My Wings Won't Fly...

Sigh… if only I could fly away…from frustrations and troubles and confusions and annoying men who lie to me and boarding mistresses who hate me (and I hate).
I’m neglecting my bloggie eh these days… I know I know, I mean to write and ‘up above’ has blessed me with many a great inspiration but unfortunately the power of exams and lectures are considerably stronger this semester… sigh…
I had so much more time when I was not paying attention to my studies, had a bratty room mate who I could totally not communicate with and loads to complain about. Oh life’s still screwed as usual but my roomy is a total honey pie sugar bun etc and I have decided to stop pitying myself, for the moment at least.
Unleash the child within you. Hey not my cheesy lines, some Ad or the other… totally wrong in concept I think. So why am I talking about kids again? Oh well, one of my friends called me a kid (over the phone, so he is still alive. For now...). Truth be told though I wasn’t that pissed. I just don’t want to be in a rigid state.
Major ‘huh?!’ right? Oh well, lemme explain myself. Well it all came in a conversation related to love and stuff so excuse the constant references to it, and just be good and accept my little um, ‘tirade’ if you like.
People always say that you don’t fall in love when you’re young (“dhen adhi maa kuda ey thihen visnaakah” is something we’ve all heard at some stage or other) but I totally disagree… you only fall in love when you’re young; when you have no restrictions, no inhibitions, no fears, questioning, no demanding , accepting change… think about it. You never fall in love the way you do when you’re in your early/mid teens… remember the passion, the longing and the laughter? You’d be lucky to find that again… or you’d have to be a kid inside ;)
It’s like when we morph into adulthood the responsibility and general stress just takes over and carves us into this stereotypical being, we lose that carefree childlike state of mind… possibly we get rid of it because it makes us vulnerable. After all to feel great pleasure one must be susceptible to feeling great pain (ah, I believe in the balance). We all fit in (or aspire to) with society’s norm and make that transition into self-sufficiency (I know, sounds like I’m talking about the bloody agriculture industry or something. :P) this sense of love is lost forever. We are no longer capable of ‘falling in love’ (how sad.) instead we settle for companionship, which is great but admittedly not nearly as fun, fulfilling or satisfying.
Possibly why at some stage of our lives we do wander off course from our life partner, the desire for that free loving feeling becomes absolutely irresistible and we do something totally unpredictable, unplanned, irresponsible and crazy. Therein lieth ze charm of an affair (picture: a French nutter with a long moustache twirling an end of it with a long knobby finger, looking down at you with his eyebrow arched. What’s the point of this interjection? Oh. None at all) :D
The say kids aren’t logical. Running under the covers of your warm, comfy bed, comfy when you hear a raging storm outside does make sense because you are seeking some sort of protection and calmness. On the other hand, moving forward down a path, searching for the possibility of something that you know you left behind makes absolutely no sense at all. Adults. Go figure.
Anyway… life these days…summarised = I’ve been playing around with life long enough, I’m fooling myself if I keep saying “I don’t care”, “the fun goes both ways” etc… because that is not who I am or who I ever want to be. I want something real now. If all that’s on the market is temporary, I’ll sit it out. On the other side of things, I need to hit the books seriously. I am screwed. I do not want to fail Econ. I cannot!I hate this place and all the fucking racists around and I cannot wait to go to Uni. Or better yet to go home. Why do I have to live here again? Grrr…Dad ge molhethi hiyaalu thah… character building? Hmph… Character ehves noon build vee. Weekends are my only escape… this is really driving me insane.