All my posts are derived from personal experiences of my own, and of my friends... they stem from feelings that I have or have had... by memories... by dreams... by hopes... by emotions of all kinds, some that aren't too nice either. I've had people give me support... I've had people who thought that they brightened up their day (which are always the best things to hear) and I've had problems... In fact, I've had a lot of hate mail. What do I do with it? Sometimes I stare, I always read... and then usually I delete. Simply because, yes, I'm not really strong enough to deal with that shit. The worst is when I've lost friends over rash things I've said or opinions I've expressed. Maybe they weren't really friends, I don't know, I'll never know. But it hurt... anyway...
A friend of mine has this on his pm 'never regret anything that made you smile'. For some reason today I noticed it, as in really noticed it. This is not about that person or anything to do with him. Just that today, that pm really caught me. And I've seen it before, even spoken about it with him. But today it just... irritated me. No actually it simply pissed me off.
I don't believe in that. I think sometimes we simply smile and enjoy ourselves and forget about the people around us. People who love us, people who have sacrificed their time and energy to make us smile. And we simply enjoy the smile and forget the moment. I've made this mistake a fair share of times, and honestly... not realising this was what made me unhappy. I was too self involved to care about the people who took their time to try and keep me satisfied. Sometimes I said society wanted me to perform a particular way, sometimes I said I couldn't trust no one. I came up with excuses, I said I had problems. And we all do... we all suffer, that is the nature of humanity. Yet there are people who take time out of their worlds to ensure we get our share of smiles. And we forget that.
I think having regrets help balance the scale. If you don't regret your mistakes, you will never be able to correct them. Because, clearly, they don't matter to you. I regret spending huge amounts of time crying over someone(s) who was(were) too self involved to see me standing there. I regret that I wasted all that time when I should have been there for my mom. I regret it had me so confused that I wasn't able to concentrate on my own damned career, that my father invested so much time into. When my other Mom (who'd probably read this - btw congrats again!) kept reminding me to... I regret not being myself simply because other people had changed. I regret ending up being one of those typical stupid chicks (that I love making fun of) who trailed around in mistake after mistake, after all the wrong guys... and all the wrong habits. I make it sound ugly...but every single time, what I was really doing was chasing a smile. A smile which was al that remained of a memory that had faded away and revealed a mistake. Something I should have learned to regret.
Thank god I stopped smiling. I also stopped crying. I think I've learnt to regret and keep myself grounded. Now I'm smiling again. Really smiling again. And I really think that this time it isn't a clouded smile... It's a smile of someone that remembers those who matter, things who matter ... remembers her mistakes, regrets them, has paid and in some ways is still paying for them - but no matter what, is grateful that she's been rewarded with the ability to 'smile nevertheless'...
(And she's got a new reason to smile, and giggle too.. and he, oops I mean.. everythings just great ;) - I'm so darned corny... anyways wish me luck with the smiling and all! )
The wonderful world of PMS
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I am a snob
I am bad tempered and what's worse, short tempered
I am selfish
And usually I tried to cover up these less than attractive attributes of mine, (much like everybody else - Eh, if you wanna go ahead and claim to be some sickly sweet, unselfish, un-judgemental person, you need to be treated by a psychologist for being dillusional, in denial and being, basically dumb) today I am so utterly and totally FED UP that I shall just rampage ahead and display them in full, blatant GLORY.
No I refuse to wash the fucking dishes today, I refuse to lift a finger
I may or may not spend this month's rent money on a spa package - eviction, what's eviction, big words for big boys.. I don't wanna think about it, so THERE
I feel like complaining about all the fucking pretty young little sluts roaming around the streets and messing up my game. HMPH...
I will NOT answer the phone if I don't like your name
And I shall throttle you, murder you, hang you from my balcony, beat you up with a rolling pin, steal your rubber ducky... exactly if I wish to (goodbye good manners, any trace of morality and ethics and sayonara to my inhibitions) - just be glad it's through super poke. :P
I will pig out on all sorts of sweet things in hope of a sugar rush making me smile (Because I'm worth it - and FUCK YOU Lo'real, y'all are fucking liars that promise blond and dish out green), and I will ignore the fact that my little pouch is now a significant bulge.
If you want to remind me about my roundeity, I will kill you. Make no mistake. I will mother fucking CASTRATE you.
Infact, if you are a man and you value your balls, I suggest for the next seven days you stay away from me. Far, far away from me.
I am celebrating being a woman - yeah baby don't you fucking feel happy for me?
Can I get a woohoo?
Ah, I'm a fucking star bitch, when you see me - make a wish!
I am bad tempered and what's worse, short tempered
I am selfish
And usually I tried to cover up these less than attractive attributes of mine, (much like everybody else - Eh, if you wanna go ahead and claim to be some sickly sweet, unselfish, un-judgemental person, you need to be treated by a psychologist for being dillusional, in denial and being, basically dumb) today I am so utterly and totally FED UP that I shall just rampage ahead and display them in full, blatant GLORY.
No I refuse to wash the fucking dishes today, I refuse to lift a finger
I may or may not spend this month's rent money on a spa package - eviction, what's eviction, big words for big boys.. I don't wanna think about it, so THERE
I feel like complaining about all the fucking pretty young little sluts roaming around the streets and messing up my game. HMPH...
I will NOT answer the phone if I don't like your name
And I shall throttle you, murder you, hang you from my balcony, beat you up with a rolling pin, steal your rubber ducky... exactly if I wish to (goodbye good manners, any trace of morality and ethics and sayonara to my inhibitions) - just be glad it's through super poke. :P
I will pig out on all sorts of sweet things in hope of a sugar rush making me smile (Because I'm worth it - and FUCK YOU Lo'real, y'all are fucking liars that promise blond and dish out green), and I will ignore the fact that my little pouch is now a significant bulge.
If you want to remind me about my roundeity, I will kill you. Make no mistake. I will mother fucking CASTRATE you.
Infact, if you are a man and you value your balls, I suggest for the next seven days you stay away from me. Far, far away from me.
I am celebrating being a woman - yeah baby don't you fucking feel happy for me?
Can I get a woohoo?
Ah, I'm a fucking star bitch, when you see me - make a wish!
Observations and irritations...
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Meet the fockers, meet the parents, meet the spartans, ... do your lips wish to meet my ass? Jeez I hate these commercial flicks, I mean, I like a laugh too but what the fuck happened to visual art? Since when did movie making become synonymous with pure, unadulterated CRAP??? What happened to visions, art, poetry, ideology, philosophy and all that great shit ha? Why do dumb fucks sell?
Anyway, I'll just get off my high horse for a moment and indulge you with a little insight into my present life. I'm happy! (Hurray, yes we haven't heard that in a while have we? But don't get excited, you know how life and irony work...) Thus I have had less time to blog... (yes, that's sad, I know, but I've finally got some free time away from the jollyness that is my present life so don't worry I shall weave you some words to delight you :p... or not... )
Why is everyone in the world obsessed with making drug movies about heroin? I thought the new generation was all about educating the leftover hippies of the last era and prevent reoccurence of full blown stupidity but INSTEAD, have managed have created a mass of youth obsessed about sex, drugs and violence. I'm exaggerating?? The year 2008 had its little inaugration with American Gangster and every teenage boy has begun to memorise its lines.
I have no faith in people? Absolutely, but let me argue my case a little... how many stupid gang walls and pm messages did the words 'this is sparta', '[insert some hisaabugandu or gang name]'s spartans', 'brothers in arms' etc appear???? They write it, spray it, draw it, type it, chant it, and basically it becomes some sort of psychological/physiological mantra. Idiots got fucking too much of an imagination and have been spoilt from head to toe by naive (read: desperate) parents basically.
I can appreciate the creativity in the productions but I think flooding the media with images of people shooting smack or sniffing coke (by the by, why can't it be based on say... e? meth? k??? why must they specifically market sugar and coke??) especially when the largest consumers are aged between 13 and 20 (impressionable ages) is just like asking for them to screw up. They happen to be adolescents and its their natural DNA to snoop, experiment and know no bounds.
Ah well... In Male' atleast poor things got nothing better to do... it's like weed's kicked the Maldivians favourite err... toys like hmm monopoly... or basketball.. or well anything harmless anyway. Sigh they have sex and drugs... and they watch Hollywood movies.. honestly, it's like programming a computer... it's fucking meant to operate that way!!!
By the way... music recommendation of the week - Black Heart by David Usher
*Sigh, I'll resume bitching randomly, I'm just gonna chomp on my new drug (CUPCAKES from MARMALADE in Bangsar Village II... to DIE for...) and sip some of my herbal tea
(we cultured folk, you see)
Whats with everyone in Male' generally, hmmm???? You ask them how they are doing and they reply with some lame line like 'everything sucks, I don't know who I am'...I mean honestly... Do I look like I want to sit there and listen to your emo crap? Get a life... It's not that I lack empathy, it's that over and over again these fuckers repeat the same pathetic procedure and complain about the consequences which from what I see, is practically as if they're ordering from a fucking catalogue for it to be brought to them!!!! Is no one capable for standing up and saying 'yeah I fucked up but I won't get fucked over' and taking charge of their lives?
Everyone in that tiny little crap hole is living with their parents, off their parents, abusing some one or some substance, and moaning over some chick/dude (or both)and wailing about how life is unfair. Which is why I cannot live their over a month, and thank GOD I have the means not to... *bows down*
Take a trip to China, or Japan or any of these up and coming business hubs of the world... see if they've got any time for your BULLSHIT. Thats why they happen to have cash, and they are successful... see Singapore??? It's a fucking dictatorship too, but the people look out for themselves and don't just sit infront of Al Jazeera and ruin all chances of Tourism flourishing. Why is everyone so bent on being a brat and wasting fucking time???Time is MONEY.... If people would just get a grip... we could all do so much better as a country, as an economy... Maldives should be fucking communist. What do we have to loose anyway?
No matter how much you think Golhabo is a loser, he's laughing his way to the bank... and you are simply making a million excuses to justify your failures. Seems to me... MDP sucks as much as DRP does and there is no one, absolutely no one who can save our country, our society and our community except ourselves. But hold on, we are too busy doing nothing... and teaching our kids the values of life (via 'Blow', 'Requiem For A Dream', 'Trainspotting', 'American Gangster', 'Gangs of New York')...*ahem* and instilling in them also... the art of doing nothing... and achieving even less.
Anyway, I'll just get off my high horse for a moment and indulge you with a little insight into my present life. I'm happy! (Hurray, yes we haven't heard that in a while have we? But don't get excited, you know how life and irony work...) Thus I have had less time to blog... (yes, that's sad, I know, but I've finally got some free time away from the jollyness that is my present life so don't worry I shall weave you some words to delight you :p... or not... )
Why is everyone in the world obsessed with making drug movies about heroin? I thought the new generation was all about educating the leftover hippies of the last era and prevent reoccurence of full blown stupidity but INSTEAD, have managed have created a mass of youth obsessed about sex, drugs and violence. I'm exaggerating?? The year 2008 had its little inaugration with American Gangster and every teenage boy has begun to memorise its lines.
I have no faith in people? Absolutely, but let me argue my case a little... how many stupid gang walls and pm messages did the words 'this is sparta', '[insert some hisaabugandu or gang name]'s spartans', 'brothers in arms' etc appear???? They write it, spray it, draw it, type it, chant it, and basically it becomes some sort of psychological/physiological mantra. Idiots got fucking too much of an imagination and have been spoilt from head to toe by naive (read: desperate) parents basically.
I can appreciate the creativity in the productions but I think flooding the media with images of people shooting smack or sniffing coke (by the by, why can't it be based on say... e? meth? k??? why must they specifically market sugar and coke??) especially when the largest consumers are aged between 13 and 20 (impressionable ages) is just like asking for them to screw up. They happen to be adolescents and its their natural DNA to snoop, experiment and know no bounds.
Ah well... In Male' atleast poor things got nothing better to do... it's like weed's kicked the Maldivians favourite err... toys like hmm monopoly... or basketball.. or well anything harmless anyway. Sigh they have sex and drugs... and they watch Hollywood movies.. honestly, it's like programming a computer... it's fucking meant to operate that way!!!
By the way... music recommendation of the week - Black Heart by David Usher
*Sigh, I'll resume bitching randomly, I'm just gonna chomp on my new drug (CUPCAKES from MARMALADE in Bangsar Village II... to DIE for...) and sip some of my herbal tea
(we cultured folk, you see)
Whats with everyone in Male' generally, hmmm???? You ask them how they are doing and they reply with some lame line like 'everything sucks, I don't know who I am'...I mean honestly... Do I look like I want to sit there and listen to your emo crap? Get a life... It's not that I lack empathy, it's that over and over again these fuckers repeat the same pathetic procedure and complain about the consequences which from what I see, is practically as if they're ordering from a fucking catalogue for it to be brought to them!!!! Is no one capable for standing up and saying 'yeah I fucked up but I won't get fucked over' and taking charge of their lives?
Everyone in that tiny little crap hole is living with their parents, off their parents, abusing some one or some substance, and moaning over some chick/dude (or both)and wailing about how life is unfair. Which is why I cannot live their over a month, and thank GOD I have the means not to... *bows down*
Take a trip to China, or Japan or any of these up and coming business hubs of the world... see if they've got any time for your BULLSHIT. Thats why they happen to have cash, and they are successful... see Singapore??? It's a fucking dictatorship too, but the people look out for themselves and don't just sit infront of Al Jazeera and ruin all chances of Tourism flourishing. Why is everyone so bent on being a brat and wasting fucking time???Time is MONEY.... If people would just get a grip... we could all do so much better as a country, as an economy... Maldives should be fucking communist. What do we have to loose anyway?
No matter how much you think Golhabo is a loser, he's laughing his way to the bank... and you are simply making a million excuses to justify your failures. Seems to me... MDP sucks as much as DRP does and there is no one, absolutely no one who can save our country, our society and our community except ourselves. But hold on, we are too busy doing nothing... and teaching our kids the values of life (via 'Blow', 'Requiem For A Dream', 'Trainspotting', 'American Gangster', 'Gangs of New York')...*ahem* and instilling in them also... the art of doing nothing... and achieving even less.
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