Here a ? there a ? every where ?, ?

Have you ever been in a position in life...where you're wondering, from all aspects whether you're doing the right thing? You hope you are, technically you are... but it's not quite what your heart wants? Since your heart has never been right (in your memory of how things work), you don't trust your own instincts... and you watch a lot of life slip by, stuck in the memory of what was and clinging to the sparkle of what could have been? When you mistake love for sympathy and need is prioritised higher than want, and you convince yourself that you are being sensible, responsible and mature... but are you?
Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of questions...
And then there is the dilemma of following your heart, and becoming the irresposible, irrational one... you do it because it will make you happy... but at what cost...
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being too selfish?
I guess it's too far gone to be justifying anything I've done... but, I keep wondering whether all this hassle is worth it... should I just have gone along with everything? I know the reasons for that are logical... but... I know the counter argument is pretty valid too... I guess, I just... feel so bad... about making such a fuss over everything... makes me feel like a uncaring selfish brat...

One question... does bribing a friend to keep his mouth shut about something that will hurt someone I care about make me stupid if this secret is something that hurts me... and I have nothing to loose from it coming out... and everyone but me thinks the person I am protecting is just trying to screw me over but I believe him for reasons that are utterly illogical? Not that the other one (who is almost blackmailing me because I want him to shut up pretty bad) is any saint... quite the opposite...

Yes, yes. It does make me stupid. Our own stupidity is what seperates us from other mindless individuals I suppose. *sheepish attempt to laugh*