Apology UN Accepted

I’m holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around and say..
That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

There is so much of I'm sorry that even I can hear before I start doubting the truth. I have been running in circles for months and months and not once did I listen to what ANYONE else had to say. Not once have I ever questioned you, doubted you although you scared the living daylights out of me time after time. I don't have to care for you, but I do so anyway, despite what EVERYONE has to say. Whatever you've asked of me I've done for you, not because I have nothing to do but I wanted you to know that there is SOMEONE there for you always. But yeah, you know at the end of the day, it's clear that I'm absolutely NOONE to you and don't worry I've dealt with that reality.

And that's okay, you're drowning in an ocean of secrets, and only I will ever know how much you meant to me.

I don't want to make it easy for you but you know what? I want to honor the memory of you. So to night babe, I'm packing up your stuff and hiding the box under my bed, so I shall not see or feel anything that belongs to you. As of right now, all the chat logs, pictures etc are stored on a CD that goes in with everything else. Out of sight , out of mind. The SMS's have been deleted... Wow, the memory is untraceable. Except from my heart I suppose.

I hope you don't ruin your life doing everything that you want to do... because clearly these things you keep doing... are not making you very happy. But a man who choses pain will live in pain I guess. Good luck with that.

I just wanted to tell you that I really loved you and I can't believe you didn't know that especially because everything was your initiative anyway. Or maybe you just wanted something more superficial - well I have news for you; I'm not 11 years old and love to me is more than a text message. It's more than empty promises. And it's more than a singular act.

It's a lot of things. Love is not telling anyone secrets you're dying to tell because it will save him... It's hiding a suspected pregnancy from a incompetent father and dealing with all the drama on your own because you didn't want to complicate things for him! Love is challenging your friends and family defending him, because you know he is a good person inside. Love is smiling and kissing him when you know he won't remember in the morning, anything other than his problems that is.

I'll tell you what it isn't. It isn't not replying calls or messages and apologising at 4 a.m. because you were BUSY - every single freaking night when you simply have to put up for a couple of days, it's not disappearing for months and saying you didn't have credit when you had money to buy what you WANTED, it's showing up to say hello and kissing me goodbye. It's being honest when you know she'll forgive you anyway. It's giving her respect for what she does for you, and the time she gives for you at least enough to tell her that you don't have any feelings for her. It's being man enough to stop breaking her heart. It's brave enough to give her a name.

So the next time you tell me you're sorry, save your breath.

Sorry babe...

I'm not listening any more.