:)
I spent a gorgeous weekend in Cardiff... and it's a pretty place... Must've been nice being princess of Wales... heheh ... damn, no royalty but I had a well deserved break with some chweet chweet friends :)
Relax + Chilling = Chillaxing... yeah thats the word for it :D
Aww... too bad its over I miss 'em already!
That's the coolest part of living baroad and away from family, you can travel away anywhere virtually to take a break from life as you know, Male' ga thaashi vefa boagovaafa hunaanee thaa...
Back to the books...
ECON up and Politics too... balaa eh sahaadheh...
Get a grip!
|
Psst anonymous commentor : have you got nothing better to do?
Read an article by this Maldivian ‘sorry excuse for a human being’ whose name I don’t wanna mention and I’d rather not know about youth today, ahem… I could link you there but yeah…I’d rather just rant.
I’m sick of not being taken seriously either because I’m young or I’m female or simply because of my background. People just stereotype you all the time.
People make too many excuses for the youth today. You treat young people like kids and you expect them to act like adults? No fucking way is that happening. So when shoved into a crime-ridden world how can you be surprised that everyone screws up?
I’m sick of being judged by people who act like they know everything. Get a life. Can’t you get it? It’s not the judgement itself, it’s that I don’t fucking care in the first place.
Kids of today aren’t mature-minded oa.
Get back to me after you’ve dealt with rape, molestation attempts by teachers who are supposed to set examples, after you’ve lost a friend/bf/sibling/whatever to drugs or just lost a friend at all, after you’ve had your parents split up and remarried and attempt to commit suicide all at once, men with sweet words who used you and threw you away and you had no one to warn you, after you’ve had friends to bleed you of any wealth you might possess, after you’ve given up that anyone would care for you if not for your money or pussy… and you’re growing up in a place where drugs flow like water and half of your friends depend on it to remain sane, where you are judged because of the way you talk, walk, the clothes you wear and the people you talk to. Judged so severly… and punished for sins you never commited. And that’s one singular human.
Then you have the general outflow of kids dealing with a whole load of problems from junkie parents to horny step parents that market hot pussy /dick etc (ie. you - the kid) … pretty picture everything paint dunnit?
Let me know then, yeah, if you still think today’s kids are screwed up. And make sure you get the blame right then.
Worrying isn’t it that this idiotic bunch make up roughly 75% of our population. I’d say.
Exams have begun and as you can see the stress is really getting to me. Sigh…
Read an article by this Maldivian ‘sorry excuse for a human being’ whose name I don’t wanna mention and I’d rather not know about youth today, ahem… I could link you there but yeah…I’d rather just rant.
I’m sick of not being taken seriously either because I’m young or I’m female or simply because of my background. People just stereotype you all the time.
People make too many excuses for the youth today. You treat young people like kids and you expect them to act like adults? No fucking way is that happening. So when shoved into a crime-ridden world how can you be surprised that everyone screws up?
I’m sick of being judged by people who act like they know everything. Get a life. Can’t you get it? It’s not the judgement itself, it’s that I don’t fucking care in the first place.
Kids of today aren’t mature-minded oa.
Get back to me after you’ve dealt with rape, molestation attempts by teachers who are supposed to set examples, after you’ve lost a friend/bf/sibling/whatever to drugs or just lost a friend at all, after you’ve had your parents split up and remarried and attempt to commit suicide all at once, men with sweet words who used you and threw you away and you had no one to warn you, after you’ve had friends to bleed you of any wealth you might possess, after you’ve given up that anyone would care for you if not for your money or pussy… and you’re growing up in a place where drugs flow like water and half of your friends depend on it to remain sane, where you are judged because of the way you talk, walk, the clothes you wear and the people you talk to. Judged so severly… and punished for sins you never commited. And that’s one singular human.
Then you have the general outflow of kids dealing with a whole load of problems from junkie parents to horny step parents that market hot pussy /dick etc (ie. you - the kid) … pretty picture everything paint dunnit?
Let me know then, yeah, if you still think today’s kids are screwed up. And make sure you get the blame right then.
Worrying isn’t it that this idiotic bunch make up roughly 75% of our population. I’d say.
Exams have begun and as you can see the stress is really getting to me. Sigh…
I hate today
|
I hate today coz I have ENGLISH LIT exam tomorrow.
I hate today coz I have a fever and a bad cold.
I hate today coz I'm scared of Econ.
I hate today coz someone reminded me of HIM.
I hate today coz I want to hug my Mom and I can't even call her.
I hate today coz I realised that I'm still me. That reality will 4eva haunt me.
Life's a bitch.
I hate today coz I have a fever and a bad cold.
I hate today coz I'm scared of Econ.
I hate today coz someone reminded me of HIM.
I hate today coz I want to hug my Mom and I can't even call her.
I hate today coz I realised that I'm still me. That reality will 4eva haunt me.
Life's a bitch.
Hey Anonymous...
|
Hey Anonymous…
I could’ve just written a comment back but I’ve been thinking about this today so here are a few words to you…
Why do I write in this stupid blog that about 5 people read (or less?)
Well originally it wasn’t meant for any one to read…
I write because it is one of the very few things in life I have a passion for…
You see, I am one of those people who is for lack of better phrasing, socially handicapped… I cannot express my feelings… I cannot show emotions physically or verbally… it has to be in writing… in music… in art…
I can’t draw to save my life… and music can be vague… not to mention I’d rather not be responsible for broken guitars, slashed drums and the complaints from next door…
So I write…
I write because I am the sort of person who cannot tell someone how much I care about them… I can’t even tell a guy I like him, much less that I am in love with him and over the years I have lost so much over this ‘deformity’.
Maybe I’m being dramatic, maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion but I cannot even tell my own mother when I am hurting…
Rather than throw tantrums, act moody and drive everyone around me insane I’d rather write my fears, so I can view them… feel detached from them… look at them and imagine it’s someone else ranting, and perhaps find some sort of peace.
Occasionally I invite some friends to this blog. Because I have something I need to express to them… because I desperately need them to understand why I am me… and recently, on a whim to see what happens when I welcome a stranger into my world…
We all have a paranoia about acceptance… it’s human nature… I guess you could say this is my escape from it… or my pleading against it… for it… depends on your perspective…
Why is it online? Because I keep loosing diaries and journals and well google the benefits of blogging…really not interesting in explaining this. Loads of other people blog too. Maybe my blog is more personal? I don’t know why you’re messing with the concept of ‘me’ doing this online.
And about who I wrote to… he knows who he is… and he will let me know his feelings on the matter…
I couldn’t say you are wrong if you said, it was a self-centred bitch complaining about all the insignificant details of her life. That’s your prerogative… and you are entitled to your own opinion.
By the way, I am not welcoming you or any one else to express such a demeaning opinion on my own blog. Thanks very much…
My current expression -
I could’ve just written a comment back but I’ve been thinking about this today so here are a few words to you…
Why do I write in this stupid blog that about 5 people read (or less?)
Well originally it wasn’t meant for any one to read…
I write because it is one of the very few things in life I have a passion for…
You see, I am one of those people who is for lack of better phrasing, socially handicapped… I cannot express my feelings… I cannot show emotions physically or verbally… it has to be in writing… in music… in art…
I can’t draw to save my life… and music can be vague… not to mention I’d rather not be responsible for broken guitars, slashed drums and the complaints from next door…
So I write…
I write because I am the sort of person who cannot tell someone how much I care about them… I can’t even tell a guy I like him, much less that I am in love with him and over the years I have lost so much over this ‘deformity’.
Maybe I’m being dramatic, maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion but I cannot even tell my own mother when I am hurting…
Rather than throw tantrums, act moody and drive everyone around me insane I’d rather write my fears, so I can view them… feel detached from them… look at them and imagine it’s someone else ranting, and perhaps find some sort of peace.
Occasionally I invite some friends to this blog. Because I have something I need to express to them… because I desperately need them to understand why I am me… and recently, on a whim to see what happens when I welcome a stranger into my world…
We all have a paranoia about acceptance… it’s human nature… I guess you could say this is my escape from it… or my pleading against it… for it… depends on your perspective…
Why is it online? Because I keep loosing diaries and journals and well google the benefits of blogging…really not interesting in explaining this. Loads of other people blog too. Maybe my blog is more personal? I don’t know why you’re messing with the concept of ‘me’ doing this online.
And about who I wrote to… he knows who he is… and he will let me know his feelings on the matter…
I couldn’t say you are wrong if you said, it was a self-centred bitch complaining about all the insignificant details of her life. That’s your prerogative… and you are entitled to your own opinion.
By the way, I am not welcoming you or any one else to express such a demeaning opinion on my own blog. Thanks very much…
My current expression -
I've come to think...
|
Have you ever watched ‘Taken’? It’s a surprisingly intense series by Steven Spielberg and features a particularly fascinating character of a little girl ‘Allie Keys’ who narrates the story…
So it’s highly melodramatic, and a bit cliché and the whole world being obsessed with Roswell 1945 is getting way too old, but certain philosophies expressed are pretty thought provoking and these are some that just stick to mind. I meant to mention one or two in yesterdays rampage against men, but sadly my net was fucked and I didn’t want to paraphrase….
About the whole concept of hope as a driving force in relation to finding love….
“People talk a lot as if the most important thing in life is to always see things for what they really are. But everything we do, every plan we make, is kind of a lie. We're closing our eyes and pretending that the day won't ever come when we won't need to make any more plans. Hope is the biggest lie there is, and it is the best. We have to keep going as if it all mattered, or else we wouldn't keep going at all.”
The next is for a friend of mine who’s having a lot of trouble putting the past behind him. We all have to move on some time, and it’s not always easy to find the motivation to make a change. Been there… maybe not quite as intensely as he is feeling the pressure, but nevertheless I have had more than a glimpse into the thought-process that can evoke.
“Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new, all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to be honest, not to live as if nothing had changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be.”
Also,
“When everything in your life is right on track, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have faith. But when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that faith. It's hard not to wonder whose reasons these things happen for”
Which is why we ought to have a back up plan! In fact that plan doesn’t have to be of grand proportions. Sometimes it’s just about changing perspectives… deliberately ignoring certain objectives… I know it sounds pretty backward and narrow minded but sometimes you need to look to your roots and forget your own slightly controversial beliefs simply because it is selfish to continue to dream if it is hurting those who have sacrificed everything for you.
It sounds contrived but…. It’s either that or develop the poetic stance and be the man who sits in a corner thinking up philosophies and wasting away life. It might be your life but there is something seriously wrong with you if you can live with the guilt of causing so much pain to those who spend their lives dreaming for you. Maybe they ought to pursue their own hopes… but maybe you are the only vessel through which they can live their dreams. Maybe that isn’t very fair… but sometimes it’s okay to shift channels and think that perhaps that is the very least you can do for them after everything you have put them through… or life has put them through. Empathy is not such a bad thing. Life long rebellion is not necessary to finding your own identity.
“People say that when we grow up, we kick at everything we've been told, we rebel against the world our parents worked so hard to bring us into, that part of growing of is kicking at the ties that bind. But I don't think that's why we kick at all. I think we kick when we find out that our parents don't know much more about the world than we do. They don't have all the answers. We rebel when we find out that they've been lying to us all along, that there isn't any Santa Claus at all.”
So it’s highly melodramatic, and a bit cliché and the whole world being obsessed with Roswell 1945 is getting way too old, but certain philosophies expressed are pretty thought provoking and these are some that just stick to mind. I meant to mention one or two in yesterdays rampage against men, but sadly my net was fucked and I didn’t want to paraphrase….
About the whole concept of hope as a driving force in relation to finding love….
“People talk a lot as if the most important thing in life is to always see things for what they really are. But everything we do, every plan we make, is kind of a lie. We're closing our eyes and pretending that the day won't ever come when we won't need to make any more plans. Hope is the biggest lie there is, and it is the best. We have to keep going as if it all mattered, or else we wouldn't keep going at all.”
The next is for a friend of mine who’s having a lot of trouble putting the past behind him. We all have to move on some time, and it’s not always easy to find the motivation to make a change. Been there… maybe not quite as intensely as he is feeling the pressure, but nevertheless I have had more than a glimpse into the thought-process that can evoke.
“Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new, all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to be honest, not to live as if nothing had changed but still to go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be.”
Also,
“When everything in your life is right on track, it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have faith. But when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that faith. It's hard not to wonder whose reasons these things happen for”
Which is why we ought to have a back up plan! In fact that plan doesn’t have to be of grand proportions. Sometimes it’s just about changing perspectives… deliberately ignoring certain objectives… I know it sounds pretty backward and narrow minded but sometimes you need to look to your roots and forget your own slightly controversial beliefs simply because it is selfish to continue to dream if it is hurting those who have sacrificed everything for you.
It sounds contrived but…. It’s either that or develop the poetic stance and be the man who sits in a corner thinking up philosophies and wasting away life. It might be your life but there is something seriously wrong with you if you can live with the guilt of causing so much pain to those who spend their lives dreaming for you. Maybe they ought to pursue their own hopes… but maybe you are the only vessel through which they can live their dreams. Maybe that isn’t very fair… but sometimes it’s okay to shift channels and think that perhaps that is the very least you can do for them after everything you have put them through… or life has put them through. Empathy is not such a bad thing. Life long rebellion is not necessary to finding your own identity.
“People say that when we grow up, we kick at everything we've been told, we rebel against the world our parents worked so hard to bring us into, that part of growing of is kicking at the ties that bind. But I don't think that's why we kick at all. I think we kick when we find out that our parents don't know much more about the world than we do. They don't have all the answers. We rebel when we find out that they've been lying to us all along, that there isn't any Santa Claus at all.”
Karuka'khaa'laa
|
Arabian culture is fascinating..
‘The Kiss’ is a short story set in Morroco… gorgeous descriptions…
We’re all familiar with ‘A Thousand And One Nights’ and ‘Aladdin’, ‘Ali Baba’…
Extravagant royalty, harems full of exotic women, glittering treasures, the finest wine and dine… the stories are full of the beauty…
Not much survives today… but Shishas are gorgeous…
And I’m doing belly dancing classes again…
Hehehe…
Oh and the music is nice as well. The most famous dance music is classified into a genre they call ‘Rai’ and one of the most well known artists is Khalid… the guy who sang the famous song ‘Aicha’ better known for it’s more recent cover version by Outlandish.
Fascinates me…
Check out this buruga…
I bet Dhivehi guys would like to see that a hell lot more…
And Arab guys are hot… not to mention rich… sigh… now where is my Saudi Prince again???? Lol…
‘The Kiss’ is a short story set in Morroco… gorgeous descriptions…
We’re all familiar with ‘A Thousand And One Nights’ and ‘Aladdin’, ‘Ali Baba’…
Extravagant royalty, harems full of exotic women, glittering treasures, the finest wine and dine… the stories are full of the beauty…
Not much survives today… but Shishas are gorgeous…
And I’m doing belly dancing classes again…
Hehehe…Oh and the music is nice as well. The most famous dance music is classified into a genre they call ‘Rai’ and one of the most well known artists is Khalid… the guy who sang the famous song ‘Aicha’ better known for it’s more recent cover version by Outlandish.
Fascinates me…
Check out this buruga…
I bet Dhivehi guys would like to see that a hell lot more…And Arab guys are hot… not to mention rich… sigh… now where is my Saudi Prince again???? Lol…
Read Disclaimer Carefully Before Continuing!
|
Warning. Contains explicit content. Read at your own risk.
I’m serious, don’t read it unless you are sure you will be okay, because I just finished my Economics exam and have decided that my tension release will be highly controversial and perhaps a little outrageous, even for me.
Sigh… reason behind yesterday’s hysteria (I actually later progressed to hiy biru gathun and freaking out and dialing various loved ones and scaring the shit out of them :D ) turned out to be PMS. I know you didn’t have to know that: P but hey… Damn! This is when I wish I were a man.
Song playing in my media player right now – ‘Laid’ by James
Today, rainy and depressing as it was, brought out the librarian/nerd/bookworm side of me and curling up under my snug duvet with a cuppa steaming hot tea (I am in England) and chocolate rollies I made for my self (nope, nope rollies as in bits of bread with spread, folhi eh hen olhaafa!) I chose to read a Black Lace novel, given to me by a friend who was given the book by a woman who is an aunt-like figure to both of us.
So what?
Let me explain. It’s a series of books that contain short-stories, published by Virgin Books (ironically) classic under the genre that is known as erotic literature.
Bit of bondage… pretty nasty and twisted at times… different take from my usual um… well actually I don’t really read anymore unless it’s for lit class… Oh yeah… miles away from John Grisham. Might be interesting for anyone to take a little detour to…
So why did I end up reading this? Hama just was lying there and I had just done Econ STRESSFUL exams so I figured, why not? Just goes to prove that Dhivehi women are just especially promiscuous, and if the rumours are right about Raaje being founded by prostitutes, I’m not too surprised. Seriously, the average Dhivehi woman seems to think about sex a lot more, they live for Mills N Boons and the like, Aminiyans reveal similar thoughts in poor displays of graffiti on the walls… and well plenty more.
Is it the whole jailed bird and resultant built up sexual tension? I doubt it! Women have been pretty liberated in this sense for a long time now. Girls used to wed earlier as well right? Although I’ve heard the tragedies of young sweeties being sold of to rich men, I have heard as many about wantons (personally I prefer the description free and spirited) running away… like Dhon Hiyala.
Isn’t it a 21st Century thing? No way, get your history sorted out. The infamous Rannamaari story, (which roots us to the very origin of culture as we claim it today and also apparently is the connection to the heart of Maldivian lifestyle i.e. Islamic belief) is also a perverse and disturbing tale of ‘someone’ or ‘something’ raping and murdering dozens of young girls. (And to the educated, sophisticated mind of today that would roughly translate to - a perverted freak with a fetish for virgins)
Oooh oooh, Bond Girl and recent star in Pride and Prejudice, Rosamund Pike studied at this fucked up school as well! Who knows… maybe this year will produce another Bond chick *hint hint, wink wink*
Back to my searching (hee hee) and deep questions. Is it genetics? I’d really like to know but science is not my forte, and quite frankly I do not have the patience for it anyway, but if anyone has any thoughts there, I’m interested to know more. Anyway I’m just saying that I don’t know whether it is lack of activity and entertainment but I’ve certainly come to note that Dhivehi anhenun are not only ‘farivefa chaaley’ but highly promiscuous and liberated women. Pity it is primarily in the one sense, they should channel energies into manipulation within fields like politics rather than just the seduction. Am I part of this league of horny women? Paka paka pakaaaaaaas Wouldn’t you like to know? *rofl* :P Nah, we’ll skip that one.
Dinner table conversation today was interesting as well. Economic Markets… now before you doze off at that, it was the male market we focused upon (male audiences may resume dozing ;) ahem…unless you’re inclined this way). Well, summed up it was gaigandakah just this - obviously, demand is excessively high, and supply of new products is less when compared to existing stock, therefore a shortage can be expected to occur. Shortage leads to increased consumption of second hand men.
Men are originally classed as a merit good because it provides satisfaction on various levels and happiness etc, however there are a certain category of men defined as assholes and bastards which are in fact de merit goods as they do nothing but damage and cause severe heartache. In the event of a shortage in the economy, consumption in this area increased rapidly, creating absolute disaster.
Just satisfying the feminist inside me. Grin, grin. I think Oscar Wilde was a feminist… :D and all great men of English Literature are gay. Wilde’s got a fantastic quote which he delivers in ‘A Woman Of No Importance’ via the character Lady Allonby (who is a fakka badi eh) which is … Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
True na? Sigh… I am such a geek o_0 !!
I wish I had a heart like ‘that guy I had a fling with recently in Male’, simply forget the liaison the next morning… Never hurt, never want for something more meaningful. Life would be a lot less complicated, a lot less unhappy.
I guess it’s a choice we make to give up that perspective, maybe because we realise we will never be whole and utterly satisfied unless we believe, unless we have some sort of hope that someday we will achieve happiness greater than whatever we have in our lives at the moment. The reason to go on? Hm..?
When you’re in your early teens and I’ve gone on about this forever but you know… I just think that what we feel is an illusion fuelled by lots of expectations and dreams fed to us through Bollywood, Hollywood etc, other love-struck kids and that sort of thing… maybe the entire thing is a farce… lol… because whatever it is, we see a glimpse of it in the beginning of every relationship but it just seems to fade away, or we venture into relationships in hopes of finding it, but everything crumbles away when we realise it is not possible.
Or maybe as years go by we fool ourselves into re-establishing the feeling we felt as kids… when we are secure enough and the insecurities that have built over the years reach a point that they don’t really matter anymore… then we lull ourselves into a sort of belief?
Kinda heartbreaking to think that there is nothing to look forward to though. How can such a centuries-old dream be based on mere imagination?
Psst! Brief fantasy … glass room on a lil finolhu in the middle of nowhere, silk sheets, the nights dark but there are a million stars in the sky, mind-blowing sex till sunrise…involving chocolate variations… and the most wonderful guy. Yes I am a romantic and I did say brief! Disappointing eh? Pakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
I’m serious, don’t read it unless you are sure you will be okay, because I just finished my Economics exam and have decided that my tension release will be highly controversial and perhaps a little outrageous, even for me.
Sigh… reason behind yesterday’s hysteria (I actually later progressed to hiy biru gathun and freaking out and dialing various loved ones and scaring the shit out of them :D ) turned out to be PMS. I know you didn’t have to know that: P but hey… Damn! This is when I wish I were a man.
Song playing in my media player right now – ‘Laid’ by James
Today, rainy and depressing as it was, brought out the librarian/nerd/bookworm side of me and curling up under my snug duvet with a cuppa steaming hot tea (I am in England) and chocolate rollies I made for my self (nope, nope rollies as in bits of bread with spread, folhi eh hen olhaafa!) I chose to read a Black Lace novel, given to me by a friend who was given the book by a woman who is an aunt-like figure to both of us.
So what?
Let me explain. It’s a series of books that contain short-stories, published by Virgin Books (ironically) classic under the genre that is known as erotic literature.
Bit of bondage… pretty nasty and twisted at times… different take from my usual um… well actually I don’t really read anymore unless it’s for lit class… Oh yeah… miles away from John Grisham. Might be interesting for anyone to take a little detour to…
So why did I end up reading this? Hama just was lying there and I had just done Econ STRESSFUL exams so I figured, why not? Just goes to prove that Dhivehi women are just especially promiscuous, and if the rumours are right about Raaje being founded by prostitutes, I’m not too surprised. Seriously, the average Dhivehi woman seems to think about sex a lot more, they live for Mills N Boons and the like, Aminiyans reveal similar thoughts in poor displays of graffiti on the walls… and well plenty more.
Is it the whole jailed bird and resultant built up sexual tension? I doubt it! Women have been pretty liberated in this sense for a long time now. Girls used to wed earlier as well right? Although I’ve heard the tragedies of young sweeties being sold of to rich men, I have heard as many about wantons (personally I prefer the description free and spirited) running away… like Dhon Hiyala.
Isn’t it a 21st Century thing? No way, get your history sorted out. The infamous Rannamaari story, (which roots us to the very origin of culture as we claim it today and also apparently is the connection to the heart of Maldivian lifestyle i.e. Islamic belief) is also a perverse and disturbing tale of ‘someone’ or ‘something’ raping and murdering dozens of young girls. (And to the educated, sophisticated mind of today that would roughly translate to - a perverted freak with a fetish for virgins)
Oooh oooh, Bond Girl and recent star in Pride and Prejudice, Rosamund Pike studied at this fucked up school as well! Who knows… maybe this year will produce another Bond chick *hint hint, wink wink*
Back to my searching (hee hee) and deep questions. Is it genetics? I’d really like to know but science is not my forte, and quite frankly I do not have the patience for it anyway, but if anyone has any thoughts there, I’m interested to know more. Anyway I’m just saying that I don’t know whether it is lack of activity and entertainment but I’ve certainly come to note that Dhivehi anhenun are not only ‘farivefa chaaley’ but highly promiscuous and liberated women. Pity it is primarily in the one sense, they should channel energies into manipulation within fields like politics rather than just the seduction. Am I part of this league of horny women? Paka paka pakaaaaaaas Wouldn’t you like to know? *rofl* :P Nah, we’ll skip that one.
Dinner table conversation today was interesting as well. Economic Markets… now before you doze off at that, it was the male market we focused upon (male audiences may resume dozing ;) ahem…unless you’re inclined this way). Well, summed up it was gaigandakah just this - obviously, demand is excessively high, and supply of new products is less when compared to existing stock, therefore a shortage can be expected to occur. Shortage leads to increased consumption of second hand men.
Men are originally classed as a merit good because it provides satisfaction on various levels and happiness etc, however there are a certain category of men defined as assholes and bastards which are in fact de merit goods as they do nothing but damage and cause severe heartache. In the event of a shortage in the economy, consumption in this area increased rapidly, creating absolute disaster.
Just satisfying the feminist inside me. Grin, grin. I think Oscar Wilde was a feminist… :D and all great men of English Literature are gay. Wilde’s got a fantastic quote which he delivers in ‘A Woman Of No Importance’ via the character Lady Allonby (who is a fakka badi eh) which is … Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
True na? Sigh… I am such a geek o_0 !!
I wish I had a heart like ‘that guy I had a fling with recently in Male’, simply forget the liaison the next morning… Never hurt, never want for something more meaningful. Life would be a lot less complicated, a lot less unhappy.
I guess it’s a choice we make to give up that perspective, maybe because we realise we will never be whole and utterly satisfied unless we believe, unless we have some sort of hope that someday we will achieve happiness greater than whatever we have in our lives at the moment. The reason to go on? Hm..?
When you’re in your early teens and I’ve gone on about this forever but you know… I just think that what we feel is an illusion fuelled by lots of expectations and dreams fed to us through Bollywood, Hollywood etc, other love-struck kids and that sort of thing… maybe the entire thing is a farce… lol… because whatever it is, we see a glimpse of it in the beginning of every relationship but it just seems to fade away, or we venture into relationships in hopes of finding it, but everything crumbles away when we realise it is not possible.
Or maybe as years go by we fool ourselves into re-establishing the feeling we felt as kids… when we are secure enough and the insecurities that have built over the years reach a point that they don’t really matter anymore… then we lull ourselves into a sort of belief?
Kinda heartbreaking to think that there is nothing to look forward to though. How can such a centuries-old dream be based on mere imagination?
Psst! Brief fantasy … glass room on a lil finolhu in the middle of nowhere, silk sheets, the nights dark but there are a million stars in the sky, mind-blowing sex till sunrise…involving chocolate variations… and the most wonderful guy. Yes I am a romantic and I did say brief! Disappointing eh? Pakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!
Secure In My Insecurity
|
“How to get an A in Economics” titles my new pile of notes. Amyaai… keey vaanee “How to achieve self contentment and happiness in your life” ey kiyas…far more relevant to me in the long term and both are proven impossible!
I feel so alone these days, heck even my horoscope for “May” was like, ‘Midmonth, worrywart Pluto makes you paranoid that your guy’s loosing interest in you or that you’ll never find a boy-friend. Realising that it’s all in your head quickly revives both your strong self-image and optimism’. Keekay bunaanee… Not that I let Cosmo rule my life, but I have a friend who is really into astrology so I just checked… and I thought, magey blog kiyaa meehakah ingeyney how true the first bit is!
OTOH, I think I just miss family and love like that. Life in the ‘survival of the fittest’ mode can really suck after a while. The new trend wave of all these spinsters in Male’ finally hitching up (not intended as offence at all ingey) splashing around, is just making things feel more pathetic here.
I think I’d have been happier born a few decades earlier. When there was less pressure to do things that you personally perceived as ethically wrong, I could get away with not doing my Al’s and just getting me a lil baby (I shall not mention the ‘m’ word) instead. I could stay at home happy as can be looking after my family and the pressures of a career wouldn’t even cross my mind. I know society wasn’t perfect then either but I probably would have avoided doing a lot of the things I regret today.
Yes, underneath the projected exterior image of the pot smoking hardened chick, as black inside as outside (pakaas, hamuge vahaka eh noon engijje!), swears too much, and a history with the opposite sex that makes Hitler a gentleman with Jews, - I would much rather sit at home with a kid on my lap. I hate my life right now.
But sometimes we take paths from which we can never totally deviate from, because now that is the only place where we can belong, and will be accepted, after all human beings are social creatures that need to interact with other people for the basic necessities in life; for survival. These interactions can change gradually, but some constant familiarity with the circumstances that surround us bolsters our sub-conscious sense of safety. Our identity is inextricably linked with those we interact with… we become them… goes back to when the world was divided into tribes.
I know I joke around (prolly too much) about me being a tom boy (not in the homo sense of course) but the thing is, no matter what they say about the company I keep, I can’t go away. I mean I can avoid being used in any form or sense if I’m careful but I can’t just move away and expect to be accepted by any one else. My dilemma with men of course, is that some how these social interactions (i.e. I hang around with the male crowds) in their view affects my piety (kekeke) and thus I am never good enough other than say as a friend, or a temporary satisfaction.
I am grumpy these days dho, life just sucks in a lot of ways… this is me unloading via some crappy excuses. I hate my life right now.
Oooh… thought of the day:
Sexual love is a troubled and problematic relationship in cultures where there is a strong sense of man's separation from nature, especially when the realm of nature is felt to be inferior or contaminated with evil. (Alan Watts, Nature, Man, and Woman)NO NO List
|
IMPORTANT : I don't like anorexia and anorexics... food is meant to be consumed. I am happy with me and my fattiness now... I feel human and like a real woman. So get lost if you wana kill yourself starving. It aint worth it. AND F.Y.I darling (you know who you are) chocolate is beautiful.
Men like to feel... right? Guys? Help me save a soul here... I refuse to lose another friend to this I hate food and I shan't eat trend. (Not gonna name it even.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND I don't like people I just met calling me 'honey' and 'sweetypie' or shish kebab or whatever. Fuck No. It's cheesy and boring and damn freaking me out...
Another thing - I miss doing the boogie woogie... You put your right hand out you put your right hand in... you put your right hand in and shake it all about... you do the boogie woogie and you turn your self around... that's what it's all about... AAaahhh... :D
Pakaas ey dhen buneveyne...
Men like to feel... right? Guys? Help me save a soul here... I refuse to lose another friend to this I hate food and I shan't eat trend. (Not gonna name it even.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND I don't like people I just met calling me 'honey' and 'sweetypie' or shish kebab or whatever. Fuck No. It's cheesy and boring and damn freaking me out...
Another thing - I miss doing the boogie woogie... You put your right hand out you put your right hand in... you put your right hand in and shake it all about... you do the boogie woogie and you turn your self around... that's what it's all about... AAaahhh... :D
Pakaas ey dhen buneveyne...
Mumsy
|
Of all the rights of women the greatest is to be a mother!
Charlotte Gray: Famous Quotes on MotherBecoming a mother makes you the mother of all children. From now on each wounded, abandoned, frightened child is yours. You live in the suffering mothers of every race and creed and weep with them. You long to comfort all who are desolate.
I think its the maternal gene in there... don't need to give birth for that to be active.
When a baby is born, a mother is born.
True...
I don't want a man. I want a baby! Sigh...
Aristotle: Famous Quotes on MotherMothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. (Pakaas... and their love is unconditional - kids to Moms... I know Oscar Wilde thinks that 'children...judge them' but seriously... better than any romance egothah balanyaa... makes you whole I think!)
Luv u Mom and DhonMom (Oprah Winfrey: Quotes About MotherBiology is the least of what makes someone a mother)... Naf Naf, GodMom too... Happy Mother's Day to you.. and all those deserving Mom's out there. Saabahey thikuraa hivvarah!
Charlotte Gray: Famous Quotes on MotherBecoming a mother makes you the mother of all children. From now on each wounded, abandoned, frightened child is yours. You live in the suffering mothers of every race and creed and weep with them. You long to comfort all who are desolate.
I think its the maternal gene in there... don't need to give birth for that to be active.
When a baby is born, a mother is born.
True...
I don't want a man. I want a baby! Sigh...
Aristotle: Famous Quotes on MotherMothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. (Pakaas... and their love is unconditional - kids to Moms... I know Oscar Wilde thinks that 'children...judge them' but seriously... better than any romance egothah balanyaa... makes you whole I think!)
Luv u Mom and DhonMom (Oprah Winfrey: Quotes About MotherBiology is the least of what makes someone a mother)... Naf Naf, GodMom too... Happy Mother's Day to you.. and all those deserving Mom's out there. Saabahey thikuraa hivvarah!
Miadhuge Mas Huni
|
All the Google controversy aside (Gasp! They’re brain washing us – and who isn’t, they are taking over the world! See, Gulhabo is the least of our worries!) *ahem* fears aside, seriously I don’t harbour much affecion (see, I’m like going backward to the medieval times now, grr… lit is a killer – I don’t see why we can’t get a bloody laptop for each candidate instead of writing the examination with a paper and ending up with really painful hands… ergonomics!) for the site. (Man, when I deviate I really wander dho… heheh. Have italicised bullshit fasey kohdheyn kamah) I mean useful for sure, but not the only road to walk on, path to follow, idol to worship (again, Gulhabo huttaa)… you get my point?
BUT every m-fucker is a hypocrite… don’t shoot me … yet, (stop fighting it, be part of it! BTW related quote by Rasmus ‘In The Shadows’: They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe. But I, I rather kill myself then turn into their slave… nice na?) I was hell-bored and surfing and had a sudden inspiration to make a world clock that I can just look at and be comforted… (as in Male’ mihaaru miheney eheney… kokko mihaaru nidhaafaaney… pathetic I know but still) so anyway, I did that and then I spied with my own little eyes, an ickle note saying “Internet time: @450 .beats” or something of the sort… ignited my curiosity (who gives a shit what happened to that stupid cat… kinda like the chicken crossing the road…) yeah, check this link. http://www.timeanddate.com/time/internettime.html - pointless but yeah... There are so many bored people in the world I gotta say…
Iyye me savoured international fenvaruge bitching about men… fascinating philosophies uncovered. Real deep :P check this out…
English: If he doesn’t leave his gf for you immediately, he never will. Get over it.
Japanese: I wanna guy who can cook and clean, y’know do the laundry and the dishes… being monetarily stable doesn’t hurt either. (Hm…I wanna move to Japan!)
Bangladesh: I love my guy. He loves me. I know that. So he’s seen around with this girl and I’m here in UK. I trust him…but I dunno…I won’t be bothered by it. I know if it’s not him I’ll never love again. Oh fuck… I gotta call him now!
German: Personally I don’t know what the fuss is about one night stands. I’ve fucked guys and not called them the next day, acted like strangers. It’s just a fuck. Move on. Get a life.
Thai: I want a really stupid guy. (Pakaas…not too hard!)
Russian: I will kill a guy who cheats on me.
Chinese: I have better things than men to think about // I need to revise for studies. (The secret to booming Chinese economy etc – you go girl!)
Dhivehi: Guys… I really can’t be arsed… *turns around and dials some guys number* (Wink!)
Yup little intercontinental love bureaucracy we got going… lol I really cannot be a diplomat dho… ey, this is really what they said… no stereotyping no one. Sigh… I guess I ain’t cut out for UN eh… pity… hoon dhen!
AAAAA am outta campus… finally! But got tons to do so… adios…
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Homework is like boyfriends… you really can’t do them on demand…
Quote is too stupid to be anyone’s but mine
BUT every m-fucker is a hypocrite… don’t shoot me … yet, (stop fighting it, be part of it! BTW related quote by Rasmus ‘In The Shadows’: They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe. But I, I rather kill myself then turn into their slave… nice na?) I was hell-bored and surfing and had a sudden inspiration to make a world clock that I can just look at and be comforted… (as in Male’ mihaaru miheney eheney… kokko mihaaru nidhaafaaney… pathetic I know but still) so anyway, I did that and then I spied with my own little eyes, an ickle note saying “Internet time: @450 .beats” or something of the sort… ignited my curiosity (who gives a shit what happened to that stupid cat… kinda like the chicken crossing the road…) yeah, check this link. http://www.timeanddate.com/time/internettime.html - pointless but yeah... There are so many bored people in the world I gotta say…
Iyye me savoured international fenvaruge bitching about men… fascinating philosophies uncovered. Real deep :P check this out…
English: If he doesn’t leave his gf for you immediately, he never will. Get over it.
Japanese: I wanna guy who can cook and clean, y’know do the laundry and the dishes… being monetarily stable doesn’t hurt either. (Hm…I wanna move to Japan!)
Bangladesh: I love my guy. He loves me. I know that. So he’s seen around with this girl and I’m here in UK. I trust him…but I dunno…I won’t be bothered by it. I know if it’s not him I’ll never love again. Oh fuck… I gotta call him now!
German: Personally I don’t know what the fuss is about one night stands. I’ve fucked guys and not called them the next day, acted like strangers. It’s just a fuck. Move on. Get a life.
Thai: I want a really stupid guy. (Pakaas…not too hard!)
Russian: I will kill a guy who cheats on me.
Chinese: I have better things than men to think about // I need to revise for studies. (The secret to booming Chinese economy etc – you go girl!)
Dhivehi: Guys… I really can’t be arsed… *turns around and dials some guys number* (Wink!)
Yup little intercontinental love bureaucracy we got going… lol I really cannot be a diplomat dho… ey, this is really what they said… no stereotyping no one. Sigh… I guess I ain’t cut out for UN eh… pity… hoon dhen!
AAAAA am outta campus… finally! But got tons to do so… adios…
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Homework is like boyfriends… you really can’t do them on demand…
Quote is too stupid to be anyone’s but mine
Galhimark...
|
What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.
Seriously, and this after he had actually emailed me saying he wants closure that our on and off thingy was over, an email which he sent to loads of people including my long term intimate ex whom I loved for a long time even after it was over and who is the only guy I’ve ever dated friendship ves fanivefa oiy, apparently by ‘mistake’…really felt like asking him to fuck himself. His sis and mom talked to me about how his behaviour and all are really worrying him and I felt guilty saying nothing knowing from a woman’s point of view how it would hurt them, and that’s why I contacted him after so long, not to open doors to the past! Men are so full of themselves.
I just want to meet a single guy who would be
(a) honest, what he messes up is another issue but if he can be truthful about it it’s fine…
(b) respect and care for me as I do for him.
(c) accept me for who I am, I don’t question him either.
(d) not take me for granted, I do not exist to gratify his whims…
(dhen anehhen majaa, funny, tune vaa…)
Now I know that looks scarily like an MCQ question but it is so hard, honestly… at least for me.
Everyone wants the stereotype beauty – fair, skinny (no tits and no ass… come on dudes!), stunningly pretty… who they can wrap around their finger, money is always a plus, must be sexy and sweet etc etc to the hilt but a clean and clear (under se clean baahar se clear!) reputation as well. Super girl… how boring!
Leaving those of us who dare to be different to bite the dust…
Ah fuck it… back to me failing Econ… help...halp!! NEED.TO.GO.TO.UNIVERSITY. << sob! >>
My roomie is fretting over her darling mechanics paper… its actually reassuring to see someone more freaked out than I am … she’s such a sweety :D
And there she is…
The whole gang plus a few extras… masheh nethin erey, was with Uncle and all…
Pretty random tonight eh? Aw… well…
Sigh… home sweet home!
Dream Car..
My kinda guy… yippeeee! Axl rockzzzzzz
Finale – ME! Jaxxmine… pakaas!
Hope you enjoyed my moyavun… inthizaaru kollavva…plenty more of insanity to come as exams draw nearer and my brain deteriorates further….
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.
Layla, you've got me on my knees.
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.
Mashah libey furathama girl akah ma kiyaanee Layla… out of love for this song… think that’s craxy? I’ve met kids named after coffee brands… :P
Yeah well, maybe pride should have nothing to do with love, in my experience it really fucks things up. Sigh… we are talking about of course, my egoistic pride.
I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.
Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.
Falling in love is arguably, always foolish. But that’s just bitter ol me speaking. Ask one of those lovey dovey, gooey mushy couples and you might get a different response but hey, each to his own.
What kind of man asks a woman to ease his mind anyway? E.C. needs serious councelling... hasn’t he learnt that the opposite sex can only complicate matters… sigh…
Don't... don't you wish we tried?
Do you feel what I feel inside?
You know our love is stronger than pride... oh
No don't... don't let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me, don't close the door
Shania Twain is seriously stupid too, the whole problem is that they won’t listen to you. What’s the point? Just turn around and walk away…Don’t act desperate. Counter argument: Why not fight what you want so much? Jeez… my split personality disorder is getting annoying… :P
Let me introduce y’all to a beautiful, beautiful song. Peter Gabriel – I Grieve. Some may recognise it from Smallville’s famous episode where Jonathan Kent dies…
It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
There’s nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
It’s just the way that you would tied in
Now there’s no-one home
I grieve for you
You leave me
‘so hard to move on
Still loving what’s gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on
The news that truly shocks is the empty empty page
While the final rattle rocks it’s empty empty cage
And I can’t handle this
I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
Missing what’s gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on
Life carries on
In the people I meet
In everyone that’s out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
It’s just the car that we ride in
A home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
And life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Did I dream this belief?
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I can find relief
I grieve
Ooh… it’s raining outside you know, not really cold though… nice weather I think… Rather beautiful…
Lame excuse for a blog entry but today aint a very good day ASIDE from me feeling that Ima gonna fail ma fockin Economics exam and consequently ruining my future prospects thus shaming and disappointing my family as well as driving them up their necks in debt and bankruptcy
THERE’S ALSO THE FACT that I received mail from my ex… (the most recent) saying that:
Seriously, and this after he had actually emailed me saying he wants closure that our on and off thingy was over, an email which he sent to loads of people including my long term intimate ex whom I loved for a long time even after it was over and who is the only guy I’ve ever dated friendship ves fanivefa oiy, apparently by ‘mistake’…really felt like asking him to fuck himself. His sis and mom talked to me about how his behaviour and all are really worrying him and I felt guilty saying nothing knowing from a woman’s point of view how it would hurt them, and that’s why I contacted him after so long, not to open doors to the past! Men are so full of themselves.
I just want to meet a single guy who would be
(a) honest, what he messes up is another issue but if he can be truthful about it it’s fine…
(b) respect and care for me as I do for him.
(c) accept me for who I am, I don’t question him either.
(d) not take me for granted, I do not exist to gratify his whims…
(dhen anehhen majaa, funny, tune vaa…)
Now I know that looks scarily like an MCQ question but it is so hard, honestly… at least for me.
Everyone wants the stereotype beauty – fair, skinny (no tits and no ass… come on dudes!), stunningly pretty… who they can wrap around their finger, money is always a plus, must be sexy and sweet etc etc to the hilt but a clean and clear (under se clean baahar se clear!) reputation as well. Super girl… how boring!
Leaving those of us who dare to be different to bite the dust…
Ah fuck it… back to me failing Econ… help...halp!! NEED.TO.GO.TO.UNIVERSITY. << sob! >>
My roomie is fretting over her darling mechanics paper… its actually reassuring to see someone more freaked out than I am … she’s such a sweety :D
And there she is…
The whole gang plus a few extras… masheh nethin erey, was with Uncle and all…
Pretty random tonight eh? Aw… well…
Sigh… home sweet home!
Dream Car..
My kinda guy… yippeeee! Axl rockzzzzzz
Finale – ME! Jaxxmine… pakaas!
Hope you enjoyed my moyavun… inthizaaru kollavva…plenty more of insanity to come as exams draw nearer and my brain deteriorates further….
Musings late night and in the morning...
|
Romantic bullshit… bad, bad idea for single people to indulge in such typical Hollywood crap! Seriously, I should have known better. But isn’t that always the case. Sigh, when will I ever learn dho?
I’ve been buried in books too much lately, either that or movies or chocolate toast (I know I know, I shouldn’t but hell it’s exams I need my comfort munchies!) so haven’t had time to blog. I’m sure though, when my holy study break comes along I will find myself typing along. Thankfully it looks as though I’m safe with Pol and Eng Lit but Econ is fucking scary. Really really scary. As in piss in my pants scary.
I was talking to an ex, and his bro who is the most ardent pursuer I’ve ever had, and we talked about their other bro who I was talking about earlier, the dha-gadda vegen ulhey one… but I wasn’t too keen on caring and sharing as you can imagine so it was mostly about their lives and how they’ve moved on and are in really good places. I’m happy for ‘em genuinely but also makes me feel kinda incompetent…inadequate you know? Empty… look where they’ve made it…and I’m still stuck in this kinda half life thing…
Check out Juanes ge lava thah… if you’re into the Latin scene you’ll like it. I love the brand of music and the lyrics (my seriously shitty Spanish, which I am resuming studying next sem) but mostly the feel of it… lively… spesh Volverte A Vor!
I also poured out my life to this dude… by giving him this url… *gasp* I know… not the first visitor here, but certainly the first virtual stranger (online buddy) I invited… not sure why… I opened the doors to being judged by someone, lets face it, I don’t know very well, and vice versa… but I figure taking a risk once in a while might pay off… and it’s nice to welcome someone new… scary, and surreal but nice. (I quote Julia R in Notting Hill).
Watched Casanova… I like the character. Hugely chauvinistic and egoistic, a true son of a bitch but some how greatly appealing, I guess the bad boy transforms angel due to lover is a story that seduces every woman at some point of time. Sadly such fantasies I doubt will ever flood my thoughts after the fatal poisoning of reality. At some point we are all enticed by the idea of love, until cruel cynicism invades…
Fuck no! I just deleted my SMS inbox olhigen entire thing…shait…I had some aasaaree, ranvi messages in that shit hole… FUCK! Fffff… fucking hell…
… next morning …
GRRR I got a freaking D in my Econ mock… module 2… I am gonna have to drop it if I get lower than C in AS exam… yeah my life is screwed, my future is gone…non-existent… the pressure is eating me alive… how the hell am I going to survive the next 5 years without committing a first-degree crime, jumping out of my window (it’s open currently and very tempting), driving my family into bankruptcy and debts or shaming and disappointing them further.
AAAARGGGHHH!!!! I mean my other options are fine A or at least B guaranteed. So why am I fucking up Econ… I can kiss my University dreams goodbye if I fuck it up, which I am so famous for accomplishing with alarming regularity in all areas of life and achievement. I need chocolate.
I’ve been buried in books too much lately, either that or movies or chocolate toast (I know I know, I shouldn’t but hell it’s exams I need my comfort munchies!) so haven’t had time to blog. I’m sure though, when my holy study break comes along I will find myself typing along. Thankfully it looks as though I’m safe with Pol and Eng Lit but Econ is fucking scary. Really really scary. As in piss in my pants scary.
I was talking to an ex, and his bro who is the most ardent pursuer I’ve ever had, and we talked about their other bro who I was talking about earlier, the dha-gadda vegen ulhey one… but I wasn’t too keen on caring and sharing as you can imagine so it was mostly about their lives and how they’ve moved on and are in really good places. I’m happy for ‘em genuinely but also makes me feel kinda incompetent…inadequate you know? Empty… look where they’ve made it…and I’m still stuck in this kinda half life thing…
Check out Juanes ge lava thah… if you’re into the Latin scene you’ll like it. I love the brand of music and the lyrics (my seriously shitty Spanish, which I am resuming studying next sem) but mostly the feel of it… lively… spesh Volverte A Vor!
I also poured out my life to this dude… by giving him this url… *gasp* I know… not the first visitor here, but certainly the first virtual stranger (online buddy) I invited… not sure why… I opened the doors to being judged by someone, lets face it, I don’t know very well, and vice versa… but I figure taking a risk once in a while might pay off… and it’s nice to welcome someone new… scary, and surreal but nice. (I quote Julia R in Notting Hill).
Watched Casanova… I like the character. Hugely chauvinistic and egoistic, a true son of a bitch but some how greatly appealing, I guess the bad boy transforms angel due to lover is a story that seduces every woman at some point of time. Sadly such fantasies I doubt will ever flood my thoughts after the fatal poisoning of reality. At some point we are all enticed by the idea of love, until cruel cynicism invades…Fuck no! I just deleted my SMS inbox olhigen entire thing…shait…I had some aasaaree, ranvi messages in that shit hole… FUCK! Fffff… fucking hell…
… next morning …
GRRR I got a freaking D in my Econ mock… module 2… I am gonna have to drop it if I get lower than C in AS exam… yeah my life is screwed, my future is gone…non-existent… the pressure is eating me alive… how the hell am I going to survive the next 5 years without committing a first-degree crime, jumping out of my window (it’s open currently and very tempting), driving my family into bankruptcy and debts or shaming and disappointing them further.
AAAARGGGHHH!!!! I mean my other options are fine A or at least B guaranteed. So why am I fucking up Econ… I can kiss my University dreams goodbye if I fuck it up, which I am so famous for accomplishing with alarming regularity in all areas of life and achievement. I need chocolate.
My Wings Won't Fly...
|
Sigh… if only I could fly away…from frustrations and troubles and confusions and annoying men who lie to me and boarding mistresses who hate me (and I hate).I’m neglecting my bloggie eh these days… I know I know, I mean to write and ‘up above’ has blessed me with many a great inspiration but unfortunately the power of exams and lectures are considerably stronger this semester… sigh…
I had so much more time when I was not paying attention to my studies, had a bratty room mate who I could totally not communicate with and loads to complain about. Oh life’s still screwed as usual but my roomy is a total honey pie sugar bun etc and I have decided to stop pitying myself, for the moment at least.
Unleash the child within you. Hey not my cheesy lines, some Ad or the other… totally wrong in concept I think. So why am I talking about kids again? Oh well, one of my friends called me a kid (over the phone, so he is still alive. For now...). Truth be told though I wasn’t that pissed. I just don’t want to be in a rigid state.
Major ‘huh?!’ right? Oh well, lemme explain myself. Well it all came in a conversation related to love and stuff so excuse the constant references to it, and just be good and accept my little um, ‘tirade’ if you like.
People always say that you don’t fall in love when you’re young (“dhen adhi maa kuda ey thihen visnaakah” is something we’ve all heard at some stage or other) but I totally disagree… you only fall in love when you’re young; when you have no restrictions, no inhibitions, no fears, questioning, no demanding , accepting change… think about it. You never fall in love the way you do when you’re in your early/mid teens… remember the passion, the longing and the laughter? You’d be lucky to find that again… or you’d have to be a kid inside ;)
It’s like when we morph into adulthood the responsibility and general stress just takes over and carves us into this stereotypical being, we lose that carefree childlike state of mind… possibly we get rid of it because it makes us vulnerable. After all to feel great pleasure one must be susceptible to feeling great pain (ah, I believe in the balance). We all fit in (or aspire to) with society’s norm and make that transition into self-sufficiency (I know, sounds like I’m talking about the bloody agriculture industry or something. :P) this sense of love is lost forever. We are no longer capable of ‘falling in love’ (how sad.) instead we settle for companionship, which is great but admittedly not nearly as fun, fulfilling or satisfying.
Possibly why at some stage of our lives we do wander off course from our life partner, the desire for that free loving feeling becomes absolutely irresistible and we do something totally unpredictable, unplanned, irresponsible and crazy. Therein lieth ze charm of an affair (picture: a French nutter with a long moustache twirling an end of it with a long knobby finger, looking down at you with his eyebrow arched. What’s the point of this interjection? Oh. None at all) :D
The say kids aren’t logical. Running under the covers of your warm, comfy bed, comfy when you hear a raging storm outside does make sense because you are seeking some sort of protection and calmness. On the other hand, moving forward down a path, searching for the possibility of something that you know you left behind makes absolutely no sense at all. Adults. Go figure.
Anyway… life these days…summarised = I’ve been playing around with life long enough, I’m fooling myself if I keep saying “I don’t care”, “the fun goes both ways” etc… because that is not who I am or who I ever want to be. I want something real now. If all that’s on the market is temporary, I’ll sit it out. On the other side of things, I need to hit the books seriously. I am screwed. I do not want to fail Econ. I cannot!I hate this place and all the fucking racists around and I cannot wait to go to Uni. Or better yet to go home. Why do I have to live here again? Grrr…Dad ge molhethi hiyaalu thah… character building? Hmph… Character ehves noon build vee. Weekends are my only escape… this is really driving me insane.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)