So which is worse... never having a Dad... or having one who hates your very existence... ???
I see my friends with their respective Dads and it feels fucked.. like ... I don't know, I so wish he was an active part of my life still. I know our relationship has been reduced to bills and debit cards but I have never seen him as my bank account (hello, he never lavished gifts on me anyway) and it sucks that we are in such a formal relationship. What happened to the Dad who used to hang out with me anyway?
What the fuck am I being punished for?? Why is he now such stranger???
At least now I've figured why I can't stick to any guy or relationship. The chase is so much more exciting that the conquest itself, because when I have achieved the attention and affection then thats it, but it will never even begin to compare to or compensate for the deeper feeling of emptiness thats eating me up from inside.
I'll go to virtually any lengths to get what I want whether it be affection, attention, dedication, devotion or whatever but it ends up meaning pretty much nothing because the real need is a practically bottomless hole and I haven't met anyone who can cater for that sort of complexity or fill such a gaping void.
If only realisation and diagnose were solution enough.
5 comments:
You are afraid of being hurt which is probably why you are not ready to put yourself in a vulnerable position. If you keep letting fear restrain you, you'll never ever make that connection with anyone.
Just let go of yourself and enjoy it while it lasts. Sometimes it's all a fleeting moment that makes a difference. Once you lose it, you'll never get it back. Who knows, you have probably missed out on a lot of things just because you had all these walls erected around you and never actually bothered to pay any attention to a screaming little gnome that always lurked in your backyard craving for a little bit of your attention. :P
Life's too short for holding onto the past and holding onto regrets. Sometimes it's just pointless thinking of things you just can't change. Yes, we all yearn for perfect relationships and perfect daddies. How many of us who come from broken families wish our parents had got along... blah blah...
The truth is we don't have any control over such things. Just let it be and move on. It hurts when blood relationships don't work, I know... but sometimes it's people from outside with whom you can click that become your dad, mom, brother, sister, friend, wife, husband, soul mate... etc
Blood maybe thicker than water but in reality it's how well you get along with a person and the connection you feel with that person that is really important. Heart does not know any boundaries. The kinship of the heart is the strongest... blood relationships are nothing if there is no connection with the heart. Did any of that make sense? :S
Sorry, didn't mean to rant on for that long. Anyway, lots of smooches to you li'l baby. I hope you smile everyday. Love you lots. Ummah!
(Sorry about the bad grammar and punctuation. Please feel free to edit my post and correct any of the grammatical and spelling errors in it, cheers! :P)
the only solution i can think of is to find a really nice looking nice daddy figure as your boyfriend and a bad ass jerk as a secret lover...
but you have to fast and as smooth as the cat women!
You are so sweet my dear :) ....
Oh and Yusuf ---> :P
You probably know what caused the distance between the two of you.it may very well not have anything to do with coming from "broken families."...you know what I mean??? It's easy to portray parents as "bad", "cruel","uncaring",etc...but do they really deserve it??? It's not very wise to talk ill of your parents/parent behind their back...think about it....
I don't. I have never suggested that it is because of a broken up family, we were closest when they split up, actally.. we used to 'chill' together all the time. Somewhere between his life being back on track, to career taking a roller coaster ride, is when the rift happened. And yes, I have reason to be angry... And no, this post doesn't foster any guilt. I have the right to speak my mind and noone can really restrict that.
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