Lately I've been really lost in thought. I mean it, I could be in the damned taxi and I'd just go into a whole different world altogether and I lose track of time, date and surrounding totally. Day dreaming I suppose. But very vividly, and it completely transports me somewhere else and I don't have ANY idea of what happened say for example, just then and right infront of me.
Honestly I am beggining to worry myself.
You know, I've realised I have so much of pain and anger and sadness buried inside me... life is not too complicated these days and I can see these emotions resurface and bubbling... the tip of the iceberg maybe... in any case, if I stop fighting, even to catch my breath I just know it will take me down deep with it, a world of dark depression and a cursed solitude.
I miss my old friends, I miss the familiarity... I keep having nagging feelings the world's moving on without me. Childish I know, but I wish I could just place a single finger and make it stop rotating, and spin on my terms... Just a day, on my terms...
Is it worth it? Has the years of friendship been worth it? Will it last? Does it matter? Why... why do I care?
There's two nagging feelings of 'unfinished business' and 'silk binds that are fast unravelling' I keep worrying about... Him and Her! Hehehe... two very special (under normal circumstances) people... with whom I feel a distance growing...
I guess relationships change with time, and everything..."yadi yadi yaa" "bla bla bla" but... I don't know I guess with one of them, I might be expecting no wait, hoping for too much... There's a fine line seperating friendship and the dangerzone - once you cross the line -- things will never be the same...
Oh there are some things in life you can never stop regretting...
Noted.
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I watched Holiday today. And I am that desperate single woman in need of a home exchange. I seriously need fresh scenery... in the life department.
I want to live a meaningful life and everything around me is so insignificant and pointless. I feel like the littlest thing in the room and I absolutely mean nothing to anyone and anything.
I don't know what I'm thinking. One minute I definitely don't want to date... I know I don't want to date Maldivians any more.. The next I do definitely want to date and especially with V day coming up the old I HATE THE WORLD syndrome is growing stronger and stronger...
THE FUCKED UP EX'S TECHNIQUE
Step One Say 'HI'
Step Two Act innocent and be the good one
Step Three Bring someone else into the picture
Step Four Get them to talk shit and do your dirty work
Step Five Making the VICTIM feel helpless/worthless/needy
Step Six Act like both the Hero and the Saviour
PATAS! YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT!!!
Step Seven *reverse psychology* When things go wrong again,
remind the victim how much they owe you loyalty for
saving them.
I want to live a meaningful life and everything around me is so insignificant and pointless. I feel like the littlest thing in the room and I absolutely mean nothing to anyone and anything.
I don't know what I'm thinking. One minute I definitely don't want to date... I know I don't want to date Maldivians any more.. The next I do definitely want to date and especially with V day coming up the old I HATE THE WORLD syndrome is growing stronger and stronger...
THE FUCKED UP EX'S TECHNIQUE
Step One Say 'HI'
Step Two Act innocent and be the good one
Step Three Bring someone else into the picture
Step Four Get them to talk shit and do your dirty work
Step Five Making the VICTIM feel helpless/worthless/needy
Step Six Act like both the Hero and the Saviour
PATAS! YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT!!!
Step Seven *reverse psychology* When things go wrong again,
remind the victim how much they owe you loyalty for
saving them.
Movie eh balailee yo
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Yesterday me and my new partz *hi five, low five, side five* :P and some other jokers went to a movie yesterday which featured --> BRAD PITT... *orgasmic sighs* but he was seriously not so good in it...
The movie was a bit graphic, starting off with masturbating scenes and stuff but if you consider the movie as a whole, I liked it in a way. It was shot in four different continents, showing how lives are interconnected (not necessarily in the same time period by the way) over one single 'accident'.
The thing I appreciated most about the movie is that it is the clearest depiction of human desperation I've watched in a movie. The child; blaming everyone around him...lying and scared. The deaf girl who needs to know that she too can be desired...
I mean, maybe it was sick for some people to see the woman who was shot, trying to pee while her husband helped her...and he kissed her afterwards. But to her the world would have been ending, she had no guarantee she would breathe for very long. She was in the most undignified position imaginable. Women preen, we all glory in making ourseleves look pretty... it would be heartbreaking to actually have to die in such humiliation. In essence, by kissing her and expressing love and desire, her husband is giving her courage to stop fighting. Anyone would need that... need to feel like they are still human, still lovable... in the worst of conditions...
Proof enough ha...
Like everyone was a bit 'what a slut' with the Jap girl in the movie... but think about it, you're deaf and can't communicate properly. In this sort of superficial world, it wouldn't be easy to be left out and stagger behind. To see every one of your friends be loved would be hard... to see even your deaf counterparts would wreck your self esteem and break your heart. I know a lot of girls who have taken nearly the same measures to reassure themselves that they are desirable. And these a beautiful normal girls I'm talking about. How different would life be with a handicapp?
Hm.. Just made me think you know...about desperate times in my life... One time I remember throwing up constantly and there was this person who was helping me out as in like rubbing my back and so on and telling me that person cares and it'll be okay and hugging me afer wards coz I was soo 'dead' ... heheh thats the sort of thing that makes you realise how genuine people can be... Then a time I had fever and my best friend literally fed me and all...
That's friendship. That's caring. I was desperate...
Proving that humans really do need humans...
The movie was a bit graphic, starting off with masturbating scenes and stuff but if you consider the movie as a whole, I liked it in a way. It was shot in four different continents, showing how lives are interconnected (not necessarily in the same time period by the way) over one single 'accident'.
The thing I appreciated most about the movie is that it is the clearest depiction of human desperation I've watched in a movie. The child; blaming everyone around him...lying and scared. The deaf girl who needs to know that she too can be desired...
I mean, maybe it was sick for some people to see the woman who was shot, trying to pee while her husband helped her...and he kissed her afterwards. But to her the world would have been ending, she had no guarantee she would breathe for very long. She was in the most undignified position imaginable. Women preen, we all glory in making ourseleves look pretty... it would be heartbreaking to actually have to die in such humiliation. In essence, by kissing her and expressing love and desire, her husband is giving her courage to stop fighting. Anyone would need that... need to feel like they are still human, still lovable... in the worst of conditions...
Proof enough ha...
Like everyone was a bit 'what a slut' with the Jap girl in the movie... but think about it, you're deaf and can't communicate properly. In this sort of superficial world, it wouldn't be easy to be left out and stagger behind. To see every one of your friends be loved would be hard... to see even your deaf counterparts would wreck your self esteem and break your heart. I know a lot of girls who have taken nearly the same measures to reassure themselves that they are desirable. And these a beautiful normal girls I'm talking about. How different would life be with a handicapp?
Hm.. Just made me think you know...about desperate times in my life... One time I remember throwing up constantly and there was this person who was helping me out as in like rubbing my back and so on and telling me that person cares and it'll be okay and hugging me afer wards coz I was soo 'dead' ... heheh thats the sort of thing that makes you realise how genuine people can be... Then a time I had fever and my best friend literally fed me and all...
That's friendship. That's caring. I was desperate...
Proving that humans really do need humans...
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