Thoughtu purocessu

I did a little self evalutating YET AGAIN... I watched 3 fucking movies man... I was so brain dead I had to do some shit to make sure it was still functioning... however... I still cannot be sure it is doing so properly...or for that matter if it ever did *chuckles*

'Flashback to warm nights... almost left behind... suitcase... of memories... time after some times... you picture me and I'm walking too far ahead...you're calling to me... and I can't hear what you said... and you said go slow...'

I know, I'm being repetitive now. Same song twice... theme song these days you know. I'm looking back and feeling okay about things... you know what that means don't you? Naaah no you don't you dumb ass!! (yeah I know I know, look who's retarded...I'm talking to an imaginary being. Talking...writing... whatever...) Well, in any fucking case... it means, that I think life is better now... and that my ghostly friend... is a bad thing.
A very bad thing. Because everytime life seems worth it, the journey seems to have proved its worth... is when it tips over. Friday the 13th was when I was born baby... after around 2 decades... it makes me an expert on bad luck. So :P [blll] if you were about to attempt to re-fucking-assure me.
I feel optimistic and that itself scares the crap outta me...

'I don't want to let go... I just need you to know...I don't wanna run away, baby... you're the one I need tonight. No promises. Now I need to hold you tonight. I just wanna die in your arms...here tonight. ' --> I have not turned into an unrecognisable brand of sappiness... :P it's a nice song owkaaaiy? Gerroffff my case :>

I look back at what I've done and all I can do is take a deep breath and wish it was different. Tonight I don't feel like giving shit about how it doesn't matter and I don't regret it because it made me a better person... I do regret what I've done...
It's like going through and album of good memories, tinged with bad endings... things I brought on myself, hurting other people, and I was too self involved to realise that what I did had consequences... Or maybe I did and I didn't care... I don't know really...
So all the times that I've trusted, let my guard down, been used and shattered to pieces? It's all okay... It's all justified. I deserved it. And I accept it. Thank you, actually... for making me realise what I have done wrong. Thanks for showing me that although you can live with cheating on your girlfriend, and making me love you beyond whatever I saw...coz I could never do that... and I will never ever let that happen to me again either. (I know, that attack was uncalled for. :P See if I care)
You know, whether I am in a relationship or not... whether I have a boyfriend or not... my life is really very okay now :) so people should stop *HINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!* questionin/quering/pressuring/invading into the topic. Subject area is not under discussion, thanks very much. Move along. 0:>
Oooh oooh...saw a cool pm just now ... 'the severity of the itch is intensly proportional to the ability to scratch it'.... how smart izzat? [very!]... nothing else particularly amusing though... one is very pretty 'silver horses...ran down moonbeams... in your dark eyes' cute la? [very very]
You know.... I go to parties and stuff and I notice I know a lot of people... because of my notorious EX-habits... (I am not talking abt criminal activity so CALM down puleeez) ... but at such a young age yet... I feel like the party girl in me is dying... strange dho? I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing...or even a permenant thing... but ... :)
One of my friends did the sweetest thing yesterday... said something... made me feel good... like life has some good to it...
So before I go back to cynicism (god forbid! :P) I'm gonna gloat a little, feel good, and fly high in the sky... :)