Suns and Revelations

Movie: Pt One – Before Sunset, Pt Two – Before Sunrise

First off, these are two movies I’d recommend to anyone who believes in romance and cynicism. I know that the above statement is a contradiction in itself, but it still does express what I mean for me so let me try and phrase that differently for you. Crazy thoughts run through me lately. What I mean to say is it’s a movie for some one who believes in dreams, thinks love has a lot to do with who we are, a passion that is felt and lives on as long as we pursue the memory. It’s a movie, like all love movies are – about beauty and destiny and all that shit. But it’s a movie that centrals around intelligent conversation, and two people who really enjoy each other – not about lots of heated wild sex… not about some promises that really mean nothing at all, not a lot of I will always love you – more like I don’t really know what the fuck I feel. A lot of people would watch this movie and think, nothing fucking ever happens, they talk too much and most commonly – it’s too real. If you can appreciate reality over fantasy and you still think that life can be beautiful… you should watch this. It’s got a great script, part one is in Vienna, part two is in Paris, there’s no glamour just a simplicity and very earthy prettiness about it… I don’t know, it reflects a lot of what love and romance means to me I guess. The whole movie you’ll be feeling like you’re spying on a very intimate encounter…. Atleast I did… Hehehe, that sounds perverted though… By the way one is filmed in 1993 and the other in 2004 and it takes place in real time, featuring the same actors and oh yeah, there are only two roles and a bunch of extras in the movies – interesting right? Hollywood love stories are always about two many people, I always think of relationships as far more private.

Back to the movie, and not reviewing the damned flick any more, Pt Two has this outburst where the woman speaks about relationships. She talks about how attached she is to little things with everything, including relationships. How she hates that everyone can just break up and forget about each other but she can’t. Not that she is overly emotional she’s not even a romantic really, but she simply sees and appreciates how every one has their own beautiful specific details, likes/dislikes/habits and when they are gone – she misses them. She doesn’t fuck around because she’ll end up missing the person for the stupidest things… and she’d just rather not hurt like that. This is going to be pathetic but I feel like that, I don’t fully recover after any of my break ups, I mean I don’t forget things about that person and or what happened, sometimes it leads to feeling discarded… heheh, even if I was the one who ended the relationship which admittedly is often the case. How do you replace someone anyway? When it’s lost its gone forever.

Then the guy said something like when you’re young you believe that there will be many people you connect with and later in life you find out that there are only a few. That made me really start to second-guess every decision I’ve made to this date. That’s crazy right? Drove me half crazy really. I just don’t want to wake up thirty with a hundred thousand regrets in my head. Wondering, wishing, or even living mechanically fulfilling responsibilities and meeting obligation after obligation. What is the point of that really?

We are all a tiny speck in what makes the universe. Insignificant even. Don’t you wake up every day and wonder – wonder about what drives us? Why we strive so hard to make a difference and to complete certain tasks when failure to do so will not really change anything? We could convert all our energy into making ourselves feel happy and fulfilled, and we are convinced that following rules and acting as society expects us to will lead us to finding that treasure. You know what I think though? I think that in our hearts we all know it’s a pointless battle. We could be much happier in a remote island singing songs and fishing for food. I think we all know that the stock market and celebrity entertainment and Harvard doctorates mean absolutely nothing. I have yet to figure out why we create this environment of tension and this world of mundane repetition though… what purpose does it really serve? Why can’t we all rebel against conformity and do as we please?

I have been time and time again told that happiness is studying something utterly pointless and getting a piece of paper to attest to my wasted time, following it up with a routine, boring and idiotic job which I will follow for the next thirty something years – my greatest contribution being able to lie continuously (FYI: being a law student) without fail and earn something like a million dollars throughout my career of which I shall never enjoy most of that money, living in a somewhat appealing apartment, marrying a man who I somewhat like but in the midst of our busy boring lives will eventually become a stranger, having a child or two because I need to have some meaning to why I exist and bringing them up to live the same pathetic life that I do… Forgive me if I refuse to believe that. I have hardly met any one who has lived a fulfilling life, but I don’t think it’s impossible.

Motivation for life seems to come (in the context of today’s world) form of cash and only cash. Looking back to the sixties and the seventies, people seemed to have a mission, they had a cause – they fought for freedom and they fought for life! The same buggers are now old and graying and the children of freedom live in a world far more corrupt that these hippies could have imagined. Freedom, yeah y’all can vote and apparently there is no real war anymore (just terrorism yeah?) and most of us have some access to technology and what not… is that what freedom is? Democracy they say was the solution. And we live boring, unhappy, stressed lives, living up to expectations we don’t even believe in, supporting causes that we hate. I go to work in my home town, dressed as everyone expects me to dress, speaking as I am supposed to speak, addressing the issues I am hired to address and nothing further. I talk to people I need to only, and I engage in activities that will benefit my career and social standing. You fool yourself if you claim not to live this life. I am one of these freedom children but I see nothing in my life that reflects what I feel freedom to really mean. My life is about considering everyone else, and whether or not that involves a positive sentiment, it still contradicts the word freedom itself.

I’ve gone totally off topic again. Hehehe… well if you choose to watch the movie, I hope you enjoy it!
Au revoir