So, all thanks to my zany cousin and her finger gun poking into the side of my head - combined with the powers of incredible boredom.... I just got to thinking, if some freaky dude held a 10mm pistol to my head and asked me to blog... (lol, assuming there was someone who wanted to read my blog that bad - HEY!, my imagination here!)
Sigh... so what the fuck would I write. LOL... the feeling of cold metal against my forehead... despite the coolness, I felt heat gathering up to the round empty space, like all the warmth in my body had generated to that very spot, through which a sentence to death could be delivered...
I wonder if I would continue to write, or if I would succumb to the temptation of ending my life... ending all my problems, ending the complications I've caused to anyone else...
Maybe my last words would be apology, and asking for forgiveness, from everyone I've hurt... intentionally or not... would I be granted that forgiveness, or would they resent me, for not earning the right to be forgiven... for not living through the pain... or would they feel sorry for me for not having a choice? But I had one, didnt I?
Maybe I'd tell the people I loved, how much I cared about them... but if I truly loved them, would I have given in? Maybe I'd just write a whole load of crap, and get killed anyway... wouldn't that be a shame... I'd want my last words to be prolific in some way... or you know, atleast reflective of my views in life... some sort of depth...
What if your last words were a curse, or a pathetic plea for help... I'd kill myself if I wasnt dead already! Man.. :P ... seriously not the way you'd like to be remembered eh?
Then there's the other thing, say you end up being killed, yeah? Who will remember you? Did you affect anyones life so deeply that they rememeber you long after you are gone? Everyone feels an amount of pain and overwhelming sadness when someone close passes away, but we move on.. we learn to move on.. and we forget most of it ... how their laugh sounds... what made them scared...
Who'd come to your funeral... not out of obligation, or as a show to make a spectacle of themselves, but out of pure love, who would come to say goodbye... does a friend who holds a grudge come to touch your hand and let all the pain disappear... or do they simply treat it as they would any other day?
All we do know for sure is that we come into this world alone, and we leave this life as we came - alone... no lovers, no family, no friends, no posessions, no degrees or achievements... just our memories, who we've shaped to be, not physically, but internally, our souls...
But I wonder, is that all there is to it? To life, and death? Seems pointless to keep living if there is nothing to it... right?
I think if the last words I'd ever write or atleast under the threat of them being the last words I ever write would be... well clearly I cant completely emulate the situation, but they'd have to be something about living life to the fullest, living every moment to the maximum of what it could be, to love and keep loving boundlessly, to forgive and forget and move past because if my life, comes to the point where the last thing someone forces me to do is to write and publish a blog - clearly, I need to get a life. A real one.
