Zamaanee Vahaka

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Miothee alun mi thanah aadhevifa... you should have read what I wrote the first day back home... it was brimming of happiness... sigh, but I've lost the damned file. Sniff...
Anyway, I loved every second of Sin City... if only time would stay still...
I miss walking out of my home feeling like a million dollars... Ray Ban Aviator, jeans, BG Tee, packing thah jahaafa, faivaanah araalaafa...haadha aramey huvaa... sun shining down on me, breeze on my face as I race down saikaluga loabi bitakaa ekee :D
I want to go HOME!
Oh yeah, another thing, what do you do when you fall in love with a notorious gangster (well maybe I'm listening to too much rap but seriously love, that is exactly the sort of image he has) who is bound to break your heart? Why do I have this bad boy addiction...??? I have this wierd catch phrase that I say all the time - I'm a gay guy trapped in a woman's body, just that I d
on't like it from the back... lolx... maybe it's part of finding a dude more masculine than I...??
In anycase I like this guys...I know what he does after al, I'm always part of the guys dho so I hear about everything and he doesn't bother to lie to me...I know what to expect from him. So why do I feel myself growing more and more attached to him. He is one special guy and for reasons that I do not want to write down on a blog (explicit - kekeke) ...but being with him would KILL my reputation - yageenthaa!! On the other hand, I'm no Virgin Mary, so what do I have to loose?? Grrrrr


Oooh! Just found the file. This is what I wrote first night in Male'...

I’m writing…it’s a sign that I’m happy… And for the first time in many years, I’m at loss for words to describe the way I’m feeling right now.
It’s kind of like the soaring, surreal feeling of being in love; but without that never-ending touch. I know it’ll be over in a matter of days, like a sweet dream you wake up from but spend the rest of the day reliving.
The first thing I felt in real terms was that I was going to faint from the flight stairways and smash my head coz it was so fucking hot. The first words I heard were ‘my God you weren’t joking when you said you are fat!’… ‘Please honey, you should use the treadmill, then you’ll be fine ingey don’t worry’… yeah, typical bullshit. BUT, it just washed over me – I could die right now and I would have died in ecstasy of the purest sort.
I’m home, and corny over used as it was the little girl with the red shoes was right ‘there is no place like home’.
I feel whole again. Like the reward of good nights sleep after an arduous journey. That’s exactly how I feel at this moment.
I suspect that might change once the jetlag, hunger and heat really kick in…revising and shit like that. But for now, ignorant bliss…
MY SONG OF THE DAY: YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL (James Blunt)
To touch and feel the ones you love, and to hear their voices with no cords nor mics nor pesky phones…I’m fucking high on happiness and love. I’m fucking high – naturally baby, no narcotics involved. I love you, I love me, I love us, I love everyone around us…
Peace out (before this whole thing turns scary…)
(Anyone out there wondering how I’m doing – all of the above asluves no BS so far it’s that good, it’s all goo-ood, it’s making the most of what you have and appreciating the little things in life. Sooner or later you will realise that’s the only beauty there is…)

Me.

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In response to this question asked to me by a dear friend of mine when I was in Male'.
'Who are you?' Says he.

Who am I?

I am a single entity, an individual. I have a conscience and free will, I choose how to live my life. However, I cannot control fate, destiny or time. I live a period of time but I cannot chose how long I do so, I cannot control the events that take place in this parallel.
I am an animal, a mammal by classification but I have clear thoughts, I make decisions and I evolve intellectually from generation to generation. My knowledge is more than what can be analysed in DNA strands.
I have emotions like pain and fear, happiness and jealousy, spite and hate. I have little or no control over the flow of these emotions. I have faith and beliefs inspired by what I see, feel, hear.
I am an individual among billions of my kind… I cannot tell whether I am unique. I cannot trace back my creation further than my parents. My race (species) divides itself by colour and location but we are all more or less the same. We are who we are or who we believe us to be.
I am a female, and a young adult. I am a Maldivian. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations. I am a human capable of a great many deeds, some which are taboo i.e. considered to be wrong. I choose whether or not to act on these capabilities.
I call myself a name and asked the question ‘who am I’ I would respond by this reference, but it is not a classification nor is it a description.
We discover more about ourselves each day, so I am still getting to know myself. I fear I may be doing so for a long while yet.

Smth I Wrote Days Ago

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She wanted to smile as she stood facing her expectant audience, she ought to be thrilled. Clutching her diploma in her sweaty palms, she twisted her face into what she hoped would appear to be a happy expression; her eyes frantically searched the room. She knew she should have written the damned speech. Oh well, not like it had ever been a problem before… so couldn’t her suddenly ever-so-feeble mind summon a simple tangible phrase?
Her eyes searched the room frantically, row by row… to the front. Her mother had her palms on her heart, clasped together in anticipation of what her daughter had to say. ‘I…’, her eyes rested on the empty chair next to her mother and her capability of communication was totally paralysed. A solitary leaf drifted onto the seat of the chair, and as it touched the smooth, shiny surface, signals triggered off inside her. She couldn’t interpret them. Somehow the fallen leaf broke her trance…
‘This diploma really doesn’t prove much to me in itself being just a record. But the memory counts, it is my journey, my transition into womanhood – my body and spirit no longer a mere child.
However with the process of maturity conjunctive attained levels of superior knowledge, we loose our innocence and the freedom of childhood. Everything in life, is bittersweet, it has a counter balance.
Today I stand here having earned my right to a future and embark on what is effectively the rest of my life; my career; the real adventure. Yet I have just said goodbye to a man who bore witness to my every joy and sorrow till this very day, my past, representative of the beautiful childhood I was blessed with. Is today too, the beginning of an end? I wonder.
Take this as an example, a woman gives birth to her first baby boy, but as he opens his eyes and draws his first breath, she releases her last. Is one more holy than the other? Is one more happy or tragic? Should anything be celebrated? Or mourned? Or both? There is no right answer to this juggle to solve. '