19 rules to remember in life...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.



2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.



3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.



4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.



5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.



6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.



7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.



8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. ( I love this one )



9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.



10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.



11. Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.



12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.



13. Eat well, stay fit.



14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.



15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.



16. A balanced diet is a chocolate bar in each hand.



17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.



18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.



19. Rubbish is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.