The view from my balcony...
The pool!!!!
The woes... the woes...
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OBS can ruin lives.
I'm serious. People need to seek help for this sort of thing. Whether it's the fact that you cannot tolerate fingerprints on your dressingtable and polish it 24/7 or whether you cannot help your self from calling your adult daughter every once an hour, whether you cannot help but constantly imagine your girlfriend humping some other homo sapien (or not?).
Take a break! Have a kitkat...
People need to chill out and live / let live... Without suffocating those around them. Do not monopolize on the O2 you freaks!!!!!
Frustration, haththahaaves FRUSTRATION!
Churaaliyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
I'm serious. People need to seek help for this sort of thing. Whether it's the fact that you cannot tolerate fingerprints on your dressingtable and polish it 24/7 or whether you cannot help your self from calling your adult daughter every once an hour, whether you cannot help but constantly imagine your girlfriend humping some other homo sapien (or not?).
Take a break! Have a kitkat...
People need to chill out and live / let live... Without suffocating those around them. Do not monopolize on the O2 you freaks!!!!!
Frustration, haththahaaves FRUSTRATION!
Churaaliyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
An individual face is capable of more than 10, 000 combinations of expression
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And all of them end here. :P
Ive been having a great time in MY, feeling independant but not like in UK when I was totally insecure and scared.
Its like, not unfamiliar... and I've been through the process already so yeah, that comfort is there too. Besides Malaysia is a great place to live, and I've got dhivehi friends around to make me feel at home too, and I have my sis to cry to too... heheh it's all very good...
Studies are fun too, I'm doing this program which prepares me for LLB (starting Jan 2008) and it's 70% coursework and 30% exams. This means, no stress and plenty of time to integrate into the place... :D Meeting people, doing projects with them, building up confidence via the many many presentations and a chance to be creative too. Perfect for me, really.
I'm not going out much unless it's pool time after school and that too is just to get to know my classmates (local and otherwise) better... I did go to Savanh one night and met one damn hot Iranian and French guy... Went on a DD with the frenchie and his buddy Pierre too... was fun :)
I'm done dating Maldivians by the way. :/ It's heartbreak plus HUMILIATION. My last try ended up with so much disappointment, I don't know where to begin anymore. So the current plan is to start anew, and afar... and re-do...
I have a loaaaaaaaaaaaaabi pool in my new home too... hurey adhi up kollaanan nice pix kolheh ves :)
Life has the same old shit revolving though, but for now Ive got some awesome distractions... speaking of which, it's TGI FRIDAY!!!! Hehehehe, what the hell am I doing home right?!!! Off for a movie with mates...
I don't want to live in Maldives anymore either. Anywhere but there.
Ive been having a great time in MY, feeling independant but not like in UK when I was totally insecure and scared.
Its like, not unfamiliar... and I've been through the process already so yeah, that comfort is there too. Besides Malaysia is a great place to live, and I've got dhivehi friends around to make me feel at home too, and I have my sis to cry to too... heheh it's all very good...
Studies are fun too, I'm doing this program which prepares me for LLB (starting Jan 2008) and it's 70% coursework and 30% exams. This means, no stress and plenty of time to integrate into the place... :D Meeting people, doing projects with them, building up confidence via the many many presentations and a chance to be creative too. Perfect for me, really.
I'm not going out much unless it's pool time after school and that too is just to get to know my classmates (local and otherwise) better... I did go to Savanh one night and met one damn hot Iranian and French guy... Went on a DD with the frenchie and his buddy Pierre too... was fun :)
I'm done dating Maldivians by the way. :/ It's heartbreak plus HUMILIATION. My last try ended up with so much disappointment, I don't know where to begin anymore. So the current plan is to start anew, and afar... and re-do...
I have a loaaaaaaaaaaaaabi pool in my new home too... hurey adhi up kollaanan nice pix kolheh ves :)
Life has the same old shit revolving though, but for now Ive got some awesome distractions... speaking of which, it's TGI FRIDAY!!!! Hehehehe, what the hell am I doing home right?!!! Off for a movie with mates...
I don't want to live in Maldives anymore either. Anywhere but there.
Chenkiyu
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First of all, I had an amazing birthday during which I stayed home... caught a noon movie with my aunt and 2 friends... and had dinner at Mum's house... and stayed home a bit more! Hehehe, no no sarcasm there, it was peaceful and pleasant...
I feel toned down and it suited me perfectly, coz I got time to reflect and enjoy myself and really chill out...
The people I adore most therein one called :D and exactly on time too, way to go - you were the first among friends and really impressed me ;)
As for the other one... well I miss her so much but there's been this distance growing between us and I don't understand quite why. I respect her space but I'd really like to know whats going wrong, I'd like to hear from her once in a while... and I'd love to hear her voice on my birthday :(... which didn't happen of course... it's just that I'm having a personal crisis only she can understand and only she can give me support through... and I feel like I lost my rock and I'm just drifting away!
Family was around and those not around called and I heard the prettiest rendition of Happy Bday ever from my baby sis... :D
My friends in Malay were soooo sweet too :)
All in all, I had positive people around me and it was a great vibe all the way, and I couldn't be happier...
Thanks everyone, for making it great
I feel toned down and it suited me perfectly, coz I got time to reflect and enjoy myself and really chill out...
The people I adore most therein one called :D and exactly on time too, way to go - you were the first among friends and really impressed me ;)
As for the other one... well I miss her so much but there's been this distance growing between us and I don't understand quite why. I respect her space but I'd really like to know whats going wrong, I'd like to hear from her once in a while... and I'd love to hear her voice on my birthday :(... which didn't happen of course... it's just that I'm having a personal crisis only she can understand and only she can give me support through... and I feel like I lost my rock and I'm just drifting away!
Family was around and those not around called and I heard the prettiest rendition of Happy Bday ever from my baby sis... :D
My friends in Malay were soooo sweet too :)
All in all, I had positive people around me and it was a great vibe all the way, and I couldn't be happier...
Thanks everyone, for making it great
It's just another day, but who knows?
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It's only half an hour to my birthday...
And I just wanna declare there are 2 things I want to happen on my birthday... that's being wished by my two most favourite people in the world...
And there are two gifts I'm looking forward to; a new guitar, and going home in March (Insha Allah) specifically to spend time with some special people ^-^
But what will disappoint me most, will be being forgotten... :(
Coz I love my friends a lot, and big pressies don't hold as much value as the thought... I don't like expensive gifts (the guitar and the trip can be explained, believe me :P) ... well, I know I'd rather have a handmade card, or picked out flower even, anything personal is special... A call made from home just to say you care... you know?
Yeah...
Hehhee... This is my wish list this year...
Love you all...
Will update on what actually happened :)
And I just wanna declare there are 2 things I want to happen on my birthday... that's being wished by my two most favourite people in the world...
And there are two gifts I'm looking forward to; a new guitar, and going home in March (Insha Allah) specifically to spend time with some special people ^-^
But what will disappoint me most, will be being forgotten... :(
Coz I love my friends a lot, and big pressies don't hold as much value as the thought... I don't like expensive gifts (the guitar and the trip can be explained, believe me :P) ... well, I know I'd rather have a handmade card, or picked out flower even, anything personal is special... A call made from home just to say you care... you know?
Yeah...
Hehhee... This is my wish list this year...
Love you all...
Will update on what actually happened :)
I don't like the LOST series.
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The first thing we learn, from the moment that we open our eyes and take our very first breath... is that there is very little in this constantly changing world that we can control...
If there is anything at all...
It frustrates me so much, from time to time I tense up and start tearing my hair out before I gradually cool down, sit tight and take a 'chill pill' so to speak. It's hard to accept these kinds of defeat don't you think? It's hard when the solution formulae is so fucking easy, so simply and sweet... and you are absolutely powerless when it comes to implementing it and making it a part of reality.
Why do I exist? Just a specimen from billions around the globe... do I have a purpose? Do any of us have any purpose? We can't control our own destinies, what can we even hope to achieve. And what do these eagerly declared 'acheivements' really mean? Is there any glory to things we can't explain, understand or control?
I just wish... I could take some things and sort them out... I know how to... I just can't. And this feeling of hopelessness seems to outweigh any other of these so called achievements yada yada. There are so many people I'd like to see happy, so many flaws I'd like to see fixed...so many problems I wish I could solve.
I wish I could stop the world from changing so fast. From people changing so fast. I think people can outgrow people you know. Specially if you've been through a lot together... you either stick together for life, or run like hell because you can't stand to be reminded of the past, of your pain, of your weakness.
Still, if you're the one being left behind all alone... what if thats the case? I don't know... I just feel really lost... doesn't help that I'm far away... I just feel like I'm loosing something (dunno what exactly), that the bonds I cherish so much are fading... and I don't know what I'm doing or how/if I can prevent it... I feel so damn detached. I know I know, stage that comes with moving out for studies... but still... this pain goes pretty deep. Maybe because old wounds are still fresh ...
I just wish I wasn't so lost.
If there is anything at all...
It frustrates me so much, from time to time I tense up and start tearing my hair out before I gradually cool down, sit tight and take a 'chill pill' so to speak. It's hard to accept these kinds of defeat don't you think? It's hard when the solution formulae is so fucking easy, so simply and sweet... and you are absolutely powerless when it comes to implementing it and making it a part of reality.
Why do I exist? Just a specimen from billions around the globe... do I have a purpose? Do any of us have any purpose? We can't control our own destinies, what can we even hope to achieve. And what do these eagerly declared 'acheivements' really mean? Is there any glory to things we can't explain, understand or control?
I just wish... I could take some things and sort them out... I know how to... I just can't. And this feeling of hopelessness seems to outweigh any other of these so called achievements yada yada. There are so many people I'd like to see happy, so many flaws I'd like to see fixed...so many problems I wish I could solve.
I wish I could stop the world from changing so fast. From people changing so fast. I think people can outgrow people you know. Specially if you've been through a lot together... you either stick together for life, or run like hell because you can't stand to be reminded of the past, of your pain, of your weakness.
Still, if you're the one being left behind all alone... what if thats the case? I don't know... I just feel really lost... doesn't help that I'm far away... I just feel like I'm loosing something (dunno what exactly), that the bonds I cherish so much are fading... and I don't know what I'm doing or how/if I can prevent it... I feel so damn detached. I know I know, stage that comes with moving out for studies... but still... this pain goes pretty deep. Maybe because old wounds are still fresh ...
I just wish I wasn't so lost.
Addiction to Abuse
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Maybe abuse is addictive because of the abuser not the abusee... As in person A convinces person B by means of manipulation and mindplay, that abuse itself is the one true expression of love and affection, when in reality it is not.
This game continues till even the most educated person; a well rounded, sensibl, responsible individual, is now fully confused about his / her own beliefs and boundaries.
It is made possible not because of a weakness, or stupidity but because person b has already been trusted Person B so much (achieved via false play involving extravagance and great amounts of attention) , the damage is already done... trust is where is stems... and that is what person A is playing with... Person B may be a strong person but the trust is a vulnerability that perhaps was forgone unknowingly...
The real question for me atleast is why Person A actually does this, uses Person B. One likely possibility is that Person A believes, from the bottom of his / her heart that he / she / it / they :P deserve this I dunno... hm... DIVINE amount of attention, and they are truly totally selfish... maybe they feel the only way they can protect and maintain Person B is by making B abide to all of their rules all the time, totally forgetting that B is a person of his / her own and has a right to their lives.
That's more on the emotional aspect of it though. I personally find it hard to believe how you can sooooo totally lose your temper that you can't see what you are inflicting on the person infront of them. How could one person be so blind, so deaf, so cruel... so blatantly?
One is that if its socially the norm then the person has no idea what he / she is doing is wrong... this is all because the Abuser is conditioned to believe that what he / she is doing to Person B is what that person deserves - a duty perhaps to Person A... or a higher power... whatever.
I can rationalise the actions and words even more but personally I fail to see how it's right, how it could be forgiven even... I could never live with my self should I make my own children bleed. Much less a stranger... people I chose to bring into my life (like lovers) either.
I'm not dramatizing a slap administered in a fit of fury but rather, punch after punch and blow after blow... with tools, barehands and more... that really is inhuman. And there is nothing any one could do or say to deserve such treatment. Except perhaps to do the same.
This game continues till even the most educated person; a well rounded, sensibl, responsible individual, is now fully confused about his / her own beliefs and boundaries.
It is made possible not because of a weakness, or stupidity but because person b has already been trusted Person B so much (achieved via false play involving extravagance and great amounts of attention) , the damage is already done... trust is where is stems... and that is what person A is playing with... Person B may be a strong person but the trust is a vulnerability that perhaps was forgone unknowingly...
The real question for me atleast is why Person A actually does this, uses Person B. One likely possibility is that Person A believes, from the bottom of his / her heart that he / she / it / they :P deserve this I dunno... hm... DIVINE amount of attention, and they are truly totally selfish... maybe they feel the only way they can protect and maintain Person B is by making B abide to all of their rules all the time, totally forgetting that B is a person of his / her own and has a right to their lives.
That's more on the emotional aspect of it though. I personally find it hard to believe how you can sooooo totally lose your temper that you can't see what you are inflicting on the person infront of them. How could one person be so blind, so deaf, so cruel... so blatantly?
One is that if its socially the norm then the person has no idea what he / she is doing is wrong... this is all because the Abuser is conditioned to believe that what he / she is doing to Person B is what that person deserves - a duty perhaps to Person A... or a higher power... whatever.
I can rationalise the actions and words even more but personally I fail to see how it's right, how it could be forgiven even... I could never live with my self should I make my own children bleed. Much less a stranger... people I chose to bring into my life (like lovers) either.
I'm not dramatizing a slap administered in a fit of fury but rather, punch after punch and blow after blow... with tools, barehands and more... that really is inhuman. And there is nothing any one could do or say to deserve such treatment. Except perhaps to do the same.
Almost forgot - 2007
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Happy New Year - friends, family, aquaintances, fellow boggu-ers... :D
I'm celebrating another new year out of Maldives. Yea yea, :P. Varah foohi is the vey but what is the me is the gonna do. Is the no choice la.
Am in Malay, KL ... and it wasn't a total loss don't get me wrong...had lavish dinner and danced the night away in Hilton/Meridan. Was quite okay aslu.. good company, good food, good drinks, good music... missed a lot of people though, very much. Was good to know they were having fun!
(Wichout Me. WAAAAH!)
Celeb spot : VJ Asha and some other Chann V people. Didn't affect ma life though. Sigh!!!! Why does my Mom, who has no idea who the hell Aish Rai is or say Dino Morea is have to land up with Jon Abraham. I mean, seriously... fucking no fair... I'm the one who is obsessed with the dude :( (well no, but he's got one hekkuva hot ass :D )
Cha chao guys. May '07 be better, I don't see how, but hey, maybe the fates have been just playing with ya all ya life and this time its all gonna be outstanding. HAH! :P ... Bless you, and seriously hope everyone gets their taste of success and smiles...
I'm celebrating another new year out of Maldives. Yea yea, :P. Varah foohi is the vey but what is the me is the gonna do. Is the no choice la.
Am in Malay, KL ... and it wasn't a total loss don't get me wrong...had lavish dinner and danced the night away in Hilton/Meridan. Was quite okay aslu.. good company, good food, good drinks, good music... missed a lot of people though, very much. Was good to know they were having fun!
(Wichout Me. WAAAAH!)
Celeb spot : VJ Asha and some other Chann V people. Didn't affect ma life though. Sigh!!!! Why does my Mom, who has no idea who the hell Aish Rai is or say Dino Morea is have to land up with Jon Abraham. I mean, seriously... fucking no fair... I'm the one who is obsessed with the dude :( (well no, but he's got one hekkuva hot ass :D )
Cha chao guys. May '07 be better, I don't see how, but hey, maybe the fates have been just playing with ya all ya life and this time its all gonna be outstanding. HAH! :P ... Bless you, and seriously hope everyone gets their taste of success and smiles...
Profound Conversations VS Utter Gibberish
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I was talking to a friend this morning... and we were talking about beautiful people and beautiful relationships and how some times they aren't really enough... and we got to talking about the other side of the story...
The person who ends up being disillusioned and hurt while the other person is still discovering him or herself... soul searching so to speak. Does it make the pain any easier to know what to expect... ?
Maybe we can prevent our selves from expecting happiness, but can we ever stop ourselves from hoping? If we need to protect our selves from being hurt and the risk really lies in hoping, can we isolate ourselves from feeling anything beautiful and still keep on living?
I think... that given the right scenario... I might just go ahead with the journey... knowing the most likely outcome, not particularly expecting any dreams to flower ahead... of course there is a glimmer or two of hope, because you can't really help that, but you're trying to simply enjoy the moment and not think about the future. And you just 'hope' again, that when the moment is over, its swift and painless and as clean as possible.
Like a flame... you're not quite sure why it's alight but it is... because someone decided it's time to be... and you can cover it but still sooner or later it's bound to burn out... be it a lack of fuel, a gust of wind, soaked by water; it will die... and it probably will leave a scar, or a burn, or a stain even... but there's no telling how strong the mark will be... and what exactly it will change. And maybe that's not what we should concentrate on... maybe we should enjoy the light and the warmth and the beauty and take comfort in the memory of it; rather than focus on what could happen to it and what would follow... but we should be prepared for the cold, the emptiness and the darkness all the same.
If it's inevitable why fight it? Maybe you feel it's worth fighting for but maybe you'll just end up the naive fool. Sometimes silence is golden. Not very rewarding but still strong protection. Go along with the flow, you know it can't destroy you either way - kind of philosophy going there.
And I've been blabbering too much again.
The person who ends up being disillusioned and hurt while the other person is still discovering him or herself... soul searching so to speak. Does it make the pain any easier to know what to expect... ?
Maybe we can prevent our selves from expecting happiness, but can we ever stop ourselves from hoping? If we need to protect our selves from being hurt and the risk really lies in hoping, can we isolate ourselves from feeling anything beautiful and still keep on living?
I think... that given the right scenario... I might just go ahead with the journey... knowing the most likely outcome, not particularly expecting any dreams to flower ahead... of course there is a glimmer or two of hope, because you can't really help that, but you're trying to simply enjoy the moment and not think about the future. And you just 'hope' again, that when the moment is over, its swift and painless and as clean as possible.
Like a flame... you're not quite sure why it's alight but it is... because someone decided it's time to be... and you can cover it but still sooner or later it's bound to burn out... be it a lack of fuel, a gust of wind, soaked by water; it will die... and it probably will leave a scar, or a burn, or a stain even... but there's no telling how strong the mark will be... and what exactly it will change. And maybe that's not what we should concentrate on... maybe we should enjoy the light and the warmth and the beauty and take comfort in the memory of it; rather than focus on what could happen to it and what would follow... but we should be prepared for the cold, the emptiness and the darkness all the same.
If it's inevitable why fight it? Maybe you feel it's worth fighting for but maybe you'll just end up the naive fool. Sometimes silence is golden. Not very rewarding but still strong protection. Go along with the flow, you know it can't destroy you either way - kind of philosophy going there.
And I've been blabbering too much again.
Movie jogs memory
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From the character Beverly Clark played by actress Susan Sarandon in the movie 'Shall We Dance?' is a quote that comes across to me as somewhat profound but at the same time very simple and possibly believeable...
Why people get married...
Why people can't enjoy being single.. (actually, why I cannot maybe)
Why people need children...
Suffice to me, from my point of view, but then again everyone is supposed to be diffent ha... I don't know, seems to me that everyones pretty much the same when you come down to it, so this could very well be a universal truth with a percentae of DENIAL involved. Or the other way around. Maybe.
So she goes...when questioned by the Detective on why people get married...
"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
Pretty. It is entirely too possible I've blogged about this before, but hey I can slip up now and then (or even all the time, who's to complain huh???) Anyways... I liked this bit and suddenly for some reason watching the movie just now gave me this little sense of comfort during what I would call a really confusing, upsetting and scary period in my life...
What upsets me is still a reality in my life... And I don't know if I'm ever gonna be over the whole scenario but hey, I'ma be okay... I think. I know I seem a lot more okay than I am to the people around me. Hell, I deserve a fuckin oscar.
You don't have to bleed to hurt ha, that's all I gotta say now.
Why people get married...
Why people can't enjoy being single.. (actually, why I cannot maybe)
Why people need children...
Suffice to me, from my point of view, but then again everyone is supposed to be diffent ha... I don't know, seems to me that everyones pretty much the same when you come down to it, so this could very well be a universal truth with a percentae of DENIAL involved. Or the other way around. Maybe.
So she goes...when questioned by the Detective on why people get married...
"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
Pretty. It is entirely too possible I've blogged about this before, but hey I can slip up now and then (or even all the time, who's to complain huh???) Anyways... I liked this bit and suddenly for some reason watching the movie just now gave me this little sense of comfort during what I would call a really confusing, upsetting and scary period in my life...
What upsets me is still a reality in my life... And I don't know if I'm ever gonna be over the whole scenario but hey, I'ma be okay... I think. I know I seem a lot more okay than I am to the people around me. Hell, I deserve a fuckin oscar.
You don't have to bleed to hurt ha, that's all I gotta say now.
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