The first thing we learn, from the moment that we open our eyes and take our very first breath... is that there is very little in this constantly changing world that we can control...
If there is anything at all...
It frustrates me so much, from time to time I tense up and start tearing my hair out before I gradually cool down, sit tight and take a 'chill pill' so to speak. It's hard to accept these kinds of defeat don't you think? It's hard when the solution formulae is so fucking easy, so simply and sweet... and you are absolutely powerless when it comes to implementing it and making it a part of reality.
Why do I exist? Just a specimen from billions around the globe... do I have a purpose? Do any of us have any purpose? We can't control our own destinies, what can we even hope to achieve. And what do these eagerly declared 'acheivements' really mean? Is there any glory to things we can't explain, understand or control?
I just wish... I could take some things and sort them out... I know how to... I just can't. And this feeling of hopelessness seems to outweigh any other of these so called achievements yada yada. There are so many people I'd like to see happy, so many flaws I'd like to see fixed...so many problems I wish I could solve.
I wish I could stop the world from changing so fast. From people changing so fast. I think people can outgrow people you know. Specially if you've been through a lot together... you either stick together for life, or run like hell because you can't stand to be reminded of the past, of your pain, of your weakness.
Still, if you're the one being left behind all alone... what if thats the case? I don't know... I just feel really lost... doesn't help that I'm far away... I just feel like I'm loosing something (dunno what exactly), that the bonds I cherish so much are fading... and I don't know what I'm doing or how/if I can prevent it... I feel so damn detached. I know I know, stage that comes with moving out for studies... but still... this pain goes pretty deep. Maybe because old wounds are still fresh ...
I just wish I wasn't so lost.
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4 comments:
Hmm... You are asking the same questions I used to asked a decade age... I am working on a book, a collection of all my thoughts as a answer, when I am done you will be among the first to be invited (another 6 months to a year)... In short you have to be first lost in order to find ourself... Second a person who has everything s/he wants is a very bored person (believe me I have been there)... Until them... Chao
are you now?
pixel... im not sure of that even... sometimes i feel like i got it all MADE... and then im challeneged again and its like this never ending and all too frequent cycle of events +_+
C'esta la vie! You need a good ****! Lot of pun intended!
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