So which is worse... never having a Dad... or having one who hates your very existence... ???
I see my friends with their respective Dads and it feels fucked.. like ... I don't know, I so wish he was an active part of my life still. I know our relationship has been reduced to bills and debit cards but I have never seen him as my bank account (hello, he never lavished gifts on me anyway) and it sucks that we are in such a formal relationship. What happened to the Dad who used to hang out with me anyway?
What the fuck am I being punished for?? Why is he now such stranger???
At least now I've figured why I can't stick to any guy or relationship. The chase is so much more exciting that the conquest itself, because when I have achieved the attention and affection then thats it, but it will never even begin to compare to or compensate for the deeper feeling of emptiness thats eating me up from inside.
I'll go to virtually any lengths to get what I want whether it be affection, attention, dedication, devotion or whatever but it ends up meaning pretty much nothing because the real need is a practically bottomless hole and I haven't met anyone who can cater for that sort of complexity or fill such a gaping void.
If only realisation and diagnose were solution enough.
A Tear
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For the past few months I've had a dilemma, no wait crisis, of major proportions. It may sound pretty silly to some, but it's actually sort of quite creepy. More to the point though - I can squeeze my eyes tight right back into the sockets... glare at onions being chopped, slice and diced... I've watched a marathon of tear inducing, supposedly heart wrenching movies and poured over half a dozen books of similar genre... practically hypnotized myself listening to sappy, sad, cheesy, corny love songs... - Yet me, who was once infamous for emotional bawling and a overly sensitive nature didn't and actually couldn't shed a single tear.
So what's the problem? No I'm not some sort of messed up cruel fucked up little shit head (at least I'd like to think not) and I really felt for each and every character I saw on screen or read about... It's not that my life ain't affecting me either. I've just started to turn to stone or something of the like.
Messenger Plus! Chat Log
Session Start: Friday, April 20, 2007
[After much talk]
(12:50 AM) [CENSORED]: wen ppl don't cry they loose the humanity in them n become heartless
Truer words have never been spoken. I've just been likened to rotten cabbage or worse by someone who I have loved, and truly cared for and was somewhat exceptional to all the barriers I put up. The first person I have just simply managed to toss open the perhaps not so pearly white gates to 'Rai-gri La' and... yeah I really feel like shit. I've spoken about it in prose, told friends in bits and pieces, spoken from theoretical perspectives and at a fairly neutral I'm-clearly-trying-my-best-to-remain-emotionally-uninvolved-but-its-all-fucked-up standpoint...but I haven't been able to really sit down and cry.
Like I've got some sorta glass ceiling erected that I can't hammer down. And it's actually getting visibly thicker and thicker and I can't do nothing about it. Almost a good thing, in a way it's steadfast protection.
And it scares me. Its scaring me that I'll never be that person again. I'll never feel that sorta pain maybe, but not the satisfaction either. I'm so caged in that I can't even shed a single tear when I'm all alone. Have I lost touch of myself so completely. I know I've never been this hurt before because when you stand stark naked in broad daylight and the privileged present actually have the nerve to reject you, the icy poison that releases burns further in than you could have imagined...and yet as the flesh hangs loosely over my charred skeletal frame and the maggots have begun to infest on my rotting carcass, yet even then, not a single tear has escaped it's confinement.
And that's saddest part to this.
So what's the problem? No I'm not some sort of messed up cruel fucked up little shit head (at least I'd like to think not) and I really felt for each and every character I saw on screen or read about... It's not that my life ain't affecting me either. I've just started to turn to stone or something of the like.
Messenger Plus! Chat Log
Session Start: Friday, April 20, 2007
[After much talk]
(12:50 AM) [CENSORED]: wen ppl don't cry they loose the humanity in them n become heartless
Truer words have never been spoken. I've just been likened to rotten cabbage or worse by someone who I have loved, and truly cared for and was somewhat exceptional to all the barriers I put up. The first person I have just simply managed to toss open the perhaps not so pearly white gates to 'Rai-gri La' and... yeah I really feel like shit. I've spoken about it in prose, told friends in bits and pieces, spoken from theoretical perspectives and at a fairly neutral I'm-clearly-trying-my-best-to-remain-emotionally-uninvolved-but-its-all-fucked-up standpoint...but I haven't been able to really sit down and cry.
Like I've got some sorta glass ceiling erected that I can't hammer down. And it's actually getting visibly thicker and thicker and I can't do nothing about it. Almost a good thing, in a way it's steadfast protection.
And it scares me. Its scaring me that I'll never be that person again. I'll never feel that sorta pain maybe, but not the satisfaction either. I'm so caged in that I can't even shed a single tear when I'm all alone. Have I lost touch of myself so completely. I know I've never been this hurt before because when you stand stark naked in broad daylight and the privileged present actually have the nerve to reject you, the icy poison that releases burns further in than you could have imagined...and yet as the flesh hangs loosely over my charred skeletal frame and the maggots have begun to infest on my rotting carcass, yet even then, not a single tear has escaped it's confinement.
And that's saddest part to this.
Comment La
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I discovered I like Take That... especially the track 'Patience', I like the lyrics 'my heart is numb has no feeling', salhi aslu and I can actually sing to it (Oh dear, my house-mates do not appreciate this fact though) but seriously, I mean how the fuck do you sing along to say... Iron Maiden or Megadeath or worse, Slayer?
Hm... Korn Unplugged album is very nice I must say, the video is damn creative as well. I can't imagine how much they blew away getting Xzibit and Snoop Dogg to perform :P ...Amy Lee was a nice touch too...
Back to the telly.. Adios!
Hm... Korn Unplugged album is very nice I must say, the video is damn creative as well. I can't imagine how much they blew away getting Xzibit and Snoop Dogg to perform :P ...Amy Lee was a nice touch too...
Back to the telly.. Adios!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Racist Maldivians
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Maldivians are weird people you know. Some think they are white. Some think that they are black and go all 'yo ma nigger' when they have no right to. Hell no. Why can't they accept that they are from Indian descent. LOL... we look Indian, we speak similar to Sanskrit and our script is derived from Arabic/Urdu . Now I don't want to go into detail about our origin that's really not the point here. The point is regarding the amazing display of shameless stupidity.
Reggae and Hiphop is like... so ... erm... not the norm :P not that I care and yes, dreads look hot and the dhivehi afro is awesome... but what really drives me crazy is the punk/rock/metal/goth crazy (all of which they mix and match by the way)... appreciate music genres if you wish but why the hell would you want to conform to a culture that is totally and completely racist?
I'm talking about Gothic subculture and metal-heads and all that shit. ITS WHITE FUCKING CULTURE MAN... get a life. Oh you have one is it? Then get it straight! You are currently promoting people who think you are shit!!! Its for white people. And the whites are all black (ironic...) so the blacks should become all white :P
QUOTE "Metal heads are typically drawn from the working classes and in Europe and North America are almost exclusively white, however in Arizona metal heads are divided between White, Mexican, & Native American very evenly." END FUCKING QUOTE
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metalhead)
So it was years ago... but it's still dumb to endorse something that incorporates white supremacy (again to 'dhon' dhivehin... you are not white, the closest you come to are North Indians!!)and yes they are trying to erase their history of racial discrination and associations with such but the fact of the matter is that it was a prevalent issue at Victorian times which is what Gothism is supposed to be celebrating. Fine, it's about self expression but do you really need the bloody spikes and black smeared on your face? Do you see anything about African or Indians??? No?? Get a drift? you'd be better off dressing BANGRA :P LOL... Jeez it's like a Chinese Rastafarian man... Just ain't right :P Heheheheh!
Admittedly Wikipedia ain't the most reliable source but you should be able to get what I'm talking about here. Its not that I don't know the main theme of Gothic Subculture and I'm not confusing it with Medieval/Victorian roots...I'm saying you should look into some of the key beliefs they held other than depression. *Laughs!* Whens the last time you heard of a colored goth anyway?
And y'all have no right to call yourselves niggers and especially to call Africans niggers. Y'all are not black and thus it is still derogatory for you to say so. So eff off! And by the way stop calling them 'baburun' thats disgusting. Stop calling Sri Lankans 'orin' too. Shit man... its sick.
So I try braids coz it's fun and then this fucked up chick coz 'thigolaa mihaaru heevanee baburu gola eh hen' like thats a problem... :P Fuck off dude. Don't act like you're too good for something. It's cheap in itself. I know me trying braids sounds a bit hypocritical but keep in mind I tried the look, I did not incorporate in into a lifestyle nor am I confused about my race as of such.
Maldivians. Such racists. To the extent we hate our own race. And we discriminate within our race. Adduvians, Dhonaa Kalhaa... you know what, I'll not even start there! Lol.
[I'm entitled to my own perception, ideas and opinion so blll :P]
Reggae and Hiphop is like... so ... erm... not the norm :P not that I care and yes, dreads look hot and the dhivehi afro is awesome... but what really drives me crazy is the punk/rock/metal/goth crazy (all of which they mix and match by the way)... appreciate music genres if you wish but why the hell would you want to conform to a culture that is totally and completely racist?
I'm talking about Gothic subculture and metal-heads and all that shit. ITS WHITE FUCKING CULTURE MAN... get a life. Oh you have one is it? Then get it straight! You are currently promoting people who think you are shit!!! Its for white people. And the whites are all black (ironic...) so the blacks should become all white :P
QUOTE "Metal heads are typically drawn from the working classes and in Europe and North America are almost exclusively white, however in Arizona metal heads are divided between White, Mexican, & Native American very evenly." END FUCKING QUOTE
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metalhead)
So it was years ago... but it's still dumb to endorse something that incorporates white supremacy (again to 'dhon' dhivehin... you are not white, the closest you come to are North Indians!!)and yes they are trying to erase their history of racial discrination and associations with such but the fact of the matter is that it was a prevalent issue at Victorian times which is what Gothism is supposed to be celebrating. Fine, it's about self expression but do you really need the bloody spikes and black smeared on your face? Do you see anything about African or Indians??? No?? Get a drift? you'd be better off dressing BANGRA :P LOL... Jeez it's like a Chinese Rastafarian man... Just ain't right :P Heheheheh!
Admittedly Wikipedia ain't the most reliable source but you should be able to get what I'm talking about here. Its not that I don't know the main theme of Gothic Subculture and I'm not confusing it with Medieval/Victorian roots...I'm saying you should look into some of the key beliefs they held other than depression. *Laughs!* Whens the last time you heard of a colored goth anyway?
And y'all have no right to call yourselves niggers and especially to call Africans niggers. Y'all are not black and thus it is still derogatory for you to say so. So eff off! And by the way stop calling them 'baburun' thats disgusting. Stop calling Sri Lankans 'orin' too. Shit man... its sick.
So I try braids coz it's fun and then this fucked up chick coz 'thigolaa mihaaru heevanee baburu gola eh hen' like thats a problem... :P Fuck off dude. Don't act like you're too good for something. It's cheap in itself. I know me trying braids sounds a bit hypocritical but keep in mind I tried the look, I did not incorporate in into a lifestyle nor am I confused about my race as of such.
Maldivians. Such racists. To the extent we hate our own race. And we discriminate within our race. Adduvians, Dhonaa Kalhaa... you know what, I'll not even start there! Lol.
[I'm entitled to my own perception, ideas and opinion so blll :P]
Im Bored Lar.
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Blog kuraa dhuvas varegga dhen kureveynee kureveynee... nukuranyaa onaanee kon me dhuvahaku meethi gandu check kuramun dhiyas liyan maa bura masakkathakah vefa. Ajaibeh sahaadhu mi bunee... hairaanun antharees :)
Koky... so, bored. Like I find hardly anything entertaining anymore. Movies, books... parties... people = all boring! So fed up of hoping for betterment. Actually you know, the whole world pretty much sucks and we know it. It's hope for a better tomorrow that makes you feel better. Happiness is directly proportional to amount of Hope instilled.
And Hope itself is a lie mankind came up with because it's based on a belief that is based on zero logical thinking and caused by wants rather than necessities. So there is like nothing great about life at all ey bunebveynee :P
Atm, (AT THE MOMENT) my life is very salhi. I'm not a id anymoreeeeeeeeeeee in the eyes of family FINALLY. I'm being totally honest with my family and I no longer feel like I have anything to hide. Pluzzz I'm taking a break and spending more time on broadening my literary mind (By the by, Perfume - The Story Of A Murderer is as excellent a movie as the book is in my humble opinion and if you disagree I don't care :P) ... kekeke... well maybe not spending as much time doing academically oriented activity but... certainly not clubbing and stuff.
Perhaps its just laziness. Quite possible actually.
Maybe I just need to feel alive again. And I'm numb to the usual remedies of clubbing or partying (same thing nar? LOL) ... or hanging out, or sports... or doing dangerous and exciting new things. I need a new rush. Or I need something to rejuvenate the feeling perhaps. Its been a long time since I've really been in love.
Again ekkala haijaanu dho. Ekam you know, it's such a good feeling when you think the whole world is revolving around the two of you, and the sun is that much brighter now and the flowers never looked better... when he/she/it/they is around its like nothing else you've ever felt before? Remember what it was like to be sixteen and hopelessly infatuated?
Ofcourse, older and wiser its much harder for that to happen if at all. But it was so nice to be so young and oblivious. It was so nice. The closest thing we can feel now is the intimacy that comes with dating and spending lots of time together and taking it to higher levels... when too much communication becomes unnecessary because you understand each other so well. Thats a wonderful feeling too.
Life's like an hourglass, glued to the table... and there's nothing I can do to change the course or the speed or the way the sand flows.
The greatest dilemma I am facing nowadays is the impending question 'to curl or not to curl'? I wanna but I think nugulheyney. Don't laugh - tis a matter of life and death. (All suggestions and comments on the matter are encouraged and welcomed) :)
Koky... so, bored. Like I find hardly anything entertaining anymore. Movies, books... parties... people = all boring! So fed up of hoping for betterment. Actually you know, the whole world pretty much sucks and we know it. It's hope for a better tomorrow that makes you feel better. Happiness is directly proportional to amount of Hope instilled.
And Hope itself is a lie mankind came up with because it's based on a belief that is based on zero logical thinking and caused by wants rather than necessities. So there is like nothing great about life at all ey bunebveynee :P
Atm, (AT THE MOMENT) my life is very salhi. I'm not a id anymoreeeeeeeeeeee in the eyes of family FINALLY. I'm being totally honest with my family and I no longer feel like I have anything to hide. Pluzzz I'm taking a break and spending more time on broadening my literary mind (By the by, Perfume - The Story Of A Murderer is as excellent a movie as the book is in my humble opinion and if you disagree I don't care :P) ... kekeke... well maybe not spending as much time doing academically oriented activity but... certainly not clubbing and stuff.
Perhaps its just laziness. Quite possible actually.
Maybe I just need to feel alive again. And I'm numb to the usual remedies of clubbing or partying (same thing nar? LOL) ... or hanging out, or sports... or doing dangerous and exciting new things. I need a new rush. Or I need something to rejuvenate the feeling perhaps. Its been a long time since I've really been in love.
Again ekkala haijaanu dho. Ekam you know, it's such a good feeling when you think the whole world is revolving around the two of you, and the sun is that much brighter now and the flowers never looked better... when he/she/it/they is around its like nothing else you've ever felt before? Remember what it was like to be sixteen and hopelessly infatuated?
Ofcourse, older and wiser its much harder for that to happen if at all. But it was so nice to be so young and oblivious. It was so nice. The closest thing we can feel now is the intimacy that comes with dating and spending lots of time together and taking it to higher levels... when too much communication becomes unnecessary because you understand each other so well. Thats a wonderful feeling too.
Life's like an hourglass, glued to the table... and there's nothing I can do to change the course or the speed or the way the sand flows.
The greatest dilemma I am facing nowadays is the impending question 'to curl or not to curl'? I wanna but I think nugulheyney. Don't laugh - tis a matter of life and death. (All suggestions and comments on the matter are encouraged and welcomed) :)
Tid Bits...
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I'm addicted to bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Yeah, I should have been Italian. I eat this too many times a day, at least a loaf of bread a day. No exaggerations.
I'm learning Swahili! I love the way the language sounds... so pretty... 'Mambo!' is
'Wassup'... how cool is that? Sounds so upbeat :)
Hmm what else, I think Beautiful Liar is so damned sexy... and I think Avril's starting to become very thui, and borderline annoying. :/ So much for being the blonde exception.
Linkin Park is starting to remind me more and more of U2. I don't know why. My beloved Mike Shinoda now looks old. :(
Amusing SIGHTS of MALAYSIA
Restauranteh -->
Bakari dhenee huri gothah baa?
Darling Tony -->
My New Plant -->
What does this remind you of really?
Snail ATTACK -->
Are so many even supposed to be in the same place, let alone outside our Condo???? Ahh FINIHAKAXXXXX!
Okay, we are very sad people in this house. We just watched Janet Dickinson's Model Show and Mr. World and drooled over men on a Saturday night. *pulls blanket over my head* Ohhhh Mannn... :(
Fuck I'm having serious memory loss now. I cannot differentiate between hallucinations, dreams and reality! Crazy... Scary... I don't quite understand it. Like just now, I had a flashback moment when I played the track 'Tribute' by Tenacious D... felt like I had discussed it earlier with some friends and I don't know whether it happened or whether it was a dream.
I'm learning Swahili! I love the way the language sounds... so pretty... 'Mambo!' is
'Wassup'... how cool is that? Sounds so upbeat :)
Hmm what else, I think Beautiful Liar is so damned sexy... and I think Avril's starting to become very thui, and borderline annoying. :/ So much for being the blonde exception.
Linkin Park is starting to remind me more and more of U2. I don't know why. My beloved Mike Shinoda now looks old. :(
Amusing SIGHTS of MALAYSIA
Restauranteh -->
Bakari dhenee huri gothah baa?
Darling Tony -->
My New Plant -->
What does this remind you of really?
Snail ATTACK -->
Are so many even supposed to be in the same place, let alone outside our Condo???? Ahh FINIHAKAXXXXX!
Okay, we are very sad people in this house. We just watched Janet Dickinson's Model Show and Mr. World and drooled over men on a Saturday night. *pulls blanket over my head* Ohhhh Mannn... :(
Fuck I'm having serious memory loss now. I cannot differentiate between hallucinations, dreams and reality! Crazy... Scary... I don't quite understand it. Like just now, I had a flashback moment when I played the track 'Tribute' by Tenacious D... felt like I had discussed it earlier with some friends and I don't know whether it happened or whether it was a dream.
Juz Thinkin'
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There are two things that can change the course your entire life is heading forever in a millisecond. One is a natural disaster (think Tsunami). The other is an unplanned pregnancy (think Wah!).
I know several people who have been through this scenario, or have faced the possibility of that becoming a reality, and the fear is a very real one. I know someone who is going through this whole process. And the wait till she can confirm so is driving a very sane woman - extremely hysterical.
From 'how could I be so stupid', to 'OMG what the hell am I going to do', to 'who should I tell', 'how am I gonna tell him!!!'... to probably 'how could he be so heartless', 'the word is ABORTION, not kill'... etc... leading hopefully to 'I have never been so happy to get my period'. It's all very cliche. It's all pretty predictable. But everyone panics anyway.
Silly. But still eh.
Pending question in my head...
Would you actually tell the guy if it was you? Even if you're not sure? And you aren't even serious although you are good friends? And you know he'll really sweat it?
In that case, if you were the guy, would you rather not know? Or would you like to atleast be there for her?
Suppose it's all over, would you ever tell the guy about the scare? Anfd if you were the guy, how'd you react to this information?
*blending brain in electric blender, the pinkish juice is getting thicker and frothier*
I was just watching a Chinese movie and the kid thinks that he got his girl classmate preggers coz he slept next to her, lol and it is damned cute... this was in my sociology class. Hehe, got my brain worked up on the whole thought thing again.
I know several people who have been through this scenario, or have faced the possibility of that becoming a reality, and the fear is a very real one. I know someone who is going through this whole process. And the wait till she can confirm so is driving a very sane woman - extremely hysterical.
From 'how could I be so stupid', to 'OMG what the hell am I going to do', to 'who should I tell', 'how am I gonna tell him!!!'... to probably 'how could he be so heartless', 'the word is ABORTION, not kill'... etc... leading hopefully to 'I have never been so happy to get my period'. It's all very cliche. It's all pretty predictable. But everyone panics anyway.
Silly. But still eh.
Pending question in my head...
Would you actually tell the guy if it was you? Even if you're not sure? And you aren't even serious although you are good friends? And you know he'll really sweat it?
In that case, if you were the guy, would you rather not know? Or would you like to atleast be there for her?
Suppose it's all over, would you ever tell the guy about the scare? Anfd if you were the guy, how'd you react to this information?
*blending brain in electric blender, the pinkish juice is getting thicker and frothier*
I was just watching a Chinese movie and the kid thinks that he got his girl classmate preggers coz he slept next to her, lol and it is damned cute... this was in my sociology class. Hehe, got my brain worked up on the whole thought thing again.
Another Day
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I had a cultural show last night to go to, had to model a stupid dhigu-hedhun (uglier version of our national dress). Looked a bit like a drag queen/cross dressing man... felt like it actually coz it is a absolutely totally feminine (RADIATES IT) dress, and I haven't worn anything pretty for longer than I can remember. Am still trying to think of an appropriate total to charge my friend for making me go through all that embarrassing, time consuming, totally wasteful bullshit :P ... hehehe... but no, it was a fun thing - in the end.
But I think that was more of relief than actual enjoyment.
I am in a Prom Committee. What happened to my lovely uncomplicated life of coll to home and back again :( ... I went out of class for less than five minutes and when I come back lo and behold I have become a fucking representative. What a waste of my precious time. I think I should back out. But I get free entrance to the Prom now... but considering I do not have a date, the hell is the point anyway?
I don't even feel like wearing a dress. I mean, I don't feel like I can. This is what happens to a female's morale when she has too many gorgeous friends. *groans*
My friend told me today that I let the little things get to me so much. I know she's right, but some things just bug me more than the rest.
I'm irritable oala.
I got a hot hot hot dress as of a few hours ago. YAY. Now I feel much better about myself. Even a ugly duckling like me would look presentable in that gorgeous thing.
My life is not over yet.
Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa
But I think that was more of relief than actual enjoyment.
I am in a Prom Committee. What happened to my lovely uncomplicated life of coll to home and back again :( ... I went out of class for less than five minutes and when I come back lo and behold I have become a fucking representative. What a waste of my precious time. I think I should back out. But I get free entrance to the Prom now... but considering I do not have a date, the hell is the point anyway?
I don't even feel like wearing a dress. I mean, I don't feel like I can. This is what happens to a female's morale when she has too many gorgeous friends. *groans*
My friend told me today that I let the little things get to me so much. I know she's right, but some things just bug me more than the rest.
I'm irritable oala.
I got a hot hot hot dress as of a few hours ago. YAY. Now I feel much better about myself. Even a ugly duckling like me would look presentable in that gorgeous thing.
My life is not over yet.
Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa
Horny-Ness
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People have sex for money. For love. For passion. Why not for release?
Some people snort it up for a release.
Some people drink their ass off.
Some people smoke up and get high.
Maybe some people just fuck.
Ever thought about sex that way? As a release of tension?
Because that what it all boils down to, even the freaking climax. It's relaxing tensed muscles. Be it your brain or your dick or whatever.
For some one who are so damn stressed that you can't even chill a bit, it helps you relax, it helps you sleep. It has the very same effect a massage has on us, our muscles can loosen up and we feel refreshed.
Fuck I can't bitch about all the benefits. Refer to link below for further reference.
http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html
WARNING: This article will make you feel damned GUILTY if you are not having sex.
I'm just saying... some people might just engage in sexual activity to ease the pain they are currently feeling. To even just help them relax mind/body...and focus better on whatever they are doing. Maybe sex should be just thought of as such...exercise! LOL
I don't know, why bother with love really. You have your friends for support and affection. You have your friends with benefits for your 'other' tension. Sometimes I just wish that was all we needed in life. Then things would just be set, the way they are.
No need to bother with a head hunt for Prince Charming.
*Checks watch like the rabbit in Alice In Wonderland, "You're late, you're late - you're laaaaaate!"
Some people snort it up for a release.
Some people drink their ass off.
Some people smoke up and get high.
Maybe some people just fuck.
Ever thought about sex that way? As a release of tension?
Because that what it all boils down to, even the freaking climax. It's relaxing tensed muscles. Be it your brain or your dick or whatever.
For some one who are so damn stressed that you can't even chill a bit, it helps you relax, it helps you sleep. It has the very same effect a massage has on us, our muscles can loosen up and we feel refreshed.
Fuck I can't bitch about all the benefits. Refer to link below for further reference.
http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html
WARNING: This article will make you feel damned GUILTY if you are not having sex.
I'm just saying... some people might just engage in sexual activity to ease the pain they are currently feeling. To even just help them relax mind/body...and focus better on whatever they are doing. Maybe sex should be just thought of as such...exercise! LOL
I don't know, why bother with love really. You have your friends for support and affection. You have your friends with benefits for your 'other' tension. Sometimes I just wish that was all we needed in life. Then things would just be set, the way they are.
No need to bother with a head hunt for Prince Charming.
*Checks watch like the rabbit in Alice In Wonderland, "You're late, you're late - you're laaaaaate!"
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I really don't know what I should do next. I mean, it's like I think I'm moving on and changing pace but I forget to change course so I'm still travelling within the same cycle.
It's like I never learn from these same mistakes and I'm making them over and over again. Maybe my subconcious just finds this lifestyle easier than moving on ha? Maybe I don't have anywhere to move on to. Since when am I so dependant? I don't know.
I'm still stuck in the same rut tring to solve everyones problems, then ironically getting blamed for being other peoples shit...and not knowing where my own path lies... much less where it could lead to. Its too fucked up...
I am so fucked up.
I'm trying to do everything right but I end up hurting all the people I want to protect... I don't know where to go, what to do... who to believe. Maybe I don't evern need to but I have this burning urge for answers and reasonable explanations. I can't bring myself to just believe someone can be so spiteful, for no reason. I don't like being told, there's nothing you or I can do about it. There has to be a solution to everything - there has to be.
Yeah okay, maybe I am being childish. I know... It's really stupid to try and please everyone. I know this will sound even sillier but maybe it's just in my nature. I know, it makes me seem weak and vulnerable. So I am... Hm...
Okay, I want to do the smart thing. It's just not easy for me to let go of all my attachments. I know I should listen to my instincts... but that's a different kind of stupid risk than the ones I am used to taking. :/ Does that even make sense?
I never really realised before that it physically, really hurts to see the people I love hurt. Really... and it's worse to be in a position where you can do nothing but stand by and watch, or you are stuck far away and are trying to watch over but all in vain.
" Seems I've found the road to no where...
And I'm trying to escape,
I held back when I heard thunder!
But I'm down to one last breath... "
So where do I go from here? Who do I trust? I hardly trust myself anymore.
It's like I never learn from these same mistakes and I'm making them over and over again. Maybe my subconcious just finds this lifestyle easier than moving on ha? Maybe I don't have anywhere to move on to. Since when am I so dependant? I don't know.
I'm still stuck in the same rut tring to solve everyones problems, then ironically getting blamed for being other peoples shit...and not knowing where my own path lies... much less where it could lead to. Its too fucked up...
I am so fucked up.
I'm trying to do everything right but I end up hurting all the people I want to protect... I don't know where to go, what to do... who to believe. Maybe I don't evern need to but I have this burning urge for answers and reasonable explanations. I can't bring myself to just believe someone can be so spiteful, for no reason. I don't like being told, there's nothing you or I can do about it. There has to be a solution to everything - there has to be.
Yeah okay, maybe I am being childish. I know... It's really stupid to try and please everyone. I know this will sound even sillier but maybe it's just in my nature. I know, it makes me seem weak and vulnerable. So I am... Hm...
Okay, I want to do the smart thing. It's just not easy for me to let go of all my attachments. I know I should listen to my instincts... but that's a different kind of stupid risk than the ones I am used to taking. :/ Does that even make sense?
I never really realised before that it physically, really hurts to see the people I love hurt. Really... and it's worse to be in a position where you can do nothing but stand by and watch, or you are stuck far away and are trying to watch over but all in vain.
" Seems I've found the road to no where...
And I'm trying to escape,
I held back when I heard thunder!
But I'm down to one last breath... "
So where do I go from here? Who do I trust? I hardly trust myself anymore.
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