10. If I begin to clean something, examply washing the dishs, I can't stop and I will go on to clean the entire block while I'm at it...
9. I have commitment phobia and emotion-expressing defects... I am terrified of the 'L word'
8. I used to wanna be a radio DJ when I was a kid... so I have lots of wierd facts about music/musicians floating in my had that is just insane, infact when I randomly think out loud they find the whole recording thing rather scary...
7.I used to clean my ears so much that they bled...
6. I am a crap liar and I can't make up a decent excuses to save my ass either.
5.If it was legal, I swear I would marry my guitar...
4.I don't act like it but I have a photographic memory, for example if someone comes in who's like ma ex, and I remember every moment... almost... and have constant flashbaks even if I am over him/her.
3. They say I'm a picky eater but the truth is I just liked eating slowly and , you know I like thinking when I eat... so I eat bajiyaa ge kanthah... and stuff :) (yes picky-eater in denial!)
2.I get along best with other wierdo, crazed, psycho peoples... just like me. And 5 year olds.
1.I blog about my life.
My Lil Analysis Of Speech
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Still on the subject of people.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Now I've said that a lot. And EVERYBODY claims to be aware of this little fact of life. So why can't ANYBODY adhere to it?
Sigh...
Recently, some one assumed that he/she/it/ (hereby referred to as 'A') is the only person in the world with feelings. Anyway, A... is also assuming that the other person (herein referred to as 'B' - gosh I love all this technical jargon!) is playing A, and A thinks so because A has always been hurt in the past. A fails to see that B does care about A but A is making the situation too complex for B to understand, or live with. As it is there are plenty of technical complications with the A-B combination and B is willing to overlook this but, A is just making this tough on B. B doesn't blame A entirely infact B knows that B is perhaps... a little harsh... but there are other people, and other things B needs to take into consideration as well... B wishes A all the best and really, honestly cares about A, but knows there is no way under the sun A will ever believe B. Yes, B is assuming such, ironically.
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
and i pissed u off ?
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
how ?
(2:52 AM) 'PERSON B':
figure it out..., anyway...
These two cannot communicate I guess. Doesn't really mean they don't care. Atleast,I know B does. But if they are already on frayed ropes, god knows what the future will bring. Damn... Don't you wish you could just make people see?
Such is life.
You suck. I suck. Everybody sucks.
Okay... okay... okay...
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON C':
its like out of sight, out of mind right?
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON D':
u cant hear from me.. ---> (am paraphrasing now but 'D' goes on to say, he's been very busy and by the way it's a legimate excuse)
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON C':
yeah the trouble is i understand.. but i do not want to
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
well.. u need to accept that this is just me anyway
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna try too hard to keep contact wityh people once they r out of sight
(3:20 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna b the one feeling hurt when others forget about me
Is it me... or is there a bad communication link here? Coz C is clearly pretty upset, and D is not really understanding extents. Anyway, why should any one complain... atleast C and D are on speaking terms.
And more, though by now every one is sure to have gotten bored of this blog. I should really let monkey handle it... I have a 'feeling' it's more popular that way. Lol.
'PERSON E' says:
i don know why......but i feel like ur avoiding me
'PERSON E' says:
'PERSON F' says:
aha!
'PERSON F' says:
a lot of people have been asking me that question tonight.
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON E' says:
hmmmmm
'PERSON E' says:
well
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
and by the way, no.
Another beautiful assumption. I give up.
By the way 'B' , 'C' and 'F' are the same person. Guess who? :P
*I know you've guessed. Three claps for me being smart and a hefty punch on ya back because you're a frigging genius... hurray!*
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Now I've said that a lot. And EVERYBODY claims to be aware of this little fact of life. So why can't ANYBODY adhere to it?
Sigh...
Recently, some one assumed that he/she/it/ (hereby referred to as 'A') is the only person in the world with feelings. Anyway, A... is also assuming that the other person (herein referred to as 'B' - gosh I love all this technical jargon!) is playing A, and A thinks so because A has always been hurt in the past. A fails to see that B does care about A but A is making the situation too complex for B to understand, or live with. As it is there are plenty of technical complications with the A-B combination and B is willing to overlook this but, A is just making this tough on B. B doesn't blame A entirely infact B knows that B is perhaps... a little harsh... but there are other people, and other things B needs to take into consideration as well... B wishes A all the best and really, honestly cares about A, but knows there is no way under the sun A will ever believe B. Yes, B is assuming such, ironically.
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
and i pissed u off ?
(2:51 AM) 'PERSON A':
how ?
(2:52 AM) 'PERSON B':
figure it out..., anyway...
These two cannot communicate I guess. Doesn't really mean they don't care. Atleast,I know B does. But if they are already on frayed ropes, god knows what the future will bring. Damn... Don't you wish you could just make people see?
Such is life.
You suck. I suck. Everybody sucks.
Okay... okay... okay...
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON C':
its like out of sight, out of mind right?
(3:17 AM) 'PERSON D':
u cant hear from me.. ---> (am paraphrasing now but 'D' goes on to say, he's been very busy and by the way it's a legimate excuse)
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON C':
yeah the trouble is i understand.. but i do not want to
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
well.. u need to accept that this is just me anyway
(3:19 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna try too hard to keep contact wityh people once they r out of sight
(3:20 AM) 'PERSON D':
i dont wanna b the one feeling hurt when others forget about me
Is it me... or is there a bad communication link here? Coz C is clearly pretty upset, and D is not really understanding extents. Anyway, why should any one complain... atleast C and D are on speaking terms.
And more, though by now every one is sure to have gotten bored of this blog. I should really let monkey handle it... I have a 'feeling' it's more popular that way. Lol.
'PERSON E' says:
i don know why......but i feel like ur avoiding me
'PERSON E' says:
'PERSON F' says:
aha!
'PERSON F' says:
a lot of people have been asking me that question tonight.
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON E' says:
hmmmmm
'PERSON E' says:
well
'PERSON E' says:
have u ?
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
no.
'PERSON F' says:
and by the way, no.
Another beautiful assumption. I give up.
By the way 'B' , 'C' and 'F' are the same person. Guess who? :P
*I know you've guessed. Three claps for me being smart and a hefty punch on ya back because you're a frigging genius... hurray!*
The Geek VS The Gadda Geek
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I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
What, tell me is the point of posting people's pictures on the internet?
You're thinking oh right, another pissed off victim throwing a temper tantrum.
Well guess what, you're bloody well right. And I have every right under the fucking bloody sun to get pissed off, so fuck off aite?
It's nobody's business what the hell I do, where the hell I go, or what the fuck I wear. I will do bloody well as I please, so why won't the entire society mind their own fucking business and grow up?
Certain websites serve as a reminder of the loosers in society with nothing better to, nothing to loose or gain ... and no sense of achievement in life. I wonder what they will think of themselves in 10 years, with children to look up to them.... Or perhaps, look down on them?
Useless good for nothing bastards who post pics of every chick who had the sense to dump them. Or, more likely to refuse to go out with the idiots in the first place. Revenge? Vengence? Bloody childishness.
I would be perfectly content chopping off their dicks, then skinning the rest of their bodies, slice their balls, stirfry these seperately and feed it to them with chillie and garlic sauce, pour petrol on these maniacs, and set them on fire, roasting while staring into the face of every one of their 'victims'. Then flush the ashes down my toilet after a nice comfy bog :/
I'm not insane.
You push the women into these things... you force them to believe that is how they will be loved... you men, you condemn them to household slaves, or petty work officers... the successful ones in jobs you ridicule... and you make them believe sex is the only way they can earn anything... which is all to your comfort of course... the more women you can convert into miniskirts, the better for all as a whole...
And the worse part is how you can at the end of the day, expose them just to amuse yourself.
You think you are the only people who have the right to experiment, to make mistakes. The more you get laid the better for your reputation... but murder every woman who enjoys life? Craxy is what you are, heartless and narrowminded. So very typical.
I can see your geeky little face smiling gleefully, pervetedly at the picture of your long time crush who sees no point in wasting time with a good for nothing cyber sex dependant existence like your self, who is not doing any work other than uploading illegal pornography. Need I remind you that under 18 IS A CHILD? Women go for men who can support them emotionally and physically, financially provide for their possible offspring. This is natural. Live with it.
It is as real as how men (or atleast decent men) have the instinct to provide for their own, build their own future, and protect those they love that are vulnerable to danger, ie. more than themselves.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that woman are all holy, in fact it is very rare I argue their case... but hell yeah... what you do to your ex girlfriends is pitiful.
I, have a torrent of such people who hate me, for these pathetic reasons (allegedly...) and it is ratehr depressing to think that there are a varietyof people responsible for why lil ol me sipping a coffee, should be zoomed up and posted. Do I not have the right to drink coffee or something? Shame.
Sometimes, you wonder... how every one is labelled a slut, yet it is only some who are photographed. Idiots, don't you wonder that perhaps it is all a lie? Everyone should stop acting like it is only a portion of the population who indulge in such activity coz I donno anyone who doesn't. Some still in denial. But it decreases with day.
Seeing that moralistic value is dead,why not all just shut up and keep their noses out of other peoples lives.
Every time I access such sites (what a waste of time anyway) I succeed only in annoying myself. I pity everyone who accesses them.
I know a man who photographed and posted pictures of his own wife, and boasted about it in public. This supposed holy man was soon divorced. Congratulations to the smart, strong woman who found it in her to divorce the man, she clearly loved when married. And may that fucker burn in hell. Of course the lady's intelligence is questionable in that she wed him in the first place. But these Maldivian men are so, so, so very persuasive aren't they.
This number distibution and email on sale business is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't hav emuch hope for it stopping, but I have to say I despise such things. Do the youth have nothing to do but what is involved with the opposite sex? You know I blame the government for not accomplishing anything in this area. And I blame the parents for not teaching their sons to respect women, and not teaching their daughters that they are more than just a sexual object. I hate every man who agrees with me just to get into my pants.
Oh god. It's like a useless maze with absolutely no way out. Coz there are always gonna be some people like that right? But why do we give such people so much power? Is it not possible to instill some sort of virtue and mutual respect?
Yeah I know, life's a bitch, fuck it.. but its just... irritating and tear-my-hair-out frustrating.
I hate people. They always disappoint me.
What, tell me is the point of posting people's pictures on the internet?
You're thinking oh right, another pissed off victim throwing a temper tantrum.
Well guess what, you're bloody well right. And I have every right under the fucking bloody sun to get pissed off, so fuck off aite?
It's nobody's business what the hell I do, where the hell I go, or what the fuck I wear. I will do bloody well as I please, so why won't the entire society mind their own fucking business and grow up?
Certain websites serve as a reminder of the loosers in society with nothing better to, nothing to loose or gain ... and no sense of achievement in life. I wonder what they will think of themselves in 10 years, with children to look up to them.... Or perhaps, look down on them?
Useless good for nothing bastards who post pics of every chick who had the sense to dump them. Or, more likely to refuse to go out with the idiots in the first place. Revenge? Vengence? Bloody childishness.
I would be perfectly content chopping off their dicks, then skinning the rest of their bodies, slice their balls, stirfry these seperately and feed it to them with chillie and garlic sauce, pour petrol on these maniacs, and set them on fire, roasting while staring into the face of every one of their 'victims'. Then flush the ashes down my toilet after a nice comfy bog :/
I'm not insane.
You push the women into these things... you force them to believe that is how they will be loved... you men, you condemn them to household slaves, or petty work officers... the successful ones in jobs you ridicule... and you make them believe sex is the only way they can earn anything... which is all to your comfort of course... the more women you can convert into miniskirts, the better for all as a whole...
And the worse part is how you can at the end of the day, expose them just to amuse yourself.
You think you are the only people who have the right to experiment, to make mistakes. The more you get laid the better for your reputation... but murder every woman who enjoys life? Craxy is what you are, heartless and narrowminded. So very typical.
I can see your geeky little face smiling gleefully, pervetedly at the picture of your long time crush who sees no point in wasting time with a good for nothing cyber sex dependant existence like your self, who is not doing any work other than uploading illegal pornography. Need I remind you that under 18 IS A CHILD? Women go for men who can support them emotionally and physically, financially provide for their possible offspring. This is natural. Live with it.
It is as real as how men (or atleast decent men) have the instinct to provide for their own, build their own future, and protect those they love that are vulnerable to danger, ie. more than themselves.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that woman are all holy, in fact it is very rare I argue their case... but hell yeah... what you do to your ex girlfriends is pitiful.
I, have a torrent of such people who hate me, for these pathetic reasons (allegedly...) and it is ratehr depressing to think that there are a varietyof people responsible for why lil ol me sipping a coffee, should be zoomed up and posted. Do I not have the right to drink coffee or something? Shame.
Sometimes, you wonder... how every one is labelled a slut, yet it is only some who are photographed. Idiots, don't you wonder that perhaps it is all a lie? Everyone should stop acting like it is only a portion of the population who indulge in such activity coz I donno anyone who doesn't. Some still in denial. But it decreases with day.
Seeing that moralistic value is dead,why not all just shut up and keep their noses out of other peoples lives.
Every time I access such sites (what a waste of time anyway) I succeed only in annoying myself. I pity everyone who accesses them.
I know a man who photographed and posted pictures of his own wife, and boasted about it in public. This supposed holy man was soon divorced. Congratulations to the smart, strong woman who found it in her to divorce the man, she clearly loved when married. And may that fucker burn in hell. Of course the lady's intelligence is questionable in that she wed him in the first place. But these Maldivian men are so, so, so very persuasive aren't they.
This number distibution and email on sale business is absolutely RIDICULOUS. I don't hav emuch hope for it stopping, but I have to say I despise such things. Do the youth have nothing to do but what is involved with the opposite sex? You know I blame the government for not accomplishing anything in this area. And I blame the parents for not teaching their sons to respect women, and not teaching their daughters that they are more than just a sexual object. I hate every man who agrees with me just to get into my pants.
Oh god. It's like a useless maze with absolutely no way out. Coz there are always gonna be some people like that right? But why do we give such people so much power? Is it not possible to instill some sort of virtue and mutual respect?
Yeah I know, life's a bitch, fuck it.. but its just... irritating and tear-my-hair-out frustrating.
I hate people. They always disappoint me.
Another really lobi song...
|
My lil bro did another song about me am sooo touched... seriously... and it's not just my ego talking... asluves... and he is soo talented too... scary how he sees me so well... I'm suc a bad role model... but I hope only the best for YOU dude, sorry if I seem a bit annoying at times... Luv u lots!
Btw... why don't you blog... I'll link you up to mine...
Happy On The Outside - By Monkey
Verse 1:
She sits there crying for a while,
When its time she finds the courage to put on a smile,
She seems happy on the outside,
What really matters is what’s inside,
Although what you see on the inside most people despise.
Cause really her heart is bleeding,
The tears are pouring,
She can’t walk, she’s crawling.
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 2:
She thinks about her past, every single day,
The painful memories, just don’t fade away,
She just wants to go into a corner and cry,
Tired of asking the question why.
She’s going through a hard time she needs some space,
But I really miss seeing your face,
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 3:
I don’t know what she’s feeling now,
Just wish she could tell me somehow,
But I know that she will be a friend of mine,
And I’ll always have her in my mind.
She’s the one I look up to and adore.
The one I talk to when I just don’t know.
Reliable as ever, I’ll be here for her forever.
Ending Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside,
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
But now at the end of the ride she has a smile on her face,
Out of pure happiness in her case
Btw... why don't you blog... I'll link you up to mine...
Happy On The Outside - By Monkey
Verse 1:
She sits there crying for a while,
When its time she finds the courage to put on a smile,
She seems happy on the outside,
What really matters is what’s inside,
Although what you see on the inside most people despise.
Cause really her heart is bleeding,
The tears are pouring,
She can’t walk, she’s crawling.
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 2:
She thinks about her past, every single day,
The painful memories, just don’t fade away,
She just wants to go into a corner and cry,
Tired of asking the question why.
She’s going through a hard time she needs some space,
But I really miss seeing your face,
Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside.
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
Verse 3:
I don’t know what she’s feeling now,
Just wish she could tell me somehow,
But I know that she will be a friend of mine,
And I’ll always have her in my mind.
She’s the one I look up to and adore.
The one I talk to when I just don’t know.
Reliable as ever, I’ll be here for her forever.
Ending Chorus:
She seems happy on the outside,
Her hearts slowly going away with the tide,
Her life seems to be an ever-going roller coaster ride,
But now at the end of the ride she has a smile on her face,
Out of pure happiness in her case
Today is gonna be the day... or not.
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I did this wierd personality foward mail today.... yes macha, this is called boredom. It's strikes late, late at night...
So I had to arrange animals... which represent priority... this is what I said, and my result...
Tiger (Pride)
Horse (Family)
Cow (Career)
Sheep (Love)
Pig (Money)
Then I had to write a word for every animal... which represented the thing in the brackets...
Dog Faithful (My personality)
Cat Sexy (Partner's personality)
Rat Smart (Enemies personality)
Coffee Social Activity (How I see sex)
Sea Relax (How I live my life)
I have to associate colours with friends who the colours remind me of... (since I can't write names, I use nicks and related shit)
Yellow (Never forget) 'the artistic girl' --> reason: fav clr
Orange (True friend) 'finihaka' --> reason: teases me abt my previous house clr
Red (Person I love a lot) 'my twin bo/chompy' --> reason: previously majeedhiya dept. band leader
White (Twin Soul) 'human mop' --> reason: likes contrasting clrs, wears white tee
Green (Remember for the rest of my life) 'auntie & monkey' --> one is gardner, other I re-united with thru msn, the messenger guy is green...
So this idiotic thing came up with some bullshit and some funny, and some close to truth answers...
Then it ended off with forward to 13 (fav number) and wish will come true on Thursday (fav day of the week) *sigh* it's amusing yes, but what is the point of this nonsense? Why does it have such a loyal following??? Is everyone that desperate for that ONE thing to come true?
Oh well, distracted me, and occupied my mind for a while therefore, served purpose... for me.
Life is good, and I hope it stays so althoguh change is inevitable obviously. I'm neutral, and I like it. Must I be happy or sad? *sigh* I feel rather, worn out though. Work is interesting these days, I'm getting good stuff, or actually I finally started attending to what I was given only recently, and hooked up on a rather fascinating venture with some friends as well...
Now to paint and brush up my music skills as well. Quite the creative girl aren't I? *grins* reading is nice as well... 'le almond' and 'like water for chocolate' ninmaalaigen mi ulheny... obinoavey, but rather um... 'feminist' in a way... not defaming men AT ALL... but viewing men as sex objects! Therefore, hes kiyaafa salhi.
Weather forecast for tomorrow is no clouds and no rain. For the day that we got horoscopic-casts... (that were actually true) aadhey, lafaa kureveygothugai maadhamaa endhumathy alheyne, dhanvaru vagah nukunna iru bandharumathee saafu... (sensaru!)
So I had to arrange animals... which represent priority... this is what I said, and my result...
Tiger (Pride)
Horse (Family)
Cow (Career)
Sheep (Love)
Pig (Money)
Then I had to write a word for every animal... which represented the thing in the brackets...
Dog Faithful (My personality)
Cat Sexy (Partner's personality)
Rat Smart (Enemies personality)
Coffee Social Activity (How I see sex)
Sea Relax (How I live my life)
I have to associate colours with friends who the colours remind me of... (since I can't write names, I use nicks and related shit)
Yellow (Never forget) 'the artistic girl' --> reason: fav clr
Orange (True friend) 'finihaka' --> reason: teases me abt my previous house clr
Red (Person I love a lot) 'my twin bo/chompy' --> reason: previously majeedhiya dept. band leader
White (Twin Soul) 'human mop' --> reason: likes contrasting clrs, wears white tee
Green (Remember for the rest of my life) 'auntie & monkey' --> one is gardner, other I re-united with thru msn, the messenger guy is green...
So this idiotic thing came up with some bullshit and some funny, and some close to truth answers...
Then it ended off with forward to 13 (fav number) and wish will come true on Thursday (fav day of the week) *sigh* it's amusing yes, but what is the point of this nonsense? Why does it have such a loyal following??? Is everyone that desperate for that ONE thing to come true?
Oh well, distracted me, and occupied my mind for a while therefore, served purpose... for me.
Life is good, and I hope it stays so althoguh change is inevitable obviously. I'm neutral, and I like it. Must I be happy or sad? *sigh* I feel rather, worn out though. Work is interesting these days, I'm getting good stuff, or actually I finally started attending to what I was given only recently, and hooked up on a rather fascinating venture with some friends as well...
Now to paint and brush up my music skills as well. Quite the creative girl aren't I? *grins* reading is nice as well... 'le almond' and 'like water for chocolate' ninmaalaigen mi ulheny... obinoavey, but rather um... 'feminist' in a way... not defaming men AT ALL... but viewing men as sex objects! Therefore, hes kiyaafa salhi.
Weather forecast for tomorrow is no clouds and no rain. For the day that we got horoscopic-casts... (that were actually true) aadhey, lafaa kureveygothugai maadhamaa endhumathy alheyne, dhanvaru vagah nukunna iru bandharumathee saafu... (sensaru!)
Y'all howdy...
|
I'm just posting something a 'kokko' of mine wrote, that I think is quite good. Am very proud of the dude... and a little bit is addressed to me (tears well up, tochu vee :) ) because I'd not been talking much and he figured I wasn't too happy (tho thweeth)...
So here it goes... BY MONKEY (not me)
(Its untitled as far as I know)
We’ve been through the struggle for survival,
Now that we finished the struggle we seem to have found a new rival.
Even more people see us as trouble,
They never see how hard our life is and our everyday struggle.
I remember it like yesterday,
Holding onto everything god gave may.
I know the struggle won’t stop today,
Most of the people are being tortured or locked away.
Guess this proves that life just aint fair.Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
They try to cause you chaos and pain,
Some of us have been tortured so much they seem to be starting to loose their brain,
People seem to always be showing affection,
But secretly they’re thinking of ways to cause you more pain and destruction.
Life just seems to get complicated with everyday drama,And the people I love seem to just get lost in their sorrow and trauma.No matter how many times we say bye,I still remember that little tear trickling down your left eye.However I’m not going to let the stress get to me to make me feel rotten,I thought id write another poem see if I was remembered or forgotten.I felt like my whole world was spinning and spilling,I was on ma knees thinking that god wasn’t willing,Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
Sometimes the pain they feel seems so symbolic.Only way to forget that sort of pain would be to take a strong narcotic,
Just forget about all the bad decisions,stand tall don’t fall, instead stand strong like a phoenix that has risen.Show them all that you can’t be kept a prisoner in this emotionally distraught prison,Hold on to your dream,
Don’t ever let the hate that people bestow on to you lower your self-esteem.
So here it goes... BY MONKEY (not me)
(Its untitled as far as I know)
We’ve been through the struggle for survival,
Now that we finished the struggle we seem to have found a new rival.
Even more people see us as trouble,
They never see how hard our life is and our everyday struggle.
I remember it like yesterday,
Holding onto everything god gave may.
I know the struggle won’t stop today,
Most of the people are being tortured or locked away.
Guess this proves that life just aint fair.Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
They try to cause you chaos and pain,
Some of us have been tortured so much they seem to be starting to loose their brain,
People seem to always be showing affection,
But secretly they’re thinking of ways to cause you more pain and destruction.
Life just seems to get complicated with everyday drama,And the people I love seem to just get lost in their sorrow and trauma.No matter how many times we say bye,I still remember that little tear trickling down your left eye.However I’m not going to let the stress get to me to make me feel rotten,I thought id write another poem see if I was remembered or forgotten.I felt like my whole world was spinning and spilling,I was on ma knees thinking that god wasn’t willing,Chorus: But people control your anger and jealousies,
Don’t go round committing crimes and felonies,Or they'll mould you into something you don't want to be.These rhymes I write really have a meaning to me,
I just want everyone to be happy and free.
Sometimes the pain they feel seems so symbolic.Only way to forget that sort of pain would be to take a strong narcotic,
Just forget about all the bad decisions,stand tall don’t fall, instead stand strong like a phoenix that has risen.Show them all that you can’t be kept a prisoner in this emotionally distraught prison,Hold on to your dream,
Don’t ever let the hate that people bestow on to you lower your self-esteem.
You told me so.
|
Maybe you are right. Maybe I do enjoy suffering. Maybe that is why I always land up in these horrible situations. Maybe I do severe any ties to normalcy.
The world is too complex for someone as stupid as I am. Maybe.
Yeah... I know, I should just give up right? It's not like anyone would give a damn anyway. Looser talk? *Suprise suprise* .... so maybe I am one.
But, I don't need you or anyone else. Maybe I do, fine. Ekamu I don't want anyone.
I really hate waking up every day. Reminds me that I'm still breathing.
Sorry if this pisses anyone off. But yeah. It's life. And by the way, this has nothing to do with 'anyone'. It is all me, and me, and me.
I think, no wait, I know that life sucks. Been sucking since day one. Like certain 'philosophers' have dictated - it's because I deserve it. Because I am a regular sinning bitch like the rest of them. Nothign new.
Sometimes, you find little reasons to keep you going, then after a while like everything good in life, it goes away... or moves out of reach. Then you lapse back into who you really are. What you are actually worth. And let go the illusion of everything more.
Because, beauty and happiness and all these nice things... they are just a dream.
The world is too complex for someone as stupid as I am. Maybe.
Yeah... I know, I should just give up right? It's not like anyone would give a damn anyway. Looser talk? *Suprise suprise* .... so maybe I am one.
But, I don't need you or anyone else. Maybe I do, fine. Ekamu I don't want anyone.
I really hate waking up every day. Reminds me that I'm still breathing.
Sorry if this pisses anyone off. But yeah. It's life. And by the way, this has nothing to do with 'anyone'. It is all me, and me, and me.
I think, no wait, I know that life sucks. Been sucking since day one. Like certain 'philosophers' have dictated - it's because I deserve it. Because I am a regular sinning bitch like the rest of them. Nothign new.
Sometimes, you find little reasons to keep you going, then after a while like everything good in life, it goes away... or moves out of reach. Then you lapse back into who you really are. What you are actually worth. And let go the illusion of everything more.
Because, beauty and happiness and all these nice things... they are just a dream.
|
I have a wierd habit of scribbling down random thoughts on the lil throw up paper bag on the airplane... after all, my words are just the vomit that's churned up by my bubbling insides often due to very acidic circumstances. (So my prose aint exactly Shakespeare. Sue me :P *ima gonna have a law degree soon to put ur lil mouth where it belongs -which is my lil, sadly not prominent, butt!*)
So todays lil barf choked up the following points... which I will go on and elaborate...
1. Travelling alone sucks. But you meet very interesting people when you're alone. And I don't mean in your head either.
2. Ever watched the movie 'Just myluck' starring some guy and Lind-slut Lohan? I am the one with the constant horrible luck. Everything that can go wrong does, all too often, go wrong. And I hate Emirates with a passion now.
3.It's fascinating how a 8 month friendship can transform into a 20 year marriage... rather freaky...
4.Two books to be read - Like Water For Chocolate and LeHazel (The Hazel) ...absolutely brilliant... audacious... beautiful prose, a plot that draws you in, gorgeously flawed characters... shocking but the marks of true writers - incredibly honest.
5.You realise how scarred you are only when you actually dare step into the light...
Well the first one was about the first bit of my journey... sat next to an old fart who talked too much and stank... but on the other hand met nice dude in um... the smoky section of the airport...
The next one refers to the fact that I forgot to give my roomie the gifts I meant to give her... :/ and I was feeling sucky about leaving my bum buddies behind (do not assume I meant that statement literally in some twisted sort of way) and I lost my faithful lappie (laptop not lassie or some wierd porno abbreviation either) in Heathrow and got delayed over 2 hours there as well during which time my not so faithful ipod went dead and my phone was fainting...
FINALLY got to Dubai after hellishly turbulent ride, and same all the way to Male' where after an hour (AN HOUR) of deliberation they decide to dump me in Lanka. *grief stricken at the memory* After 3 horus of filling sooo many forms and faxing it to various continents as well as listen to some idiot go on about how they are trying to 'assess the situation' (what the fuck is there to assess, you can't land, I am in Sri Lanka and I am hungry enough to eat you raw! -- do something??) ... finally they give me a room in a nice hotel and I am allowed to relax a bit... which was ok though, I chatted to a few friends.. and even met up with someone
:>
Still, I miss my lappie terribly... and I NEED my undies :( (Not that I haven't any here but I miss my favourite thongs! Do empathise... )
The third lil rather sentimental bitsy is referring to a loabi friend of mine... one of my best friends that I love very much... and how tripping over to this person's home and effectively 'living together' made me forget how life was without this person... seems like I've known this person foreverrrrrrrrrr... and I know (and love) this friends faults and strengths... the other day we were on the bus deliberating over what I would cook for dinner and what stuff we had in the fridge and the domestic convo led to jokes about being 'married' lolx... we fight, you've pissed the hell outta me... and I the same... but... effectively 'we're cool' and 'wai wuv wvu'.
Miss you Nivea! Take care of our baby *guitar*... she needs a nappy *string* change...
Number 4 is self-explanatory.
The next one is rather deep I should say.... I was staring out the lil peephole they call an aeroplane window and dreamily fantasizing about stepping out on those clouds and rewriting the whole of Aladdin's magic carpet ride in 'A whole new world' (my fav cartoon btw) in such a way that would mist up all these lil glass oval window type thingies. o:>
*ANYWAY*
I started to think about... the hearts I've broken... the one that in its breaking, splintered mine as well... and then I started treating other hearts rather delicately, gently even... but only to have mine shattered again and again.. I've tried hard not to turn into a sour old lady, a cynic blind to how beautiful life can be...but I see myself slipping back into such an abyss more and more everyday.
I don't want a relationship. I don't want to fall in love every again. I promise you I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening. No, am not going to deprive my mother of grandchildren *smiles* and another son (why she would want another of 'those' is beyond me though *giggle*) but to love... is to put oneself in harms way...
I don't know... but... hopefully someday I'll be able to just push everything aside and marry some nutter off the road that Mom likes. (and hopefully Dad hates - shouldn't be too hard either *evil chuckle*)
I give up on trusting people. I didn't think things had bothered me this much... but I guess they have... being the bitch is so much easier... it was all a loosing battle anyway... It's not one person's fault I've gone on love strike... the last blow was just the falling brick from my already wobbly pile...
When someone points out I've been cold.. do I evaluate myself... and realise how much I've already hardened up... anyway, some people might think it's a good thing, but personally I've always thought the world's a happier place when you don't hate it... then again, you can't lie to yourself forever...
On a final note : Ville Valo is very hot and I have rekindled a previous addiction for HIM. A kid who grows up with parents who own sex shop, this finnish dude being bisexual and totally flamboyant does not surprise me in the very least... seems an interesting character too...
I'm bored. And bored. And slightly nuts. Sorry for any inconvinience caused.
So todays lil barf choked up the following points... which I will go on and elaborate...
1. Travelling alone sucks. But you meet very interesting people when you're alone. And I don't mean in your head either.
2. Ever watched the movie 'Just myluck' starring some guy and Lind-slut Lohan? I am the one with the constant horrible luck. Everything that can go wrong does, all too often, go wrong. And I hate Emirates with a passion now.
3.It's fascinating how a 8 month friendship can transform into a 20 year marriage... rather freaky...
4.Two books to be read - Like Water For Chocolate and LeHazel (The Hazel) ...absolutely brilliant... audacious... beautiful prose, a plot that draws you in, gorgeously flawed characters... shocking but the marks of true writers - incredibly honest.
5.You realise how scarred you are only when you actually dare step into the light...
Well the first one was about the first bit of my journey... sat next to an old fart who talked too much and stank... but on the other hand met nice dude in um... the smoky section of the airport...
The next one refers to the fact that I forgot to give my roomie the gifts I meant to give her... :/ and I was feeling sucky about leaving my bum buddies behind (do not assume I meant that statement literally in some twisted sort of way) and I lost my faithful lappie (laptop not lassie or some wierd porno abbreviation either) in Heathrow and got delayed over 2 hours there as well during which time my not so faithful ipod went dead and my phone was fainting...
FINALLY got to Dubai after hellishly turbulent ride, and same all the way to Male' where after an hour (AN HOUR) of deliberation they decide to dump me in Lanka. *grief stricken at the memory* After 3 horus of filling sooo many forms and faxing it to various continents as well as listen to some idiot go on about how they are trying to 'assess the situation' (what the fuck is there to assess, you can't land, I am in Sri Lanka and I am hungry enough to eat you raw! -- do something??) ... finally they give me a room in a nice hotel and I am allowed to relax a bit... which was ok though, I chatted to a few friends.. and even met up with someone
:>
Still, I miss my lappie terribly... and I NEED my undies :( (Not that I haven't any here but I miss my favourite thongs! Do empathise... )
The third lil rather sentimental bitsy is referring to a loabi friend of mine... one of my best friends that I love very much... and how tripping over to this person's home and effectively 'living together' made me forget how life was without this person... seems like I've known this person foreverrrrrrrrrr... and I know (and love) this friends faults and strengths... the other day we were on the bus deliberating over what I would cook for dinner and what stuff we had in the fridge and the domestic convo led to jokes about being 'married' lolx... we fight, you've pissed the hell outta me... and I the same... but... effectively 'we're cool' and 'wai wuv wvu'.
Miss you Nivea! Take care of our baby *guitar*... she needs a nappy *string* change...
Number 4 is self-explanatory.
The next one is rather deep I should say.... I was staring out the lil peephole they call an aeroplane window and dreamily fantasizing about stepping out on those clouds and rewriting the whole of Aladdin's magic carpet ride in 'A whole new world' (my fav cartoon btw) in such a way that would mist up all these lil glass oval window type thingies. o:>
*ANYWAY*
I started to think about... the hearts I've broken... the one that in its breaking, splintered mine as well... and then I started treating other hearts rather delicately, gently even... but only to have mine shattered again and again.. I've tried hard not to turn into a sour old lady, a cynic blind to how beautiful life can be...but I see myself slipping back into such an abyss more and more everyday.
I don't want a relationship. I don't want to fall in love every again. I promise you I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening. No, am not going to deprive my mother of grandchildren *smiles* and another son (why she would want another of 'those' is beyond me though *giggle*) but to love... is to put oneself in harms way...
I don't know... but... hopefully someday I'll be able to just push everything aside and marry some nutter off the road that Mom likes. (and hopefully Dad hates - shouldn't be too hard either *evil chuckle*)
I give up on trusting people. I didn't think things had bothered me this much... but I guess they have... being the bitch is so much easier... it was all a loosing battle anyway... It's not one person's fault I've gone on love strike... the last blow was just the falling brick from my already wobbly pile...
When someone points out I've been cold.. do I evaluate myself... and realise how much I've already hardened up... anyway, some people might think it's a good thing, but personally I've always thought the world's a happier place when you don't hate it... then again, you can't lie to yourself forever...
On a final note : Ville Valo is very hot and I have rekindled a previous addiction for HIM. A kid who grows up with parents who own sex shop, this finnish dude being bisexual and totally flamboyant does not surprise me in the very least... seems an interesting character too...
I'm bored. And bored. And slightly nuts. Sorry for any inconvinience caused.
Finihaka
|
We've been fighting like cats and dogs lately, or rather, snakes and cows... or gumballs...
Just wanna say... I miss us being us... I love you loads... I know you only mean well for me... And that is what wish for you too...
I know you don't particularly like the men in my life... but we have the right to make mistakes. I reserve the right to give whoever I want a second chance whether he/she/it/they want it or not...
I don't always approve of the men in your life, so... gimme a break...
<:
All in all, forgive me for loosing my temper... I don't have anyone who comes close to you, in my life... and I don't wanna loose you over stupid bullshit...
Babes, you are my chapter 2. I need you.
You might be slow... ;) but you are the best...
*hugs and kisses*
Be your brave, calm, smiling self forever. I rely on you.
And I remind you, you are beautiful inside and outside, and genuine and you have a unique soul. You deserve the best in life, so don't settle for anthing less.
I am always here for you.
Eternal thanks for everything.
Mwahz
Eyaik.
|
Packing is a violent business. I'm bruised all over.
Cry fest on campus. Bye bye to some of the wackiest, funnest, sweetest girls I've ever been fortunate enough to meet. Depression sets in...
Life is a joke. I flew a fourteen hour trip to Europe to get documents that were already in Male' *sigh*
Not that I'm complaining. Shopping spree in London, Whipeeeee!
Broke though
*hmph*
There's something about UK and the large stretches of land and the whole freedom aspect of things that really makes me want to write very, very much...
Or it might be the hours of travelling.
Beats me.
Oh well, off to enjoy the present. Adios amigos...
Cry fest on campus. Bye bye to some of the wackiest, funnest, sweetest girls I've ever been fortunate enough to meet. Depression sets in...
Life is a joke. I flew a fourteen hour trip to Europe to get documents that were already in Male' *sigh*
Not that I'm complaining. Shopping spree in London, Whipeeeee!
Broke though
*hmph*
There's something about UK and the large stretches of land and the whole freedom aspect of things that really makes me want to write very, very much...
Or it might be the hours of travelling.
Beats me.
Oh well, off to enjoy the present. Adios amigos...
Talk about killing the dream...
|
Same man...
*sigh*
WHAT a disappointment...
I'm going to move on to greener pastures now... forget the past... oh damn where the fuck is my chocolate! Caffeine needed... system 'error' 'error' 'error'....
Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiiiiiii!
Speech Bubble...
|
We had a fascinating discussion aka debate today at a friend's place. What is the weaker sex... is female really the deadlier of the species... ?
In the end, we come to the same old conclusion but our personal views didn't really change very much. But there were excellent points made, and it was good dinner time, or rather mid-night snack, conversation.
It's funny you know, how it's easier for a women to fall in love or rather convince herself that she is in love but it takes a lot more convincing for a man but in long term women move on much, much easier than men. Hmmm well women have a higher pain threshold than men both physically as well as psychologically (don't you dare argue, we give birth don't we?)
It's not anhenun firihenun felun or being money crazed really dho... women do look for a man who can support her especially financially, where men normally seek support because they intend to (atleast initially) make and build a future on their own... applies to the most independant woman, and is best accepted don't you think.
Women complain forever that they have to take care of their men but there is a direct pleasure they derive from being able to leave him satisfied... sexually, emotionally and when it comes to their daily chores as well.
I heard quite a few young married couples complain about not having enough time to spend with each other tonight, and kept thinking how a child would affect their lives.The main thing was like the women keep saying that the guys come home at night only for sex... So as far as babies go, the men claim it'd keep the wife distracted from calling them home every 5 minutes, and the wives say the man wouldn't have time for a child anyway. All in all, I decided I don't want to get married in the next 5 years and as much as I adore kids, I'd delay that till I'm sure the relationship will survive through it...
You know, I think I'd like the guy around when I give birth though, just to see how much of a big deal it is... a natural birth yet... :> pakaaaas, needs to be a brave, brave guy obviously... *rofl* gonna be hard to find...
Dhen alhefahe...the discussion in still going on here, and the talk is about exes... and some don't like their partners to be closer to exes. Trust ge massala ekoa thee is the counter argument to exes aa alun gulhen faseyha vaaney feeling friends aa same eh nuvaaney(balifayeko), and I say not everything is plain and logical in relationships and people have different insecurities, so there is no point of trying to justify every bloody thing.
Why relationships today? Coz I just pretty much circled out of a perfectly good one (possibility wise, nice guy etc) because plainly speaking nice guy wasn't enough... I know I would probably never fall in love with him, I need someone I can speak to and be myself with, on my own terms. It's not totally about him letting me do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be ... I can compromise it's fine... but I need passion to keep the interest flowing you know? Don't wanna end up hurting an innocent dude. I hope everyone else understands though...
It was going too fast, and I stopped myself before jumping into an abyss, only time can tell what happens next with him or anyone else. I am not biased towards a particular person, nor am I looking for any one necessarily... but if I go for a relationship I now, at this point of my life, it will because I am somewhat certain towards the relationship and a potential future.
Just for laughs --->
Passwords A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in, "p..e..n..i..s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer responded: "Not Long Enough"
Something fascinating a friend sent to me, do take the time to read this ... it's a fascinating perspective. Very George Orwell '1980'/'Animal Farm' sorta thingey...
http://www.file.sc/ad5f28/3%20little%20pigs.txt
In the end, we come to the same old conclusion but our personal views didn't really change very much. But there were excellent points made, and it was good dinner time, or rather mid-night snack, conversation.
It's funny you know, how it's easier for a women to fall in love or rather convince herself that she is in love but it takes a lot more convincing for a man but in long term women move on much, much easier than men. Hmmm well women have a higher pain threshold than men both physically as well as psychologically (don't you dare argue, we give birth don't we?)
It's not anhenun firihenun felun or being money crazed really dho... women do look for a man who can support her especially financially, where men normally seek support because they intend to (atleast initially) make and build a future on their own... applies to the most independant woman, and is best accepted don't you think.
Women complain forever that they have to take care of their men but there is a direct pleasure they derive from being able to leave him satisfied... sexually, emotionally and when it comes to their daily chores as well.
I heard quite a few young married couples complain about not having enough time to spend with each other tonight, and kept thinking how a child would affect their lives.The main thing was like the women keep saying that the guys come home at night only for sex... So as far as babies go, the men claim it'd keep the wife distracted from calling them home every 5 minutes, and the wives say the man wouldn't have time for a child anyway. All in all, I decided I don't want to get married in the next 5 years and as much as I adore kids, I'd delay that till I'm sure the relationship will survive through it...
You know, I think I'd like the guy around when I give birth though, just to see how much of a big deal it is... a natural birth yet... :> pakaaaas, needs to be a brave, brave guy obviously... *rofl* gonna be hard to find...
Dhen alhefahe...the discussion in still going on here, and the talk is about exes... and some don't like their partners to be closer to exes. Trust ge massala ekoa thee is the counter argument to exes aa alun gulhen faseyha vaaney feeling friends aa same eh nuvaaney(balifayeko), and I say not everything is plain and logical in relationships and people have different insecurities, so there is no point of trying to justify every bloody thing.
Why relationships today? Coz I just pretty much circled out of a perfectly good one (possibility wise, nice guy etc) because plainly speaking nice guy wasn't enough... I know I would probably never fall in love with him, I need someone I can speak to and be myself with, on my own terms. It's not totally about him letting me do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be ... I can compromise it's fine... but I need passion to keep the interest flowing you know? Don't wanna end up hurting an innocent dude. I hope everyone else understands though...
It was going too fast, and I stopped myself before jumping into an abyss, only time can tell what happens next with him or anyone else. I am not biased towards a particular person, nor am I looking for any one necessarily... but if I go for a relationship I now, at this point of my life, it will because I am somewhat certain towards the relationship and a potential future.
Just for laughs --->
Passwords A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in, "p..e..n..i..s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer responded: "Not Long Enough"
Something fascinating a friend sent to me, do take the time to read this ... it's a fascinating perspective. Very George Orwell '1980'/'Animal Farm' sorta thingey...
http://www.file.sc/ad5f28/3%20little%20pigs.txt
Snippet
|
Summary of my current life...
(music and words are healing sources...)
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know
Why
Why
And I don't know
(music and words are healing sources...)
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why
And I don't know
Why
Why
And I don't know
Here a ? there a ? every where ?, ?
|
Have you ever been in a position in life...where you're wondering, from all aspects whether you're doing the right thing? You hope you are, technically you are... but it's not quite what your heart wants? Since your heart has never been right (in your memory of how things work), you don't trust your own instincts... and you watch a lot of life slip by, stuck in the memory of what was and clinging to the sparkle of what could have been? When you mistake love for sympathy and need is prioritised higher than want, and you convince yourself that you are being sensible, responsible and mature... but are you?
Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of questions...
And then there is the dilemma of following your heart, and becoming the irresposible, irrational one... you do it because it will make you happy... but at what cost...
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too selfish?
I guess it's too far gone to be justifying anything I've done... but, I keep wondering whether all this hassle is worth it... should I just have gone along with everything? I know the reasons for that are logical... but... I know the counter argument is pretty valid too... I guess, I just... feel so bad... about making such a fuss over everything... makes me feel like a uncaring selfish brat...
One question... does bribing a friend to keep his mouth shut about something that will hurt someone I care about make me stupid if this secret is something that hurts me... and I have nothing to loose from it coming out... and everyone but me thinks the person I am protecting is just trying to screw me over but I believe him for reasons that are utterly illogical? Not that the other one (who is almost blackmailing me because I want him to shut up pretty bad) is any saint... quite the opposite...
Yes, yes. It does make me stupid. Our own stupidity is what seperates us from other mindless individuals I suppose. *sheepish attempt to laugh*
Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of questions...
And then there is the dilemma of following your heart, and becoming the irresposible, irrational one... you do it because it will make you happy... but at what cost...
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too selfish?
I guess it's too far gone to be justifying anything I've done... but, I keep wondering whether all this hassle is worth it... should I just have gone along with everything? I know the reasons for that are logical... but... I know the counter argument is pretty valid too... I guess, I just... feel so bad... about making such a fuss over everything... makes me feel like a uncaring selfish brat...
One question... does bribing a friend to keep his mouth shut about something that will hurt someone I care about make me stupid if this secret is something that hurts me... and I have nothing to loose from it coming out... and everyone but me thinks the person I am protecting is just trying to screw me over but I believe him for reasons that are utterly illogical? Not that the other one (who is almost blackmailing me because I want him to shut up pretty bad) is any saint... quite the opposite...
Yes, yes. It does make me stupid. Our own stupidity is what seperates us from other mindless individuals I suppose. *sheepish attempt to laugh*
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I've been haunted by this song since I was around 9 or 10 years old... I watched the movie 'Mighty Joe Young' in Singapore, I was staying with a family without my Mom or Dad for something like 2 months or so... I heard this song, right around when my parents first started having serious problems...
It's in Swahilli and is a lullaby called 'the wind song' ...
Swahili:
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati unajiwa na
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati ndoto tamu
Lala mpaka usiku uisheniupepo wa usikuwimbo wanko na
Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele
English:
Sing a song and for moment and be visited by the wind...
Sing a song and for a moment dream sweetly of the wind ...
Sleep now until the night is dawn
The wind and the night song, are there and pass by...
However the song, my child, will go on forever.
It's wierd but beautiful at the same time...
It's in Swahilli and is a lullaby called 'the wind song' ...
Swahili:
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati unajiwa na
Imba wimbo wa upepowakati ndoto tamu
Lala mpaka usiku uisheniupepo wa usikuwimbo wanko na
Wimbo wangu inaendelea milele
English:
Sing a song and for moment and be visited by the wind...
Sing a song and for a moment dream sweetly of the wind ...
Sleep now until the night is dawn
The wind and the night song, are there and pass by...
However the song, my child, will go on forever.
It's wierd but beautiful at the same time...
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