Digestive biscuits are my undoing....

I dip a cookie in my chocolate spread and munch away as I type on… Guilt fills me up inside… I take a fleeting glance and my protruding tummy… and glance away… crunches, I can always do crunches…

Only I can’t… I won’t bother… because I have noticed that guilt is becoming an increasingly useless emotion… ineffective, inefficient and a waste of my time. Too much of anything is good for nothing right? Maybe that is the case.

I still blame myself for a lot of things. I mean, I can talk you into believing I’m whole, full and strong… independent, fulfilled… mature and understanding. But I’m not. I’ve got millions of inner demons inside me I need to exorcise.

Still the guilt is a heavy burden to bear…so I have my little comfort sins… like consuming vast quantities of sugar!

I came to my uncle’s in hope of experiencing free internet *big, big grin* but *sniffles* he has removed the damned modem. Ah well, tis for the best in one way… but I really hope he digs up the treasures for the weekend… I mean, seriously… exams over – I want to talk to the people I love the most and scream as loud as I can!

SSSSKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Great invention that.

So, I hear Rockstorm wowed the house. Exposure B&W soon too… Fucking unfair. By the time I set my paws back home, everyone’s too fatigued or flushed out of cash for any cool event. *Sigh*…cool that Maldivians are finally getting entertainment other than TVM, FM radio and for men… the football fields.

I feel sorry for girls at home… I mean, it’s not normal for the girls to all gather and go play some footy in the evening… and they aren’t able to go on excursions the way men do… CBC is in a way, off limits… not everyone likes DJ’s and dancing (not to mention the excess reputation baggage that comes along with shaking your booty a bit)… in fact… their only entertainment lies in ‘byting’ ie. dating or simpler – MEN. In the form of dinner and coffee… sigh… abadhaku moodhakah ves majaa kuraakah nudheveyne ‘kalhuvaane’… dhen heena fai alhaigen geyga thithi vaan inaanee… eves biteh setu veytho :P

So don’t complain that they are sluts and bimbos. They have little choice… explains why Aminiya scores better all the time, but it might not be very healthy still, I think!

Who knows, I might not even be coming back. I’ll save worry for later. I got family to hug when I go home!!

I just watched an episode of ‘Trisha’ which is effectively the british version of Oprah… people come on national television to discuss their most intimate problems… attention seeking loosers snatch 15 minutes of fame, I keep thinking. I really do not see how a genuinely disturbed pained person, could come up and reveal on camera what he or she couldn’t sort out in the privacy of their homes. ‘I am a drug addict, I need help’ you and a million other people. You could create awareness without giving someone a brand new car and lifestyle and televise the entire procedure. Sheesh it’s all part of the new celebrity culture I assume.

Interesting though, how today just about anyone can be a celeb… the new millenniums ultimate marketing strategy… the lifestyle of the rich and famous is now ‘affordable’ for anyone who is prepared to invest into it. I wonder though, whether this ostentatious product would soon be loosing its appeal, in fact it may even transform status into a normal good… what on earth would be celebrity status then?

While we are still discussing ‘Trisha’, I was wondering how the hell someone would want to get on TV and talk about how their husband is cheating on them, much less have a bitch-fest with him/his lover (male or female!)…I mean, for me… the humiliation would be too much and I would rather not talk about it. Then again, I am a perfectionist, and I do not bear well with failure…

Seriously though… to walk into ‘your bedroom’’ only to see the person you consider the ‘love of your life’ (cliché as it sounds, you are bound to this person) having sex (the act of love?) with someone else (maybe even someone you know and trust)… the lies, the betrayal, the rejection, the humiliation… what a list!! I mean…. I have no idea how I would deal with that. Even if you had discovered an affair, not caught them red-handed or something… how about a full on confession ‘ I had sex with someone else’ or ‘I’m in love with someone else’… it would be something if you had seen it coming but often these things happen because in fact you are not paying enough attention, right?

Maybe. Sometimes there is no one to blame right? I had an aunt of mine tell me and I quote, ‘the real romance of a marriage is in the affair’. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard. Maybe hoping for a happy marriage, where the man I am in love with actually is my husband, in this day and age… is a naïve desire. Heck, I don’t know…

So why do so many marriages still fail? People don’t get married as early anymore. A lax in what society condemns from us, means some people don’t even feel the need to wed anymore. But from those who do, and they often have families… a high percentage still separate or divorce.

Is it the stress of working and managing lifestyle, for both partners? Is it simply too hard to resist the many temptations that are so easily accessible nowadays, after life at home becomes too routine? Then again, marriage is a sacrifice right… to some extent? Spoiling the kids, takes too much of a toll on the parents? Well, I’m not sociologist… Maybe women are simply too liberal these days and refuse to put up with anything masculine (how unfair, seeing as to women still expect men to submit to all their needs!)

Aah… society!

The Dhivehi cool kit – large branded sunnies, jeans, BG teeshirt, highlighted and preferably rebounded hair (if you are female that is, if you are male then let it grow long and invest in mountains of mousse and gel), pierce nose/eyebrows/ears, only wear silver or black jewelry… not that I do not conform to this norm (gotta blend in with the crowd – PAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS) I just find it slightly amusing how everyone tries to dress the same and still are like I’m ‘goth’ or ‘punk’ or whatever. Those are beliefs… cults if you like… and you don’t just claim to be because it sounds cool… I mean, personally I don’t have any ‘favs’ at all… I’m multi genre ;) and cultural… but then again, one of my closest friends claims to be really ‘goth and death metal’ (metal vefa??? I have a weird urge to ask whether she means aluminium or what) yet dresses in this rock meets pop kinda fashion. Oh well. To each his own?

Definitely listen Mas Que Nada… nice song!

BRAZILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL is gonna win again :D crossing fingers, toes and unmentionables *chuckles* should wear the feather thingamajig that those Brazilian dancers wear and jump about a bit I think… that would be fun…Ah, World Cup 2006… I had a friend who was trying to download the ‘vagu’ copy of world cup apparently (blonde!!! – as an expression, nothing against the hair colour) *rofl* what a classic. Damn I wish I could go (I could with a friend, just that I’d rather go home to Male’ though, as stupid as it sounds and I bet I’ll regret it at some point but who cares), at least I’ll be cheering the finals with Dad. Something to look forward to… remind me of good ol’ times.

Ah fuck… just saw my reflection. I am going on a diet as soon as the exam is over. This lethargic attitude isn’t going to get me anywhere… (or anyone *wink*). Ima starve! *smile*