Musings late night and in the morning...

Romantic bullshit… bad, bad idea for single people to indulge in such typical Hollywood crap! Seriously, I should have known better. But isn’t that always the case. Sigh, when will I ever learn dho?
I’ve been buried in books too much lately, either that or movies or chocolate toast (I know I know, I shouldn’t but hell it’s exams I need my comfort munchies!) so haven’t had time to blog. I’m sure though, when my holy study break comes along I will find myself typing along. Thankfully it looks as though I’m safe with Pol and Eng Lit but Econ is fucking scary. Really really scary. As in piss in my pants scary.
I was talking to an ex, and his bro who is the most ardent pursuer I’ve ever had, and we talked about their other bro who I was talking about earlier, the dha-gadda vegen ulhey one… but I wasn’t too keen on caring and sharing as you can imagine so it was mostly about their lives and how they’ve moved on and are in really good places. I’m happy for ‘em genuinely but also makes me feel kinda incompetent…inadequate you know? Empty… look where they’ve made it…and I’m still stuck in this kinda half life thing…
Check out Juanes ge lava thah… if you’re into the Latin scene you’ll like it. I love the brand of music and the lyrics (my seriously shitty Spanish, which I am resuming studying next sem) but mostly the feel of it… lively… spesh Volverte A Vor!
I also poured out my life to this dude… by giving him this url… *gasp* I know… not the first visitor here, but certainly the first virtual stranger (online buddy) I invited… not sure why… I opened the doors to being judged by someone, lets face it, I don’t know very well, and vice versa… but I figure taking a risk once in a while might pay off… and it’s nice to welcome someone new… scary, and surreal but nice. (I quote Julia R in Notting Hill).
Watched Casanova… I like the character. Hugely chauvinistic and egoistic, a true son of a bitch but some how greatly appealing, I guess the bad boy transforms angel due to lover is a story that seduces every woman at some point of time. Sadly such fantasies I doubt will ever flood my thoughts after the fatal poisoning of reality. At some point we are all enticed by the idea of love, until cruel cynicism invades…
Fuck no! I just deleted my SMS inbox olhigen entire thing…shait…I had some aasaaree, ranvi messages in that shit hole… FUCK! Fffff… fucking hell…
… next morning …
GRRR I got a freaking D in my Econ mock… module 2… I am gonna have to drop it if I get lower than C in AS exam… yeah my life is screwed, my future is gone…non-existent… the pressure is eating me alive… how the hell am I going to survive the next 5 years without committing a first-degree crime, jumping out of my window (it’s open currently and very tempting), driving my family into bankruptcy and debts or shaming and disappointing them further.
AAAARGGGHHH!!!! I mean my other options are fine A or at least B guaranteed. So why am I fucking up Econ… I can kiss my University dreams goodbye if I fuck it up, which I am so famous for accomplishing with alarming regularity in all areas of life and achievement. I need chocolate.