I know, just as well you do, that you should never expect anything in life...
Don't trust anyone... don't hope for anything... but it can never be my mantra... because I believe in you, and I believe in life, I believe in us... and I believe that tomorrow can be better than today.
No matter how much I want to I don't hate you. That's exactly what bothers me. That I can't hate you.
Maybe it's because I've been through the same shit, maybe it's because I can see life through your eyes (or I fool myself into thinking I do) or maybe I just have too much empathy flowing through me (yeah, right)...
So why don't you make life easier for me and stop making promises... stop giving me dreams... stop painting those pictures of how life could be... because, I'm foolish... I'm naive... I'm a hopeless case... and I believe you... I want to...
Everyone in my life lets me down... maybe I let them down, and I'm just getting my just desserts... I don't know... Yes, I keep beating myself up about it. What else can I do? I can't blame you, now you've proven that you're no part of my life, and can never be...
I'm so sorry... I'm sorry for whatever it is I've done... please God.. if there is one... I can't keep up pretences... the way everyone else does...
Everytime the curtains open, I see the drama for what is... oscar worthy acting, and not a hint of genuine emotion... you didn't love me, they didn't either... you don't care... and you don't respect me... so don't waste any more empty words and phrases on me... because I don't want to hear what you don't mean.
It takes a crisis for me to realise that it's only me that I have. You will never see me crying, and you won't hear me begging... I will never ask. It's not pride either, it's just that I would rather have the people who claim to know me so well, to see the tears behind my laughter, and notice that my eyes don't sparkle anymore.
If you can't see a mask... you don't know me... if you don't know me... then we are strangers... and strangers need not give each other the time of day...
Stop promising what you can't deliver. Don't torture me with dreams that will never come true. Mentally, physically, metaphorically...whatever... I know now I meant nothing to you, and I probably never will. To any one of you. To any one.
Doesn't really come as a suprise... just a minor disappointment... am 'heartless' after all.. void of feeling... numb even... stabbed so many times, I don't notice the pouring blood anymore, and the wound doesn't even sting... it's just ... there...
* disclaimer : not meant for a particular person, more like many people... and it's not about just one thing either... like I said, you probably won't realise who you are...if infact you read my blog... and it's not meant as an attack either *
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3 comments:
Heheh it's not like, a revolution or anything... an end to another attempt at regenerating life. Maybe the solution is to just stop hoping, and keep hurting...
You say that it's not a mask... I agree. It's more like a barrier. You just won't let anyone come near you. I already knew you were like this but I just couldn't keep myself away.
We ain't prophets. When you act like metal devoid of feelings it just leaves me frustrated. You don't even try. I'm tired of trying to scale the almost impossible boulder at the top you seem rather smug, all perched up. Yet I cannot give up.
You make it sound as if nobody gives a shit but when somebody does give a shit you push that person away. Perhaps if you tried... perhaps if you bothered... perhaps if you put down your defences... things wouldn't be as murky as it is. Perhaps then the healing process would start and there would be less pain in this world... in our world at least.
It's been hours... days... yet I can't get rid of the uneasiness in my heart. It doesn't help either when you know that the person over whom you are in so so much pain... doesn't even care!
anonymous, if you cant even use a name, then wat is the point? the entire issue is anonymity anyway...
and wat u want isnt just as simple as all that... so dont try to make me the evil one here
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