in love with my girl, I shifted true love from you to her within 2 days, wow!
Woman: Hey it's alright
[few days later]
Man: Stop coming to my house. My ex doesnt like it, even though you now are part of our band and play music seriously as well as give coffees etc from time to time... and my ex is in a row with my family so she is not allowed into my house either and I am never alone in my house due to band members being around.
Woman: But.. but.. but...
Silly Things...
|
My blog is worth $564.54.
http://www.business-opportunities.biz/projects/how-much-is-your-blog-worth/">How much is your blog worth?
Reasons and excuses... fine fine lines...
|
"The Reason"I'm not a perfect personThere's many things I wish I didn't doBut I continue learningI never meant to do those things to youAnd so I have to say before I goThat I just want you to knowI've found a reason for meTo change who I used to beA reason to start over new....and the reason is youI'm sorry that I hurt youIt's something I must live with everydayAnd all the pain I put you throughI wish that I could take it all awayAnd be the one who catches all your tearsThats why I need you to hearI've found a reason for meTo change who I used to beA reason to start over new....and the reason is YouI really am sorry... to everyone I've managed to hurt. It so seems that everytime I fall for some one I end up in a guitappu... but when it doesn't happen for me... obviously... you're getting into the same situation... I'm sorry... The world's unfair to all of us innit?
The Dream
|
Dreams is defined in Webster's Dictionary as a "sequence of sensations, images, thoughts, etc., passing through a sleeping person's mind"
Sometimes, dreams can be understood in the the context of repressed thoughts. Dreaming serves as an outlet for those thoughts and impulses we repress during the day. When we go to sleep at night and slip into our dream state, we feel liberated and behave and act in a manner that we do not allow ourselves in our waking life.
Reference : http://www.dreammoods.com
My current little disturbing dream... lasted from 5:45 to 6:01
I saw my room in real time, as it was ... down to thebackground sounds, are verified as what was being heard at the time. I was on my bed, thinking about my friends who were not in Male' and what they were doing... I felt something cold against my back, I thought it was the pillow and me sweating... I moved forward... so did this 'thing' whatever that was causing the cold touch... I turned around... I saw a beautiful baby... I stared... then I realised it was dead. I couldn't move, got rooted to the spot... heard this tapping noise...
Then woke up... the tapping noise was coming from outside... and soon stopped... I wasn't totally asleep and was hearing it maybe... I don't know. Really freaked me out... Still is.
I'm not very supersitious but that whole thing is a bad vision I can't forget and is really creeping me out. Hehe... silly little girl can't handle sleeping alone in a big big room... :/
Sometimes, dreams can be understood in the the context of repressed thoughts. Dreaming serves as an outlet for those thoughts and impulses we repress during the day. When we go to sleep at night and slip into our dream state, we feel liberated and behave and act in a manner that we do not allow ourselves in our waking life.
To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of
yourself or a particular relationship. Dreams about various rooms often
relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your
personality.
To see a dark, eerie or confining room, denotes that that you feel
trapped or repressed in a situation.
To see a dead baby in your dream, symbolizes the ending of something
that is part of you.
Reference : http://www.dreammoods.com
My current little disturbing dream... lasted from 5:45 to 6:01
I saw my room in real time, as it was ... down to thebackground sounds, are verified as what was being heard at the time. I was on my bed, thinking about my friends who were not in Male' and what they were doing... I felt something cold against my back, I thought it was the pillow and me sweating... I moved forward... so did this 'thing' whatever that was causing the cold touch... I turned around... I saw a beautiful baby... I stared... then I realised it was dead. I couldn't move, got rooted to the spot... heard this tapping noise...
Then woke up... the tapping noise was coming from outside... and soon stopped... I wasn't totally asleep and was hearing it maybe... I don't know. Really freaked me out... Still is.
I'm not very supersitious but that whole thing is a bad vision I can't forget and is really creeping me out. Hehe... silly little girl can't handle sleeping alone in a big big room... :/
Girl Talk
|
~Thom's Lil Boy Band ~
Lead singer ... Puckish
Lead guitarist is... *DT*
(also possible Mureed/HP/Japanmas/"Familytime")
Rhythm guitarist is...Rukey
Bassist is... Buppatu
Drummer is... Nikkoh/Baraboa
~Finihaka's Lil Boy Band~
Lead singer is... Muranga tholhu
Lead guitarist is.. Harry Potter (what a coincidence! :P)
Rhythm guitarist is... 'dhon jowke'
Bassist is... [SEARCHING, POSITION AVAILABLE]
Drummer is.. Toh toh, of COURSE!
~Summary of our love life~
Watch one tree hill.. one of us is Brook, and that's all I gotta say :P LOL
Lead singer ... Puckish
Lead guitarist is... *DT*
(also possible Mureed/HP/Japanmas/"Familytime")
Rhythm guitarist is...Rukey
Bassist is... Buppatu
Drummer is... Nikkoh/Baraboa
~Finihaka's Lil Boy Band~
Lead singer is... Muranga tholhu
Lead guitarist is.. Harry Potter (what a coincidence! :P)
Rhythm guitarist is... 'dhon jowke'
Bassist is... [SEARCHING, POSITION AVAILABLE]
Drummer is.. Toh toh, of COURSE!
~Summary of our love life~
Watch one tree hill.. one of us is Brook, and that's all I gotta say :P LOL
The many sides of Me...
|
Thom... as Sir (or Lady rather...) Jean Bob... neyngey, size olhigen ulheythee kanneinge... (blll)
Thom... as a gumball... a mere blip on the surface of earth... an existence which is more or less un-necessary... among millions possibly a nuisance to the rest... getting stuck in every messy situation that can possibly be.
Thom... as Kermit... one of those annoying little voices you want to SHUDDAWP. Because they talk too much, and nothing of value ever comes out.
Thom... as a Chocolate Geri... because I exist for your amusement, no?
~ROFLMAO~
No more promises...
|
I know, just as well you do, that you should never expect anything in life...
Don't trust anyone... don't hope for anything... but it can never be my mantra... because I believe in you, and I believe in life, I believe in us... and I believe that tomorrow can be better than today.
No matter how much I want to I don't hate you. That's exactly what bothers me. That I can't hate you.
Maybe it's because I've been through the same shit, maybe it's because I can see life through your eyes (or I fool myself into thinking I do) or maybe I just have too much empathy flowing through me (yeah, right)...
So why don't you make life easier for me and stop making promises... stop giving me dreams... stop painting those pictures of how life could be... because, I'm foolish... I'm naive... I'm a hopeless case... and I believe you... I want to...
Everyone in my life lets me down... maybe I let them down, and I'm just getting my just desserts... I don't know... Yes, I keep beating myself up about it. What else can I do? I can't blame you, now you've proven that you're no part of my life, and can never be...
I'm so sorry... I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done... please God.. if there is one... I can't keep up pretences... the way everyone else does...
Everytime the curtains open, I see the drama for what is... oscar worthy acting, and not a hint of genuine emotion... you didn't love me, they didn't either... you don't care... and you don't respect me... so don't waste any more empty words and phrases on me... because I don't want to hear what you don't mean.
It takes a crisis for me to realise that it's only me that I have. You will never see me crying, and you won't hear me begging... I will never ask. It's not pride either, it's just that I would rather have the people who claim to know me so well, to see the tears behind my laughter, and notice that my eyes don't sparkle anymore.
If you can't see a mask... you don't know me... if you don't know me... then we are strangers... and strangers need not give each other the time of day...
Stop promising what you can't deliver. Don't torture me with dreams that will never come true. Mentally, physically, metaphorically...whatever... I know now I meant nothing to you, and I probably never will. To any one of you. To any one.
Doesn't really come as a suprise... just a minor disappointment... am 'heartless' after all.. void of feeling... numb even... stabbed so many times, I don't notice the pouring blood anymore, and the wound doesn't even sting... it's just ... there...
* disclaimer : not meant for a particular person, more like many people... and it's not about just one thing either... like I said, you probably won't realise who you are...if infact you read my blog... and it's not meant as an attack either *
Don't trust anyone... don't hope for anything... but it can never be my mantra... because I believe in you, and I believe in life, I believe in us... and I believe that tomorrow can be better than today.
No matter how much I want to I don't hate you. That's exactly what bothers me. That I can't hate you.
Maybe it's because I've been through the same shit, maybe it's because I can see life through your eyes (or I fool myself into thinking I do) or maybe I just have too much empathy flowing through me (yeah, right)...
So why don't you make life easier for me and stop making promises... stop giving me dreams... stop painting those pictures of how life could be... because, I'm foolish... I'm naive... I'm a hopeless case... and I believe you... I want to...
Everyone in my life lets me down... maybe I let them down, and I'm just getting my just desserts... I don't know... Yes, I keep beating myself up about it. What else can I do? I can't blame you, now you've proven that you're no part of my life, and can never be...
I'm so sorry... I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done... please God.. if there is one... I can't keep up pretences... the way everyone else does...
Everytime the curtains open, I see the drama for what is... oscar worthy acting, and not a hint of genuine emotion... you didn't love me, they didn't either... you don't care... and you don't respect me... so don't waste any more empty words and phrases on me... because I don't want to hear what you don't mean.
It takes a crisis for me to realise that it's only me that I have. You will never see me crying, and you won't hear me begging... I will never ask. It's not pride either, it's just that I would rather have the people who claim to know me so well, to see the tears behind my laughter, and notice that my eyes don't sparkle anymore.
If you can't see a mask... you don't know me... if you don't know me... then we are strangers... and strangers need not give each other the time of day...
Stop promising what you can't deliver. Don't torture me with dreams that will never come true. Mentally, physically, metaphorically...whatever... I know now I meant nothing to you, and I probably never will. To any one of you. To any one.
Doesn't really come as a suprise... just a minor disappointment... am 'heartless' after all.. void of feeling... numb even... stabbed so many times, I don't notice the pouring blood anymore, and the wound doesn't even sting... it's just ... there...
* disclaimer : not meant for a particular person, more like many people... and it's not about just one thing either... like I said, you probably won't realise who you are...if infact you read my blog... and it's not meant as an attack either *
Ill
|
There are several ways of being Ill.
Ill... as in throwing up/shivering/shaking/frequent visits to loo/blood pouring around etc other various physically visible thingies... *barf barf*
Ill... as in sick of you :P *giggle. OK, lame attempt at jow-king *
Ill... as in inability to breathe normally/pulse fluctuations/dizziness/fatigu etc other not so visible symptoms *boa is going round and round clockwise... right in leftah... oops... is that clockwise?*
Ill... as in fucked up mentally/hyperactive/totally inactive/delirious *high 0_O*/depressed *sigh*
What if I am all of the above ----> ?
Dheno?
Kobaa diagnosis?
Fatal?????!!!!
*me stops to think, then resumes feeling 'Ill'*
Kokie dudnt laikie being shickie
Ill... as in throwing up/shivering/shaking/frequent visits to loo/blood pouring around etc other various physically visible thingies... *barf barf*
Ill... as in sick of you :P *giggle. OK, lame attempt at jow-king *
Ill... as in inability to breathe normally/pulse fluctuations/dizziness/fatigu etc other not so visible symptoms *boa is going round and round clockwise... right in leftah... oops... is that clockwise?*
Ill... as in fucked up mentally/hyperactive/totally inactive/delirious *high 0_O*/depressed *sigh*
What if I am all of the above ----> ?
Dheno?
Kobaa diagnosis?
Fatal?????!!!!
*me stops to think, then resumes feeling 'Ill'*
Kokie dudnt laikie being shickie
Outburst!
|
Sorry! I had to say it! I don't mean to be rude or abrupt...
But...
I think Joe Satriani is a genius.
:)
I don't care what you think either.
*giggles*
Ooooh. SUCH a rebel. [lmao]
And, AND AND!!! AND, I think he is cool.
Adios.
[puts on RayBan aviators and sucks on a cigar, looking seriously rock-chick cool/tuff, then picks out cigar, blows out the smoke... cocks and eye brow, scowls... you don't wanna know wat's cookin :P style .... and then, at the climax, sticks out her tongue!!!!]
[rofl]
But...
I think Joe Satriani is a genius.
:)
I don't care what you think either.
*giggles*
Ooooh. SUCH a rebel. [lmao]
And, AND AND!!! AND, I think he is cool.
Adios.
[puts on RayBan aviators and sucks on a cigar, looking seriously rock-chick cool/tuff, then picks out cigar, blows out the smoke... cocks and eye brow, scowls... you don't wanna know wat's cookin :P style .... and then, at the climax, sticks out her tongue!!!!]
[rofl]
Thoughtu purocessu
|
I did a little self evalutating YET AGAIN... I watched 3 fucking movies man... I was so brain dead I had to do some shit to make sure it was still functioning... however... I still cannot be sure it is doing so properly...or for that matter if it ever did *chuckles*
'Flashback to warm nights... almost left behind... suitcase... of memories... time after some times... you picture me and I'm walking too far ahead...you're calling to me... and I can't hear what you said... and you said go slow...'
I know, I'm being repetitive now. Same song twice... theme song these days you know. I'm looking back and feeling okay about things... you know what that means don't you? Naaah no you don't you dumb ass!! (yeah I know I know, look who's retarded...I'm talking to an imaginary being. Talking...writing... whatever...) Well, in any fucking case... it means, that I think life is better now... and that my ghostly friend... is a bad thing.
A very bad thing. Because everytime life seems worth it, the journey seems to have proved its worth... is when it tips over. Friday the 13th was when I was born baby... after around 2 decades... it makes me an expert on bad luck. So :P [blll] if you were about to attempt to re-fucking-assure me.
I feel optimistic and that itself scares the crap outta me...
'I don't want to let go... I just need you to know...I don't wanna run away, baby... you're the one I need tonight. No promises. Now I need to hold you tonight. I just wanna die in your arms...here tonight. ' --> I have not turned into an unrecognisable brand of sappiness... :P it's a nice song owkaaaiy? Gerroffff my case :>
I look back at what I've done and all I can do is take a deep breath and wish it was different. Tonight I don't feel like giving shit about how it doesn't matter and I don't regret it because it made me a better person... I do regret what I've done...
It's like going through and album of good memories, tinged with bad endings... things I brought on myself, hurting other people, and I was too self involved to realise that what I did had consequences... Or maybe I did and I didn't care... I don't know really...
So all the times that I've trusted, let my guard down, been used and shattered to pieces? It's all okay... It's all justified. I deserved it. And I accept it. Thank you, actually... for making me realise what I have done wrong. Thanks for showing me that although you can live with cheating on your girlfriend, and making me love you beyond whatever I saw...coz I could never do that... and I will never ever let that happen to me again either. (I know, that attack was uncalled for. :P See if I care)
You know, whether I am in a relationship or not... whether I have a boyfriend or not... my life is really very okay now :) so people should stop *HINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!* questionin/quering/pressuring/invading into the topic. Subject area is not under discussion, thanks very much. Move along. 0:>
Oooh oooh...saw a cool pm just now ... 'the severity of the itch is intensly proportional to the ability to scratch it'.... how smart izzat? [very!]... nothing else particularly amusing though... one is very pretty 'silver horses...ran down moonbeams... in your dark eyes' cute la? [very very]
You know.... I go to parties and stuff and I notice I know a lot of people... because of my notorious EX-habits... (I am not talking abt criminal activity so CALM down puleeez) ... but at such a young age yet... I feel like the party girl in me is dying... strange dho? I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing...or even a permenant thing... but ... :)
One of my friends did the sweetest thing yesterday... said something... made me feel good... like life has some good to it...
So before I go back to cynicism (god forbid! :P) I'm gonna gloat a little, feel good, and fly high in the sky... :)
'Flashback to warm nights... almost left behind... suitcase... of memories... time after some times... you picture me and I'm walking too far ahead...you're calling to me... and I can't hear what you said... and you said go slow...'
I know, I'm being repetitive now. Same song twice... theme song these days you know. I'm looking back and feeling okay about things... you know what that means don't you? Naaah no you don't you dumb ass!! (yeah I know I know, look who's retarded...I'm talking to an imaginary being. Talking...writing... whatever...) Well, in any fucking case... it means, that I think life is better now... and that my ghostly friend... is a bad thing.
A very bad thing. Because everytime life seems worth it, the journey seems to have proved its worth... is when it tips over. Friday the 13th was when I was born baby... after around 2 decades... it makes me an expert on bad luck. So :P [blll] if you were about to attempt to re-fucking-assure me.
I feel optimistic and that itself scares the crap outta me...
'I don't want to let go... I just need you to know...I don't wanna run away, baby... you're the one I need tonight. No promises. Now I need to hold you tonight. I just wanna die in your arms...here tonight. ' --> I have not turned into an unrecognisable brand of sappiness... :P it's a nice song owkaaaiy? Gerroffff my case :>
I look back at what I've done and all I can do is take a deep breath and wish it was different. Tonight I don't feel like giving shit about how it doesn't matter and I don't regret it because it made me a better person... I do regret what I've done...
It's like going through and album of good memories, tinged with bad endings... things I brought on myself, hurting other people, and I was too self involved to realise that what I did had consequences... Or maybe I did and I didn't care... I don't know really...
So all the times that I've trusted, let my guard down, been used and shattered to pieces? It's all okay... It's all justified. I deserved it. And I accept it. Thank you, actually... for making me realise what I have done wrong. Thanks for showing me that although you can live with cheating on your girlfriend, and making me love you beyond whatever I saw...coz I could never do that... and I will never ever let that happen to me again either. (I know, that attack was uncalled for. :P See if I care)
You know, whether I am in a relationship or not... whether I have a boyfriend or not... my life is really very okay now :) so people should stop *HINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!* questionin/quering/pressuring/invading into the topic. Subject area is not under discussion, thanks very much. Move along. 0:>
Oooh oooh...saw a cool pm just now ... 'the severity of the itch is intensly proportional to the ability to scratch it'.... how smart izzat? [very!]... nothing else particularly amusing though... one is very pretty 'silver horses...ran down moonbeams... in your dark eyes' cute la? [very very]
You know.... I go to parties and stuff and I notice I know a lot of people... because of my notorious EX-habits... (I am not talking abt criminal activity so CALM down puleeez) ... but at such a young age yet... I feel like the party girl in me is dying... strange dho? I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing...or even a permenant thing... but ... :)
One of my friends did the sweetest thing yesterday... said something... made me feel good... like life has some good to it...
So before I go back to cynicism (god forbid! :P) I'm gonna gloat a little, feel good, and fly high in the sky... :)
I don't know how a lil 2 min quiz can tell me about my life.. but hell, I gave it a shot ;)
|
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| Never Date a Cancer |
 Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius |
Wish You A Better Day
|
Why do I blog when I'm upset? I don't know. Maybe anger inspires me.
It inspires a lot of people. Painters, writers... revolutionaries... heck, why not me?
I don't understand though...
How someone I love so much can just take all her frustrations out on me, when I know her, I understand her... and I love her so much. How every time something upsets her she can drag out the last 30 years into the conversation, not to mention distant long lost relations and... of course... 'her rival family'. After 4 years you'd think everyone would get over it. But no...
Maybe I am doing things wrong, yes she is the only one alive who can make me loose my temper like that... but she is also one person I would do anything for. How can she forget everything... I don't think she knows howq much it hurts me when she just concludes another of her tirades with ' I know you don't care about me' ... after all I've been through because of her (yes! because of her!) how can she say that to me... I'm not perfrect...neither is she.. all I want is for her to listen to me like she does everyone else.. .be that understanding with me too...
I guess I deserve it...for letting her down... to do what I feel is right for me... I don't regret it though I do wish everything happened differently...
Ironically, SHE always said that her 'female rival' would be responsible for cutting me away from family... but it seems that that destructive force is coming from where she is... I feel like an intruder on some happy home...
Oh I don't know...
Have you had one perfect thing but everything else went just horribly wrong? Yeah... you give a lot up to have this thing..but it feels like it slipping away... infront of you... and you don't know how stop it from disappearing for always...
Ever had the past haunting you? Something you think you were over... coming back to remind you.. how incredibly naive and stupid you were? Rubbing into your heart like salt on wonds... how you were used... how you were played... I don't know if he wants me to hate him... because thats not whats happening.. I just end up hating myself. Hating the world... hating feeling anything... because I can't trust anyone... not even myself... and I can't control anything... even my own emotions...
Will people stop making bloody assumptions and accusations about me? I am not rich. Hello the last person who said that to me had a studio in his house, and in his room--> a full equipped pc, fridge, large size tv, drumkit and guitars and amps by the dozen. Forgive me if I think it's all very unfair. I don't even have a PC. His justification is that I travel. So could he if he sold his damn fridge. And the fact that I am not a dumb blone does NOT, NOT, NOT root from my educational apportunities. If you don't believe me fucking go to UK and see how many idiots you find. Maldivians ones even, THERE ARE PLENTY. I hate these attacks.. I haet it, I hate it... I hate my life! If I could change just my last fucking name life would be so easy. You know I hated it to see my Dad lose his dream... but at the same time it was what I desperately wished for. Coz I have had enough of being judged by his name. I am my own person. Bitch or not.
[CENSORED] says:
dont say such things to urself you may have been a bitch but you are all changed now
Thank you very much for the kind words. :/ Fuck you.
'You said go slow, I fall behind... the second hand unwinds... if your lost and you look, you'll find me...time after time... if you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting... time after time'
I'm falling... and I end up crashing... I'm waiting, and all I find is... wasted time...
I haven't blogged coz I been cuntry hopping again.. back and forth from Malay and Thailand... I now am starting to hate, hate aeroplanes.
Only happy thing I've seen all day ->
http://img.tapuz.co.il/forums/8572800.swf
Hope it makes you smile... cheerios.
It inspires a lot of people. Painters, writers... revolutionaries... heck, why not me?
I don't understand though...
How someone I love so much can just take all her frustrations out on me, when I know her, I understand her... and I love her so much. How every time something upsets her she can drag out the last 30 years into the conversation, not to mention distant long lost relations and... of course... 'her rival family'. After 4 years you'd think everyone would get over it. But no...
Maybe I am doing things wrong, yes she is the only one alive who can make me loose my temper like that... but she is also one person I would do anything for. How can she forget everything... I don't think she knows howq much it hurts me when she just concludes another of her tirades with ' I know you don't care about me' ... after all I've been through because of her (yes! because of her!) how can she say that to me... I'm not perfrect...neither is she.. all I want is for her to listen to me like she does everyone else.. .be that understanding with me too...
I guess I deserve it...for letting her down... to do what I feel is right for me... I don't regret it though I do wish everything happened differently...
Ironically, SHE always said that her 'female rival' would be responsible for cutting me away from family... but it seems that that destructive force is coming from where she is... I feel like an intruder on some happy home...
Oh I don't know...
Have you had one perfect thing but everything else went just horribly wrong? Yeah... you give a lot up to have this thing..but it feels like it slipping away... infront of you... and you don't know how stop it from disappearing for always...
Ever had the past haunting you? Something you think you were over... coming back to remind you.. how incredibly naive and stupid you were? Rubbing into your heart like salt on wonds... how you were used... how you were played... I don't know if he wants me to hate him... because thats not whats happening.. I just end up hating myself. Hating the world... hating feeling anything... because I can't trust anyone... not even myself... and I can't control anything... even my own emotions...
Will people stop making bloody assumptions and accusations about me? I am not rich. Hello the last person who said that to me had a studio in his house, and in his room--> a full equipped pc, fridge, large size tv, drumkit and guitars and amps by the dozen. Forgive me if I think it's all very unfair. I don't even have a PC. His justification is that I travel. So could he if he sold his damn fridge. And the fact that I am not a dumb blone does NOT, NOT, NOT root from my educational apportunities. If you don't believe me fucking go to UK and see how many idiots you find. Maldivians ones even, THERE ARE PLENTY. I hate these attacks.. I haet it, I hate it... I hate my life! If I could change just my last fucking name life would be so easy. You know I hated it to see my Dad lose his dream... but at the same time it was what I desperately wished for. Coz I have had enough of being judged by his name. I am my own person. Bitch or not.
[CENSORED] says:
dont say such things to urself you may have been a bitch but you are all changed now
Thank you very much for the kind words. :/ Fuck you.
'You said go slow, I fall behind... the second hand unwinds... if your lost and you look, you'll find me...time after time... if you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting... time after time'
I'm falling... and I end up crashing... I'm waiting, and all I find is... wasted time...
I haven't blogged coz I been cuntry hopping again.. back and forth from Malay and Thailand... I now am starting to hate, hate aeroplanes.
Only happy thing I've seen all day ->
http://img.tapuz.co.il/forums/8572800.swf
Hope it makes you smile... cheerios.
10 reasons as to why I am a freak...or what makes me me...
|
10. If I begin to clean something, examply washing the dishs, I can't stop and I will go on to clean the entire block while I'm at it...
9. I have commitment phobia and emotion-expressing defects... I am terrified of the 'L word'
8. I used to wanna be a radio DJ when I was a kid... so I have lots of wierd facts about music/musicians floating in my had that is just insane, infact when I randomly think out loud they find the whole recording thing rather scary...
7.I used to clean my ears so much that they bled...
6. I am a crap liar and I can't make up a decent excuses to save my ass either.
5.If it was legal, I swear I would marry my guitar...
4.I don't act like it but I have a photographic memory, for example if someone comes in who's like ma ex, and I remember every moment... almost... and have constant flashbaks even if I am over him/her.
3. They say I'm a picky eater but the truth is I just liked eating slowly and , you know I like thinking when I eat... so I eat bajiyaa ge kanthah... and stuff :) (yes picky-eater in denial!)
2.I get along best with other wierdo, crazed, psycho peoples... just like me. And 5 year olds.
1.I blog about my life.
9. I have commitment phobia and emotion-expressing defects... I am terrified of the 'L word'
8. I used to wanna be a radio DJ when I was a kid... so I have lots of wierd facts about music/musicians floating in my had that is just insane, infact when I randomly think out loud they find the whole recording thing rather scary...
7.I used to clean my ears so much that they bled...
6. I am a crap liar and I can't make up a decent excuses to save my ass either.
5.If it was legal, I swear I would marry my guitar...
4.I don't act like it but I have a photographic memory, for example if someone comes in who's like ma ex, and I remember every moment... almost... and have constant flashbaks even if I am over him/her.
3. They say I'm a picky eater but the truth is I just liked eating slowly and , you know I like thinking when I eat... so I eat bajiyaa ge kanthah... and stuff :) (yes picky-eater in denial!)
2.I get along best with other wierdo, crazed, psycho peoples... just like me. And 5 year olds.
1.I blog about my life.
My Lil Analysis Of Speech
|
Still on the subject of people.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Now I've said that a lot. And EVERYBODY claims to be aware of this little fact of life. So why can't ANYBODY adhere to it?
Sigh...
Recently, some one assumed that he/she/it/ (hereby referred to as 'A') is the only person in the world with feelings. Anyway, A... is also assuming that the other person (herein referred to as 'B' - gosh I love all this technical jargon!) is playing A, and A thinks so because A has always been hurt in the past. A fails to see that B does care about A but A is making the situation too complex for B to understand, or live with. As it is there are plenty of technical complications with the A-B combination and B is willing to overlook this but, A is just making this tough on B. B doesn't blame A entirely infact B knows that B is perhaps... a little harsh... but there are other people, and other things B needs to take into consideration as well... B wishes A all the best and really, honestly cares about A, but knows there is no way under the sun A will ever believe B. Yes, B is assuming such, ironically.
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
and i pissed u off ?
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
how ?
(2:52 AM) 'PERSON B':
figure it out..., anyway...
These two cannot communicate I guess. Doesn't really mean they don't care. Atleast,I know B does. But if they are already on frayed ropes, god knows what the future will bring. Damn... Don't you wish you could just make people see?
Such is life.
You suck. I suck. Everybody sucks.
Okay... okay... okay...
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON C':
its like out of sight, out of mind right?
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON D':
u cant hear from me.. ---> (am paraphrasing now but 'D' goes on to say, he's been very busy and by the way it's a legimate excuse)
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON C':
yeah the trouble is i understand.. but i do not want to
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
well.. u need to accept that this is just me anyway
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna try too hard to keep contact wityh people once they r out of sight
(3:20 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna b the one feeling hurt when others forget about me
Is it me... or is there a bad communication link here? Coz C is clearly pretty upset, and D is not really understanding extents. Anyway, why should any one complain... atleast C and D are on speaking terms.
And more, though by now every one is sure to have gotten bored of this blog. I should really let monkey handle it... I have a 'feeling' it's more popular that way. Lol.
'PERSON E' says:
i don know why......but i feel like ur avoiding me
'PERSON E' says:
'PERSON F' says:
aha!
'PERSON F' says:
a lot of people have been asking me that question tonight.
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON E' says:
hmmmmm
'PERSON E' says:
well
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
and by the way, no.
Another beautiful assumption. I give up.
By the way 'B' , 'C' and 'F' are the same person. Guess who? :P
*I know you've guessed. Three claps for me being smart and a hefty punch on ya back because you're a frigging genius... hurray!*
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Now I've said that a lot. And EVERYBODY claims to be aware of this little fact of life. So why can't ANYBODY adhere to it?
Sigh...
Recently, some one assumed that he/she/it/ (hereby referred to as 'A') is the only person in the world with feelings. Anyway, A... is also assuming that the other person (herein referred to as 'B' - gosh I love all this technical jargon!) is playing A, and A thinks so because A has always been hurt in the past. A fails to see that B does care about A but A is making the situation too complex for B to understand, or live with. As it is there are plenty of technical complications with the A-B combination and B is willing to overlook this but, A is just making this tough on B. B doesn't blame A entirely infact B knows that B is perhaps... a little harsh... but there are other people, and other things B needs to take into consideration as well... B wishes A all the best and really, honestly cares about A, but knows there is no way under the sun A will ever believe B. Yes, B is assuming such, ironically.
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
and i pissed u off ?
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
how ?
(2:52 AM) 'PERSON B':
figure it out..., anyway...
These two cannot communicate I guess. Doesn't really mean they don't care. Atleast,I know B does. But if they are already on frayed ropes, god knows what the future will bring. Damn... Don't you wish you could just make people see?
Such is life.
You suck. I suck. Everybody sucks.
Okay... okay... okay...
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON C':
its like out of sight, out of mind right?
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON D':
u cant hear from me.. ---> (am paraphrasing now but 'D' goes on to say, he's been very busy and by the way it's a legimate excuse)
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON C':
yeah the trouble is i understand.. but i do not want to
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
well.. u need to accept that this is just me anyway
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna try too hard to keep contact wityh people once they r out of sight
(3:20 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna b the one feeling hurt when others forget about me
Is it me... or is there a bad communication link here? Coz C is clearly pretty upset, and D is not really understanding extents. Anyway, why should any one complain... atleast C and D are on speaking terms.
And more, though by now every one is sure to have gotten bored of this blog. I should really let monkey handle it... I have a 'feeling' it's more popular that way. Lol.
'PERSON E' says:
i don know why......but i feel like ur avoiding me
'PERSON E' says:
'PERSON F' says:
aha!
'PERSON F' says:
a lot of people have been asking me that question tonight.
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON E' says:
hmmmmm
'PERSON E' says:
well
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
and by the way, no.
Another beautiful assumption. I give up.
By the way 'B' , 'C' and 'F' are the same person. Guess who? :P
*I know you've guessed. Three claps for me being smart and a hefty punch on ya back because you're a frigging genius... hurray!*
The Geek VS The Gadda Geek
|
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
What, tell me is the point of posting people's pictures on the internet?
You're thinking oh right, another pissed off victim throwing a temper tantrum.
Well guess what, you're bloody well right. And I have every right under the fucking bloody sun to get pissed off, so fuck off aite?
It's nobody's business what the hell I do, where the hell I go, or what the fuck I wear. I will do bloody well as I please, so why won't the entire society mind their own fucking business and grow up?
Certain websites serve as a reminder of the loosers in society with nothing better to, nothing to loose or gain ... and no sense of achievement in life. I wonder what they will think of themselves in 10 years, with children to look up to them.... Or perhaps, look down on them?
Useless good for nothing bastards who post pics of every chick who had the sense to dump them. Or, more likely to refuse to go out with the idiots in the first place. Revenge? Vengence? Bloody childishness.
I would be perfectly content chopping off their dicks, then skinning the rest of their bodies, slice their balls, stirfry these seperately and feed it to them with chillie and garlic sauce, pour petrol on these maniacs, and set them on fire, roasting while staring into the face of every one of their 'victims'. Then flush the ashes down my toilet after a nice comfy bog :/
I'm not insane.
You push the women into these things... you force them to believe that is how they will be loved... you men, you condemn them to household slaves, or petty work officers... the successful ones in jobs you ridicule... and you make them believe sex is the only way they can earn anything... which is all to your comfort of course... the more women you can convert into miniskirts, the better for all as a whole...
And the worse part is how you can at the end of the day, expose them just to amuse yourself.
You think you are the only people who have the right to experiment, to make mistakes. The more you get laid the better for your reputation... but murder every woman who enjoys life? Craxy is what you are, heartless and narrowminded. So very typical.
I can see your geeky little face smiling gleefully, pervetedly at the picture of your long time crush who sees no point in wasting time with a good for nothing cyber sex dependant existence like your self, who is not doing any work other than uploading illegal pornography. Need I remind you that under 18 IS A CHILD? Women go for men who can support them emotionally and physically, financially provide for their possible offspring. This is natural. Live with it.
It is as real as how men (or atleast decent men) have the instinct to provide for their own, build their own future, and protect those they love that are vulnerable to danger, ie. more than themselves.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that woman are all holy, in fact it is very rare I argue their case... but hell yeah... what you do to your ex girlfriends is pitiful.
I, have a torrent of such people who hate me, for these pathetic reasons (allegedly...) and it is ratehr depressing to think that there are a varietyof people responsible for why lil ol me sipping a coffee, should be zoomed up and posted. Do I not have the right to drink coffee or something? Shame.
Sometimes, you wonder... how every one is labelled a slut, yet it is only some who are photographed. Idiots, don't you wonder that perhaps it is all a lie? Everyone should stop acting like it is only a portion of the population who indulge in such activity coz I donno anyone who doesn't. Some still in denial. But it decreases with day.
Seeing that moralistic value is dead,why not all just shut up and keep their noses out of other peoples lives.
Every time I access such sites (what a waste of time anyway) I succeed only in annoying myself. I pity everyone who accesses them.
I know a man who photographed and posted pictures of his own wife, and boasted about it in public. This supposed holy man was soon divorced. Congratulations to the smart, strong woman who found it in her to divorce the man, she clearly loved when married. And may that fucker burn in hell. Of course the lady's intelligence is questionable in that she wed him in the first place. But these Maldivian men are so, so, so very persuasive aren't they.
This number distibution and email on sale business is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't hav emuch hope for it stopping, but I have to say I despise such things. Do the youth have nothing to do but what is involved with the opposite sex? You know I blame the government for not accomplishing anything in this area. And I blame the parents for not teaching their sons to respect women, and not teaching their daughters that they are more than just a sexual object. I hate every man who agrees with me just to get into my pants.
Oh god. It's like a useless maze with absolutely no way out. Coz there are always gonna be some people like that right? But why do we give such people so much power? Is it not possible to instill some sort of virtue and mutual respect?
Yeah I know, life's a bitch, fuck it.. but its just... irritating and tear-my-hair-out frustrating.
I hate people. They always disappoint me.
What, tell me is the point of posting people's pictures on the internet?
You're thinking oh right, another pissed off victim throwing a temper tantrum.
Well guess what, you're bloody well right. And I have every right under the fucking bloody sun to get pissed off, so fuck off aite?
It's nobody's business what the hell I do, where the hell I go, or what the fuck I wear. I will do bloody well as I please, so why won't the entire society mind their own fucking business and grow up?
Certain websites serve as a reminder of the loosers in society with nothing better to, nothing to loose or gain ... and no sense of achievement in life. I wonder what they will think of themselves in 10 years, with children to look up to them.... Or perhaps, look down on them?
Useless good for nothing bastards who post pics of every chick who had the sense to dump them. Or, more likely to refuse to go out with the idiots in the first place. Revenge? Vengence? Bloody childishness.
I would be perfectly content chopping off their dicks, then skinning the rest of their bodies, slice their balls, stirfry these seperately and feed it to them with chillie and garlic sauce, pour petrol on these maniacs, and set them on fire, roasting while staring into the face of every one of their 'victims'. Then flush the ashes down my toilet after a nice comfy bog :/
I'm not insane.
You push the women into these things... you force them to believe that is how they will be loved... you men, you condemn them to household slaves, or petty work officers... the successful ones in jobs you ridicule... and you make them believe sex is the only way they can earn anything... which is all to your comfort of course... the more women you can convert into miniskirts, the better for all as a whole...
And the worse part is how you can at the end of the day, expose them just to amuse yourself.
You think you are the only people who have the right to experiment, to make mistakes. The more you get laid the better for your reputation... but murder every woman who enjoys life? Craxy is what you are, heartless and narrowminded. So very typical.
I can see your geeky little face smiling gleefully, pervetedly at the picture of your long time crush who sees no point in wasting time with a good for nothing cyber sex dependant existence like your self, who is not doing any work other than uploading illegal pornography. Need I remind you that under 18 IS A CHILD? Women go for men who can support them emotionally and physically, financially provide for their possible offspring. This is natural. Live with it.
It is as real as how men (or atleast decent men) have the instinct to provide for their own, build their own future, and protect those they love that are vulnerable to danger, ie. more than themselves.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that woman are all holy, in fact it is very rare I argue their case... but hell yeah... what you do to your ex girlfriends is pitiful.
I, have a torrent of such people who hate me, for these pathetic reasons (allegedly...) and it is ratehr depressing to think that there are a varietyof people responsible for why lil ol me sipping a coffee, should be zoomed up and posted. Do I not have the right to drink coffee or something? Shame.
Sometimes, you wonder... how every one is labelled a slut, yet it is only some who are photographed. Idiots, don't you wonder that perhaps it is all a lie? Everyone should stop acting like it is only a portion of the population who indulge in such activity coz I donno anyone who doesn't. Some still in denial. But it decreases with day.
Seeing that moralistic value is dead,why not all just shut up and keep their noses out of other peoples lives.
Every time I access such sites (what a waste of time anyway) I succeed only in annoying myself. I pity everyone who accesses them.
I know a man who photographed and posted pictures of his own wife, and boasted about it in public. This supposed holy man was soon divorced. Congratulations to the smart, strong woman who found it in her to divorce the man, she clearly loved when married. And may that fucker burn in hell. Of course the lady's intelligence is questionable in that she wed him in the first place. But these Maldivian men are so, so, so very persuasive aren't they.
This number distibution and email on sale business is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't hav emuch hope for it stopping, but I have to say I despise such things. Do the youth have nothing to do but what is involved with the opposite sex? You know I blame the government for not accomplishing anything in this area. And I blame the parents for not teaching their sons to respect women, and not teaching their daughters that they are more than just a sexual object. I hate every man who agrees with me just to get into my pants.
Oh god. It's like a useless maze with absolutely no way out. Coz there are always gonna be some people like that right? But why do we give such people so much power? Is it not possible to instill some sort of virtue and mutual respect?
Yeah I know, life's a bitch, fuck it.. but its just... irritating and tear-my-hair-out frustrating.
I hate people. They always disappoint me.
Another really lobi song...
|
My lil bro did another song about me am sooo touched... seriously... and it's not just my ego talking... asluves... and he is soo talented too... scary how he sees me so well... I'm suc a bad role model... but I hope only the best for YOU dude, sorry if I seem a bit annoying at times... Luv u lots!
Btw... why don't you blog... I'll link you up to mine...
Happy On The Outside - By Monkey
Verse 1:
She sits there crying for a while,
When its time she finds the courage to put on a smile,
She seems happy on the outside,
What really matters is what’s inside,
Although what you see on the inside most people despise.
Cause really her heart is bleeding,
The tears are pouring,
She can’t walk, she’s crawling.
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 2:
She thinks about her past, every single day,
The painful memories, just don’t fade away,
She just wants to go into a corner and cry,
Tired of asking the question why.
She’s going through a hard time she needs some space,
But I really miss seeing your face,
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 3:
I don’t know what she’s feeling now,
Just wish she could tell me somehow,
But I know that she will be a friend of mine,
And I’ll always have her in my mind.
She’s the one I look up to and adore.
The one I talk to when I just don’t know.
Reliable as ever, I’ll be here for her forever.
Ending Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside,
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
But now at the end of the ride she has a smile on her face,
Out of pure happiness in her case
Btw... why don't you blog... I'll link you up to mine...
Happy On The Outside - By Monkey
Verse 1:
She sits there crying for a while,
When its time she finds the courage to put on a smile,
She seems happy on the outside,
What really matters is what’s inside,
Although what you see on the inside most people despise.
Cause really her heart is bleeding,
The tears are pouring,
She can’t walk, she’s crawling.
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 2:
She thinks about her past, every single day,
The painful memories, just don’t fade away,
She just wants to go into a corner and cry,
Tired of asking the question why.
She’s going through a hard time she needs some space,
But I really miss seeing your face,
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 3:
I don’t know what she’s feeling now,
Just wish she could tell me somehow,
But I know that she will be a friend of mine,
And I’ll always have her in my mind.
She’s the one I look up to and adore.
The one I talk to when I just don’t know.
Reliable as ever, I’ll be here for her forever.
Ending Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside,
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
But now at the end of the ride she has a smile on her face,
Out of pure happiness in her case
Today is gonna be the day... or not.
|
I did this wierd personality foward mail today.... yes macha, this is called boredom. It's strikes late, late at night...
So I had to arrange animals... which represent priority... this is what I said, and my result...
Tiger (Pride)
Horse (Family)
Cow (Career)
Sheep (Love)
Pig (Money)
Then I had to write a word for every animal... which represented the thing in the brackets...
Dog Faithful (My personality)
Cat Sexy (Partner's personality)
Rat Smart (Enemies personality)
Coffee Social Activity (How I see sex)
Sea Relax (How I live my life)
I have to associate colours with friends who the colours remind me of... (since I can't write names, I use nicks and related shit)
Yellow (Never forget) 'the artistic girl' --> reason: fav clr
Orange (True friend) 'finihaka' --> reason: teases me abt my previous house clr
Red (Person I love a lot) 'my twin bo/chompy' --> reason: previously majeedhiya dept. band leader
White (Twin Soul) 'human mop' --> reason: likes contrasting clrs, wears white tee
Green (Remember for the rest of my life) 'auntie & monkey' --> one is gardner, other I re-united with thru msn, the messenger guy is green...
So this idiotic thing came up with some bullshit and some funny, and some close to truth answers...
Then it ended off with forward to 13 (fav number) and wish will come true on Thursday (fav day of the week) *sigh* it's amusing yes, but what is the point of this nonsense? Why does it have such a loyal following??? Is everyone that desperate for that ONE thing to come true?
Oh well, distracted me, and occupied my mind for a while therefore, served purpose... for me.
Life is good, and I hope it stays so althoguh change is inevitable obviously. I'm neutral, and I like it. Must I be happy or sad? *sigh* I feel rather, worn out though. Work is interesting these days, I'm getting good stuff, or actually I finally started attending to what I was given only recently, and hooked up on a rather fascinating venture with some friends as well...
Now to paint and brush up my music skills as well. Quite the creative girl aren't I? *grins* reading is nice as well... 'le almond' and 'like water for chocolate' ninmaalaigen mi ulheny... obinoavey, but rather um... 'feminist' in a way... not defaming men AT ALL... but viewing men as sex objects! Therefore, hes kiyaafa salhi.
Weather forecast for tomorrow is no clouds and no rain. For the day that we got horoscopic-casts... (that were actually true) aadhey, lafaa kureveygothugai maadhamaa endhumathy alheyne, dhanvaru vagah nukunna iru bandharumathee saafu... (sensaru!)
So I had to arrange animals... which represent priority... this is what I said, and my result...
Tiger (Pride)
Horse (Family)
Cow (Career)
Sheep (Love)
Pig (Money)
Then I had to write a word for every animal... which represented the thing in the brackets...
Dog Faithful (My personality)
Cat Sexy (Partner's personality)
Rat Smart (Enemies personality)
Coffee Social Activity (How I see sex)
Sea Relax (How I live my life)
I have to associate colours with friends who the colours remind me of... (since I can't write names, I use nicks and related shit)
Yellow (Never forget) 'the artistic girl' --> reason: fav clr
Orange (True friend) 'finihaka' --> reason: teases me abt my previous house clr
Red (Person I love a lot) 'my twin bo/chompy' --> reason: previously majeedhiya dept. band leader
White (Twin Soul) 'human mop' --> reason: likes contrasting clrs, wears white tee
Green (Remember for the rest of my life) 'auntie & monkey' --> one is gardner, other I re-united with thru msn, the messenger guy is green...
So this idiotic thing came up with some bullshit and some funny, and some close to truth answers...
Then it ended off with forward to 13 (fav number) and wish will come true on Thursday (fav day of the week) *sigh* it's amusing yes, but what is the point of this nonsense? Why does it have such a loyal following??? Is everyone that desperate for that ONE thing to come true?
Oh well, distracted me, and occupied my mind for a while therefore, served purpose... for me.
Life is good, and I hope it stays so althoguh change is inevitable obviously. I'm neutral, and I like it. Must I be happy or sad? *sigh* I feel rather, worn out though. Work is interesting these days, I'm getting good stuff, or actually I finally started attending to what I was given only recently, and hooked up on a rather fascinating venture with some friends as well...
Now to paint and brush up my music skills as well. Quite the creative girl aren't I? *grins* reading is nice as well... 'le almond' and 'like water for chocolate' ninmaalaigen mi ulheny... obinoavey, but rather um... 'feminist' in a way... not defaming men AT ALL... but viewing men as sex objects! Therefore, hes kiyaafa salhi.
Weather forecast for tomorrow is no clouds and no rain. For the day that we got horoscopic-casts... (that were actually true) aadhey, lafaa kureveygothugai maadhamaa endhumathy alheyne, dhanvaru vagah nukunna iru bandharumathee saafu... (sensaru!)
Y'all howdy...
|
I'm just posting something a 'kokko' of mine wrote, that I think is quite good. Am very proud of the dude... and a little bit is addressed to me (tears well up, tochu vee :) ) because I'd not been talking much and he figured I wasn't too happy (tho thweeth)...
So here it goes... BY MONKEY (not me)
(Its untitled as far as I know)
We’ve been through the struggle for survival,
Now that we finished the struggle we seem to have found a new rival.
Even more people see us as trouble,
They never see how hard our life is and our everyday struggle.
I remember it like yesterday,
Holding onto everything god gave may.
I know the struggle won’t stop today,
Most of the people are being tortured or locked away.
Guess this proves that life just aint fair.Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
They try to cause you chaos and pain,
Some of us have been tortured so much they seem to be starting to loose their brain,
People seem to always be showing affection,
But secretly they’re thinking of ways to cause you more pain and destruction.
Life just seems to get complicated with everyday drama,And the people I love seem to just get lost in their sorrow and trauma.No matter how many times we say bye,I still remember that little tear trickling down your left eye.However I’m not going to let the stress get to me to make me feel rotten,I thought id write another poem see if I was remembered or forgotten.I felt like my whole world was spinning and spilling,I was on ma knees thinking that god wasn’t willing,Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
Sometimes the pain they feel seems so symbolic.Only way to forget that sort of pain would be to take a strong narcotic,
Just forget about all the bad decisions,stand tall don’t fall, instead stand strong like a phoenix that has risen.Show them all that you can’t be kept a prisoner in this emotionally distraught prison,Hold on to your dream,
Don’t ever let the hate that people bestow on to you lower your self-esteem.
So here it goes... BY MONKEY (not me)
(Its untitled as far as I know)
We’ve been through the struggle for survival,
Now that we finished the struggle we seem to have found a new rival.
Even more people see us as trouble,
They never see how hard our life is and our everyday struggle.
I remember it like yesterday,
Holding onto everything god gave may.
I know the struggle won’t stop today,
Most of the people are being tortured or locked away.
Guess this proves that life just aint fair.Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
They try to cause you chaos and pain,
Some of us have been tortured so much they seem to be starting to loose their brain,
People seem to always be showing affection,
But secretly they’re thinking of ways to cause you more pain and destruction.
Life just seems to get complicated with everyday drama,And the people I love seem to just get lost in their sorrow and trauma.No matter how many times we say bye,I still remember that little tear trickling down your left eye.However I’m not going to let the stress get to me to make me feel rotten,I thought id write another poem see if I was remembered or forgotten.I felt like my whole world was spinning and spilling,I was on ma knees thinking that god wasn’t willing,Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
Sometimes the pain they feel seems so symbolic.Only way to forget that sort of pain would be to take a strong narcotic,
Just forget about all the bad decisions,stand tall don’t fall, instead stand strong like a phoenix that has risen.Show them all that you can’t be kept a prisoner in this emotionally distraught prison,Hold on to your dream,
Don’t ever let the hate that people bestow on to you lower your self-esteem.
You told me so.
|
Maybe you are right. Maybe I do enjoy suffering. Maybe that is why I always land up in these horrible situations. Maybe I do severe any ties to normalcy.
The world is too complex for someone as stupid as I am. Maybe.
Yeah... I know, I should just give up right? It's not like anyone would give a damn anyway. Looser talk? *Suprise suprise* .... so maybe I am one.
But, I don't need you or anyone else. Maybe I do, fine. Ekamu I don't want anyone.
I really hate waking up every day. Reminds me that I'm still breathing.
Sorry if this pisses anyone off. But yeah. It's life. And by the way, this has nothing to do with 'anyone'. It is all me, and me, and me.
I think, no wait, I know that life sucks. Been sucking since day one. Like certain 'philosophers' have dictated - it's because I deserve it. Because I am a regular sinning bitch like the rest of them. Nothign new.
Sometimes, you find little reasons to keep you going, then after a while like everything good in life, it goes away... or moves out of reach. Then you lapse back into who you really are. What you are actually worth. And let go the illusion of everything more.
Because, beauty and happiness and all these nice things... they are just a dream.
The world is too complex for someone as stupid as I am. Maybe.
Yeah... I know, I should just give up right? It's not like anyone would give a damn anyway. Looser talk? *Suprise suprise* .... so maybe I am one.
But, I don't need you or anyone else. Maybe I do, fine. Ekamu I don't want anyone.
I really hate waking up every day. Reminds me that I'm still breathing.
Sorry if this pisses anyone off. But yeah. It's life. And by the way, this has nothing to do with 'anyone'. It is all me, and me, and me.
I think, no wait, I know that life sucks. Been sucking since day one. Like certain 'philosophers' have dictated - it's because I deserve it. Because I am a regular sinning bitch like the rest of them. Nothign new.
Sometimes, you find little reasons to keep you going, then after a while like everything good in life, it goes away... or moves out of reach. Then you lapse back into who you really are. What you are actually worth. And let go the illusion of everything more.
Because, beauty and happiness and all these nice things... they are just a dream.
|
I have a wierd habit of scribbling down random thoughts on the lil throw up paper bag on the airplane... after all, my words are just the vomit that's churned up by my bubbling insides often due to very acidic circumstances. (So my prose aint exactly Shakespeare. Sue me :P *ima gonna have a law degree soon to put ur lil mouth where it belongs -which is my lil, sadly not prominent, butt!*)
So todays lil barf choked up the following points... which I will go on and elaborate...
1. Travelling alone sucks. But you meet very interesting people when you're alone. And I don't mean in your head either.
2. Ever watched the movie 'Just myluck' starring some guy and Lind-slut Lohan? I am the one with the constant horrible luck. Everything that can go wrong does, all too often, go wrong. And I hate Emirates with a passion now.
3.It's fascinating how a 8 month friendship can transform into a 20 year marriage... rather freaky...
4.Two books to be read - Like Water For Chocolate and LeHazel (The Hazel) ...absolutely brilliant... audacious... beautiful prose, a plot that draws you in, gorgeously flawed characters... shocking but the marks of true writers - incredibly honest.
5.You realise how scarred you are only when you actually dare step into the light...
Well the first one was about the first bit of my journey... sat next to an old fart who talked too much and stank... but on the other hand met nice dude in um... the smoky section of the airport...
The next one refers to the fact that I forgot to give my roomie the gifts I meant to give her... :/ and I was feeling sucky about leaving my bum buddies behind (do not assume I meant that statement literally in some twisted sort of way) and I lost my faithful lappie (laptop not lassie or some wierd porno abbreviation either) in Heathrow and got delayed over 2 hours there as well during which time my not so faithful ipod went dead and my phone was fainting...
FINALLY got to Dubai after hellishly turbulent ride, and same all the way to Male' where after an hour (AN HOUR) of deliberation they decide to dump me in Lanka. *grief stricken at the memory* After 3 horus of filling sooo many forms and faxing it to various continents as well as listen to some idiot go on about how they are trying to 'assess the situation' (what the fuck is there to assess, you can't land, I am in Sri Lanka and I am hungry enough to eat you raw! -- do something??) ... finally they give me a room in a nice hotel and I am allowed to relax a bit... which was ok though, I chatted to a few friends.. and even met up with someone
:>
Still, I miss my lappie terribly... and I NEED my undies :( (Not that I haven't any here but I miss my favourite thongs! Do empathise... )
The third lil rather sentimental bitsy is referring to a loabi friend of mine... one of my best friends that I love very much... and how tripping over to this person's home and effectively 'living together' made me forget how life was without this person... seems like I've known this person foreverrrrrrrrrr... and I know (and love) this friends faults and strengths... the other day we were on the bus deliberating over what I would cook for dinner and what stuff we had in the fridge and the domestic convo led to jokes about being 'married' lolx... we fight, you've pissed the hell outta me... and I the same... but... effectively 'we're cool' and 'wai wuv wvu'.
Miss you Nivea! Take care of our baby *guitar*... she needs a nappy *string* change...
Number 4 is self-explanatory.
The next one is rather deep I should say.... I was staring out the lil peephole they call an aeroplane window and dreamily fantasizing about stepping out on those clouds and rewriting the whole of Aladdin's magic carpet ride in 'A whole new world' (my fav cartoon btw) in such a way that would mist up all these lil glass oval window type thingies. o:>
*ANYWAY*
I started to think about... the hearts I've broken... the one that in its breaking, splintered mine as well... and then I started treating other hearts rather delicately, gently even... but only to have mine shattered again and again.. I've tried hard not to turn into a sour old lady, a cynic blind to how beautiful life can be...but I see myself slipping back into such an abyss more and more everyday.
I don't want a relationship. I don't want to fall in love every again. I promise you I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening. No, am not going to deprive my mother of grandchildren *smiles* and another son (why she would want another of 'those' is beyond me though *giggle*) but to love... is to put oneself in harms way...
I don't know... but... hopefully someday I'll be able to just push everything aside and marry some nutter off the road that Mom likes. (and hopefully Dad hates - shouldn't be too hard either *evil chuckle*)
I give up on trusting people. I didn't think things had bothered me this much... but I guess they have... being the bitch is so much easier... it was all a loosing battle anyway... It's not one person's fault I've gone on love strike... the last blow was just the falling brick from my already wobbly pile...
When someone points out I've been cold.. do I evaluate myself... and realise how much I've already hardened up... anyway, some people might think it's a good thing, but personally I've always thought the world's a happier place when you don't hate it... then again, you can't lie to yourself forever...
On a final note : Ville Valo is very hot and I have rekindled a previous addiction for HIM. A kid who grows up with parents who own sex shop, this finnish dude being bisexual and totally flamboyant does not surprise me in the very least... seems an interesting character too...
I'm bored. And bored. And slightly nuts. Sorry for any inconvinience caused.
So todays lil barf choked up the following points... which I will go on and elaborate...
1. Travelling alone sucks. But you meet very interesting people when you're alone. And I don't mean in your head either.
2. Ever watched the movie 'Just myluck' starring some guy and Lind-slut Lohan? I am the one with the constant horrible luck. Everything that can go wrong does, all too often, go wrong. And I hate Emirates with a passion now.
3.It's fascinating how a 8 month friendship can transform into a 20 year marriage... rather freaky...
4.Two books to be read - Like Water For Chocolate and LeHazel (The Hazel) ...absolutely brilliant... audacious... beautiful prose, a plot that draws you in, gorgeously flawed characters... shocking but the marks of true writers - incredibly honest.
5.You realise how scarred you are only when you actually dare step into the light...
Well the first one was about the first bit of my journey... sat next to an old fart who talked too much and stank... but on the other hand met nice dude in um... the smoky section of the airport...
The next one refers to the fact that I forgot to give my roomie the gifts I meant to give her... :/ and I was feeling sucky about leaving my bum buddies behind (do not assume I meant that statement literally in some twisted sort of way) and I lost my faithful lappie (laptop not lassie or some wierd porno abbreviation either) in Heathrow and got delayed over 2 hours there as well during which time my not so faithful ipod went dead and my phone was fainting...
FINALLY got to Dubai after hellishly turbulent ride, and same all the way to Male' where after an hour (AN HOUR) of deliberation they decide to dump me in Lanka. *grief stricken at the memory* After 3 horus of filling sooo many forms and faxing it to various continents as well as listen to some idiot go on about how they are trying to 'assess the situation' (what the fuck is there to assess, you can't land, I am in Sri Lanka and I am hungry enough to eat you raw! -- do something??) ... finally they give me a room in a nice hotel and I am allowed to relax a bit... which was ok though, I chatted to a few friends.. and even met up with someone
:>
Still, I miss my lappie terribly... and I NEED my undies :( (Not that I haven't any here but I miss my favourite thongs! Do empathise... )
The third lil rather sentimental bitsy is referring to a loabi friend of mine... one of my best friends that I love very much... and how tripping over to this person's home and effectively 'living together' made me forget how life was without this person... seems like I've known this person foreverrrrrrrrrr... and I know (and love) this friends faults and strengths... the other day we were on the bus deliberating over what I would cook for dinner and what stuff we had in the fridge and the domestic convo led to jokes about being 'married' lolx... we fight, you've pissed the hell outta me... and I the same... but... effectively 'we're cool' and 'wai wuv wvu'.
Miss you Nivea! Take care of our baby *guitar*... she needs a nappy *string* change...
Number 4 is self-explanatory.
The next one is rather deep I should say.... I was staring out the lil peephole they call an aeroplane window and dreamily fantasizing about stepping out on those clouds and rewriting the whole of Aladdin's magic carpet ride in 'A whole new world' (my fav cartoon btw) in such a way that would mist up all these lil glass oval window type thingies. o:>
*ANYWAY*
I started to think about... the hearts I've broken... the one that in its breaking, splintered mine as well... and then I started treating other hearts rather delicately, gently even... but only to have mine shattered again and again.. I've tried hard not to turn into a sour old lady, a cynic blind to how beautiful life can be...but I see myself slipping back into such an abyss more and more everyday.
I don't want a relationship. I don't want to fall in love every again. I promise you I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening. No, am not going to deprive my mother of grandchildren *smiles* and another son (why she would want another of 'those' is beyond me though *giggle*) but to love... is to put oneself in harms way...
I don't know... but... hopefully someday I'll be able to just push everything aside and marry some nutter off the road that Mom likes. (and hopefully Dad hates - shouldn't be too hard either *evil chuckle*)
I give up on trusting people. I didn't think things had bothered me this much... but I guess they have... being the bitch is so much easier... it was all a loosing battle anyway... It's not one person's fault I've gone on love strike... the last blow was just the falling brick from my already wobbly pile...
When someone points out I've been cold.. do I evaluate myself... and realise how much I've already hardened up... anyway, some people might think it's a good thing, but personally I've always thought the world's a happier place when you don't hate it... then again, you can't lie to yourself forever...
On a final note : Ville Valo is very hot and I have rekindled a previous addiction for HIM. A kid who grows up with parents who own sex shop, this finnish dude being bisexual and totally flamboyant does not surprise me in the very least... seems an interesting character too...
I'm bored. And bored. And slightly nuts. Sorry for any inconvinience caused.
Finihaka
|
We've been fighting like cats and dogs lately, or rather, snakes and cows... or gumballs...
Just wanna say... I miss us being us... I love you loads... I know you only mean well for me... And that is what wish for you too...
I know you don't particularly like the men in my life... but we have the right to make mistakes. I reserve the right to give whoever I want a second chance whether he/she/it/they want it or not...
I don't always approve of the men in your life, so... gimme a break...
<:
All in all, forgive me for loosing my temper... I don't have anyone who comes close to you, in my life... and I don't wanna loose you over stupid bullshit...
Babes, you are my chapter 2. I need you.
You might be slow... ;) but you are the best...
*hugs and kisses*
Be your brave, calm, smiling self forever. I rely on you.
And I remind you, you are beautiful inside and outside, and genuine and you have a unique soul. You deserve the best in life, so don't settle for anthing less.
I am always here for you.
Eternal thanks for everything.
Mwahz
Eyaik.
|
Packing is a violent business. I'm bruised all over.
Cry fest on campus. Bye bye to some of the wackiest, funnest, sweetest girls I've ever been fortunate enough to meet. Depression sets in...
Life is a joke. I flew a fourteen hour trip to Europe to get documents that were already in Male' *sigh*
Not that I'm complaining. Shopping spree in London, Whipeeeee!
Broke though
*hmph*
There's something about UK and the large stretches of land and the whole freedom aspect of things that really makes me want to write very, very much...
Or it might be the hours of travelling.
Beats me.
Oh well, off to enjoy the present. Adios amigos...
Cry fest on campus. Bye bye to some of the wackiest, funnest, sweetest girls I've ever been fortunate enough to meet. Depression sets in...
Life is a joke. I flew a fourteen hour trip to Europe to get documents that were already in Male' *sigh*
Not that I'm complaining. Shopping spree in London, Whipeeeee!
Broke though
*hmph*
There's something about UK and the large stretches of land and the whole freedom aspect of things that really makes me want to write very, very much...
Or it might be the hours of travelling.
Beats me.
Oh well, off to enjoy the present. Adios amigos...
Talk about killing the dream...
|
Same man...
*sigh*
WHAT a disappointment...
I'm going to move on to greener pastures now... forget the past... oh damn where the fuck is my chocolate! Caffeine needed... system 'error' 'error' 'error'....
Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiiiiiii!
Speech Bubble...
|
We had a fascinating discussion aka debate today at a friend's place. What is the weaker sex... is female really the deadlier of the species... ?
In the end, we come to the same old conclusion but our personal views didn't really change very much. But there were excellent points made, and it was good dinner time, or rather mid-night snack, conversation.
It's funny you know, how it's easier for a women to fall in love or rather convince herself that she is in love but it takes a lot more convincing for a man but in long term women move on much, much easier than men. Hmmm well women have a higher pain threshold than men both physically as well as psychologically (don't you dare argue, we give birth don't we?)
It's not anhenun firihenun felun or being money crazed really dho... women do look for a man who can support her especially financially, where men normally seek support because they intend to (atleast initially) make and build a future on their own... applies to the most independant woman, and is best accepted don't you think.
Women complain forever that they have to take care of their men but there is a direct pleasure they derive from being able to leave him satisfied... sexually, emotionally and when it comes to their daily chores as well.
I heard quite a few young married couples complain about not having enough time to spend with each other tonight, and kept thinking how a child would affect their lives.The main thing was like the women keep saying that the guys come home at night only for sex... So as far as babies go, the men claim it'd keep the wife distracted from calling them home every 5 minutes, and the wives say the man wouldn't have time for a child anyway. All in all, I decided I don't want to get married in the next 5 years and as much as I adore kids, I'd delay that till I'm sure the relationship will survive through it...
You know, I think I'd like the guy around when I give birth though, just to see how much of a big deal it is... a natural birth yet... :> pakaaaas, needs to be a brave, brave guy obviously... *rofl* gonna be hard to find...
Dhen alhefahe...the discussion in still going on here, and the talk is about exes... and some don't like their partners to be closer to exes. Trust ge massala ekoa thee is the counter argument to exes aa alun gulhen faseyha vaaney feeling friends aa same eh nuvaaney(balifayeko), and I say not everything is plain and logical in relationships and people have different insecurities, so there is no point of trying to justify every bloody thing.
Why relationships today? Coz I just pretty much circled out of a perfectly good one (possibility wise, nice guy etc) because plainly speaking nice guy wasn't enough... I know I would probably never fall in love with him, I need someone I can speak to and be myself with, on my own terms. It's not totally about him letting me do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be ... I can compromise it's fine... but I need passion to keep the interest flowing you know? Don't wanna end up hurting an innocent dude. I hope everyone else understands though...
It was going too fast, and I stopped myself before jumping into an abyss, only time can tell what happens next with him or anyone else. I am not biased towards a particular person, nor am I looking for any one necessarily... but if I go for a relationship I now, at this point of my life, it will because I am somewhat certain towards the relationship and a potential future.
Just for laughs --->
Passwords A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in, "p..e..n..i..s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer responded: "Not Long Enough"
Something fascinating a friend sent to me, do take the time to read this ... it's a fascinating perspective. Very George Orwell '1980'/'Animal Farm' sorta thingey...
http://www.file.sc/ad5f28/3%20little%20pigs.txt
In the end, we come to the same old conclusion but our personal views didn't really change very much. But there were excellent points made, and it was good dinner time, or rather mid-night snack, conversation.
It's funny you know, how it's easier for a women to fall in love or rather convince herself that she is in love but it takes a lot more convincing for a man but in long term women move on much, much easier than men. Hmmm well women have a higher pain threshold than men both physically as well as psychologically (don't you dare argue, we give birth don't we?)
It's not anhenun firihenun felun or being money crazed really dho... women do look for a man who can support her especially financially, where men normally seek support because they intend to (atleast initially) make and build a future on their own... applies to the most independant woman, and is best accepted don't you think.
Women complain forever that they have to take care of their men but there is a direct pleasure they derive from being able to leave him satisfied... sexually, emotionally and when it comes to their daily chores as well.
I heard quite a few young married couples complain about not having enough time to spend with each other tonight, and kept thinking how a child would affect their lives.The main thing was like the women keep saying that the guys come home at night only for sex... So as far as babies go, the men claim it'd keep the wife distracted from calling them home every 5 minutes, and the wives say the man wouldn't have time for a child anyway. All in all, I decided I don't want to get married in the next 5 years and as much as I adore kids, I'd delay that till I'm sure the relationship will survive through it...
You know, I think I'd like the guy around when I give birth though, just to see how much of a big deal it is... a natural birth yet... :> pakaaaas, needs to be a brave, brave guy obviously... *rofl* gonna be hard to find...
Dhen alhefahe...the discussion in still going on here, and the talk is about exes... and some don't like their partners to be closer to exes. Trust ge massala ekoa thee is the counter argument to exes aa alun gulhen faseyha vaaney feeling friends aa same eh nuvaaney(balifayeko), and I say not everything is plain and logical in relationships and people have different insecurities, so there is no point of trying to justify every bloody thing.
Why relationships today? Coz I just pretty much circled out of a perfectly good one (possibility wise, nice guy etc) because plainly speaking nice guy wasn't enough... I know I would probably never fall in love with him, I need someone I can speak to and be myself with, on my own terms. It's not totally about him letting me do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be ... I can compromise it's fine... but I need passion to keep the interest flowing you know? Don't wanna end up hurting an innocent dude. I hope everyone else understands though...
It was going too fast, and I stopped myself before jumping into an abyss, only time can tell what happens next with him or anyone else. I am not biased towards a particular person, nor am I looking for any one necessarily... but if I go for a relationship I now, at this point of my life, it will because I am somewhat certain towards the relationship and a potential future.
Just for laughs --->
Passwords A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in, "p..e..n..i..s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer responded: "Not Long Enough"
Something fascinating a friend sent to me, do take the time to read this ... it's a fascinating perspective. Very George Orwell '1980'/'Animal Farm' sorta thingey...
http://www.file.sc/ad5f28/3%20little%20pigs.txt
Snippet
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Summary of my current life...
(music and words are healing sources...)
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know
Why
Why
And I don't know
(music and words are healing sources...)
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know
Why
Why
And I don't know
Here a ? there a ? every where ?, ?
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Have you ever been in a position in life...where you're wondering, from all aspects whether you're doing the right thing? You hope you are, technically you are... but it's not quite what your heart wants? Since your heart has never been right (in your memory of how things work), you don't trust your own instincts... and you watch a lot of life slip by, stuck in the memory of what was and clinging to the sparkle of what could have been? When you mistake love for sympathy and need is prioritised higher than want, and you convince yourself that you are being sensible, responsible and mature... but are you?
Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of questions...
And then there is the dilemma of following your heart, and becoming the irresposible, irrational one... you do it because it will make you happy... but at what cost...
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too selfish?
I guess it's too far gone to be justifying anything I've done... but, I keep wondering whether all this hassle is worth it... should I just have gone along with everything? I know the reasons for that are logical... but... I know the counter argument is pretty valid too... I guess, I just... feel so bad... about making such a fuss over everything... makes me feel like a uncaring selfish brat...
One question... does bribing a friend to keep his mouth shut about something that will hurt someone I care about make me stupid if this secret is something that hurts me... and I have nothing to loose from it coming out... and everyone but me thinks the person I am protecting is just trying to screw me over but I believe him for reasons that are utterly illogical? Not that the other one (who is almost blackmailing me because I want him to shut up pretty bad) is any saint... quite the opposite...
Yes, yes. It does make me stupid. Our own stupidity is what seperates us from other mindless individuals I suppose. *sheepish attempt to laugh*
Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of questions...
And then there is the dilemma of following your heart, and becoming the irresposible, irrational one... you do it because it will make you happy... but at what cost...
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too selfish?
I guess it's too far gone to be justifying anything I've done... but, I keep wondering whether all this hassle is worth it... should I just have gone along with everything? I know the reasons for that are logical... but... I know the counter argument is pretty valid too... I guess, I just... feel so bad... about making such a fuss over everything... makes me feel like a uncaring selfish brat...
One question... does bribing a friend to keep his mouth shut about something that will hurt someone I care about make me stupid if this secret is something that hurts me... and I have nothing to loose from it coming out... and everyone but me thinks the person I am protecting is just trying to screw me over but I believe him for reasons that are utterly illogical? Not that the other one (who is almost blackmailing me because I want him to shut up pretty bad) is any saint... quite the opposite...
Yes, yes. It does make me stupid. Our own stupidity is what seperates us from other mindless individuals I suppose. *sheepish attempt to laugh*
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I've been haunted by this song since I was around 9 or 10 years old... I watched the movie 'Mighty Joe Young' in Singapore, I was staying with a family without my Mom or Dad for something like 2 months or so... I heard this song, right around when my parents first started having serious problems...
It's in Swahilli and is a lullaby called 'the wind song' ...
Swahili:
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati unajiwa na
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati ndoto tamu
Lala mpaka usiku uisheniupepo wa usikuwimbo wanko na
Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele
English:
Sing a song and for moment and be visited by the wind...
Sing a song and for a moment dream sweetly of the wind ...
Sleep now until the night is dawn
The wind and the night song, are there and pass by...
However the song, my child, will go on forever.
It's wierd but beautiful at the same time...
It's in Swahilli and is a lullaby called 'the wind song' ...
Swahili:
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati unajiwa na
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati ndoto tamu
Lala mpaka usiku uisheniupepo wa usikuwimbo wanko na
Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele
English:
Sing a song and for moment and be visited by the wind...
Sing a song and for a moment dream sweetly of the wind ...
Sleep now until the night is dawn
The wind and the night song, are there and pass by...
However the song, my child, will go on forever.
It's wierd but beautiful at the same time...
Flap your wings!
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Am chicken.
Am avoiding talking abt wierd things.
Am avoiding fights with Papa.
Am avoiding things... am very good at it now.
*giggles*
Flying to UK tonight, for the last time for a long time I suppose. Feel almost wistful *yikes* ...
I hate saying goodbyes...
Flying alone is quite a nice thing though, time to think, feels quite independant, then again I was independant more or less all the time in UK... but am not looking forward to Heathrow security. GrrrrRRRrrr...
A friend blogged about me today... *tochu vefa, tearing up*
Anyway, to cheer me up... shopping (if Papa is kind enough to provide financial backing), hanging around with buddies, going nutty with wacko cousins... loverly, loverly indeed...
I leave at 12 o clock cinderella style (ooh, I might loose my glass fen faivaan) and it is practically tradition for me to hang around til 3 the day before I leave and totally screw up ... I might actually have to pack myself this time (eeeeek!), but it's also fine coz I don't do it only coz I get too depressed...
So it's fine. Life is fine. No complaints. Just fine. Shouldn't I be happy with fine?
F.I.N.E.
G.O.O.D
Four letters. Neither word particularly aesthetically appealing. Then why the craving for one?
Wierd.
Off to have a 'fine' time... prolly will end up getting 'fine'-d in the process.
*now thats what I call a bad joke...*
Am avoiding talking abt wierd things.
Am avoiding fights with Papa.
Am avoiding things... am very good at it now.
*giggles*
Flying to UK tonight, for the last time for a long time I suppose. Feel almost wistful *yikes* ...
I hate saying goodbyes...
Flying alone is quite a nice thing though, time to think, feels quite independant, then again I was independant more or less all the time in UK... but am not looking forward to Heathrow security. GrrrrRRRrrr...
A friend blogged about me today... *tochu vefa, tearing up*
Anyway, to cheer me up... shopping (if Papa is kind enough to provide financial backing), hanging around with buddies, going nutty with wacko cousins... loverly, loverly indeed...
I leave at 12 o clock cinderella style (ooh, I might loose my glass fen faivaan) and it is practically tradition for me to hang around til 3 the day before I leave and totally screw up ... I might actually have to pack myself this time (eeeeek!), but it's also fine coz I don't do it only coz I get too depressed...
So it's fine. Life is fine. No complaints. Just fine. Shouldn't I be happy with fine?
F.I.N.E.
G.O.O.D
Four letters. Neither word particularly aesthetically appealing. Then why the craving for one?
Wierd.
Off to have a 'fine' time... prolly will end up getting 'fine'-d in the process.
*now thats what I call a bad joke...*
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Everyday I think I should stop writing this crap.
Tonight I nearly got rid of the whole thing.
Life goes on, days pass by...you learn more, you see more... eventually you see past minor smudges on the surface. I learnt that my sister will get me through anything today... coz her smile can erase anything, bad news... shocking messages...whatever...
I've decided that life's about doing whats best for me. Choice one, give up being nice and start messing with people's minds brainwashing myself that it's all a mind game, tamper with their lives and have fun. Two, keep on being myself, and hoping for the best.
I choose 2, hard or not. And, I'm done interfering (neyngi viyas) to situations where I'm third wheel (I keep landing in these guitappus) and complicating other peoples lives... I don't mean to... though...
I don't know... I just need to find a better way... out of all this...
Anyways... ---> 26 August 2006 10:30 pm dho :P
Tonight I nearly got rid of the whole thing.
Life goes on, days pass by...you learn more, you see more... eventually you see past minor smudges on the surface. I learnt that my sister will get me through anything today... coz her smile can erase anything, bad news... shocking messages...whatever...
I've decided that life's about doing whats best for me. Choice one, give up being nice and start messing with people's minds brainwashing myself that it's all a mind game, tamper with their lives and have fun. Two, keep on being myself, and hoping for the best.
I choose 2, hard or not. And, I'm done interfering (neyngi viyas) to situations where I'm third wheel (I keep landing in these guitappus) and complicating other peoples lives... I don't mean to... though...
I don't know... I just need to find a better way... out of all this...
Anyways... ---> 26 August 2006 10:30 pm dho :P
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