Fairy Fucking Tales

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So we've all heard it... damsels in distress, prince charmings and frikkin' magic castles. The fairytale... since I was a kid... in typical girl fashion, I have to admit, I've had the dream.
Weirdly enough I've never been bothered to figure out who the villain in my story is. Now though, that I've been faced with slaying the fire breathing dragon... I have face the wicked witch with her steaming cauldron and destroy the curses and spells...
For further clarification, I enquired with the enchanted mirror (naturally)...

Me: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
Mirror: The hell if I know. Check people.com? Sorry but it sure ain't you sugar!
Me: Dude, don't you have anything nice to say?
Mirror: Uh... you're no Snow White bitch.
Me: So you wanna talk about skin colour now? Issat it?
Mirror: Charcoal Black. Whatever. You were saying?
Me: Yeah exactly… umm....Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the villain destroying it all?
Mirror: I’m a fucking mirror; do you not see the reflection? What am I, your personal psychiatrist? You’re the ass fuck who’s eating shit, and you want me to name people? Thomangel, why kind of a lame ass pussy name is that? You’re the cause of your own problems.
Me: ?????
(I always hated that story)
Could it be? Am I the villain of my own fairytale?
Certainly seems like it. Man, I'm so sick of myself. I've tried to clean my act up and be the proper daughter, sister, girlfriend... I've gotten pretty far too, or so I thought. But villains must always remain villains right? There is no redemption. They get like, destroyed and shit.
Case point: Dorothy melts the wicked witch of the west, Ariel turns Ursula into a shrimp and Aladdin actually locks up Jafar in a lamp… etcetera
So does that mean I need to try and vaporize myself in order for me to live happily ever after? Seems kind of pointless… So I’ve tried the Prince Charming will solve my problems and let me say, Prince Charming brought about most of ‘em, he ain’t so charming either. Not after you’ve lived together and had to go through the toilet seat should be down not up, and smelly socks go in the laundry, household chores aren’t just the chick’s responsibility (get with the times, we’ve been liberated idiot!) blah blah blah… It is can’t live ‘with or without you’ kind of situation though (thanks for going ahead and singing it Bono *rolls eyes*).
And, FYI in the situation of the wicked step mother, the wicked birth parents can be more of an issue. Ditto for step sisters/brothers. In fact, they could turn out to be much nicer than your blood relatives. MUCH. You may even want to adopt their families and denounce your own.
And the castle… man you grow up and you realize your castle doesn’t quite want you to be in it… and you need to built your own… which of course, more often ends up resembling a broken down shack. And you eat canned tuna for the rest of your life. Hurray! Yippee!
Thank God this shitholes gonna sink.
Screams and screams and pulls out all the frikkin goldy locks (or not) – FUCK happily ever after! Morons.

Last Kiss

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So there I was, standing on the little platform, feeling utterly and totally dejected, rejected and the like. It had been a total waste of a perfectly good holiday, bombarded with catastrophe after catastrophe. You know, the kind of holiday it takes massive amounts of alcohol to recover from. Ironically, departing was turning out to be far more painful than the enormous relief I had been expecting, albeit preparing, to feel.
I watched my friends discussing something animatedly with my mother, and tugged the ends of my mouth into what I hoped would turn out to be a smile, hoping to feel twist what I was feeling into a different emotion but it was just tugging at my heart all the more. I turned to gaze at the ferry and the deep blue that stretched ahead. Suddenly I couldn't breathe.
The trip that lay ahead was one that I had been making an average of four times an year, for the past four years so clearly, I should have been more than used to it. It wasn't like I wasn't coming back or anything... I was used to it. The thing about this particular situation... the thing is... I don't even know what the thing is actually! Well... the significance I suppose. Each journey is different of course, and depending on how you look at it, you're always saying a real goodbye to someone or something, sometimes a part of who you are, and you will, usually, find yourself welcoming something else instead.
I'm not even sure I'm telling this story right anymore!
I remember a shiver running from the back of my neck, right down to the very bottom of my spine, the kind of chill that makes you shudder and hug your shoulders, because you know it isn't the cold. I didn't know what this 'separation' would mean, as such but it filled me with longing... and the most desperate kind of pain. In retrospect, I think what terrified me the most was the need to recognise a reality that I already understood, but wasn't quite ready to admit.
As I hugged all of my friends goodbye, I knew they could feel all the built up tension inside of me. They were used to me making dumb comments and getting all teary eyed, but I know they knew things were different this time around, they did bear witness after all, to the medley of disasters that had taken place. So in true best friend fashion, they all tried cracking some seriously lame jokes, which were met with a few pitiful chuckles, and they all made sure each hug lasted just a little longer to try and make up for it. But they knew it and I knew it, and there was no real use to avoid it anymore so, after wasting as many seconds as I could manage , I finally turned to him, half hopeful, and mostly really freaking out. Le confrontation.
This last memory. Our last memory. The words seem morbid, like I was talking about someone dying. You could call it a death, I suppose, but not in the usual sense, not of a living soul. The death of a passion, the death of many memories spanning many years, the death of a feeling that kept me warm, cliche as it may be... many cold lonely nights.
His eyes, dammit... his eyes that never changed since he was that tiny little toddler on a yellow tricycle like in the picture I had... Big, brown eyes I stared into, searching for some kind of an answer. It was all eyes though, just eyes and I didn't even know what I was looking for? Some sparkle? A text page of instructions on what to do? Big ass red hearts popping out like in some deranged Tom and Jerry episode? Disturbing.
I had so many things to say, but none of it seemed remotely right. The carefully prepared speech I'd practised looking into the bathroom mirror - flushed down the toilet. I had so many things I wanted to explain, I had a couple of apologies I wanted to make... but how do you apologise about feelings? I'm sorry I acted like a total lunatic with the calls, but I didn't mean to? Yeah? See? Totally insane. I didn't just want to say sorry either. A part of me wanted to slap him until he was red in the face and scream at him till he was blue. Tell him exactly how much I hated him for allowing to make this mistake. Tell him I never even wanted anything to happen. But that wasn't true either. So how does something that was totally sweet and simple end up being so ugly and complicated? How exactly do two people go from being the best of friends, to never wanted to see each other again?
Then there was this awkward laugh. I'm not evens sure who laughed. It didn't really matter anyway. At that moment we were two strangers trapped in this tiny little space, locked away from every one and every thing else, suffocating, unable to move and unable to speak. I opened my arms, thinking all I had to do was get it over with, and there would be a pat on the back and I'd just walk away. But hugging him and feeling his warmth, the familiar scent and texture of his skin, I can't explain how I felt next... it was kind of like blowing a balloon and flinging it into the air, as it makes this weird noise and spins as it deflates.... I felt a release of something, this funny sweet feeling, whizzing into the air.
It wasn't that I was never going to see him again. it's just that I knew I couldn't see him again, that when I came back whenever that would be, he wouldn't be around, and I wouldn't be looking for him. The years couldn't matter anymore, there was nothing more to be said, everything that could go wrong had and we no longer even had a beginning to go back to.
I couldn't deal with the moment. This guy I used to talk about everything under the sun to, was going to become this msn contact that I never spoke to. If something hilarious happened, he was the person I would look to laugh with. When everything sucked, he was the person I wanted to talk to. It wasn't so much about what had happened, it was more about how much I knew I would miss us, and miss him. Every time we tried to connect after, there would be so much fucked up history that I'd be worrying about when I said this he'd think that and ..ugh... I so wish everything had never gotten this messed up. He was looking for fun, and I thought I was too, but then life changed and I suddenly ended up needing more than he could give. I was prepared for this meaningless fling, but how do you do meaningless with someone that means so much to you? It was a recipe for disaster, and we really burned down the house. I needed to say something or do something, but I was absolutely clueless.

My eyes felt wet and heavy and I knew I was going to have a major breakdown any moment, so I couldn't just hug him, I had to feel him on my lips and so I learn to kiss his cheek, my heart was beating so hard it seemed like everyone else could hear it too, and then, totally unexpected, his hand came up against my chin and pulled my face up, then abruptly, an adamant, almost assaulting kiss interrupted all my thoughts.
I forgot my parents were there, I forgot my friends were there, and I found myself quite literally, lost in the moment. Another, cliche, I know but it was so real... and it lasted just a few seconds, like I had a plug that had been pulled out of it's socked, for a few moments of freedom and beautiful darkness, before everything went back to how it should be.

New Look!!

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Finally, no more green. Aren't I brave? I took the plunge myself.. and decided to try and do it. Verdict - (deep breath, it's a big one)... it actually , wasn't that hard!!!! Revelation.. I'm gonna do this all the time! Yay..
Well not really. Due to me coming out of the closet about hating green.. and having a green blog thing becoming that much of a controversy (I'm a girl, I get to be a drama queen, aaight???) - It just got to the point that I just had to try. I'm tired of conning sweet boys to do my dirty work. Anyway.. Whew. So proud of myself for not fucking it up. Although I did almost delete my blogger account in the process (Don't ask.)
Anyway. Yay yay yay!
I'm going to watch Sex And The City. I have been looking forward to this for ages... but I had to wait to watch it....
*holds up imaginary mike and yodels 'girls just wanna have fun'!

Random Shait.

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Some one here who I shall not blame or name... is playing Sultan's song rulhi naadhey and it is just 'rulhi aruvaning' me. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol, it's this song I hate it reminds me of the annoying guys on Male' roads who have to do lame ass cat calls and whistles and never seem to fucking grow up and mind their own business. Am I the only person who thinks this is wrong?
Well, I know boys will just be boys but its so irritating.
Like I could be having a massively bad day, and it would be scorching hot... and I have to pass like.. artificial beach maybe. And I don't wanna waste a whole 25 bucks on a cab... so I'll walk. And then I'd have to face --- THE LEGION.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Rulhi naadhey rulhi naadhey? Oh gimme a break. Why am I targeting this song? Coz I was unfortunate enough to cross a few dudes who decided to make a remark 'bout me ...this was long ago... And then I was dumb enough to retort.. and I had to go through massive musical performance. It was very cringe worthy. I was wishing I kept my big mouth shut.
So it's not a critical issue. And no I'm not the feminist type to try and preach here. But I have to say it sometimes makes me wanna break things. Kekeke...
Oh well.. moving away from the thought.
Another sleepless night. Man...Does any one have a cure for insomnia?
Please?
C'mon..
:(
Btw... have you heard the supposedly famous song Get Low... FloRider Ft Tpain I believe. Is it just me or is 'apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur' just too lame to be lyrics?
I do not have a problem with rap or hiphop... if you're talking about say, Tupac yeah.. but that is just, I'm sorry, very lame. This is rivalled by Timberland Ft J.Timberlake, Missy Elliot - Bounce... it goes like this yeah...
Bounce (like yo' ass had the hiccups)
Bounce (like we was ridin' in my pick-up)
Bounce (why you lookin' so sad? baby girl you need to cheer up)
Bounce (I got the remedy, it's you on me and me on you
And you on me and me on you and you on her
Then her on me and her on you and y'all on me
Then me on y'all and y'all on me
Menage a trois, menage a tr-uh-uh)
Please. Like your ass had the hiccups? Oh gimme a break. Yuck.
Sigh. I need breakfast now. Adios amigoz.

A bit of a pointless post...

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We all have questions we need answered.
And I know no one really has the answers we are looking for...
But don't you just wish sometimes that they were all 'google-able?'
Lots of people manage to look really pulled together... and seem virtually flawless... living the American or Maldivian or whatever-it-is dream...
But I wonder, does any one get to really feel that satisfied?
Or do we just convince ourselves it's unattainable to save ourselves from making the effort?
Basically, are we just too fucking lazy to fulfil our potential (that is assuming we have much of it)?
I know, all I'm doing is coming up with another question that begs answering...
But hey it's 4.00.00 a.m. ... I can't be being very productive anyway :p
So here I sit by my laptop, munching up calories I know I'll be regretting when I look at the mirror in the morning (People will be up soon... jeez)...
Wondering if anyone really gets to be happy?
I mean, if happiness is simply a state of mind.. why is it so hard to achieve?
Do we get to a point and press pause?? Is that how the whole thing works?
If we all work to satisfy a need that is unattainable.. doesn't make it useless? Doesn't it make us useless? So how do we, as logically operated beings manage to survive so many centuries being so utterly useless?

Things I hate... really hate...

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So... Am inspired by Iya Ze Great... but I just realised I've done this a few times before... So anyway.. Friggin' bored so here's the updated version!

Waiting in queues and people take their own fucking time moving along...

People who don't fucking queue

Kiss and Tell

Religious Fanatics

Soaps

People who diss anything but Metal

Plastic Flowers

Empty Tissue Boxes

People who think Vodka and a laptop makes a party :P

Green Tea

Dim Sum

Anime Freaks (I know I'm going to get murdered for that but sorry, its pathetic)

Homophobes (what's your problem? let 'em exist, it doesn't make you less of a man)

Feminists

Chauvinists

Lazy bums who play PS/Xbox all the fucking time

Weed-a-holics (Get a life)

Friggin dhivehi version of haruvaalhu hedhun

Penguins... (ie. jubba/ bodu burugaa)

People with degrees/masters/phd's who think less of everyone else

People who have no education and lump around depending on other people's incomes

The word Badi/Slut/Whore

The word Gadda/Player/Stud

Maldivians/Indians...Basically asians who think they're white

Chicks who create too much drama

Chicks who talk constantly about shit they know shit about

Chicks who play dumb

Liars

Hypocrites

Politics

Lindsey Lohan

Miley Cyrus

So called Maldivian frikking gangs (pussies... all of 'em)

Chicks who can only talk about their boyfriends

Dicks who can only talk about their girlfriends

People who have cheesy pms

People who copy paste nicks from various lame websites

People who have supermodels and celebs as their dp's

Men who beg chicks to love 'em

Men who try to buy chicks with gifts and shit

Middle aged people who haven't truly lived think they know better (different era now, you don't know shit)

Crowds of people

Winter in England

MSN Live Messenger

Green Colour (Unless its a traffic light)

Durians

B.O.

People who can't cry/think it's lame (it shows ur human u freak)

Kaalhu voices...


Yeah.. so I'm gonna stop now...I could so frikkin go on though.. Woah... very angry night... perfect for tantrums ;)

Fanatic about Fanatics

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Maldivians come up with a lot of bullshit on a daily basis… have a conversation with anyone… look up the history (if you can call it that)… you could be talking about Rannamaari, it could be the excuse the dude is giving to his girlfriend, the speech at Friday prayers… the last DRP meeting… the latest Anni speech.. Bottom line - whatever it is, you can be sure that it’s at least 99% pure BULLSHIT. In a country where the closest thing to a cow you can get is beef from ‘Fantasy’ (that sounds so fucked up …) that’s really saying something…: P

Lately though, of all the nonsense we’ve been fed since we were poor hapless young ‘uns in primary school….what really got me huffin’ and puffin’ has to be the ever miraculous – JUDGEMENT DAY… Yeah I get how this can be a sensitive topic but hello… this has to be the only country on the planet that can find a connection between the end of the world and white walls! How friggin’ absurd is that? I mean I get the justification behind hell and heaven and rules of society and sin and all that… may not all compute, but anyone can see why this sort of philosophy has to exist… but seriously... Do we really need the idiotic details like people having to fuck all over the roads and buildings having to be tall?

I mean really… how sad is that… do we really have nothing better to do but fabricate a load of cock to make ourselves better about the fact that we have no idea where our lives are going and let’s face it… no one in the world would even notice if we disappeared? Think about it… Should we be wasting our money draping curtains all over us or should we be thinking about the fact that we’re probably going to be under water in the next ten years…? Aha! See?

Its ridiculous… our country is so completely fucked up in economics, education, population control, infrastructure, the ruling party, justice system… you name it baby, we’ve screwed it up!!! So what do we do?? We make our selves feel better by diving into deeper into fanaticism?? I totally get how religion makes us feel more secure and gives us reason for living, motivates us... blah blah blah... Fine... But hey… let me just give you an example…

I know someone who has recently migrated over to the side of *ahem* no return... if you know what I mean, ... But they are expecting a little one again... So they asked for some stuff to be sewn... and get this... Apparently there should be no living organisms depicted on the cloth, no human faces or animals or butterflies... Or flowers…no stars even! I mean, hey I can understand (although I will laugh at you anyway) why you might not want dolls and teddies... (Under the whole Buddha alhukan kurun idiotic rationalization) but please… you’re talking about a baby!!! And I know too many people who wont even let a three year old or two year old wear anything above their ankles!!! They're just toddlers????!!!! 'Aura' hasn't even happened yet??????? And try finding anything for a baby without a flower or a star or a teddy bear... Please, buying her a Barbie will not make her Buddhist or Hindu, I ASSURE YOU!!!! Guess who’s off the gift list eh?

What kind of pathetic idiotic rationalisations do people like this come up with??? I know, I know, I’ve migrated from blogging to ranting… but it’s fucking frustrating… shouldn’t people be pushing for a better education system and at least safe streets for their kids rather than become Al Qaeda wanna-bes?
Another thing... if Adam and Eve were educated about the world and animals and everything... Please explain to me why in so many millions of years... it is only now that we have electricity and plumbing and political institutions?? Do not start telling me that it was primitive before because between Parliamentary Members fingering the press and having entire channels dedicated to observing the lives of rich folks and pigging out at Mc D’s …

Please… you would’ve thought that they’d come up with condoms at least a hundred thousand years ago. Then, maybe we’d have a better situation today? Yes? I fail to see much of a progress.

The fuck? And I’ll probably get called some Satanic shit for saying so… but excuse me for wishing my country was less than a shit hole!
Religion is a whole friggin’ industry nowadays… hey hey, who would listen to the Islamic Democratic Party if they didn’t feel some sort of guilt … they associate with themselves with Islam… every Maldivian finds it mandatory to be a Muslim (I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong… it’s one thing to be born into a muslim family… but it’s an entirely different thing to be thrown in jail for merely contemplating the thought of a different lifestyle!).. anyway.. the point is that since they are directly associated with the religion itself, just about everyone finds themselves guilty as hell (giggle) for not paying attention to them.. see? Very smart of them… nothing to do with respecting faith whatsoever though. Even Barack Obama is scared shitless of being called a muslim see???? Religion whatever it may be… is very little to do with faith… and everything to do with perception and propaganda … at least in these times… Imagine the amount of money people make out of religious books, and campaigns… and selling certain things…. *whew*… its about principles and beliefs? Uh uh… the Dalai Lama for example.. is so friggin’ profiting off it’s celebrity spokespeople and what not… shit just isn’t shit in this world… it’s got a lot of other things to it… Btw.. have you heard about the Pope wearing Oscar de la Renta?? Shit’s even getting fashionable these days ;)

Wow… I should unload more often…. See?? This nonsense is what happens when I don’t blog enough! Anyway… it remains to be seen whether white walls make much of a difference… perhaps the world remains in the hands of the architects then? Heck maybe the Rannamaari will be back from the dead? I have to say, wouldn’t surprise me ;) maybe we’ll have to offer adolescent boys this time… Interesting thought hm?

Before I sign off... thanks people (you know who you are!!!!) for wanting me to blog ;)