Ooh la la!

Oooh la la!
Oui, zere iz no place like ze Paris!
Dropping the hideous accent though, I still maintain my disposition…there is something magical about France and Paris is a city in a class of its own.
This weekend I had the pleasure of going to an E.U. themed conference *snore, snore* in Paris *sit up straight, sleep forgotten* and it was worth it…
My French is awful I discovered, and I could barely order a croissant, nevertheless I stuffed myself with escargots, cuisses de grenouille, moules-frites and crepe. Mmm, stomach rumbles loudly as the memory flashes in my mind.
Walking from the Arch De Triomphe and down Champs Elysées in my mind flashed half a dozen novels I’ve read from Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, Chocolat, by Joanne Harris to Perfume by Patrick Süskind and I just couldn’t believe I was actually in Paris. Dream come true…
Delicatessen, Ma Vie en rose, Cyrano de Bergerac are must see French movies by the way. Whilst on the movie topic I have to say Moulin Rouge took my breath away – it’s sexy, it’s classy and it’s a once in a life time experience… Was such a laugh walking down the street to get there…museum of sex, sexodrome? Only in Paris ma cherie, only in Paris!

I have been seduced by France…
Mona Lisa… is beyond description as is the entire Louvre and I shall not even begin on the topic. Just go there some day, and see it for yourself and you will know what I mean…
La Tour Eiffel… *sigh* at sunrise is breathtaking, sunset is gorgeous and sparkling at night is glorious…
Quite depressing not having mon amor around and all but still, it’s the city of the people, the city of love, the city of light. Inspiration everywhere… a world of art and I really wish I could be reborn to the glory days… how very wonderful that must be…ah well autres temps, autres moeurs.
I could go on and on, but I shall stop now and finish writing up these post cards.
Au revoire!

Very corny story I wrote when bored in Coll

I close my eyes as he moves closer and closer, I can feel the warmth of his breath as he leans further in. I place my hand on his chest, his heart beat synchronising with mine, faster and faster. My fingers explore and move towards his neck, drawing him closer and closer…
I open my eyes and the chimera dissolves into cold, harsh reality. I’m desperate for change, my soul is starving for some truth. Every moment I look into those eyes I fall more and more into the unfathomable pit hole of love. I can’t live with or without him, but he doesn’t have a clue. Tell me, how do I choose between the pain of an unrequited love and of being so detached from your being?
He grins and balances the guitar on his thighs, and runs a long slender finger along a single fret. His tongue slides and moistens his full lips and by instinct I imitate the gesture, running my tongue along mine. He smiles again, his dimple more prominent and giving his that sexy boyish effect, slightly purses his lips together and begins to whistle a tune, tapping his feet to a beat. One, two, one. Swinging the magnificent instrument around him he stands tall, a good two feet taller than me, and hums a seductive soft melody. He strums each chord expertly; he’s done this every day of his life. He plucks each string one after the other perfectly in rhythm with a passion. The notes form the song composed by my heart that plays in my soul every time his gaze locks with mine, just as he’s doing now.
His rich baritone touches my senses in a way that words cannot do justice to, evoking feelings in me I never knew I possessed. I wonder whether he knows that his gentle serenade is breaking down every barrier and pummelling through my walls. He’s inside me, filling me with a love that shall never be mine.
I plead to him, my eyes glistening with tears, please stop this agony. Don’t lie to me; don’t pretend to feel things that you clearly don’t. Don’t play around, that’s my heart you just tore into a million little pieces.
A sudden spurt of confidence prompts me to face forward and look him in the eye. The ardour so apparent in my expression I think surprises him at first, but he recovers quickly and winks mischievously. I begin to wonder whether he noticed anything or not.
‘The next song’s for my baby’, the tune transforms into one more evocative and the words seem be derived from the very core of his soul. ‘Every evening I leave just to see that smile. She’s draped in the softest blue silk and the winds playing with her hair. Beauteous, silken hair and sparkling, seductive eyes…No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. Every time I see a desire to touch you deepens, just to feel the perfection that is you…’
I turn away, the heat rising in my face. What is he talking about? Surely, no, it couldn’t be me… could it? Impossible... he’s teasing me again. Furious with myself for reacting so violently, I stood up, turned around and began to walk away. A strong hand grabs me. Is it him?
‘You’re robbing me of my sleep, reoccurring in my thoughts. My soul feel’s rigid; I can feel my patience running out. I can’t erase the thought of you from my mind, you’re name’s become engraved in my heart. Searched the worlds but in vain, to find a match to your beauty’
It’s another man, standing by the bar. I blush vehemently, oh how could I let my thoughts wander like that! I snatch my hand away, scowling but the man stares ahead and points. Curious now, I turn back. He was standing, arms outstretched, a rose resting in his open left palm. ‘I love you too’ he whispers. I hadn’t even noticed the music stopped. No cocky grin this time, and the sincerity reflected in his almost blank expressionless face, was seduction beyond any I’d ever experienced. The hairs stood upright at the back of my neck.
‘No, No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. When you look at me you fill my mind, body and soul with a blissful happiness that is far beyond any measure or description…’
Through no will of my own, my legs begin moving, and I’m running faster and faster but instead of flinging myself into his embrace I halt and his arms drop to his sides. I wish I had more courage but I just stood there frozen, not knowing my next move. Slowly he tucks the rose behind my right ear, and runs his fingers delicately through my hair, leans forward and brushes his lips against my forehead. ‘Silk…’
I close my eyes as he moves closer and closer, I can feel the warmth of his breath as he leans further in. I place my hand on his chest, his heart beat synchronising with mine, faster and faster. My fingers explore and move towards his neck, drawing him closer and closer…
This time I don’t wake up. This time it doesn’t stop. Time stops… the world ceases to exist, it’s just him and me. My dream came true at last, at last! It’s more beautiful than I could ever have imagined… far beyond any measure or description.

Slightly out-dated...

Stupid school disables anything to do with blogs...what a pity, you can learn so much from them noontha? Atleast, I think so and so, unless I make another one at some wierd chinese site I can only blog once in a while... :( but, I have decided to remain loyal to my blog and thus... here follows my entry for 12th Jan following into the 13th...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
…In anticipation to Friday the 13th.
Damn I get irritated when people fucking patronise me for being so young. I don’t feel like 'just a teen', I’m sure I don’t think like 'just a teen' and to the majority I don’t even look like 'just a teen', most of the time I don’t behave like 'just a teen' - come on we all have to let loose and be silly once in a while. I don’t pretend to know every fucking thing but I’m not stupid and I do not like being treated as though I am. Whew! Good to chuck all ma negativity out.
Another fucking year passed and what have I achieved? Never in my whole life have I reflected back on anything and regretted it so much. Never felt so ashamed. Disgusting year, and I though I can hardly imagine what this year has in store, I look forward to tomorrow and I’m glad that what’s past is over.
I could go on about how I’m cursed and life is just so bloody unfair but I don’t intend to feel any pity for myself. I made the wrong decisions and was blind to anything worth paying attention to and it is all my fault, better bear up and face up to the blame.
I don’t feel the need for a partner in my life right now, in reality… and I have serious doubts regarding whether I have even come across such a person in my life yet. I shouldn’t judge but seventeen is still pretty young and serious relationships are shit that will just keep holding you back from the dreams you are reaching out to.
Last year, I thought I needed a boyfriend – the perfect one, desperately. I wanted to experiment and learn at the same time. Disastrous combination really, but confusion regarding such choices sprouted from the journey to finding myself.
I still haven’t really found myself or achieve anything near to peace and contentment, and I don’t expect to for quite some time. The journey is hard, but it’s interesting and it is worth it, I have discovered.
There is a reason for every breath you draw it and every step forward or backward that you take. I haven’t figured out why, and I doubt I ever will achieve a satisfactory answer, but identifying the question and understanding it’s basis is an important thing to do, I believe.
2006… time to cook up a new batch of silly dreams and aspirations. I look forward to becoming someone I can be proud of in the future, whether it be a kick-ass high profile lawyer, or a dedicated and loved/appreciated wife at home (I despise terminology such as housewife – patronising I think). I want to educate myself and achieve academically to make my father’s dreams come true without compromising my personal beliefs and priorities.
Despite the constant daily struggle I have to fight against the religious and moral connotations constantly being imposed on me to influence me by, while still maintaining an open mind on all issues regarding diversity within people, I intend to hold very firmly to my faith. The more I learn about life, and the world the surer I become of the world I was born into.
One day, I want to be able to sit at home with a multitude of kids and partner and just feel how lucky I am to have my life, to feel really alive even if I was dying at that very moment. I want to leave this world having experienced a satisfying bond with someone special, who is my equal in every possible way, compassionate and understanding and capable of forever fascinating me and making me laugh any time of the day.
So, have I even come close to accomplishing any of the above?
Nope. Zilch. Nil. Zero. Nien. Uh uh. Uhun!!!
I’m getting there, someday I hope I do. I think I’m back on the right track, but there’s no telling (I’m told that itself is a good sign but I am pretty critical…). I have become considerably mild tempered as compared to before, a real believer in honesty and open ness, I have become more accepting of people in my life yet at the same time perhaps more wary when awarding them my full and unshakable trust.
I have started working harder in my studies, paying less or no attention to distractions and only indulging in unjustified pleasure from time to time, something like having a Snickers Bar when on a veggie diet – it’s just regenerate yourself in a way, remind yourself that life can be fun.
I can almost hear you guys asking me to elaborate on the pleasure bit, but trust its best not to go there. Hehehehe… If you’re smart, you’ll see a perfect example of what I meant/mean in the passage above… Not telling where though.
I love my friends a lot, but I cannot go to the lengths I used to prove anything the way I used to. I will always be there for them to help them out or just be the listening ear; will voice opinion rarely and that too only on request. Either they know I care or they don’t. That’s a major change I guess…
What song do I feel like right now… hmm what’s the first track in my head Jan 13th 2006?
Hindi – Bhaage Re Man / Chameli
(Last year not first but most significant – Mein Hoon Naa, Zaraa Zaraa )
English – Last Kiss, Hanging By A Moment, Heaven, No Woman No Cry
(Last year mostly dance tracks like Snake, or love songs like Rush, Rush… Sweet Child O Mine… prominently Right Here Waiting For You, Strange Relationship, Here Without You, Angel/L.R.)
Dhivehi – Eki Rey Rey…adhives ulhey Eheelun ge touch eh! Dhen…songs like Hithugaa Dhorufai Hulhuvaaladhee, Bul Bul Ehee Dhey Nuhey, Me Zaimey Adhu Loabuvethi :P :P :P
(Last Year prominently was Eheelun, Rey Otheemey, Handhuvaru Dheytho)

Disturbingly, insomnia still carried on… I guess Bulhai really was an appropriate nick name after all!
*POOF*
Happy Boithday To Me.
Magolaa kendee… take care all, and even if we are not speaking today thanks for being a part of my life. You contributed to making me who I am today dho, and since I’m still alive…not bad.

666 Angelic 666

an·gel (njl)

n.

1. A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth, especially in Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Zoroastrianism.

2. A representation of such a being conventionally in the image of a human figure with a halo and wings.

3. A guardian spirit or guiding influence.

---

[Middle English, from Old English engel or Old French angele, both from Late Latin angelus, from Late Greek angelos, from Greek, messenger.]

I reckon my family and friends think that my obsession with angels (generally everything related as well, but very little of the antonym) is directly related to how pretty the illustration looks...white floaty dress, glowing halo, and the whole celestial look. Err... of course, that's what I aspire to be the saadha viley rey fai mini. :P Heck no...

Orite, rule that out. I guess you might think it's just this girly craze but you'd be wrong. Then there'd be more eh... Let's not go there. The other conclusion might be that I'm a lovesick looser. Which I do not think I could be... for reasons I'd rather not discuss....

Anyways coming to some sort of point here, I think that the whole thing is linked to my incurable perfectionism...and the purity/perfection angels inspire/represent. I ought to stop though... because aspiring to be perfect is rather arrogant in a way.

Not to mention impossible... I've got into too much shit trying to achieve it... you think you're there and then you discover that you had completely ignored something else VITAL, and then fuck you're back at step one. Bloody annoying and bloody pointless.

I sort of believe in guardian angels as well, but I think it's more of an unconcious role certain people fulfil rather than an existing being... hmm... don't think I'll bother to go into any detail on that one though... definitely not looking into the idea of my bf (sigh) being my angel oflove or any shit like that, in case you were wondering I think that's just emotional, corny bullshit.

Hm...bullshit, corny? Interesting texture that...
Anyways...drained of thought tonight... spiralling around the fact that I have been single and 'pure' for 6 months now... (goody girl :P) and how very sad that is. No brain process tonight. Adios!

PS: Calling All Angels, Angel (Shaggy viyas, Lionel viyas), How Do I Talk To An Angel, Angel Eyes - MLTR, Heaven (try accoustic version by Bryan Adams)... hot songs...

I leave you with this sweet quote:

At the same time, they were very neatly dressed, made no collection, refused the halfpence offered them; and the people around could not understand the conduct of this rustic fiddler, who tramped the roads with that pretty child who sang like an angel from Heaven.
The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

Ech.A.Pee.Pee.Wai//En.Ee.Dablu.//Wai.Ee.Ai.Ar

2006, and I hope it's not just the digits I find have changed. Then again as a good friend told me 'it's up to us to change'... change ourselves, and the course of destiny we take.
2005 gone... and I've seen the end of many friendships, too much hatred and too much hypocrisy all together. I've seen too much lost hope, broken hearts and spirits. Dying love and happiness... depressing taking it's place. Our batch graduated from school... into the next level of life, lost our innocence, woke up to reality....grew up in other words.

Everyone took a good beating. I was no exception. Didn't expect to be either.
I'm no poet, but the song 'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack is a really good summation of how I feel right now, at least of what I'd like to say to anyone going through this particularly testing point of life, where you'r not quite an adult but you are definitely not a child either and the sort of thing I'd like my baby sis to look back on and go hmm, sis you got a point there, I won't do the idiotic things you did but sigh... that is not very realistic.

I am not quoting Britney Spears here, that woman has the complete wrong idea of maturity.
So what did I do this new year? Ey, ma huree bimaku ves noonoa! No, I wasn't high on substance either. Ma funmaalee baara jehithanaa! :D Dhen loabivaa ves gulhi gulhaafa wish ves kuri. Dhen kudhiveri govaigen ais 'I like to move it' aa 'Macarena' fadha lava thakuge barakaathun DJ jessee... fireworks ves belin... ekaku anekakah hug and ummmah ves dhinin!

Yes... 2006 does show promise. It began with a relationship (for the first time, I am not single on New Year's Day), and refreshing old friendships (polishing the gold) and additions of wonderful new friends :D ... yeah, Insha Allah, 2005 brings more laughter in my life than I've had in a long, long time.