In response to a silent SOS sent by some 'Single Gals'
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Warning. May get a little cheesy. For atleast five girls I know. Because I love ya. And I need to get this off me chest.
Too many women throw themselves into romance because they're afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won't do that.
Julie Delpy
I think that is absolutely totally true. I think a lot of girls grow up making a lot of schedules and plans... and end up with a lot of disappointment and regret. It's not really their fault, they are practically groomed to do so. Honestly, from the age of 5, she's dressing up a Barbie doll and taking it on dates with Ken - it's just a matter of time before she starts whining to Mom about repeating games, with her own real life version.
Follow up to having to marry at a certain age. She meets the a fun guy and he's adorable but shows no signs of settling down and she's worrying about what is to happen so she weds what I like to call the next best thing. A boy that Mummy will like, Daddy won't chase out - steady job, looks alright. The night of her wedding or equivelant) she has a minor panic attack - along the lines of 'wtf am I doinggggg???' , but she decides she's put in too much effort, it's too late to change her mind, she has an obligation and hence forth she ventures into what will blossom into (usually) totally not what she expected.
There comes a stage in her life when she and her husband are sleeping in different beds, possibly with different people... and they are wondering how the hell they ended up this pathetic. They are staying together for their kid who probably hates the fact that his parents are so fucking fucked up. Sigh...
And anyway... the pattern is familiar. Especially in Maldives...
I protest against this. It's one thing to be responsible and ready for it, but you absolutely do not have to fall into this trap either.
Dedicated to my single girl friends...
I talk to you guys all the time, I've no problems with offering my shoulder to cry on or a ear for your issues... but I just wanna say. You're beautiful people. Don't think the whole world is over because one guy is being an asshole. As my loabivaa Ree once said to me - sometimes we just gotta meet some jerks so we can appreciate the prince when he comes along! But having said that...(hehe) there are no real princes... everyone comes with their own quirks... and people make mistakes... and everyone comes from different backgrounds.. so in a relationship, you cant always expect things to go your way.
But most importantly, enjoy being single if you are. The best things happen when you aren't looking for it. I was single for ages before stepping into my current relationship, and it was good you can enjoy your freedom and independance, which is really what you should be doing as young, dynamic women.
There's nothing wrong with being alone(eh, 6 billion on the planet, you can never really be alone :P), you do have friends and you should have other interests (other than guys) or you can always take this time to find such interests. Invest in some quality 'me' time, chances are that the older you get, the less of that you'll have! I know I sound like a bad self-help book... and it's not sympathy here... it's kinda like been there, seen that... and wish you'd sooner realize what I took a long time to. You do NOT need a man to validate you by any means.
Of course being in a relationship by no means involves total submission (thats just sad) but you'll end up having another thing to consider - that's unavoidable and you'll do it unconciously anyway.
And another thing is... you don't have to settle for being the third wheel. You do not have to be pulled into the 'bermuda triangle of love'. You deserve a whole relationship, someone who focuses on you and cares about you enough to know that you ain't some mistress. Some chicks genuinely believe that there are two categories - mistresses and wives. I seriously oppose that, and I hate that people push girls into these stereotypes. Being outgoing and fun is a personality trait and it is no basis to judge on her ability to be a good partner in general. People always blame the other girl, but it's the guy who has to consider the fact that he is already in a relationship with someone else, why does the 'other person' have to be blamed for the deliberate ignorance on the involved persons part.
Point is... get out of your hurtful situations, stand up for yourself, enjoy being you... being I rather than an US. Before my current relationship.. I was more or less single .. for ages! And it hurt, and there were times that I hated it and I hated my self for being in that situation and for being like that. I've been tempted to go out with the nice guys I met but it's just not fair to play on anyone's emotions simply to run away from my own insecurities. Life's just not fair sometimes, I know. But hello... you gotta use that time to make yourself stronger, and it eventually feels a lot better... and then it feels plain ol' gooooood... the key is to get to a place where it doesn't matter whether you're with someone or not... you need to be able to live with yourself first, where you're independent and you know you'll survive. And then, a lover's simply a wonderful bonus...
No such thing as 'everything'. Delete 'what if I had never let you go'. Remove the likes of 'nothings gonna change my love for you'. I will personally throttle you if you play 'lonely'. I hate Akon for coming up with that disaster of a song.
Ditch that bullshit for whatever you like and makes you feel good. Don't be as lame as 'I will survive' though :P. Cuz that's a given, that's gotta happen. Try Natasha Bedingfield's Single.
A BIG BIG BIG MMMWAH.
Girls rock ;)
Edgar Guest...
"Myself"
I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.
Too many women throw themselves into romance because they're afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won't do that.
Julie Delpy
I think that is absolutely totally true. I think a lot of girls grow up making a lot of schedules and plans... and end up with a lot of disappointment and regret. It's not really their fault, they are practically groomed to do so. Honestly, from the age of 5, she's dressing up a Barbie doll and taking it on dates with Ken - it's just a matter of time before she starts whining to Mom about repeating games, with her own real life version.
Follow up to having to marry at a certain age. She meets the a fun guy and he's adorable but shows no signs of settling down and she's worrying about what is to happen so she weds what I like to call the next best thing. A boy that Mummy will like, Daddy won't chase out - steady job, looks alright. The night of her wedding or equivelant) she has a minor panic attack - along the lines of 'wtf am I doinggggg???' , but she decides she's put in too much effort, it's too late to change her mind, she has an obligation and hence forth she ventures into what will blossom into (usually) totally not what she expected.
There comes a stage in her life when she and her husband are sleeping in different beds, possibly with different people... and they are wondering how the hell they ended up this pathetic. They are staying together for their kid who probably hates the fact that his parents are so fucking fucked up. Sigh...
And anyway... the pattern is familiar. Especially in Maldives...
I protest against this. It's one thing to be responsible and ready for it, but you absolutely do not have to fall into this trap either.
Dedicated to my single girl friends...
I talk to you guys all the time, I've no problems with offering my shoulder to cry on or a ear for your issues... but I just wanna say. You're beautiful people. Don't think the whole world is over because one guy is being an asshole. As my loabivaa Ree once said to me - sometimes we just gotta meet some jerks so we can appreciate the prince when he comes along! But having said that...(hehe) there are no real princes... everyone comes with their own quirks... and people make mistakes... and everyone comes from different backgrounds.. so in a relationship, you cant always expect things to go your way.
But most importantly, enjoy being single if you are. The best things happen when you aren't looking for it. I was single for ages before stepping into my current relationship, and it was good you can enjoy your freedom and independance, which is really what you should be doing as young, dynamic women.
There's nothing wrong with being alone(eh, 6 billion on the planet, you can never really be alone :P), you do have friends and you should have other interests (other than guys) or you can always take this time to find such interests. Invest in some quality 'me' time, chances are that the older you get, the less of that you'll have! I know I sound like a bad self-help book... and it's not sympathy here... it's kinda like been there, seen that... and wish you'd sooner realize what I took a long time to. You do NOT need a man to validate you by any means.
Of course being in a relationship by no means involves total submission (thats just sad) but you'll end up having another thing to consider - that's unavoidable and you'll do it unconciously anyway.
And another thing is... you don't have to settle for being the third wheel. You do not have to be pulled into the 'bermuda triangle of love'. You deserve a whole relationship, someone who focuses on you and cares about you enough to know that you ain't some mistress. Some chicks genuinely believe that there are two categories - mistresses and wives. I seriously oppose that, and I hate that people push girls into these stereotypes. Being outgoing and fun is a personality trait and it is no basis to judge on her ability to be a good partner in general. People always blame the other girl, but it's the guy who has to consider the fact that he is already in a relationship with someone else, why does the 'other person' have to be blamed for the deliberate ignorance on the involved persons part.
Point is... get out of your hurtful situations, stand up for yourself, enjoy being you... being I rather than an US. Before my current relationship.. I was more or less single .. for ages! And it hurt, and there were times that I hated it and I hated my self for being in that situation and for being like that. I've been tempted to go out with the nice guys I met but it's just not fair to play on anyone's emotions simply to run away from my own insecurities. Life's just not fair sometimes, I know. But hello... you gotta use that time to make yourself stronger, and it eventually feels a lot better... and then it feels plain ol' gooooood... the key is to get to a place where it doesn't matter whether you're with someone or not... you need to be able to live with yourself first, where you're independent and you know you'll survive. And then, a lover's simply a wonderful bonus...
No such thing as 'everything'. Delete 'what if I had never let you go'. Remove the likes of 'nothings gonna change my love for you'. I will personally throttle you if you play 'lonely'. I hate Akon for coming up with that disaster of a song.
Ditch that bullshit for whatever you like and makes you feel good. Don't be as lame as 'I will survive' though :P. Cuz that's a given, that's gotta happen. Try Natasha Bedingfield's Single.
A BIG BIG BIG MMMWAH.
Girls rock ;)
Edgar Guest...
"Myself"
I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.
Spirituality
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I was just chatting to this guy I know via MSN… and he was asking me about going to a temple. Now I know the only reason he spoke to ‘me’ of all people about it is because apparently I have some how joined the band wagon of poster girls for Maldivian controversy… but what really annoyed me was how he spoke of it as if it was a very extreme, shocking, creepy, outrageous thing he was about to do. It absolutely baffled me.
What on earth was the big deal?
Oh yeah yeah, we saw allegedly saw pictures of a certain politicians daughter kneeling down in front of Buddha in a temple and all that jazz… Honestly, truly I see nothing wrong. The whole experience is complete by experiencing their ceremonies, there is no point of going to watch from 20 yards away, in that case TV should suffice… after all these religions are not some little cults; they have history, culture… It took me a while to figure out what the buzz was about!
I would love to go to a Buddhist or a Hindu temple;, especially the old gorgeous ones. I have been to countless Mosques (which is also supposedly touchy, me being a woman) and beautiful gothic, Victorian churches. And I fail to see the wrong in that.
It is so annoying because this guy keeps talking as if he's doing something so BBAAAAADDDD... (Knowing Maldivian male philosophy he thinks it subsequently makes him cool – please lah, get a reality check) and I feel like injecting the motherfucker with a good dose of heroin or something. If he so fucking wants to be doing something 'wrong'… ya know?
Hinduism and Buddhism are both widely misunderstood by Muslim communities. I mean you can go on hating but do you even know what Om means?? The chant itself has a very, very complex association with the religion but in any case, what it defines has basically the same meanings we associate with Allah. Om is the Hindhu symbol of the absolute (correct me if I’m wrong please) – isn’t that the very word we are also using? And I am not doing anything wrong by linking the two religions. All the major religions of the world have many similarities. It is wrong for us to divide ourselves so vehemently.
This disassociation with each other has caused eons of hatred and violence. All religions are based on a divine existence, finding peace within one self, being good human beings, loving one another. So it does not matter whether I walk into a temple or a mosque or a church, it does not matter whether young Maldivian kids watch movies and chant along to Om Jai Jagdish because all they are saying is that they believe in their God, it does not specify any God... in fact once you observe the translation you should be noticing that it is totally synonymous with Muslim beliefs.
It really irks me. I hate the word Kafir. At least the way it is used by Maldivians. It is more than a word, it is even worse that a characterisation or stereotype – it is a judgement. And it is wrong.
There are many good people I have met and whom I love who, simply put, do not recite the same prayers that I do. All prayer is about self reflection, humbleness, hope, faith and forgiveness. For betterment of our lives, to better ourselves… for harmony, for peace, for love… does it matter what words we say or which direction we face? I say true religion comes from the heart, and it is only the heart that matters.
I have met many a fellow Muslim who has caused me nothing but pain. In fact everyday in Malaysia I face discrimination that because I have Indian looks I have no right to be Muslim. I thought Islam was about the Ummath coming together. Apparently some people don’t think so.
One must seek knowledge. Seriously, experience all sorts of rituals. Read about different beliefs. All you will discover is that we are all not much different. Something’s may seem strange, but then consider their reasoning’s, the culture of the environment and other factors and do not ridicule them. If you are so narrow minded that you must confer and confide about a simple visit to a religious area, then you are already a lost cause. Step off your high and mighty pedestal and join us humble folk. Whatever you wear, a cross or a crescent or a star… the symbol itself does not make you better than anybody else. Again, it’s what is inside you that counts. Yeah man, its’ down to our soul man… Hehe…
(On that note, you might seriously want to meditate readers, its so good for the soul, you could try it via Hindu or Buddhist methods, or any other forms of doing it… or even the simple Namaadh is really a meditation too)
The fact is that even Islam has many deviations. Shock. Horror. How many centuries has it been? Of course there are deviations. We are only human, and we carry the legacy. While maintaining our own moral values and beliefs is vital, it is far more important to stop judging other people, and to start judging ourselves.
(But please, don't just light up a joint and claim to be a rastafarian because you have dreads okay? Thats so lame. That aint experiencing another culture. That's loosing your identity. There is a difference. If you are curious, wikipedia it.)
What on earth was the big deal?
Oh yeah yeah, we saw allegedly saw pictures of a certain politicians daughter kneeling down in front of Buddha in a temple and all that jazz… Honestly, truly I see nothing wrong. The whole experience is complete by experiencing their ceremonies, there is no point of going to watch from 20 yards away, in that case TV should suffice… after all these religions are not some little cults; they have history, culture… It took me a while to figure out what the buzz was about!
I would love to go to a Buddhist or a Hindu temple;, especially the old gorgeous ones. I have been to countless Mosques (which is also supposedly touchy, me being a woman) and beautiful gothic, Victorian churches. And I fail to see the wrong in that.
It is so annoying because this guy keeps talking as if he's doing something so BBAAAAADDDD... (Knowing Maldivian male philosophy he thinks it subsequently makes him cool – please lah, get a reality check) and I feel like injecting the motherfucker with a good dose of heroin or something. If he so fucking wants to be doing something 'wrong'… ya know?
Hinduism and Buddhism are both widely misunderstood by Muslim communities. I mean you can go on hating but do you even know what Om means?? The chant itself has a very, very complex association with the religion but in any case, what it defines has basically the same meanings we associate with Allah. Om is the Hindhu symbol of the absolute (correct me if I’m wrong please) – isn’t that the very word we are also using? And I am not doing anything wrong by linking the two religions. All the major religions of the world have many similarities. It is wrong for us to divide ourselves so vehemently.
This disassociation with each other has caused eons of hatred and violence. All religions are based on a divine existence, finding peace within one self, being good human beings, loving one another. So it does not matter whether I walk into a temple or a mosque or a church, it does not matter whether young Maldivian kids watch movies and chant along to Om Jai Jagdish because all they are saying is that they believe in their God, it does not specify any God... in fact once you observe the translation you should be noticing that it is totally synonymous with Muslim beliefs.
It really irks me. I hate the word Kafir. At least the way it is used by Maldivians. It is more than a word, it is even worse that a characterisation or stereotype – it is a judgement. And it is wrong.
There are many good people I have met and whom I love who, simply put, do not recite the same prayers that I do. All prayer is about self reflection, humbleness, hope, faith and forgiveness. For betterment of our lives, to better ourselves… for harmony, for peace, for love… does it matter what words we say or which direction we face? I say true religion comes from the heart, and it is only the heart that matters.
I have met many a fellow Muslim who has caused me nothing but pain. In fact everyday in Malaysia I face discrimination that because I have Indian looks I have no right to be Muslim. I thought Islam was about the Ummath coming together. Apparently some people don’t think so.
One must seek knowledge. Seriously, experience all sorts of rituals. Read about different beliefs. All you will discover is that we are all not much different. Something’s may seem strange, but then consider their reasoning’s, the culture of the environment and other factors and do not ridicule them. If you are so narrow minded that you must confer and confide about a simple visit to a religious area, then you are already a lost cause. Step off your high and mighty pedestal and join us humble folk. Whatever you wear, a cross or a crescent or a star… the symbol itself does not make you better than anybody else. Again, it’s what is inside you that counts. Yeah man, its’ down to our soul man… Hehe…
(On that note, you might seriously want to meditate readers, its so good for the soul, you could try it via Hindu or Buddhist methods, or any other forms of doing it… or even the simple Namaadh is really a meditation too)
The fact is that even Islam has many deviations. Shock. Horror. How many centuries has it been? Of course there are deviations. We are only human, and we carry the legacy. While maintaining our own moral values and beliefs is vital, it is far more important to stop judging other people, and to start judging ourselves.
(But please, don't just light up a joint and claim to be a rastafarian because you have dreads okay? Thats so lame. That aint experiencing another culture. That's loosing your identity. There is a difference. If you are curious, wikipedia it.)
Tagged. So here goes Nuffink!
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Shaari tagged me.. and I'm INSANELY bored... so I shall graciously accept his 'taggation' :P... I hate holidays man, I have nothing to do.
A - Available?: Not really, wouldn't say so.
B-Best friend: I have family. Don't really believe in best friends...
C-Cake or Pie: Cupcake. It's a full fledged addiction.
D-Drink of choice: Mmm... Tea
E-Essential thing used everyday: Toilet. :P Ha ha.
F-Favourite colour: Fuschia, Black, White
G-Gummi bears or worms: Gummi bears.. RED ONES :D choo cute...
H-Hometown: I would say Male', but KL really feels like home to me...
I-Indulgence: Ooohhhh.. Chocolate souffle, chocolate flan... chocolate fudge cake... chocolate icecream... chocolate indulgence cake... mmm... *licks lips*
J-January or February: January - the beggining of better days, starting over, I was born... just a great month indeed :P
K-Kids and names: Ooh, a whole foot ball team! I shall name them as they pop out. No need for such worries now.
L-Life: Live and let live...
M-Marriage date: Since I was a kid I used to be sure it would be 11.11.11, now it's way too close for comfort. (Btw, my rationalization for this was that every anniversary would be a public holiday so we could stay at home and SLEEP! LOL)
N-No of siblings: One immediate, one more on the way, Four steps...
O-oranges or apples: Oranges
P-Phobias: I have not been able to yet fully explore this aspect of my life. Crocodiles I suppose.
Q-Quote: We were both in love with him. I fell out of love with him, but he didn't.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor ). Note: The above is not my favourite quote of all time, just my latest discovery... Zsa Zsa is one heck of a lady :P, so I shall honor her this time.
R-Reason to smile: I've already blogged about this very many times... But my main motivation is my Sis.
S-Season: Summer!
T-Tag three people: Argh... I'm left with tagging the technically untaggable. So, Subbe, Shaf and Iya. Although I'm absolutely positive the latter two won't respond. Bt that's fine. Heck, the reason I'm doing this is because I am bored out of my mind.
U-Unknown fact about me: I'm a lingerie addict.
V-Vegetable you do not like: Beans and Peas
W-Worst habit: Paranoia. Actually that may just be a personality disorder rather than a habit. Oh what the hell...
X-x-rays you have had: Just about everything.
Y-Your favorite food: Italian. I should marry an Italian Chef. Sigh....
Z-Zodiac: Capricorn...and a somewhat typical one.
A - Available?: Not really, wouldn't say so.
B-Best friend: I have family. Don't really believe in best friends...
C-Cake or Pie: Cupcake. It's a full fledged addiction.
D-Drink of choice: Mmm... Tea
E-Essential thing used everyday: Toilet. :P Ha ha.
F-Favourite colour: Fuschia, Black, White
G-Gummi bears or worms: Gummi bears.. RED ONES :D choo cute...
H-Hometown: I would say Male', but KL really feels like home to me...
I-Indulgence: Ooohhhh.. Chocolate souffle, chocolate flan... chocolate fudge cake... chocolate icecream... chocolate indulgence cake... mmm... *licks lips*
J-January or February: January - the beggining of better days, starting over, I was born... just a great month indeed :P
K-Kids and names: Ooh, a whole foot ball team! I shall name them as they pop out. No need for such worries now.
L-Life: Live and let live...
M-Marriage date: Since I was a kid I used to be sure it would be 11.11.11, now it's way too close for comfort. (Btw, my rationalization for this was that every anniversary would be a public holiday so we could stay at home and SLEEP! LOL)
N-No of siblings: One immediate, one more on the way, Four steps...
O-oranges or apples: Oranges
P-Phobias: I have not been able to yet fully explore this aspect of my life. Crocodiles I suppose.
Q-Quote: We were both in love with him. I fell out of love with him, but he didn't.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor ). Note: The above is not my favourite quote of all time, just my latest discovery... Zsa Zsa is one heck of a lady :P, so I shall honor her this time.
R-Reason to smile: I've already blogged about this very many times... But my main motivation is my Sis.
S-Season: Summer!
T-Tag three people: Argh... I'm left with tagging the technically untaggable. So, Subbe, Shaf and Iya. Although I'm absolutely positive the latter two won't respond. Bt that's fine. Heck, the reason I'm doing this is because I am bored out of my mind.
U-Unknown fact about me: I'm a lingerie addict.
V-Vegetable you do not like: Beans and Peas
W-Worst habit: Paranoia. Actually that may just be a personality disorder rather than a habit. Oh what the hell...
X-x-rays you have had: Just about everything.
Y-Your favorite food: Italian. I should marry an Italian Chef. Sigh....
Z-Zodiac: Capricorn...and a somewhat typical one.
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