All the Google controversy aside (Gasp! They’re brain washing us – and who isn’t, they are taking over the world! See, Gulhabo is the least of our worries!) *ahem* fears aside, seriously I don’t harbour much affecion (see, I’m like going backward to the medieval times now, grr… lit is a killer – I don’t see why we can’t get a bloody laptop for each candidate instead of writing the examination with a paper and ending up with really painful hands… ergonomics!) for the site. (Man, when I deviate I really wander dho… heheh. Have italicised bullshit fasey kohdheyn kamah) I mean useful for sure, but not the only road to walk on, path to follow, idol to worship (again, Gulhabo huttaa)… you get my point?
BUT every m-fucker is a hypocrite… don’t shoot me … yet, (stop fighting it, be part of it! BTW related quote by Rasmus ‘In The Shadows’: They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe. But I, I rather kill myself then turn into their slave… nice na?) I was hell-bored and surfing and had a sudden inspiration to make a world clock that I can just look at and be comforted… (as in Male’ mihaaru miheney eheney… kokko mihaaru nidhaafaaney… pathetic I know but still) so anyway, I did that and then I spied with my own little eyes, an ickle note saying “Internet time: @450 .beats” or something of the sort… ignited my curiosity (who gives a shit what happened to that stupid cat… kinda like the chicken crossing the road…) yeah, check this link. http://www.timeanddate.com/time/internettime.html - pointless but yeah... There are so many bored people in the world I gotta say…
Iyye me savoured international fenvaruge bitching about men… fascinating philosophies uncovered. Real deep :P check this out…
English: If he doesn’t leave his gf for you immediately, he never will. Get over it.
Japanese: I wanna guy who can cook and clean, y’know do the laundry and the dishes… being monetarily stable doesn’t hurt either. (Hm…I wanna move to Japan!)
Bangladesh: I love my guy. He loves me. I know that. So he’s seen around with this girl and I’m here in UK. I trust him…but I dunno…I won’t be bothered by it. I know if it’s not him I’ll never love again. Oh fuck… I gotta call him now!
German: Personally I don’t know what the fuss is about one night stands. I’ve fucked guys and not called them the next day, acted like strangers. It’s just a fuck. Move on. Get a life.
Thai: I want a really stupid guy. (Pakaas…not too hard!)
Russian: I will kill a guy who cheats on me.
Chinese: I have better things than men to think about // I need to revise for studies. (The secret to booming Chinese economy etc – you go girl!)
Dhivehi: Guys… I really can’t be arsed… *turns around and dials some guys number* (Wink!)
Yup little intercontinental love bureaucracy we got going… lol I really cannot be a diplomat dho… ey, this is really what they said… no stereotyping no one. Sigh… I guess I ain’t cut out for UN eh… pity… hoon dhen!
AAAAA am outta campus… finally! But got tons to do so… adios…
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Homework is like boyfriends… you really can’t do them on demand…
Quote is too stupid to be anyone’s but mine
Galhimark...
|
What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.
Seriously, and this after he had actually emailed me saying he wants closure that our on and off thingy was over, an email which he sent to loads of people including my long term intimate ex whom I loved for a long time even after it was over and who is the only guy I’ve ever dated friendship ves fanivefa oiy, apparently by ‘mistake’…really felt like asking him to fuck himself. His sis and mom talked to me about how his behaviour and all are really worrying him and I felt guilty saying nothing knowing from a woman’s point of view how it would hurt them, and that’s why I contacted him after so long, not to open doors to the past! Men are so full of themselves.
I just want to meet a single guy who would be
(a) honest, what he messes up is another issue but if he can be truthful about it it’s fine…
(b) respect and care for me as I do for him.
(c) accept me for who I am, I don’t question him either.
(d) not take me for granted, I do not exist to gratify his whims…
(dhen anehhen majaa, funny, tune vaa…)
Now I know that looks scarily like an MCQ question but it is so hard, honestly… at least for me.
Everyone wants the stereotype beauty – fair, skinny (no tits and no ass… come on dudes!), stunningly pretty… who they can wrap around their finger, money is always a plus, must be sexy and sweet etc etc to the hilt but a clean and clear (under se clean baahar se clear!) reputation as well. Super girl… how boring!
Leaving those of us who dare to be different to bite the dust…
Ah fuck it… back to me failing Econ… help...halp!! NEED.TO.GO.TO.UNIVERSITY. << sob! >>
My roomie is fretting over her darling mechanics paper… its actually reassuring to see someone more freaked out than I am … she’s such a sweety :D
And there she is…
The whole gang plus a few extras… masheh nethin erey, was with Uncle and all…
Pretty random tonight eh? Aw… well…
Sigh… home sweet home!
Dream Car..
My kinda guy… yippeeee! Axl rockzzzzzz
Finale – ME! Jaxxmine… pakaas!
Hope you enjoyed my moyavun… inthizaaru kollavva…plenty more of insanity to come as exams draw nearer and my brain deteriorates further….
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.
Layla, you've got me on my knees.
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.
Mashah libey furathama girl akah ma kiyaanee Layla… out of love for this song… think that’s craxy? I’ve met kids named after coffee brands… :P
Yeah well, maybe pride should have nothing to do with love, in my experience it really fucks things up. Sigh… we are talking about of course, my egoistic pride.
I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.
Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.
Falling in love is arguably, always foolish. But that’s just bitter ol me speaking. Ask one of those lovey dovey, gooey mushy couples and you might get a different response but hey, each to his own.
What kind of man asks a woman to ease his mind anyway? E.C. needs serious councelling... hasn’t he learnt that the opposite sex can only complicate matters… sigh…
Don't... don't you wish we tried?
Do you feel what I feel inside?
You know our love is stronger than pride... oh
No don't... don't let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me, don't close the door
Shania Twain is seriously stupid too, the whole problem is that they won’t listen to you. What’s the point? Just turn around and walk away…Don’t act desperate. Counter argument: Why not fight what you want so much? Jeez… my split personality disorder is getting annoying… :P
Let me introduce y’all to a beautiful, beautiful song. Peter Gabriel – I Grieve. Some may recognise it from Smallville’s famous episode where Jonathan Kent dies…
It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
There’s nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
It’s just the way that you would tied in
Now there’s no-one home
I grieve for you
You leave me
‘so hard to move on
Still loving what’s gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on
The news that truly shocks is the empty empty page
While the final rattle rocks it’s empty empty cage
And I can’t handle this
I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
Missing what’s gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on
Life carries on
In the people I meet
In everyone that’s out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
It’s just the car that we ride in
A home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
And life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Did I dream this belief?
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I can find relief
I grieve
Ooh… it’s raining outside you know, not really cold though… nice weather I think… Rather beautiful…
Lame excuse for a blog entry but today aint a very good day ASIDE from me feeling that Ima gonna fail ma fockin Economics exam and consequently ruining my future prospects thus shaming and disappointing my family as well as driving them up their necks in debt and bankruptcy
THERE’S ALSO THE FACT that I received mail from my ex… (the most recent) saying that:
Seriously, and this after he had actually emailed me saying he wants closure that our on and off thingy was over, an email which he sent to loads of people including my long term intimate ex whom I loved for a long time even after it was over and who is the only guy I’ve ever dated friendship ves fanivefa oiy, apparently by ‘mistake’…really felt like asking him to fuck himself. His sis and mom talked to me about how his behaviour and all are really worrying him and I felt guilty saying nothing knowing from a woman’s point of view how it would hurt them, and that’s why I contacted him after so long, not to open doors to the past! Men are so full of themselves.
I just want to meet a single guy who would be
(a) honest, what he messes up is another issue but if he can be truthful about it it’s fine…
(b) respect and care for me as I do for him.
(c) accept me for who I am, I don’t question him either.
(d) not take me for granted, I do not exist to gratify his whims…
(dhen anehhen majaa, funny, tune vaa…)
Now I know that looks scarily like an MCQ question but it is so hard, honestly… at least for me.
Everyone wants the stereotype beauty – fair, skinny (no tits and no ass… come on dudes!), stunningly pretty… who they can wrap around their finger, money is always a plus, must be sexy and sweet etc etc to the hilt but a clean and clear (under se clean baahar se clear!) reputation as well. Super girl… how boring!
Leaving those of us who dare to be different to bite the dust…
Ah fuck it… back to me failing Econ… help...halp!! NEED.TO.GO.TO.UNIVERSITY. << sob! >>
My roomie is fretting over her darling mechanics paper… its actually reassuring to see someone more freaked out than I am … she’s such a sweety :D
And there she is…
The whole gang plus a few extras… masheh nethin erey, was with Uncle and all…
Pretty random tonight eh? Aw… well…
Sigh… home sweet home!
Dream Car..
My kinda guy… yippeeee! Axl rockzzzzzz
Finale – ME! Jaxxmine… pakaas!
Hope you enjoyed my moyavun… inthizaaru kollavva…plenty more of insanity to come as exams draw nearer and my brain deteriorates further….
Musings late night and in the morning...
|
Romantic bullshit… bad, bad idea for single people to indulge in such typical Hollywood crap! Seriously, I should have known better. But isn’t that always the case. Sigh, when will I ever learn dho?
I’ve been buried in books too much lately, either that or movies or chocolate toast (I know I know, I shouldn’t but hell it’s exams I need my comfort munchies!) so haven’t had time to blog. I’m sure though, when my holy study break comes along I will find myself typing along. Thankfully it looks as though I’m safe with Pol and Eng Lit but Econ is fucking scary. Really really scary. As in piss in my pants scary.
I was talking to an ex, and his bro who is the most ardent pursuer I’ve ever had, and we talked about their other bro who I was talking about earlier, the dha-gadda vegen ulhey one… but I wasn’t too keen on caring and sharing as you can imagine so it was mostly about their lives and how they’ve moved on and are in really good places. I’m happy for ‘em genuinely but also makes me feel kinda incompetent…inadequate you know? Empty… look where they’ve made it…and I’m still stuck in this kinda half life thing…
Check out Juanes ge lava thah… if you’re into the Latin scene you’ll like it. I love the brand of music and the lyrics (my seriously shitty Spanish, which I am resuming studying next sem) but mostly the feel of it… lively… spesh Volverte A Vor!
I also poured out my life to this dude… by giving him this url… *gasp* I know… not the first visitor here, but certainly the first virtual stranger (online buddy) I invited… not sure why… I opened the doors to being judged by someone, lets face it, I don’t know very well, and vice versa… but I figure taking a risk once in a while might pay off… and it’s nice to welcome someone new… scary, and surreal but nice. (I quote Julia R in Notting Hill).
Watched Casanova… I like the character. Hugely chauvinistic and egoistic, a true son of a bitch but some how greatly appealing, I guess the bad boy transforms angel due to lover is a story that seduces every woman at some point of time. Sadly such fantasies I doubt will ever flood my thoughts after the fatal poisoning of reality. At some point we are all enticed by the idea of love, until cruel cynicism invades…
Fuck no! I just deleted my SMS inbox olhigen entire thing…shait…I had some aasaaree, ranvi messages in that shit hole… FUCK! Fffff… fucking hell…
… next morning …
GRRR I got a freaking D in my Econ mock… module 2… I am gonna have to drop it if I get lower than C in AS exam… yeah my life is screwed, my future is gone…non-existent… the pressure is eating me alive… how the hell am I going to survive the next 5 years without committing a first-degree crime, jumping out of my window (it’s open currently and very tempting), driving my family into bankruptcy and debts or shaming and disappointing them further.
AAAARGGGHHH!!!! I mean my other options are fine A or at least B guaranteed. So why am I fucking up Econ… I can kiss my University dreams goodbye if I fuck it up, which I am so famous for accomplishing with alarming regularity in all areas of life and achievement. I need chocolate.
I’ve been buried in books too much lately, either that or movies or chocolate toast (I know I know, I shouldn’t but hell it’s exams I need my comfort munchies!) so haven’t had time to blog. I’m sure though, when my holy study break comes along I will find myself typing along. Thankfully it looks as though I’m safe with Pol and Eng Lit but Econ is fucking scary. Really really scary. As in piss in my pants scary.
I was talking to an ex, and his bro who is the most ardent pursuer I’ve ever had, and we talked about their other bro who I was talking about earlier, the dha-gadda vegen ulhey one… but I wasn’t too keen on caring and sharing as you can imagine so it was mostly about their lives and how they’ve moved on and are in really good places. I’m happy for ‘em genuinely but also makes me feel kinda incompetent…inadequate you know? Empty… look where they’ve made it…and I’m still stuck in this kinda half life thing…
Check out Juanes ge lava thah… if you’re into the Latin scene you’ll like it. I love the brand of music and the lyrics (my seriously shitty Spanish, which I am resuming studying next sem) but mostly the feel of it… lively… spesh Volverte A Vor!
I also poured out my life to this dude… by giving him this url… *gasp* I know… not the first visitor here, but certainly the first virtual stranger (online buddy) I invited… not sure why… I opened the doors to being judged by someone, lets face it, I don’t know very well, and vice versa… but I figure taking a risk once in a while might pay off… and it’s nice to welcome someone new… scary, and surreal but nice. (I quote Julia R in Notting Hill).
Watched Casanova… I like the character. Hugely chauvinistic and egoistic, a true son of a bitch but some how greatly appealing, I guess the bad boy transforms angel due to lover is a story that seduces every woman at some point of time. Sadly such fantasies I doubt will ever flood my thoughts after the fatal poisoning of reality. At some point we are all enticed by the idea of love, until cruel cynicism invades…Fuck no! I just deleted my SMS inbox olhigen entire thing…shait…I had some aasaaree, ranvi messages in that shit hole… FUCK! Fffff… fucking hell…
… next morning …
GRRR I got a freaking D in my Econ mock… module 2… I am gonna have to drop it if I get lower than C in AS exam… yeah my life is screwed, my future is gone…non-existent… the pressure is eating me alive… how the hell am I going to survive the next 5 years without committing a first-degree crime, jumping out of my window (it’s open currently and very tempting), driving my family into bankruptcy and debts or shaming and disappointing them further.
AAAARGGGHHH!!!! I mean my other options are fine A or at least B guaranteed. So why am I fucking up Econ… I can kiss my University dreams goodbye if I fuck it up, which I am so famous for accomplishing with alarming regularity in all areas of life and achievement. I need chocolate.
My Wings Won't Fly...
|
Sigh… if only I could fly away…from frustrations and troubles and confusions and annoying men who lie to me and boarding mistresses who hate me (and I hate).I’m neglecting my bloggie eh these days… I know I know, I mean to write and ‘up above’ has blessed me with many a great inspiration but unfortunately the power of exams and lectures are considerably stronger this semester… sigh…
I had so much more time when I was not paying attention to my studies, had a bratty room mate who I could totally not communicate with and loads to complain about. Oh life’s still screwed as usual but my roomy is a total honey pie sugar bun etc and I have decided to stop pitying myself, for the moment at least.
Unleash the child within you. Hey not my cheesy lines, some Ad or the other… totally wrong in concept I think. So why am I talking about kids again? Oh well, one of my friends called me a kid (over the phone, so he is still alive. For now...). Truth be told though I wasn’t that pissed. I just don’t want to be in a rigid state.
Major ‘huh?!’ right? Oh well, lemme explain myself. Well it all came in a conversation related to love and stuff so excuse the constant references to it, and just be good and accept my little um, ‘tirade’ if you like.
People always say that you don’t fall in love when you’re young (“dhen adhi maa kuda ey thihen visnaakah” is something we’ve all heard at some stage or other) but I totally disagree… you only fall in love when you’re young; when you have no restrictions, no inhibitions, no fears, questioning, no demanding , accepting change… think about it. You never fall in love the way you do when you’re in your early/mid teens… remember the passion, the longing and the laughter? You’d be lucky to find that again… or you’d have to be a kid inside ;)
It’s like when we morph into adulthood the responsibility and general stress just takes over and carves us into this stereotypical being, we lose that carefree childlike state of mind… possibly we get rid of it because it makes us vulnerable. After all to feel great pleasure one must be susceptible to feeling great pain (ah, I believe in the balance). We all fit in (or aspire to) with society’s norm and make that transition into self-sufficiency (I know, sounds like I’m talking about the bloody agriculture industry or something. :P) this sense of love is lost forever. We are no longer capable of ‘falling in love’ (how sad.) instead we settle for companionship, which is great but admittedly not nearly as fun, fulfilling or satisfying.
Possibly why at some stage of our lives we do wander off course from our life partner, the desire for that free loving feeling becomes absolutely irresistible and we do something totally unpredictable, unplanned, irresponsible and crazy. Therein lieth ze charm of an affair (picture: a French nutter with a long moustache twirling an end of it with a long knobby finger, looking down at you with his eyebrow arched. What’s the point of this interjection? Oh. None at all) :D
The say kids aren’t logical. Running under the covers of your warm, comfy bed, comfy when you hear a raging storm outside does make sense because you are seeking some sort of protection and calmness. On the other hand, moving forward down a path, searching for the possibility of something that you know you left behind makes absolutely no sense at all. Adults. Go figure.
Anyway… life these days…summarised = I’ve been playing around with life long enough, I’m fooling myself if I keep saying “I don’t care”, “the fun goes both ways” etc… because that is not who I am or who I ever want to be. I want something real now. If all that’s on the market is temporary, I’ll sit it out. On the other side of things, I need to hit the books seriously. I am screwed. I do not want to fail Econ. I cannot!I hate this place and all the fucking racists around and I cannot wait to go to Uni. Or better yet to go home. Why do I have to live here again? Grrr…Dad ge molhethi hiyaalu thah… character building? Hmph… Character ehves noon build vee. Weekends are my only escape… this is really driving me insane.
Zamaanee Vahaka
|
Miothee alun mi thanah aadhevifa... you should have read what I wrote the first day back home... it was brimming of happiness... sigh, but I've lost the damned file. Sniff...
Anyway, I loved every second of Sin City... if only time would stay still...
I miss walking out of my home feeling like a million dollars... Ray Ban Aviator, jeans, BG Tee, packing thah jahaafa, faivaanah araalaafa...haadha aramey huvaa... sun shining down on me, breeze on my face as I race down saikaluga loabi bitakaa ekee :D
I want to go HOME!
Oh yeah, another thing, what do you do when you fall in love with a notorious gangster (well maybe I'm listening to too much rap but seriously love, that is exactly the sort of image he has) who is bound to break your heart? Why do I have this bad boy addiction...??? I have this wierd catch phrase that I say all the time - I'm a gay guy trapped in a woman's body, just that I d
on't like it from the back... lolx... maybe it's part of finding a dude more masculine than I...??
In anycase I like this guys...I know what he does after al, I'm always part of the guys dho so I hear about everything and he doesn't bother to lie to me...I know what to expect from him. So why do I feel myself growing more and more attached to him. He is one special guy and for reasons that I do not want to write down on a blog (explicit - kekeke) ...but being with him would KILL my reputation - yageenthaa!! On the other hand, I'm no Virgin Mary, so what do I have to loose?? Grrrrr
Oooh! Just found the file. This is what I wrote first night in Male'...
I’m writing…it’s a sign that I’m happy… And for the first time in many years, I’m at loss for words to describe the way I’m feeling right now.
It’s kind of like the soaring, surreal feeling of being in love; but without that never-ending touch. I know it’ll be over in a matter of days, like a sweet dream you wake up from but spend the rest of the day reliving.
The first thing I felt in real terms was that I was going to faint from the flight stairways and smash my head coz it was so fucking hot. The first words I heard were ‘my God you weren’t joking when you said you are fat!’… ‘Please honey, you should use the treadmill, then you’ll be fine ingey don’t worry’… yeah, typical bullshit. BUT, it just washed over me – I could die right now and I would have died in ecstasy of the purest sort.
I’m home, and corny over used as it was the little girl with the red shoes was right ‘there is no place like home’.
I feel whole again. Like the reward of good nights sleep after an arduous journey. That’s exactly how I feel at this moment.
I suspect that might change once the jetlag, hunger and heat really kick in…revising and shit like that. But for now, ignorant bliss…
MY SONG OF THE DAY: YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL (James Blunt)
To touch and feel the ones you love, and to hear their voices with no cords nor mics nor pesky phones…I’m fucking high on happiness and love. I’m fucking high – naturally baby, no narcotics involved. I love you, I love me, I love us, I love everyone around us…
Peace out (before this whole thing turns scary…)
(Anyone out there wondering how I’m doing – all of the above asluves no BS so far it’s that good, it’s all goo-ood, it’s making the most of what you have and appreciating the little things in life. Sooner or later you will realise that’s the only beauty there is…)
Anyway, I loved every second of Sin City... if only time would stay still...
I miss walking out of my home feeling like a million dollars... Ray Ban Aviator, jeans, BG Tee, packing thah jahaafa, faivaanah araalaafa...haadha aramey huvaa... sun shining down on me, breeze on my face as I race down saikaluga loabi bitakaa ekee :D
I want to go HOME!
Oh yeah, another thing, what do you do when you fall in love with a notorious gangster (well maybe I'm listening to too much rap but seriously love, that is exactly the sort of image he has) who is bound to break your heart? Why do I have this bad boy addiction...??? I have this wierd catch phrase that I say all the time - I'm a gay guy trapped in a woman's body, just that I d
on't like it from the back... lolx... maybe it's part of finding a dude more masculine than I...??
In anycase I like this guys...I know what he does after al, I'm always part of the guys dho so I hear about everything and he doesn't bother to lie to me...I know what to expect from him. So why do I feel myself growing more and more attached to him. He is one special guy and for reasons that I do not want to write down on a blog (explicit - kekeke) ...but being with him would KILL my reputation - yageenthaa!! On the other hand, I'm no Virgin Mary, so what do I have to loose?? Grrrrr
Oooh! Just found the file. This is what I wrote first night in Male'...
I’m writing…it’s a sign that I’m happy… And for the first time in many years, I’m at loss for words to describe the way I’m feeling right now.
It’s kind of like the soaring, surreal feeling of being in love; but without that never-ending touch. I know it’ll be over in a matter of days, like a sweet dream you wake up from but spend the rest of the day reliving.
The first thing I felt in real terms was that I was going to faint from the flight stairways and smash my head coz it was so fucking hot. The first words I heard were ‘my God you weren’t joking when you said you are fat!’… ‘Please honey, you should use the treadmill, then you’ll be fine ingey don’t worry’… yeah, typical bullshit. BUT, it just washed over me – I could die right now and I would have died in ecstasy of the purest sort.
I’m home, and corny over used as it was the little girl with the red shoes was right ‘there is no place like home’.
I feel whole again. Like the reward of good nights sleep after an arduous journey. That’s exactly how I feel at this moment.
I suspect that might change once the jetlag, hunger and heat really kick in…revising and shit like that. But for now, ignorant bliss…
MY SONG OF THE DAY: YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL (James Blunt)
To touch and feel the ones you love, and to hear their voices with no cords nor mics nor pesky phones…I’m fucking high on happiness and love. I’m fucking high – naturally baby, no narcotics involved. I love you, I love me, I love us, I love everyone around us…
Peace out (before this whole thing turns scary…)
(Anyone out there wondering how I’m doing – all of the above asluves no BS so far it’s that good, it’s all goo-ood, it’s making the most of what you have and appreciating the little things in life. Sooner or later you will realise that’s the only beauty there is…)
Me.
|
In response to this question asked to me by a dear friend of mine when I was in Male'.
'Who are you?' Says he.
Who am I?
I am a single entity, an individual. I have a conscience and free will, I choose how to live my life. However, I cannot control fate, destiny or time. I live a period of time but I cannot chose how long I do so, I cannot control the events that take place in this parallel.
I am an animal, a mammal by classification but I have clear thoughts, I make decisions and I evolve intellectually from generation to generation. My knowledge is more than what can be analysed in DNA strands.
I have emotions like pain and fear, happiness and jealousy, spite and hate. I have little or no control over the flow of these emotions. I have faith and beliefs inspired by what I see, feel, hear.
I am an individual among billions of my kind… I cannot tell whether I am unique. I cannot trace back my creation further than my parents. My race (species) divides itself by colour and location but we are all more or less the same. We are who we are or who we believe us to be.
I am a female, and a young adult. I am a Maldivian. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations. I am a human capable of a great many deeds, some which are taboo i.e. considered to be wrong. I choose whether or not to act on these capabilities.
I call myself a name and asked the question ‘who am I’ I would respond by this reference, but it is not a classification nor is it a description.
We discover more about ourselves each day, so I am still getting to know myself. I fear I may be doing so for a long while yet.
'Who are you?' Says he.
Who am I?
I am a single entity, an individual. I have a conscience and free will, I choose how to live my life. However, I cannot control fate, destiny or time. I live a period of time but I cannot chose how long I do so, I cannot control the events that take place in this parallel.
I am an animal, a mammal by classification but I have clear thoughts, I make decisions and I evolve intellectually from generation to generation. My knowledge is more than what can be analysed in DNA strands.
I have emotions like pain and fear, happiness and jealousy, spite and hate. I have little or no control over the flow of these emotions. I have faith and beliefs inspired by what I see, feel, hear.
I am an individual among billions of my kind… I cannot tell whether I am unique. I cannot trace back my creation further than my parents. My race (species) divides itself by colour and location but we are all more or less the same. We are who we are or who we believe us to be.
I am a female, and a young adult. I am a Maldivian. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations. I am a human capable of a great many deeds, some which are taboo i.e. considered to be wrong. I choose whether or not to act on these capabilities.
I call myself a name and asked the question ‘who am I’ I would respond by this reference, but it is not a classification nor is it a description.
We discover more about ourselves each day, so I am still getting to know myself. I fear I may be doing so for a long while yet.
Smth I Wrote Days Ago
|
She wanted to smile as she stood facing her expectant audience, she ought to be thrilled. Clutching her diploma in her sweaty palms, she twisted her face into what she hoped would appear to be a happy expression; her eyes frantically searched the room. She knew she should have written the damned speech. Oh well, not like it had ever been a problem before… so couldn’t her suddenly ever-so-feeble mind summon a simple tangible phrase?
Her eyes searched the room frantically, row by row… to the front. Her mother had her palms on her heart, clasped together in anticipation of what her daughter had to say. ‘I…’, her eyes rested on the empty chair next to her mother and her capability of communication was totally paralysed. A solitary leaf drifted onto the seat of the chair, and as it touched the smooth, shiny surface, signals triggered off inside her. She couldn’t interpret them. Somehow the fallen leaf broke her trance…
‘This diploma really doesn’t prove much to me in itself being just a record. But the memory counts, it is my journey, my transition into womanhood – my body and spirit no longer a mere child.
However with the process of maturity conjunctive attained levels of superior knowledge, we loose our innocence and the freedom of childhood. Everything in life, is bittersweet, it has a counter balance.
Today I stand here having earned my right to a future and embark on what is effectively the rest of my life; my career; the real adventure. Yet I have just said goodbye to a man who bore witness to my every joy and sorrow till this very day, my past, representative of the beautiful childhood I was blessed with. Is today too, the beginning of an end? I wonder.
Take this as an example, a woman gives birth to her first baby boy, but as he opens his eyes and draws his first breath, she releases her last. Is one more holy than the other? Is one more happy or tragic? Should anything be celebrated? Or mourned? Or both? There is no right answer to this juggle to solve. '
Her eyes searched the room frantically, row by row… to the front. Her mother had her palms on her heart, clasped together in anticipation of what her daughter had to say. ‘I…’, her eyes rested on the empty chair next to her mother and her capability of communication was totally paralysed. A solitary leaf drifted onto the seat of the chair, and as it touched the smooth, shiny surface, signals triggered off inside her. She couldn’t interpret them. Somehow the fallen leaf broke her trance…
‘This diploma really doesn’t prove much to me in itself being just a record. But the memory counts, it is my journey, my transition into womanhood – my body and spirit no longer a mere child.
However with the process of maturity conjunctive attained levels of superior knowledge, we loose our innocence and the freedom of childhood. Everything in life, is bittersweet, it has a counter balance.
Today I stand here having earned my right to a future and embark on what is effectively the rest of my life; my career; the real adventure. Yet I have just said goodbye to a man who bore witness to my every joy and sorrow till this very day, my past, representative of the beautiful childhood I was blessed with. Is today too, the beginning of an end? I wonder.
Take this as an example, a woman gives birth to her first baby boy, but as he opens his eyes and draws his first breath, she releases her last. Is one more holy than the other? Is one more happy or tragic? Should anything be celebrated? Or mourned? Or both? There is no right answer to this juggle to solve. '
UPPERS REQUIRED URGENTLY. SUFFICIENT AMOUNTS OF CANNABIS ALSO ACCEPTED.
|
I lack patience. I really do…
And it worries me…
What annoys me most in this world? Nope, it’s not certain peoples or anything like that… it’s waiting for queues and just generally having to withstand long periods of time, doing nothing or anticipating something.
Is it a fear of that feeling of apprehension that comes with it?
Possible…but there should be a logical explanation shouldn’t there and as far as I’m concerned no fear can be logical!No surprise that I’m biting my nails and pulling out my hair all this week.
You would think though that after being so enduring for
seven whole fucking months
that two weeks would be insignificant, but that is definitely not the case.
Suddenly seven days seems never-ending!
I just ran out of Smallville episodes to distract me from taking that tempting leap out of the window, I have no more comfort food
(and can’t afford to indulge in any either because for one thing I need to fit into my clothes of which the seems already groan in agony when I force them on me and I need to save up anyway)…
I don’t want to read any books and my coursework is killing me…I sound like a whiny brat, and it feels GOOD. So there! :P
I’m going home and that’s all great, wonderful and lovely…but how the hell am I going to endure the damned flight I have no clue.
Why can’t this just be over with, I go to sleep and wakeup at home, and there’s no rush between transits and overwhelming fear of getting lost in Dubai, no rush to the loo to freshen up… no worry about whether I can manage to convince the aeroplane people that my guitar is not extra luggage but an ‘illusion’ …lol…
Every other sentence in this blog is I, I, I… but you gotta pour out your insecurities and petty annoyances somewhere.
For some their blog is a medium to show off their brilliant writing skills and what not, but for me it’s simply a release of my bottled up psychosis, that I don’t really feel that the ‘real world’ is ready for quite yet ;)
I shall now retire to biting the end of my pencils, trying to scrape my brain off for ANY useful ideas about Shakespeare and his portrayal of honour as existed in the Elizabethan Society. So far I have two points; one being I wasn’t there so how should I know, secondly they were bigoted fuckers who didn’t know shit.
Somehow I don’t think that’s A grade material. Personally I think the latter is far more candid and reliable than the BS that would get me the scores I need.
Have fun thee, whilst I shalt driveth meself madder than a hatter
And it worries me…
What annoys me most in this world? Nope, it’s not certain peoples or anything like that… it’s waiting for queues and just generally having to withstand long periods of time, doing nothing or anticipating something.
Is it a fear of that feeling of apprehension that comes with it?
Possible…but there should be a logical explanation shouldn’t there and as far as I’m concerned no fear can be logical!No surprise that I’m biting my nails and pulling out my hair all this week.
You would think though that after being so enduring for
seven whole fucking months
that two weeks would be insignificant, but that is definitely not the case.
Suddenly seven days seems never-ending!
I just ran out of Smallville episodes to distract me from taking that tempting leap out of the window, I have no more comfort food
(and can’t afford to indulge in any either because for one thing I need to fit into my clothes of which the seems already groan in agony when I force them on me and I need to save up anyway)…
I don’t want to read any books and my coursework is killing me…I sound like a whiny brat, and it feels GOOD. So there! :P
I’m going home and that’s all great, wonderful and lovely…but how the hell am I going to endure the damned flight I have no clue.
Why can’t this just be over with, I go to sleep and wakeup at home, and there’s no rush between transits and overwhelming fear of getting lost in Dubai, no rush to the loo to freshen up… no worry about whether I can manage to convince the aeroplane people that my guitar is not extra luggage but an ‘illusion’ …lol…
Every other sentence in this blog is I, I, I… but you gotta pour out your insecurities and petty annoyances somewhere.
For some their blog is a medium to show off their brilliant writing skills and what not, but for me it’s simply a release of my bottled up psychosis, that I don’t really feel that the ‘real world’ is ready for quite yet ;)
I shall now retire to biting the end of my pencils, trying to scrape my brain off for ANY useful ideas about Shakespeare and his portrayal of honour as existed in the Elizabethan Society. So far I have two points; one being I wasn’t there so how should I know, secondly they were bigoted fuckers who didn’t know shit.
Somehow I don’t think that’s A grade material. Personally I think the latter is far more candid and reliable than the BS that would get me the scores I need.
Have fun thee, whilst I shalt driveth meself madder than a hatter
The Fairer Sex
|
Now I’m no feminist by any means but even I have to admit that being a woman is not the ball they make it out to be even in the 21st Century…
Why the sudden radical views? To be honest I haven’t actually felt truly, completely and fully like a woman until pretty recently…and I know that that is going to sound extremely strange to a whole lotta peoples but, err…it’s hard to put into words what I mean…
Its one thing to be a girl, flighty, fun, sweet (sickly even) and ‘pretty’… but looking at your reflection (not really on physical terms) and seeing the woman inside you gazing back…is when you realise things have changed… you no longer hold the same perspectives on anything, the words ‘child’ ‘mother’ ‘home’ have a completely new meaning to them, the lost and insecure adolescent inside you has disappeared…
You’re filled with a new passion and drive… your mind has begun to formulate theories, philosophies, and process your experiences into a chamber of knowledge…it’s only just begun but still, it’s started…
Until pfffftttt…poiiiiinnnnnnnn… the kaleidoscope’s begun to get contorted…the whizzing, uplifting buzz in your ear has distorted into the annoying noise that comes out of a broken tape recorder… how’d things get so fucked up?
Ahh… welcome to life… you can get a Uni degree these days, you can work in a office and sleep your way to the top…basically, you can change the exterior of the workforce but the foundation aint shaking… the views of a woman in the brain dept. (i.e. maybe a political party is coming up with it’s manifesto, and the storming has begun) is ignored… never mind if another man comes up with the same theory, you never get the credit. Men hate to admit they are wrong, but what’s worse is apparently admitting that a woman might be right.
An empowered woman is a joke… some people think a mini skirt means modernisation? It’s true that women use sexuality to gain themselves recognition etc in the workforce, but don’t fool yourselves into thinking that that translates into winning the battle of the sexes, because it’s not… the boys get their sugar and candy and you get the pay rise that a man with the same qualifications would have gotten anyway…maybe suck up to the boss and act like his youthful self a bit… several times less an effort than spreading your legs apart to every Tom, Dick and Harry in any case.
History shows us that we lost every chance at power and recognition that we ever got… Don’t you dare start throwing bitches like Margaret Thatcher in my face, that woman is practically a man… and imitating men in behaviour etc doesn’t really impress me.
Show me a real woman in power today, someone who is totally confident of her identity as a woman and is proud of it, who can be respected and is acknowledged as an intellectual… there are very few if at all and there is not a trace of it in Maldives. How can we claim to be a modernising country when all that is developing are the physical aspects of it… sociologically we are as primitive as we were some 50-60 years ago, and it’s not just the role of women.
I want to see the true emancipation of women in Maldives, a real movement ahead where we no longer rely on our cleavage to grab attention, where our intellect is valued and recognised…who is not simply a joke, not a snob, not naïve but a woman who has embraced the beauty of womanhood to the fullest!
Why the sudden radical views? To be honest I haven’t actually felt truly, completely and fully like a woman until pretty recently…and I know that that is going to sound extremely strange to a whole lotta peoples but, err…it’s hard to put into words what I mean…
Its one thing to be a girl, flighty, fun, sweet (sickly even) and ‘pretty’… but looking at your reflection (not really on physical terms) and seeing the woman inside you gazing back…is when you realise things have changed… you no longer hold the same perspectives on anything, the words ‘child’ ‘mother’ ‘home’ have a completely new meaning to them, the lost and insecure adolescent inside you has disappeared…
You’re filled with a new passion and drive… your mind has begun to formulate theories, philosophies, and process your experiences into a chamber of knowledge…it’s only just begun but still, it’s started…
Until pfffftttt…poiiiiinnnnnnnn… the kaleidoscope’s begun to get contorted…the whizzing, uplifting buzz in your ear has distorted into the annoying noise that comes out of a broken tape recorder… how’d things get so fucked up?
Ahh… welcome to life… you can get a Uni degree these days, you can work in a office and sleep your way to the top…basically, you can change the exterior of the workforce but the foundation aint shaking… the views of a woman in the brain dept. (i.e. maybe a political party is coming up with it’s manifesto, and the storming has begun) is ignored… never mind if another man comes up with the same theory, you never get the credit. Men hate to admit they are wrong, but what’s worse is apparently admitting that a woman might be right.
An empowered woman is a joke… some people think a mini skirt means modernisation? It’s true that women use sexuality to gain themselves recognition etc in the workforce, but don’t fool yourselves into thinking that that translates into winning the battle of the sexes, because it’s not… the boys get their sugar and candy and you get the pay rise that a man with the same qualifications would have gotten anyway…maybe suck up to the boss and act like his youthful self a bit… several times less an effort than spreading your legs apart to every Tom, Dick and Harry in any case.
History shows us that we lost every chance at power and recognition that we ever got… Don’t you dare start throwing bitches like Margaret Thatcher in my face, that woman is practically a man… and imitating men in behaviour etc doesn’t really impress me.
Show me a real woman in power today, someone who is totally confident of her identity as a woman and is proud of it, who can be respected and is acknowledged as an intellectual… there are very few if at all and there is not a trace of it in Maldives. How can we claim to be a modernising country when all that is developing are the physical aspects of it… sociologically we are as primitive as we were some 50-60 years ago, and it’s not just the role of women.
I want to see the true emancipation of women in Maldives, a real movement ahead where we no longer rely on our cleavage to grab attention, where our intellect is valued and recognised…who is not simply a joke, not a snob, not naïve but a woman who has embraced the beauty of womanhood to the fullest!
0_0!!!!
|
Never underestimate life and fate guys... when you think all's lost... do find the strength to see tomorrow, because there's always that 50-50 chance that it's a brighter day...and that your next mate might turn out to be the sexiest fucker around.... :D
There's ALWAYS a hope...a way...
Cheerios...and keep smiling folks...
I'm enjoying singledom and freedom - I gotta bigger plan for me :D , rocking this world off it's fucking axis...
Off for now - my weather forecast don't matter because petty things aint gonna bother this bitch no more!
There's ALWAYS a hope...a way...
Cheerios...and keep smiling folks...
I'm enjoying singledom and freedom - I gotta bigger plan for me :D , rocking this world off it's fucking axis...
Off for now - my weather forecast don't matter because petty things aint gonna bother this bitch no more!
Almost done. Me, I mean...
|
“There’s an empty space up on my wall where your picture used to be… and every time I glance up there the emptiness echoes in me, and it is penetrating. I lay myself bare naked in front of you, but you didn’t realise how much a sacrifice that was for me.
It was always politics to you, and you manipulated everything to your gain like some goddamn Vegas gamble. Why didn’t the little-miss-know-it-all stop you? I was tired of being accused time and time again of phil-phobia and the like so thought to trust you, hoping that perhaps I might re-cover that surreal feeling of ‘being in love’. I chose to ignore all my instincts and every warning signal that shot through my system…” (Deep breath… that was a release better than a bogu: D)
Heartbreak hotel – yeah, that ought to be my theme song… and here I am, a full year later and it’s still the same old story with a rather sickening twist… and I live to regret of course…
Y’know, if I could be granted one wish it would be that no one would ever have to be this alone.
It was like making a deal with the devil; your actions first grant you every thing you want, and then as sudden and quickly they came into your life, they are whisked away…(avahah dhathi jahaa dhalhu thiri kurey).
And you are left with less that you began with.
Now I look around me, and my surroundings and company have completely and totally changed, nothing feels the same...every single thing I see is as foreign as can be. (Yup, you see the flag of England and its pretty damn obvious I think)…
I cannot see the world with the same eyes (oh where oh where can my rose-tinted Ray Bans be?)… I cannot touch anything, without an intense fear seeping through my veins.
It’s a fear that it will burn like everything else… and leave another scar on my already charred heart (think BBQ… very well-done).
Memories of happy times haunt me, and torture me in my dreams… Things that defined me, and I relied on, a farce… now I am deprived of any strength at all (quite worrying, actually).
When everything you believed turns out to be a series lies…where do you find the courage to go on? How do you re-learn to trust?
You have a daunting feeling that lingers, that somewhere inside you did predict the outcome, but you chose to be blind… question then is can you trust yourself and your own judgment? (I is the confused is the I)
Does one deserve so much continuous pain? But could you measure pain? How sad it is for anyone to come to a point in his/her life when the glinting blade of a knife is your greatest temptation and any means to ending your life is a seduction in itself… (nope you freak, I am not hinting S & M here).
When you have lost value of yourself, and have forgotten who you are… you no longer feel the need to please. No longer feel any need at all, except to escape this incarceration…
All because you no longer feel like you have anything to lose.
The phrase ‘I love you’ is a joke to you, because no one knows you, you no longer see yourself… how could anyone love you when you detest you?
Reality of things can be boiled down to (returning back to my little bitch session and sulking time) pretty gals get wonderful guys (however superficial they treat ‘em right) AND the ‘not so pretty ones’ get as many, don’t worry… but these ‘great’ guys that THEY get only want to jump into their pants… a helluva fuck later, they return to the ‘love of their lives’ and leave the ugly chick crying her heart out… I know, I know - oh you want a guy who is that shallow eh, but the whole world is shallow...Life is not unfair if you are rich and beautiful… some people do have it all. If you don’t, tough… Fate - so don’t bother trying…
(Coming back to the issue at hand) Two weeks he’s been avoiding me, his phone’s off, when on his brother answers awkwardly, he doesn’t call or text anymore, he can’t be bothered to email me unless I bloody threaten him… but he’s all ‘honey’, ‘baby’, ‘sweety’, ‘sexy mama’ (the curse of hip-hop culture there) when he needs a few bucks to cover the costs… get a fucking life is what I say.
It is bad enough to ask a random bitch to pay for you (fuck revolution and equality among the sexes because the age old fact of the matter is that men have always existed to protect women and when a man relies on a woman for financial support, I’m sorry that is fucking pathetic in my point of view), but to ask your girl just = loser…jerk…BASTARD!!!
I would’ve though, on the grounds of helping a mate out when times are tough, but he’s avoiding me all this while and when we finally do talk he brings it up, gets to the point and I say a ‘maybe’ and then it’s a done deal ‘bye baby’. Go to hell.
I would normally launch into a castrate all men session here. Or it’d be ‘I wanna go fuck every mother-fucking-son-of-a-bitch who comes my way’ mode. I am too exhausted to. I thought I would never cry over a guy after S----- but it just seems that after I try to reform (I HATE that word), every one that comes into my life aims and shoots the arrow right through and the pains searing… maybe it’s better to settle with the slut act and go out with random men, satisfy myself with their empty flattery and attention and get them to pay up expenses afterwards...
There is only one guy who conquered my world, set it to revolve around his… I never ever cheated on him, never once… I loved him so long, so fully and it was the most beautiful feeling in the world. I pushed him away when I got scared of my own feelings and unintentionally I hurt him so bad, he left me… and I can never forgive myself for being so stupid and trying to mess with what was perfectly fine left to shine. (God I can’t believe I wrote the our entire relationship up in a story; I meant to read to him someday – romance is bullshit I swear) I just want to feel that freedom of loving someone so much, and feeling that same devotion in return. Searching for that someone who’d be there for me to laugh and chill with, to cry to …in joy or pain.
GRRRR…typical chick shit dho? I need it so bad tho… I don’t know why either. I can live by myself of course and prolly be more successful etc, but what’s half life eh?
You know how when you just gotta sneeze and you can feel the tickle up your nostrils and along the nasal passage, you’re closing your eyes and scrunching up your wee nose going ‘aa….aa….aaa…’but you can’t actually sneeze (a.k.a. no ‘atishu!’ at the end)? I feel the tears, and the ache is almost physical… but it won’t pour out... Has all the shit that’s been happening recently made me numb to all emotions? Numb to feeling anything anymore?
If perchance you come across the misfortune of loving me, you’d be better off not, I warn ya... who wants to love a broken heart? There is nothing more to be that you can see on the surface, I’m drained...
(ECG machine… teet, teet, teet, tititititititit – teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet’ ...spurt wings, ‘wow it’s pretty up here’)
Psst… if you’re wondering the purpose of the bracket is to insert a little comic relief (lam as it may be) to an otherwise even more dreary and depressing passage.
Shakku balin fovefa
|
Is everyone just fooling me, and shit?
Is this life or am I in a MATRIX?
Hathahaaves - SUVAALU
Is this life or am I in a MATRIX?
Hathahaaves - SUVAALU
My mirror...it broke...
|
Reflect you say? Fuck it, it just messes me up man, big time...
If only I could turn back time... say what I still hide...
What good would it do really, the more I think about it - our fate is final, more or less what would have happened anyway.
'What if' is an infection that grows within you and the more you question, the more vulnerable you are, the easier you break down.
So let the past lie...
And history repeat itself?
Contradictions exist in every part of our lives...
I am in a relationship with someone I barely know, for reasons I cannot comprehend and it is clear to me that the emotions I project to him exist merely on the surface, none of this is real... it is not a relationship and it is pointless, and there is absolutely no future in it. I guess even in pretense it's the idea of being loved and thought of that I cannot seem to let go of. Why am I fooling myself?
What in this life IS real?
Are the friendships I maintain, and new ones I develop, worth any effort? Have bitter experiences soured my judgement? Is any thing forever?
Why do all these questions still haunt me...will I ever find contentment?
Is anything I do in life ever going to be worth anything? Is all the love I feel for all the people in my life (I'm not into roses and shit, I'm not into flowery phrases and blank verses of compliments but I try to show in other less poetic ways) appreciated?
Is there a reason to live every new day? When I'm just a speck in 6 billion? Then again, do I need to be significant?
If only I could turn back time... say what I still hide...
What good would it do really, the more I think about it - our fate is final, more or less what would have happened anyway.
'What if' is an infection that grows within you and the more you question, the more vulnerable you are, the easier you break down.
So let the past lie...
And history repeat itself?
Contradictions exist in every part of our lives...
I am in a relationship with someone I barely know, for reasons I cannot comprehend and it is clear to me that the emotions I project to him exist merely on the surface, none of this is real... it is not a relationship and it is pointless, and there is absolutely no future in it. I guess even in pretense it's the idea of being loved and thought of that I cannot seem to let go of. Why am I fooling myself?
What in this life IS real?
Are the friendships I maintain, and new ones I develop, worth any effort? Have bitter experiences soured my judgement? Is any thing forever?
Why do all these questions still haunt me...will I ever find contentment?
Is anything I do in life ever going to be worth anything? Is all the love I feel for all the people in my life (I'm not into roses and shit, I'm not into flowery phrases and blank verses of compliments but I try to show in other less poetic ways) appreciated?
Is there a reason to live every new day? When I'm just a speck in 6 billion? Then again, do I need to be significant?
Off the top of my head, right before I doze off.
|
Arey, mein India nehi hoon! GRRRRRR…
I was *ahem* approached by this bohote hot guy who’s half Indian half Brit yeah, and he happens to ask the one question I hate most!
‘Indian or Pakistani?’
‘NEHI. Maldivian hoon!’
Balaa eh sahaadheh mi bunee…
It’s nice to be settling down in Bristol, meeting Bristolians and socialising… getting to know the place and where to go and what not. Still, I long to be on home ground, on the islands I grew up in and despite the screwed up life, I had learned to love so tenderly. Corny (by god!) and melodramatic too but yeah if you’ve lived away from your family abroad in a foreign land you know what I’m talking about.
What you cannot have, you desire even more – you know? You realise what you have, once you’ve lost it. Snow’s pretty but doesn’t take you very long to get sick of it and I have never and will never get enough of the sand and the sun.
Besides partying to celebrate Arl becoming ‘legal’ and an ‘adult’…and though I got to miss half my classes with one meeting and another (watched Chaucer in Stratford’s mightily posh theatre – magnificently hilarious, I was pissing myself!), the weeks been not too great. This will sound rather shallow and shit but the thing is the guy in my life just became more important kulli akah neyngi hutta…I’m falling or have fallen, not too sure…
He chooses to ignore me, and I have a challenge fetish so it draws me closer and tighter. Pretty smart tactic if you think about it, but I have a feeling long distance is wearing him out (poor lad) and the ignoring me bit is somewhat intentional. Anehhen we haven’t had the time to bond and love before separation to two continents so…it’s hard. It’s hard anyways but this complicates matters further. Back to the point, I’m in this godforsaken country freezing my arse off dreaming of days when we’ll meet; planning romantic escapades to deserted islands (quite possible if you have cool parents and live in Maldives), just a coffee and chill, candle light dinners at home, introducing him to my wacko family and their slightly eccentric ways, just spending quality time together basically.
I had doubts from the beginning; after all it seemed too good to be true. So I played cool and fun, no expectations – nothing. Thing is I actually want this now but hithu therey ingey that I was right then and I am right at present too. HALP.
‘Mera ek sapna hain
Ki dheko thuje sapno main
Thumaane naamaanai
Hai thuhi mere apno main
Ho dhadkan sa chalta hain
Ye kaisa rishta hain’
(My OLD favie by : Kumar Sanu – And before anyone starts prattling about how crappy Hindi music is and how katu it is to listen to it, there is nothing wrong with listening to Indian music, it’s music and an art! Ehenya, ehen kiyaa ulhey aalaathun listen to Rasta, Spanish or German e.g. Rammstein, so I would like to put forward an argument about how this becomes inferior because Indian culture is surely far richer and more long lived!)
S.O.W. (the abbreviation is - speaking of which, not the cow my dears) I found two other classics I used to boogie my ass off to when I was around say, 2 – Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus), Informer (Snow) and Lambada (Samba)! Sudden thought : magey dharieh eh bodu vaanee Eheelun kahai etchehi adu ahamun dho :D
Shake Banana
|
The biggest complaint on campus definitely is having to wake up and drag ourselves across the greens to the Dining Hall in the freezing cold. We barely if ever manage to make it there before 8:05 for registration and almost always end up having to register at 7:30 as punishment. This leaves us with less than 20 minutes for brekkie in any case and to avoid our tums interrupting class with embarassing rumbling noises and to avoid utter starvation we have developed the art of banana thieving from the cafeteria so ravage back in our rooms as we rummage around for our books, files etc in preparation to class.
The three most common methods of stealing fruit (banana being the favourite by far) are for one, slipping into the sleeve of your jumper/jacket/coat (might end up having a slightly disfigured elbow…ahem….) or into your hoodie or pocket. The other way to go about it is to let it hook over your shoulder/neck and cover up with a mane of hair. Last but not least is what I call the ‘Jordan’ technique and involves hooking a banana under your boobs or if apples and oranges, well you can guess where. I’m serious. People actually do this when very hungry. I know, how hungry could you be to be so desperate dho? I prefer waking up early – personally I cannot walk around with fruits clonking away in my clothes or worse, undies (I cannot begin to comprehend how absolutely unhygienic that is, simply ewwwww)!
Pleasantries aside, I’m quite sick of Coll now, and I can’t wait for ½ term, seems like it’s going to be pretty eventful ingey, but lets not count my chickies before they ‘wah wah’ or rather, ‘cluck cluck’ in this situation… (Random I know, but you ought to be used to this shit by now)
I decided another short (SHORT) list of what I want in a guy and boils down to; intelligent, witty, attractive, assertive, tough, ambitious... understanding, patient, honest, caring and somewhat protective.
Oh dear… I fear it still lacketh the essence of reality by a crumb or two. Fuck who cares, he’s MY dream man (mine, mine and only mine - muahahahahahahaaaa)! And we all have the right to dream, haina?
Went to watch Canterbury Tales today, hee hee halaaku vi sahaadheh mi bunee, I was PISSING myself. A touch too crude maybe but hell, it was funny. So different from the last play I saw, which was a one man production called Private Peaceful. Me got to miss a day of school so that totally rocked. I’ll miss next Wednesday vess for a business project thing so it looks like a good week, this weekend we got a cool bday bash to look forward to as well. Hurray!
Ah…9 more days of nicking food and I can go home and eat in peace. *Whewww* Home is such a relative term ainnit? 6 months ago there’s no bloody way UK could be home.
The three most common methods of stealing fruit (banana being the favourite by far) are for one, slipping into the sleeve of your jumper/jacket/coat (might end up having a slightly disfigured elbow…ahem….) or into your hoodie or pocket. The other way to go about it is to let it hook over your shoulder/neck and cover up with a mane of hair. Last but not least is what I call the ‘Jordan’ technique and involves hooking a banana under your boobs or if apples and oranges, well you can guess where. I’m serious. People actually do this when very hungry. I know, how hungry could you be to be so desperate dho? I prefer waking up early – personally I cannot walk around with fruits clonking away in my clothes or worse, undies (I cannot begin to comprehend how absolutely unhygienic that is, simply ewwwww)!
Pleasantries aside, I’m quite sick of Coll now, and I can’t wait for ½ term, seems like it’s going to be pretty eventful ingey, but lets not count my chickies before they ‘wah wah’ or rather, ‘cluck cluck’ in this situation… (Random I know, but you ought to be used to this shit by now)
I decided another short (SHORT) list of what I want in a guy and boils down to; intelligent, witty, attractive, assertive, tough, ambitious... understanding, patient, honest, caring and somewhat protective.
Oh dear… I fear it still lacketh the essence of reality by a crumb or two. Fuck who cares, he’s MY dream man (mine, mine and only mine - muahahahahahahaaaa)! And we all have the right to dream, haina?
Went to watch Canterbury Tales today, hee hee halaaku vi sahaadheh mi bunee, I was PISSING myself. A touch too crude maybe but hell, it was funny. So different from the last play I saw, which was a one man production called Private Peaceful. Me got to miss a day of school so that totally rocked. I’ll miss next Wednesday vess for a business project thing so it looks like a good week, this weekend we got a cool bday bash to look forward to as well. Hurray!
Ah…9 more days of nicking food and I can go home and eat in peace. *Whewww* Home is such a relative term ainnit? 6 months ago there’s no bloody way UK could be home.
Ooh la la!
|
Oooh la la!
Oui, zere iz no place like ze Paris!
Dropping the hideous accent though, I still maintain my disposition…there is something magical about France and Paris is a city in a class of its own.
This weekend I had the pleasure of going to an E.U. themed conference *snore, snore* in Paris *sit up straight, sleep forgotten* and it was worth it…
My French is awful I discovered, and I could barely order a croissant, nevertheless I stuffed myself with escargots, cuisses de grenouille, moules-frites and crepe. Mmm, stomach rumbles loudly as the memory flashes in my mind.
Walking from the Arch De Triomphe and down Champs Elysées in my mind flashed half a dozen novels I’ve read from Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, Chocolat, by Joanne Harris to Perfume by Patrick Süskind and I just couldn’t believe I was actually in Paris. Dream come true…
Delicatessen, Ma Vie en rose, Cyrano de Bergerac are must see French movies by the way.
Whilst on the movie topic I have to say Moulin Rouge took my breath away – it’s sexy, it’s classy and it’s a once in a life time experience… Was such a laugh walking down the street to get there…museum of sex, sexodrome? Only in Paris ma cherie, only in Paris!I have been seduced by France…
Mona Lisa… is beyond description as is the entire Louvre and I shall not even begin on the topic
. Just go there some day, and see it for yourself and you will know what I mean…La Tour Eiffel… *sigh* at sunrise is breathtaking, sunset is gorgeous and sparkling at night is glorious…
Quite depressing not having mon amor around and all but still, it’s the city of the people, the city of love, the city of light. Inspiration everywhere… a world of art and I really wish I could be reborn to the glory days… how very wonderful that must be…ah well autres temps, autres moeurs.
I could go on and on, but I shall stop now and finish writing up these post cards.
Au revoire!
Very corny story I wrote when bored in Coll
|
I close my eyes as he moves closer and closer, I can feel the warmth of his breath as he leans further in. I place my hand on his chest, his heart beat synchronising with mine, faster and faster. My fingers explore and move towards his neck, drawing him closer and closer…
I open my eyes and the chimera dissolves into cold, harsh reality. I’m desperate for change, my soul is starving for some truth. Every moment I look into those eyes I fall more and more into the unfathomable pit hole of love. I can’t live with or without him, but he doesn’t have a clue. Tell me, how do I choose between the pain of an unrequited love and of being so detached from your being?
He grins and balances the guitar on his thighs, and runs a long slender finger along a single fret. His tongue slides and moistens his full lips and by instinct I imitate the gesture, running my tongue along mine. He smiles again, his dimple more prominent and giving his that sexy boyish effect, slightly purses his lips together and begins to whistle a tune, tapping his feet to a beat. One, two, one. Swinging the magnificent instrument around him he stands tall, a good two feet taller than me, and hums a seductive soft melody. He strums each chord expertly; he’s done this every day of his life. He plucks each string one after the other perfectly in rhythm with a passion. The notes form the song composed by my heart that plays in my soul every time his gaze locks with mine, just as he’s doing now.
His rich baritone touches my senses in a way that words cannot do justice to, evoking feelings in me I never knew I possessed. I wonder whether he knows that his gentle serenade is breaking down every barrier and pummelling through my walls. He’s inside me, filling me with a love that shall never be mine.
I plead to him, my eyes glistening with tears, please stop this agony. Don’t lie to me; don’t pretend to feel things that you clearly don’t. Don’t play around, that’s my heart you just tore into a million little pieces.
A sudden spurt of confidence prompts me to face forward and look him in the eye. The ardour so apparent in my expression I think surprises him at first, but he recovers quickly and winks mischievously. I begin to wonder whether he noticed anything or not.
‘The next song’s for my baby’, the tune transforms into one more evocative and the words seem be derived from the very core of his soul. ‘Every evening I leave just to see that smile. She’s draped in the softest blue silk and the winds playing with her hair. Beauteous, silken hair and sparkling, seductive eyes…No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. Every time I see a desire to touch you deepens, just to feel the perfection that is you…’
I turn away, the heat rising in my face. What is he talking about? Surely, no, it couldn’t be me… could it? Impossible... he’s teasing me again. Furious with myself for reacting so violently, I stood up, turned around and began to walk away. A strong hand grabs me. Is it him?
‘You’re robbing me of my sleep, reoccurring in my thoughts. My soul feel’s rigid; I can feel my patience running out. I can’t erase the thought of you from my mind, you’re name’s become engraved in my heart. Searched the worlds but in vain, to find a match to your beauty’
It’s another man, standing by the bar. I blush vehemently, oh how could I let my thoughts wander like that! I snatch my hand away, scowling but the man stares ahead and points. Curious now, I turn back. He was standing, arms outstretched, a rose resting in his open left palm. ‘I love you too’ he whispers. I hadn’t even noticed the music stopped. No cocky grin this time, and the sincerity reflected in his almost blank expressionless face, was seduction beyond any I’d ever experienced. The hairs stood upright at the back of my neck.
‘No, No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. When you look at me you fill my mind, body and soul with a blissful happiness that is far beyond any measure or description…’
Through no will of my own, my legs begin moving, and I’m running faster and faster but instead of flinging myself into his embrace I halt and his arms drop to his sides. I wish I had more courage but I just stood there frozen, not knowing my next move. Slowly he tucks the rose behind my right ear, and runs his fingers delicately through my hair, leans forward and brushes his lips against my forehead. ‘Silk…’
I close my eyes as he moves closer and closer, I can feel the warmth of his breath as he leans further in. I place my hand on his chest, his heart beat synchronising with mine, faster and faster. My fingers explore and move towards his neck, drawing him closer and closer…
This time I don’t wake up. This time it doesn’t stop. Time stops… the world ceases to exist, it’s just him and me. My dream came true at last, at last! It’s more beautiful than I could ever have imagined… far beyond any measure or description.
I open my eyes and the chimera dissolves into cold, harsh reality. I’m desperate for change, my soul is starving for some truth. Every moment I look into those eyes I fall more and more into the unfathomable pit hole of love. I can’t live with or without him, but he doesn’t have a clue. Tell me, how do I choose between the pain of an unrequited love and of being so detached from your being?
He grins and balances the guitar on his thighs, and runs a long slender finger along a single fret. His tongue slides and moistens his full lips and by instinct I imitate the gesture, running my tongue along mine. He smiles again, his dimple more prominent and giving his that sexy boyish effect, slightly purses his lips together and begins to whistle a tune, tapping his feet to a beat. One, two, one. Swinging the magnificent instrument around him he stands tall, a good two feet taller than me, and hums a seductive soft melody. He strums each chord expertly; he’s done this every day of his life. He plucks each string one after the other perfectly in rhythm with a passion. The notes form the song composed by my heart that plays in my soul every time his gaze locks with mine, just as he’s doing now.
His rich baritone touches my senses in a way that words cannot do justice to, evoking feelings in me I never knew I possessed. I wonder whether he knows that his gentle serenade is breaking down every barrier and pummelling through my walls. He’s inside me, filling me with a love that shall never be mine.
I plead to him, my eyes glistening with tears, please stop this agony. Don’t lie to me; don’t pretend to feel things that you clearly don’t. Don’t play around, that’s my heart you just tore into a million little pieces.
A sudden spurt of confidence prompts me to face forward and look him in the eye. The ardour so apparent in my expression I think surprises him at first, but he recovers quickly and winks mischievously. I begin to wonder whether he noticed anything or not.
‘The next song’s for my baby’, the tune transforms into one more evocative and the words seem be derived from the very core of his soul. ‘Every evening I leave just to see that smile. She’s draped in the softest blue silk and the winds playing with her hair. Beauteous, silken hair and sparkling, seductive eyes…No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. Every time I see a desire to touch you deepens, just to feel the perfection that is you…’
I turn away, the heat rising in my face. What is he talking about? Surely, no, it couldn’t be me… could it? Impossible... he’s teasing me again. Furious with myself for reacting so violently, I stood up, turned around and began to walk away. A strong hand grabs me. Is it him?
‘You’re robbing me of my sleep, reoccurring in my thoughts. My soul feel’s rigid; I can feel my patience running out. I can’t erase the thought of you from my mind, you’re name’s become engraved in my heart. Searched the worlds but in vain, to find a match to your beauty’
It’s another man, standing by the bar. I blush vehemently, oh how could I let my thoughts wander like that! I snatch my hand away, scowling but the man stares ahead and points. Curious now, I turn back. He was standing, arms outstretched, a rose resting in his open left palm. ‘I love you too’ he whispers. I hadn’t even noticed the music stopped. No cocky grin this time, and the sincerity reflected in his almost blank expressionless face, was seduction beyond any I’d ever experienced. The hairs stood upright at the back of my neck.
‘No, No, you’re a mystery, a sensation. When you look at me you fill my mind, body and soul with a blissful happiness that is far beyond any measure or description…’
Through no will of my own, my legs begin moving, and I’m running faster and faster but instead of flinging myself into his embrace I halt and his arms drop to his sides. I wish I had more courage but I just stood there frozen, not knowing my next move. Slowly he tucks the rose behind my right ear, and runs his fingers delicately through my hair, leans forward and brushes his lips against my forehead. ‘Silk…’
I close my eyes as he moves closer and closer, I can feel the warmth of his breath as he leans further in. I place my hand on his chest, his heart beat synchronising with mine, faster and faster. My fingers explore and move towards his neck, drawing him closer and closer…
This time I don’t wake up. This time it doesn’t stop. Time stops… the world ceases to exist, it’s just him and me. My dream came true at last, at last! It’s more beautiful than I could ever have imagined… far beyond any measure or description.
Slightly out-dated...
|
Stupid school disables anything to do with blogs...what a pity, you can learn so much from them noontha? Atleast, I think so and so, unless I make another one at some wierd chinese site I can only blog once in a while... :( but, I have decided to remain loyal to my blog and thus... here follows my entry for 12th Jan following into the 13th...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
…In anticipation to Friday the 13th.
Damn I get irritated when people fucking patronise me for being so young. I don’t feel like 'just a teen', I’m sure I don’t think like 'just a teen' and to the majority I don’t even look like 'just a teen', most of the time I don’t behave like 'just a teen' - come on we all have to let loose and be silly once in a while. I don’t pretend to know every fucking thing but I’m not stupid and I do not like being treated as though I am. Whew! Good to chuck all ma negativity out.
Another fucking year passed and what have I achieved? Never in my whole life have I reflected back on anything and regretted it so much. Never felt so ashamed. Disgusting year, and I though I can hardly imagine what this year has in store, I look forward to tomorrow and I’m glad that what’s past is over.
I could go on about how I’m cursed and life is just so bloody unfair but I don’t intend to feel any pity for myself. I made the wrong decisions and was blind to anything worth paying attention to and it is all my fault, better bear up and face up to the blame.
I don’t feel the need for a partner in my life right now, in reality… and I have serious doubts regarding whether I have even come across such a person in my life yet. I shouldn’t judge but seventeen is still pretty young and serious relationships are shit that will just keep holding you back from the dreams you are reaching out to.
Last year, I thought I needed a boyfriend – the perfect one, desperately. I wanted to experiment and learn at the same time. Disastrous combination really, but confusion regarding such choices sprouted from the journey to finding myself.
I still haven’t really found myself or achieve anything near to peace and contentment, and I don’t expect to for quite some time. The journey is hard, but it’s interesting and it is worth it, I have discovered.
There is a reason for every breath you draw it and every step forward or backward that you take. I haven’t figured out why, and I doubt I ever will achieve a satisfactory answer, but identifying the question and understanding it’s basis is an important thing to do, I believe.
2006… time to cook up a new batch of silly dreams and aspirations. I look forward to becoming someone I can be proud of in the future, whether it be a kick-ass high profile lawyer, or a dedicated and loved/appreciated wife at home (I despise terminology such as housewife – patronising I think). I want to educate myself and achieve academically to make my father’s dreams come true without compromising my personal beliefs and priorities.
Despite the constant daily struggle I have to fight against the religious and moral connotations constantly being imposed on me to influence me by, while still maintaining an open mind on all issues regarding diversity within people, I intend to hold very firmly to my faith. The more I learn about life, and the world the surer I become of the world I was born into.
One day, I want to be able to sit at home with a multitude of kids and partner and just feel how lucky I am to have my life, to feel really alive even if I was dying at that very moment. I want to leave this world having experienced a satisfying bond with someone special, who is my equal in every possible way, compassionate and understanding and capable of forever fascinating me and making me laugh any time of the day.
So, have I even come close to accomplishing any of the above?
Nope. Zilch. Nil. Zero. Nien. Uh uh. Uhun!!!
I’m getting there, someday I hope I do. I think I’m back on the right track, but there’s no telling (I’m told that itself is a good sign but I am pretty critical…). I have become considerably mild tempered as compared to before, a real believer in honesty and open ness, I have become more accepting of people in my life yet at the same time perhaps more wary when awarding them my full and unshakable trust.
I have started working harder in my studies, paying less or no attention to distractions and only indulging in unjustified pleasure from time to time, something like having a Snickers Bar when on a veggie diet – it’s just regenerate yourself in a way, remind yourself that life can be fun.
I can almost hear you guys asking me to elaborate on the pleasure bit, but trust its best not to go there. Hehehehe… If you’re smart, you’ll see a perfect example of what I meant/mean in the passage above… Not telling where though.
I love my friends a lot, but I cannot go to the lengths I used to prove anything the way I used to. I will always be there for them to help them out or just be the listening ear; will voice opinion rarely and that too only on request. Either they know I care or they don’t. That’s a major change I guess…
What song do I feel like right now… hmm what’s the first track in my head Jan 13th 2006?
Hindi – Bhaage Re Man / Chameli
(Last year not first but most significant – Mein Hoon Naa, Zaraa Zaraa )
English – Last Kiss, Hanging By A Moment, Heaven, No Woman No Cry
(Last year mostly dance tracks like Snake, or love songs like Rush, Rush… Sweet Child O Mine… prominently Right Here Waiting For You, Strange Relationship, Here Without You, Angel/L.R.)
Dhivehi – Eki Rey Rey…adhives ulhey Eheelun ge touch eh! Dhen…songs like Hithugaa Dhorufai Hulhuvaaladhee, Bul Bul Ehee Dhey Nuhey, Me Zaimey Adhu Loabuvethi :P :P :P
(Last Year prominently was Eheelun, Rey Otheemey, Handhuvaru Dheytho)
Disturbingly, insomnia still carried on… I guess Bulhai really was an appropriate nick name after all!
*POOF*
Happy Boithday To Me.
Magolaa kendee… take care all, and even if we are not speaking today thanks for being a part of my life. You contributed to making me who I am today dho, and since I’m still alive…not bad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
…In anticipation to Friday the 13th.
Damn I get irritated when people fucking patronise me for being so young. I don’t feel like 'just a teen', I’m sure I don’t think like 'just a teen' and to the majority I don’t even look like 'just a teen', most of the time I don’t behave like 'just a teen' - come on we all have to let loose and be silly once in a while. I don’t pretend to know every fucking thing but I’m not stupid and I do not like being treated as though I am. Whew! Good to chuck all ma negativity out.
Another fucking year passed and what have I achieved? Never in my whole life have I reflected back on anything and regretted it so much. Never felt so ashamed. Disgusting year, and I though I can hardly imagine what this year has in store, I look forward to tomorrow and I’m glad that what’s past is over.
I could go on about how I’m cursed and life is just so bloody unfair but I don’t intend to feel any pity for myself. I made the wrong decisions and was blind to anything worth paying attention to and it is all my fault, better bear up and face up to the blame.
I don’t feel the need for a partner in my life right now, in reality… and I have serious doubts regarding whether I have even come across such a person in my life yet. I shouldn’t judge but seventeen is still pretty young and serious relationships are shit that will just keep holding you back from the dreams you are reaching out to.
Last year, I thought I needed a boyfriend – the perfect one, desperately. I wanted to experiment and learn at the same time. Disastrous combination really, but confusion regarding such choices sprouted from the journey to finding myself.
I still haven’t really found myself or achieve anything near to peace and contentment, and I don’t expect to for quite some time. The journey is hard, but it’s interesting and it is worth it, I have discovered.
There is a reason for every breath you draw it and every step forward or backward that you take. I haven’t figured out why, and I doubt I ever will achieve a satisfactory answer, but identifying the question and understanding it’s basis is an important thing to do, I believe.
2006… time to cook up a new batch of silly dreams and aspirations. I look forward to becoming someone I can be proud of in the future, whether it be a kick-ass high profile lawyer, or a dedicated and loved/appreciated wife at home (I despise terminology such as housewife – patronising I think). I want to educate myself and achieve academically to make my father’s dreams come true without compromising my personal beliefs and priorities.
Despite the constant daily struggle I have to fight against the religious and moral connotations constantly being imposed on me to influence me by, while still maintaining an open mind on all issues regarding diversity within people, I intend to hold very firmly to my faith. The more I learn about life, and the world the surer I become of the world I was born into.
One day, I want to be able to sit at home with a multitude of kids and partner and just feel how lucky I am to have my life, to feel really alive even if I was dying at that very moment. I want to leave this world having experienced a satisfying bond with someone special, who is my equal in every possible way, compassionate and understanding and capable of forever fascinating me and making me laugh any time of the day.
So, have I even come close to accomplishing any of the above?
Nope. Zilch. Nil. Zero. Nien. Uh uh. Uhun!!!
I’m getting there, someday I hope I do. I think I’m back on the right track, but there’s no telling (I’m told that itself is a good sign but I am pretty critical…). I have become considerably mild tempered as compared to before, a real believer in honesty and open ness, I have become more accepting of people in my life yet at the same time perhaps more wary when awarding them my full and unshakable trust.
I have started working harder in my studies, paying less or no attention to distractions and only indulging in unjustified pleasure from time to time, something like having a Snickers Bar when on a veggie diet – it’s just regenerate yourself in a way, remind yourself that life can be fun.
I can almost hear you guys asking me to elaborate on the pleasure bit, but trust its best not to go there. Hehehehe… If you’re smart, you’ll see a perfect example of what I meant/mean in the passage above… Not telling where though.
I love my friends a lot, but I cannot go to the lengths I used to prove anything the way I used to. I will always be there for them to help them out or just be the listening ear; will voice opinion rarely and that too only on request. Either they know I care or they don’t. That’s a major change I guess…
What song do I feel like right now… hmm what’s the first track in my head Jan 13th 2006?
Hindi – Bhaage Re Man / Chameli
(Last year not first but most significant – Mein Hoon Naa, Zaraa Zaraa )
English – Last Kiss, Hanging By A Moment, Heaven, No Woman No Cry
(Last year mostly dance tracks like Snake, or love songs like Rush, Rush… Sweet Child O Mine… prominently Right Here Waiting For You, Strange Relationship, Here Without You, Angel/L.R.)
Dhivehi – Eki Rey Rey…adhives ulhey Eheelun ge touch eh! Dhen…songs like Hithugaa Dhorufai Hulhuvaaladhee, Bul Bul Ehee Dhey Nuhey, Me Zaimey Adhu Loabuvethi :P :P :P
(Last Year prominently was Eheelun, Rey Otheemey, Handhuvaru Dheytho)
Disturbingly, insomnia still carried on… I guess Bulhai really was an appropriate nick name after all!
*POOF*
Happy Boithday To Me.
Magolaa kendee… take care all, and even if we are not speaking today thanks for being a part of my life. You contributed to making me who I am today dho, and since I’m still alive…not bad.
666 Angelic 666
|
an·gel (
n
j
l)
I reckon my family and friends think that my obsession with angels (generally everything related as well, but very little of the antonym) is directly related to how pretty the illustration looks...white floaty dress, glowing halo, and the whole celestial look. Err... of course, that's what I aspire to be the saadha viley rey fai mini. :P Heck no...
Orite, rule that out. I guess you might think it's just this girly craze but you'd be wrong. Then there'd be more eh... Let's not go there. The other conclusion might be that I'm a lovesick looser. Which I do not think I could be... for reasons I'd rather not discuss....
Anyways coming to some sort of point here, I think that the whole thing is linked to my incurable perfectionism...and the purity/perfection angels inspire/represent. I ought to stop though... because aspiring to be perfect is rather arrogant in a way.
Not to mention impossible... I've got into too much shit trying to achieve it... you think you're there and then you discover that you had completely ignored something else VITAL, and then fuck you're back at step one. Bloody annoying and bloody pointless.
I sort of believe in guardian angels as well, but I think it's more of an unconcious role certain people fulfil rather than an existing being... hmm... don't think I'll bother to go into any detail on that one though... definitely not looking into the idea of my bf (sigh) being my angel oflove or any shit like that, in case you were wondering I think that's just emotional, corny bullshit.
Hm...bullshit, corny? Interesting texture that...
Anyways...drained of thought tonight... spiralling around the fact that I have been single and 'pure' for 6 months now... (goody girl :P) and how very sad that is. No brain process tonight. Adios!
PS: Calling All Angels, Angel (Shaggy viyas, Lionel viyas), How Do I Talk To An Angel, Angel Eyes - MLTR, Heaven (try accoustic version by Bryan Adams)... hot songs...
I leave you with this sweet quote:
At the same time, they were very neatly dressed, made no collection, refused the halfpence offered them; and the people around could not understand the conduct of this rustic fiddler, who tramped the roads with that pretty child who sang like an angel from Heaven.
The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
njl) n.
1. A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth, especially in Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Zoroastrianism.
2. A representation of such a being conventionally in the image of a human figure with a halo and wings.
3. A guardian spirit or guiding influence.
[Middle English, from Old English engel or Old French angele, both from Late Latin angelus, from Late Greek angelos, from Greek, messenger.]
I reckon my family and friends think that my obsession with angels (generally everything related as well, but very little of the antonym) is directly related to how pretty the illustration looks...white floaty dress, glowing halo, and the whole celestial look. Err... of course, that's what I aspire to be the saadha viley rey fai mini. :P Heck no...
Orite, rule that out. I guess you might think it's just this girly craze but you'd be wrong. Then there'd be more eh... Let's not go there. The other conclusion might be that I'm a lovesick looser. Which I do not think I could be... for reasons I'd rather not discuss....
Anyways coming to some sort of point here, I think that the whole thing is linked to my incurable perfectionism...and the purity/perfection angels inspire/represent. I ought to stop though... because aspiring to be perfect is rather arrogant in a way.
Not to mention impossible... I've got into too much shit trying to achieve it... you think you're there and then you discover that you had completely ignored something else VITAL, and then fuck you're back at step one. Bloody annoying and bloody pointless.
I sort of believe in guardian angels as well, but I think it's more of an unconcious role certain people fulfil rather than an existing being... hmm... don't think I'll bother to go into any detail on that one though... definitely not looking into the idea of my bf (sigh) being my angel oflove or any shit like that, in case you were wondering I think that's just emotional, corny bullshit.
Hm...bullshit, corny? Interesting texture that...
Anyways...drained of thought tonight... spiralling around the fact that I have been single and 'pure' for 6 months now... (goody girl :P) and how very sad that is. No brain process tonight. Adios!
PS: Calling All Angels, Angel (Shaggy viyas, Lionel viyas), How Do I Talk To An Angel, Angel Eyes - MLTR, Heaven (try accoustic version by Bryan Adams)... hot songs...
I leave you with this sweet quote:
At the same time, they were very neatly dressed, made no collection, refused the halfpence offered them; and the people around could not understand the conduct of this rustic fiddler, who tramped the roads with that pretty child who sang like an angel from Heaven.
The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
Ech.A.Pee.Pee.Wai//En.Ee.Dablu.//Wai.Ee.Ai.Ar
|
2006, and I hope it's not just the digits I find have changed. Then again as a good friend told me 'it's up to us to change'... change ourselves, and the course of destiny we take.
2005 gone... and I've seen the end of many friendships, too much hatred and too much hypocrisy all together. I've seen too much lost hope, broken hearts and spirits. Dying love and happiness... depressing taking it's place. Our batch graduated from school... into the next level of life, lost our innocence, woke up to reality....grew up in other words.
Everyone took a good beating. I was no exception. Didn't expect to be either.
I'm no poet, but the song 'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack is a really good summation of how I feel right now, at least of what I'd like to say to anyone going through this particularly testing point of life, where you'r not quite an adult but you are definitely not a child either and the sort of thing I'd like my baby sis to look back on and go hmm, sis you got a point there, I won't do the idiotic things you did but sigh... that is not very realistic.
I am not quoting Britney Spears here, that woman has the complete wrong idea of maturity.
So what did I do this new year? Ey, ma huree bimaku ves noonoa! No, I wasn't high on substance either. Ma funmaalee baara jehithanaa! :D Dhen loabivaa ves gulhi gulhaafa wish ves kuri. Dhen kudhiveri govaigen ais 'I like to move it' aa 'Macarena' fadha lava thakuge barakaathun DJ jessee... fireworks ves belin... ekaku anekakah hug and ummmah ves dhinin!
Yes... 2006 does show promise. It began with a relationship (for the first time, I am not single on New Year's Day), and refreshing old friendships (polishing the gold) and additions of wonderful new friends :D ... yeah, Insha Allah, 2005 brings more laughter in my life than I've had in a long, long time.
2005 gone... and I've seen the end of many friendships, too much hatred and too much hypocrisy all together. I've seen too much lost hope, broken hearts and spirits. Dying love and happiness... depressing taking it's place. Our batch graduated from school... into the next level of life, lost our innocence, woke up to reality....grew up in other words.
Everyone took a good beating. I was no exception. Didn't expect to be either.
I'm no poet, but the song 'I hope you dance' by Lee Ann Womack is a really good summation of how I feel right now, at least of what I'd like to say to anyone going through this particularly testing point of life, where you'r not quite an adult but you are definitely not a child either and the sort of thing I'd like my baby sis to look back on and go hmm, sis you got a point there, I won't do the idiotic things you did but sigh... that is not very realistic.
I am not quoting Britney Spears here, that woman has the complete wrong idea of maturity.
So what did I do this new year? Ey, ma huree bimaku ves noonoa! No, I wasn't high on substance either. Ma funmaalee baara jehithanaa! :D Dhen loabivaa ves gulhi gulhaafa wish ves kuri. Dhen kudhiveri govaigen ais 'I like to move it' aa 'Macarena' fadha lava thakuge barakaathun DJ jessee... fireworks ves belin... ekaku anekakah hug and ummmah ves dhinin!
Yes... 2006 does show promise. It began with a relationship (for the first time, I am not single on New Year's Day), and refreshing old friendships (polishing the gold) and additions of wonderful new friends :D ... yeah, Insha Allah, 2005 brings more laughter in my life than I've had in a long, long time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)